Before, I could think to myself: "I am filled with light. I can connect with God and I'll have plenty of energy and inspiration, and I'll have the force to go on". That was rather comforting. But this is kinda shattered now, and I've found nothing else to replace it.
To me it's the opposite, now at least.
I've been an ex muslim for almost 8yrs now and for many years I was lost in anger at time lost to Islam, and an emptiness that I thought I could never get back to filling, since if there is no god, there is nothing but this miserable existence that I have lived so far, and seemed to be continuing to do so.
But given time, and plenty of interaction or just reading from the great posters we have on CEMB, like allat, or Ishina, billy, hassan and many others, I have slowly come to realise that it's this life itself that is filled with that magic that I thought only came upon my death.
As for morality, mine never really fit with any actual religion even when I was religious, since my morality came from very black and white good vs evil fantasy books. I would say it was exposure to them that molded me into someone who never fit in with my muslim family or community. Islam and other religions have these grey moral vacuums where nothing seems moral. In a fantasy book good always wins out, but in Islam, Islam is all that wins out, and women particularly come off as losers.
A fantasy book would depict a world in which a religion mandates physical punishment of women as the evil society that the good guys must war with, so closing the pages on some epic fantasy book as a child in order to re-enter the real world in which I was being told that this was the good world actually.............well that always left me feeling like this world wasn't worth living in, if that was the case.
I'm not even going to try and pretend my morality has come from some deep philosophical thinker, since it doesn't, it comes from fantasy books, which are generally idealist, which is what I am.
But I would attribute my new outlook on life to the members on this forum who have exposed me to more than fantasy worlds. Who have taught me over time that there is fantasy to be made in this world. A new way of living that does win out over Islam, in which I am nobody's loser.
In Islam we are not taught to live in the moment, or to appreciate this life.
This is actually quite telling, in that it shows Islam does nothing to help people become whole, or peaceful, or content since nothing on this world matters. Which when you compare it to psychological understandings that over thinking and not living in the moment is actually one of the biggest causes of depression, well that speaks volumes about why you now feel something great has been shattered in you, or why I fought against disbelief believing the alternative was too bleak to learn to live with.
It's not to bleak to live with actually. I know I am passionate about this life now. When I speak to my children about death when they ask me what happens when we die, it is only to tell them that we must accept that when we die it is the end of us, but that we need to live every moment as if it is precious to us. That we need to appreciate every single good thing that happens around us, to others, to ourselves, to nature. Learning to appreciate that has been what has slowly been lifting me out of that empty place leaving Islam created within me.
I'm an atheist and I am very comfortable with that now, something that wouldn't have ever happened if I had continued to live like Islam taught me to, under the belief that only what happens when I die matters.
Topic: Motivations and moral values - where do you get them from?