Hello everyone
I just wanted to share with everyone on here how I am doing, and for some advice (which I know you guys are really good at giving).
Let start off from where I left last time, which was when I first posted on here in the introductions. Here's a link for those of you who haven't already read or just want to read it again.
http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30383.0Just incase you haven't read my introduction or don't want to read it or just can't, I am a 19 year old male with 3 brothers and 4 sisters and came to the uk when I was 7.
So, I started to work at McDonald's and Asda after I made the decision that I could not stay there any longer and the only way out was to make as much money and run away from home. I worked at least 6 days a week, and my mom would take at least 30% of all my earnings which I had no choice over because otherwise she would just emotionally blackmail, and guilt trip me into giving her money because she was "my mom and that's what sons do for their moms".
Once I knew I was going to have enough money in my bank half through next month (which was October) I started to look for very cheap rooms to rent closer to my university online, I found a few and started to call them up to arrange viewings and all of that. Then I found a room which was liveable for the amount of money I would have. I arranged everything with the landlord and was supposed to move in the week after, I even had the keys and had already paid the deposit. So I thought I might celebrate a bit by going out and smoking weed with some of my friends, bare in mind that the past few weeks were very stressful as I had to deal with being in the closet as well as my parents literally fighting every single day. It was so mentally and emotionally draining me that I almost wanted to commit suicide like my parents would abuse me mentally and emotionally as well as talk shit about the other parent behind their back like my dad would just womanise women and demean saying stuff like "women are only supposed to be in the kitchen to cook or look after the kids" etc and then my mom would say stuff like oh your dad is a drunk, a kuffar and stupid man who is going to hell and so are you because your following his footsteps etc followed by a lot of crying and then she was like "you do know your dad also hits me" so I was like okay why don't you tell the police or just leave him, she was like that's not an option and that she would rather die before doing either of those. I just couldn't take it, I was suffocating. I can't even explain but let's just move on for the sake of it.
When I came home from going out with my mates it was pretty late, which my mom realised when I walked in at like 2am smelling of weed. I just went straight to bed next thing I know is my mom coming into my room at like 5:30 am and looking through my stuff, she took my wallet, my bag, everything except for my phone which I hid pretty well. I asked my mom politely to give me my wallet and everything back, she started to cry saying what have I done deserve a son like you (who smokes and doesn't listen to their parents and doesn't follow Islam or the righteous path etcetera), we argued for at least an hour. And then when she knew she wasn't going to win the conversation she started to shout to make sure my siblings woke up and then she started hitting me, trying to make me look like the bad guy in front of my siblings. I was like I ain't taking this from you and I ran upstairs quickly to grab my phone and call the police. I explained to them everything that had happened and they said they would come as soon as possible. So I just ran outside until they came because I didn't really know what my mom would have done to me especially after calling the police on her. The police escorted me back inside so I could collect my belongings without my mom or dad trying to stop me. So after I collected a few pairs of clothes and my passport I went to one of my friends house so he could help me move out closer to university.
I obviously wasn't planning on leaving early but I didn't have a choice. So after moving out my best friend who helped me move out also helped me with buying some things for my new room and setting them up. I also had to cut contact with my whole family which I did but my dad kept leaving me voicemails which pissed me off because I knew he was lying and just wanted to get back home in order to save his reputation not to save his son. He even said that he knows gangsters in London and that i shouldn't force him to do something bad to me (to get me killed basically), I am still not too sure if he was serious or just trying to scare me. But I knew that I couldn't trust him anymore and I didn't want him to ever call or leave me a voicemail, so I changed my number completely.
I am finally free!
I can do what I want, believe what I want and everything I want to do without someone telling me I shouldn't do this or that because your afghan or Muslim and that's not what an Afghan or Muslim does. I couldn't believe I actually got out.
However I am having some problems since moving like feeling pretty lonely at times as well as empty and without an end goal for life. That was partly because I am always either in my room or at uni and I don't have many people to talk to or interact with. So to be honest I am quite lonely at times. I think I need some advice on how to tackle these issues. So please help.
Please feel free to ask any questions about my life and how I made it out of hell and or give me advice, and any help is much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
Topic: I need some advice please