Hey, newly ex muslim

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- sarahbanana
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Hey, newly ex muslim
OP - June 10, 2015, 07:37 AM

Hi there,

Just joined yesterday but have been lurking on this website for almost a year now. I remember because I googled something like 'muslims who secretly eat in ramadan' last year and somehow came across the forums on here. I was shocked (but also relieved) that a website like this existed! I thought I was the only one and felt so much guilt.

I was brought up in a VERY practising family. But from a very young age, I used to hate praying, fasting and used to think whats the point. God doesn't need it, yet I'm going to get punished for not doing it, how does that make sense? It's all a test, I'd often hear. But I didn't ask to be put on this earth to be tested for a place in 'heaven'.
It's only in the last year, after reading up on so much that the thought of not being a muslim actually entered my head. I always just thought I'm so bad, I'm going to end up in hell as I very rarely prayed. Although I did go through phases where I'd obsess about praying and pray every salah on time and read quran (whilst not understanding anything that I've read).

Most of my family and friends are muslim so I'm still 'in the closet' and don't think I can ever come out as I'm not ready for the backlash, and I'd probably be disowned by everyone I know (as nice as my family are). I'm married with two kiddos. Wish I knew then what I know now, I would have never married a muslim, nor had kids (as I feel so guilty bringing up my kids to believe in something that I don't but it feels like its too late as so much of it is already ingrained in them so I dont want to confuse their little minds). My husband is a good man, very intelligent and open minded but an apologist and very practising and don't think he will ever see things from the other side. I've had conversations with him about religion and I think he suspects I no longer believe (he no longer asks me if I'm going to pray) but is in denial about it as essentially that would mean our marriage would be over - according to the great teachings and rules of islam. I still wear hijab, have worn since primary school age. I hate it, so much. But currently, have no choice

Would love to know if anyone is in a similar situation to me? I have never spoken to anyone about this and feels good to write it all down.
- Quod Sum Eris
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #1 - June 10, 2015, 08:02 AM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- serpentofeden
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #2 - June 10, 2015, 01:32 PM

Hi Sarah,

There is literally hundreds of exmuslims in London like us, so you are in good company.

I can relate to your situation as my father knows I don't believe and he probably know that I know that he knows I don't believe. We haven't discussed it openly and frankly because I guess we both know it would lead to repercussions and break family unity more publicly and I think he much rather prefers it that his friends and family don't know that his son has jettisoned Islam. Obviously your situation is far more complicated as you are married to a devout muslim and have kids with him.
- Illusions
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #3 - June 10, 2015, 04:16 PM

Hi sarah. Dont worry there are lots of us who r in the closet as it were. Same here but Married with grown up kids but feel soo bad that why didnt i wake up earlier. My kids r like my friends and they know i dont believe. I have a non existent relationship with the husband so we dont talk about such things. But i know how u feel. I feel soo resentful of the days i prayed n prayed to an entity that was just a figment of mohammeds mind. Its sad n i feel i have wasted my life as it i had been like this before i wouldnt have married who i did under pressure and then stayed with him coz i thought i will b rewarded and i should have patience even tho he was an alcoholic. If i hadnt believed all the claptrap then i wouldnt be living the life i am leading now which is lonely and sad. Sorry for the rant but feeling emotional today as i do feel alone and i shouldnt do but i blame mohammed for creating this religion just for his benefits. I wish he cud b punished for all hes done to all these ppl who genuinely believe his tripe and r going through a shit life only coz they believe they will get jannah. Sorry again for ranting but i know i am with like minded ppl here.

"Question with boldness even the existence of God...because...if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear"...Thomas Jefferson
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #4 - June 10, 2015, 04:20 PM

Welcome to the forum sarahbanana, have a rabbit!

I'm sure there are others in a similar position who will have some insight to offer. Look forward to hearing more from you!

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harakaat, friend, RIP
- cosmicdancer
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #5 - June 10, 2015, 05:32 PM

Welcome, Sarah
- cosmicdancer
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #6 - June 10, 2015, 05:33 PM

I read your name as subhanalla at first lol... I think I'm slightly dyslexic
- suki
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #7 - June 10, 2015, 07:19 PM

Welcome Sarah

I hope things turn out ok for you and your family..
- Nikolaj
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #8 - June 10, 2015, 07:35 PM

Quote
'muslims who secretly eat in ramadan'

That is a very common cause of people finding this site

Quote
I still wear hijab, have worn since primary school age. I hate it, so much. But currently, have no choice

Oh that sucks :( I'm a never-Moose but I have no qualms with the hijab (except for the whole "you need to cover up so I can control myself!"-thing) and this site has opened my eyes to that if a woman wears hijab it does not mean she actually is a believer. I also have Muslim friends of the female persuasion who have taken their hijab off but still identify as "Muslim". However their stories of social backlash are generally not a joy to read... -_-

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- sarahbanana
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #9 - June 13, 2015, 09:48 AM

Hey all,

Thanks for your replies. Sorry its taken me a while to get back, have to be pretty careful.

