fear and confusion

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- GAIMANPALMERR
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fear and confusion
OP - August 10, 2010, 06:29 AM

hello my name's Hana and i'm 16. I've been doubting the existence of a god since last year when i become interested in philosophy and theology but didnt once think of leaving islam. at that time I thought i could simultaniously believe in god and Evolution, but i'd blame that on my fear of being perished in hell, which tormented me in the beginning. however, now that i am wiser i can say that god, if there is one, did not write the quran and that the doctrines taught by the religion is immoral, and clashs with my personal beliefs. so recently i have been discussing religion with my mother, and whilst in the middle of a heated debate my mother told me 'you are muslim, it is in your blood and you cant change that' i love my mum beyond words and my relationship with her is very strained at the moment, especially since i have stopped praying. but after she said this i realised she would never accept me if i left the religion. i now have nights of restless sleep trying to figure out what time, if any, should i tell my mum. i have even considered leaving all of my logic on reason and doing as my mother wishes, but as much as i love her, i cant do that to myself. so my plan atm is to still wear a headscarf and live as usual, although i will not fast and pray, i will portray myself to my mother as a muslim- untill i finish sixth form, which will hopefully be i 2 years time. by then i am able to go and live in uni because i am certain my mum will kick me out. i have shared this with my sister and she, like me, is sure my mum will disown me and most likely become a manic depressive- i'm almost 80% sure she will, she nearly has panic attacks when we discuss it. with all that in mind, i'm very scared of the consequences and i'm also confused about how long i should wait. if anyone else has had this catch 22 like plight i would love them to give me advice and if they are willing, tell me how they sorted their problem out. thank you
- TheRationalizer
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #1 - August 10, 2010, 06:46 AM

Welcome to both the forum and reality.

It's peculiar to see how many people reject Islam only when they start to entertain the idea that there is no god, it's as if Muslims think "If there is a god then it is definitely Allah" and the idea of an intermediate scenario isn't entertained.

>god and evolution

You can believe in a creator god and evolution, you just can't believe in Allah and evolution

>so recently i have been discussing religion with my mother

I assume you feel the need for her acceptance? I'd advise you not to bother. In trying to get her to accept your decision you are confronting her delusion head on, religious mental viruses have programmed people to react in anger in order to prevent this. If she is religious then I'd just suggest "slowly slipping" out of practise. She'll be able to convince herself that although you don't practise you are still a Muslim at heart and Allah won't throw you on the barbecue. Importantly she won't NEED to confront the situation. If she does ask if you believe etc maybe you can continue to just be vague, say things like "Ah...you know" or "I'm no different from most Muslims" and so on.

I think it's fair that you don't force her to accept you are not a Muslim and she doesn't force you to be one.

I personally wouldn't want to wear a rag on my head though, must be bloody hot in summer

I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
- GAIMANPALMERR
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #2 - August 10, 2010, 07:02 AM

that would be hard when i say reach the ages of 20-30 where she'll be asking me about marriage and so forth, and when i take of my headscarf. i know that she will most likely never reconsider her beliefs and nor would i force her to, it's an interesting and and emotionally powerful journey of truth that one should discover on their own, i believe. the thought of not speaking to her makes me sad, and you're right i should stop seeking acceptance, but its vital if i want to keep in contact with her.
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #3 - August 10, 2010, 07:33 AM

Welcome to the forum. here is your parrot. It is a tough road to break out of the chains that bind. You'll find plenty of advice and support. Good luck on your journey, we'll be here for you.

So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
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- TheRationalizer
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #4 - August 10, 2010, 09:25 AM

Quote from: GAIMANPALMERR on August 10, 2010, 07:02 AM
that would be hard when i say reach the ages of 20-30 where she'll be asking me about marriage and so forth, and when i take of my headscarf. i know that she will most likely never reconsider her beliefs and nor would i force her to, it's an interesting and and emotionally powerful journey of truth that one should discover on their own, i believe. the thought of not speaking to her makes me sad, and you're right i should stop seeking acceptance, but its vital if i want to keep in contact with her.

You have 4 years to slowly get her to accept how you life your life. Don't go for the all-out approach, do it slowly. My advice to someone else was

1: Write down a list of things you do in the name of Islam (praying, fasting, etc)
2: Write them in a specific order, so that the one that would raise the fewest eyebrows if you stopped doing it is at the top.
3: Stop doing the item at the top of the list.
4: Wait for people to get over it, then stop the next thing on your list.

If you cannot outright stop, for example praying, then just pray less and less until eventually you don't pray or go to mosque. Make sure you fill your life with something demanding, such as a university education, that way you "simply don't have time" and won't be perceived as "just idle".

Not been through it myself, but small changes over time are typically easier to implement without resistance.

I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #5 - August 10, 2010, 12:54 PM

Welcome!

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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #6 - August 10, 2010, 01:41 PM

Hey.

I'm in a similar position as you.

The only valid reason your parents can give to be a Muslim is "because you have to".

You should be proud to have been born into the "one true religion".

If you try to talk to your religious parents, you'll never get them to seriously tolerate, yet alone consider any contrary views, but at least you'll become more conscious of their blind certainty, circular reasoning, and superstitious mentality, reinforcing your unbelief.

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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #7 - August 10, 2010, 01:52 PM

Welcome to the forum. I'm sure you'll get some good advice from others who've faced similar situations. Good luck!

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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #8 - August 10, 2010, 06:20 PM

Congrats on working out that Islam is a load of nonsense!

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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #9 - August 10, 2010, 06:43 PM

welcome !

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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #10 - August 10, 2010, 07:01 PM

Welcome to the forum , here is a second parrot, you've earned it
- GAIMANPALMERR
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #11 - August 10, 2010, 09:56 PM

thanks guys, and what does the parrot signify? if you dont mind answering
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #12 - August 10, 2010, 11:29 PM

Welcome to the forum.

TheRationalizer has given good advice.
I would recommend not coming out to your parents until you are independent.
If you stop practising things gradually, don't ever say why. If you get challenged about it, express apathy or laziness.

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- Sam08503
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #13 - August 17, 2010, 02:29 AM

Hey I am new to the forum too and would just like to say you are not alone.
My story is very similar to yours, I am 17 and have rejected Islam. But I can't tell my parents cause-
A) My mum is an uneducated ignorant A-hole (Although I still love her lol). Theres no hope for her cause I know what her reaction will be.
B) My dad, although I love him so much even threatened to kill me if I left Islam. This shocked me. I never thought of my dad this way. So anyway that was the foundation for my disbelief.

I agree Islam is in no way Immoral, and when I get to university I too plan on running away from home. Go to a campus university. Get a job and live happy.

But right now you have to be patient because there isn't much you can do for the ignorant. Your in a better position than me! at least your not under threat of being killed by your own dad! So I am kinda forced to obey now :(

Hope all goes well for you fellow apostate.
Feel free to message me too
- TheRationalizer
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #14 - August 17, 2010, 07:03 AM

Quote from: Sam08503 on August 17, 2010, 02:29 AM
My dad, although I love him so much even threatened to kill me if I left Islam.

Once you run away you should only ever meet your parents in public places. Religion can make people do very unnatural things.

Quote from: Sam08503 on August 17, 2010, 02:29 AM
I agree Islam is in no way Immoral

Did you mean "moral"?

I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
- Stardust
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Re: fear and confusion
Reply #15 - August 17, 2010, 07:43 AM

Quote from: TheRationalizer on August 17, 2010, 07:03 AM
Once you run away you should only ever meet your parents in public places. Religion can make people do very unnatural things.

+100

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