Re: hy, there i'am, another ex-muslim
Reply #35 - June 22, 2010, 03:47 PM
I won't forget the day i left islam, i ain't remind the exact date but can search for it, it was 2 days before the last ramadan lol!! almost a year has past! it was after a long periode of doubt, i had given up about being an liberal muslim, i admitted that islam was 100% against everything i would stand for but too was afraid to leave, i just finished my studies and where to begin my first university year, so i decided it was time to find myself, but my faith was a wall that between who i was and who i wanted to be, so i couldn't ignore it anymore, it remained 2 days before ramadan so i said to myself "man let's try for a day to not believe, just one day, you'll see that it is not a good thing and will turn back to islam before ramadan begins, so you won't be perturbed when you're fasting", i remember the first day i was afraid to get killed, cause if so i would die as a kufar and imediatly go to hell, so i refused to go out cause it was dangerous(i could get smashed by a car or something), i sat at home all day playing video games, thinking "man today i'm free !!!!!" when night time came i realised 1 day wasn't enough, so i said let's try also tommorow, i remember being in the bed listening to every of my heartbeats, thinking that if it stopped now i would go to hell, it was frightening but at the same time exiting!! I remember it is that time i made my last true prayer it was, the last thing i said to god was "please god it just tommorow, i will come back after, so please don't let me die tommorow as a kafir and forgive me" after that day everything went fast, i enjoyed being myself so didn't kept my promise to god as i began to really doubt his existence. Ramadan began, and for the first time i didn't fast, i don't remember the exact day i said to myself "god doesn't exists it's sure!!!" certainly cause it came step by step and i did noticed the big step that i've done only after it was already done.
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. "
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. "
--Buddha
Topic: hy, there i'am, another ex-muslim