Quote from: serpentofeden on June 10, 2015, 01:32 PM
Hi Sarah,

There is literally hundreds of exmuslims in London like us, so you are in good company.

I can relate to your situation as my father knows I don't believe and he probably know that I know that he knows I don't believe. We haven't discussed it openly and frankly because I guess we both know it would lead to repercussions and break family unity more publicly and I think he much rather prefers it that his friends and family don't know that his son has jettisoned Islam. Obviously your situation is far more complicated as you are married to a devout muslim and have kids with him.

Good to know there are more like me in London, do you guys have regular meet ups?

Quote from: Illusions on June 10, 2015, 04:16 PM
Hi sarah. Dont worry there are lots of us who r in the closet as it were. Same here but Married with grown up kids but feel soo bad that why didnt i wake up earlier. My kids r like my friends and they know i dont believe. I have a non existent relationship with the husband so we dont talk about such things. But i know how u feel. I feel soo resentful of the days i prayed n prayed to an entity that was just a figment of mohammeds mind. Its sad n i feel i have wasted my life as it i had been like this before i wouldnt have married who i did under pressure and then stayed with him coz i thought i will b rewarded and i should have patience even tho he was an alcoholic. If i hadnt believed all the claptrap then i wouldnt be living the life i am leading now which is lonely and sad. Sorry for the rant but feeling emotional today as i do feel alone and i shouldnt do but i blame mohammed for creating this religion just for his benefits. I wish he cud b punished for all hes done to all these ppl who genuinely believe his tripe and r going through a shit life only coz they believe they will get jannah. Sorry again for ranting but i know i am with like minded ppl here.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. How long have you been exmuslim? Do you wish you'd ended your marriage when you left islam? I think I've got a good life but I don't feel 'content', I just want to be free and be me cos I feel like a hypocrite living a double life if you know what I mean but not sure its worth throwing away the life that I have?

And I completely get you about being angry with Muhammad. It's so frustrating. I was watching a documentary once on some guy somewhere in Russia who believes his Jesus and he has like more than 5000 followers. When they interviewed him, he couldn't answer any questions properly and yet so many people just followed him blindly. I remember thinking, is this how islam started, although as we know Muhammad went about in a really violent way getting his message out.
- Quod Sum Eris
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #10 - June 13, 2015, 10:05 AM

We only know what we're told. Islamic theology says there were competing versions of the quran until one of the rightly guided caliphs (Uthman if I remember correctly) brought them all together and decided what was to be the correct version of the quran. The hadiths are also untrustworthy, compiled two centuries after the supposed death of Mo. I consider the hadiths myth. One of the myths of Mo, that he visited the Masjid al-Aqsa on the night journey, is clearly wrong. This place didn't even exist until a hundred years after he died. So unless the buraq was also a time machine, I'm not sure how the authentic hadiths can be considered true.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- sarahbanana
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #11 - June 13, 2015, 10:34 AM

On the subject of the buraq, I've always wondered why Muhammad didn't just use his unicorn to fly to every corner of the world to spread his message instead of having to rely on his companions and camels to travel so far to spread the message
- Zimriel
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #12 - June 13, 2015, 04:39 PM

why Muhammad didn't just use his unicorn to fly to every corner of the world

The Book of Mormon argues that Jesus did exactly that. It's good that he went over to the New World in 35 AD rather than, say, 335 AD or the locals would have used his head as a tlachtli ball.
- curiousarabgirl
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Hey, newly ex muslim
Reply #13 - June 14, 2015, 02:36 AM

Hi Sarah,

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. Hiding your identity as a non-Muslim from the people closest to you must be hellish, I'm in the closet but never really practiced or wore hijab so no one can tell the difference. I would still love to tell my family and close friends what I believe, but that's impossible. My advice for you is to write what you are feeling and start a journal. I would also advise you to discuss Islam with your husband and instill doubts in him by appealing to reason. I debated evolution with my super religious uncle and I could tell that I got him thinking.

Why can't you take off the hijab though? Why don't you tell you husband that some shuyookh say its not obligatory and just take it off. I think Jamal al-Banna made that argument.
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