Feminism

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- Nikolaj
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Feminism
OP - November 03, 2014, 06:51 PM

it is all over the place these days here in my world. Apparently men hit, rape, abuse and psychologically and physically torture women.

It hurts.

I was born a feminist. I was raised a feminist. I remember how shocked I got in my late teens when a co-worker told me that he could never respect a female boss, despite me never having had a female boss at that point.

I simply don't get it.

We are all equals. I was raised like that. And now I'm told I am a bad person all the time just because of the gender I'm born as And when I protest I am defending misogyny.

This sucks. It must be like being a Muslim and the world tells you that the only true Muslims are ISIL...

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Reply #1 - November 03, 2014, 07:04 PM

Are you sure that people say that you are a bad person because you are male, or that they are saying that you perhaps are unconsciously reproducing structures within society that are unfavorable for women (in particular, but also men...) despite saying you are a feminist? Not that I'm saying you are, because I don't know what's been said but I often hear that "feminists say that all men are bastards", but it's usually that people don't get when you try to explain the latter explanation. I'm a feminist, and I've certainly never thought or said anything what you're saying nor have I heard a serious feminist express those ideas

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- Nikolaj
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Reply #2 - November 03, 2014, 07:11 PM

No no. I get that anti-feminism-thing and "mens rights' advocates". But it has just started to become so hurtful to me here. Telling that "men hit and rape and abuse". I don't. I never did. I think it is wrong. I will fight it even if I will get killed for it.

It is probably because I am so much on social media. Outside people just get along. But I am still hurt :(

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Reply #3 - November 03, 2014, 07:14 PM

Don't take it personally, no one likes generalizations. I also feel bothered when I'm generalized whether it has to do with my gender or ethnicity, or when I was a Muslim.

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Reply #4 - November 03, 2014, 07:33 PM

I could talk for days about this, so to basically summarize my thoughts on it:

This isn't just an issue that comes up with feminism, this suspicion or hostility might be erroneously aimed at sympathizers and allies of any marginalized or otherwise oppressed group. It's not ideal. It's sometimes ironic. But understand that the majority of the people who would be antagonistic with you are extraordinarily passionate about the subject and have found few true sympathizers, and more often than true sympathizers you find people whose primary concern is clearing themselves of any charge and wanting everyone to acknowledge that they are not contributing to the problems of sexism or racism, et cetera.

And while I believe wholeheartedly and have not the slightest shred of doubt that you are always on the right side of things, Nikolaj, as you are nothing if not a very good person, I can definitely see why more open social activists bristle at the nearly constant flow of people coming in to assure them that they are in no way responsible for their struggle (although, not infrequently, they have been unwittingly, or they benefit from the misfortune of the other group). So many people step forward wanting to correct more vocal activists for using generalizations. Few people step forward and say, "I understand why you're angry, and what can I do to help this cause?"

Like I said, it's not ideal, it's not perfect, but you're dealing with humans, after all, and with an intensely emotional subject. Let your actions speak louder than your words, and find the strength and confidence in yourself to know what you're about and to carry on with your values, even if you catch some undeserved aggression. You don't owe it to anyone to be kind when they're being hostile to you, of course, but at least do not take it personally. Anyone who gets to know you even as much as I have will recognize you as thoroughly kind, and I feel lucky you're on our side.
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Reply #5 - November 03, 2014, 08:14 PM

Quote from: Nikolaj on November 03, 2014, 06:51 PM
I was born a feminist.

No you weren’t.
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Reply #6 - November 03, 2014, 08:16 PM

Indeed, he was born a muslim.
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Reply #7 - November 03, 2014, 08:41 PM

It's a fucked up problem caused by a minority of bastards. But until the problem is actually affecting your mobility in this world -- where you can go, at what time of the day, what you can wear, and so on -- don't talk about it as though it's a terrible and unfair burden. As an innocent man, held suspect merely for your potential to commit overpowering violence, you're carrying disproportionately less fear, angst and responsibility about that fact than innocent women are. That's your share. It's a tiny share. Deal with it.

Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
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Reply #8 - November 03, 2014, 09:46 PM

Trust Ishina to nail it.

Quote from: Nikolaj on November 03, 2014, 07:11 PM
But it has just started to become so hurtful to me here. Telling that "men hit and rape and abuse".

But they do. What's more, it's a lot more common than you would like to think it is. IMO you would only have a point if the person talking to you wanted to claim that all "men hit and rape and abuse". That would be an unsupportable claim. Without the "all" in front, it's just the sort of verbal shorthand that everyone commonly uses in conversations. If it's used in a situation where you think it should be qualified, then say so.

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Reply #9 - November 03, 2014, 10:54 PM

If it is just "social media" then I wouldn't bother getting offended by people you'll probably never meet in real life.

Can you give us a specific example of what one of these Feminists said to you?
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Reply #10 - November 04, 2014, 12:18 AM

You don't need to worry about what a minority of people think about you just because of some factor out of your control. Let your actions stand for themselves, and try to live your life.

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Reply #11 - November 16, 2014, 10:59 PM

there are the, ahem, louder, radical feminists (thankfully they are the minority) who just love to generalize men and assume all men are rapists/abusive etc which of course is not the case. Unfortunately, because it is these "feminists" who are often so vocal and sometimes aggressive, that is the only thing any one ever sees which is a shame. I, too, am a feminist and feel like I have to always justify this and almost apologize for it because everyone links the word feminism with "bat shit crazy" which, again, is not the case. yes, men do rape (not ALL men, keep that in mind), but so do women! And like Tonyt said, if it's through social media then there really is no need to get offended by trolls who do nothing with themselves. If you know in yourself that you are a good person, then there is nothing anyone can say to dispute that

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