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Theme Changer

 Topic: Hey...

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  • Hey...
     OP - September 08, 2010, 04:38 PM
    I come from a sort of "Muslim ghetto" in England and have been an atheist for 2 years (not including time spent in the labyrinth that is agnosticism).  I was brought up in a very odd fashion with my mother and grandparents forcing a dilute sweetened version of Islam down my throat, which I regret to say I loved and my father teaching me about evolution which always intrigued me.  When I was 5 I was enrolled into the local mosque where I managed to get the best score in the mosque for the end of year tests, beating multiple 16 year olds (that has always made me wonder about how low the average IQ of the Muslims in my area is).  I always hated mosque but thankfully when my father wasn't at work we could get him to let us skive days off.  When I was aged 7 I successfully fooled my father into allowing me to leave mosque; in mosque we where given envelopes with the amount of fees due printed on them usually we would pay monthly but the mosque had decided to take 2 yearly payments and this one would cover the next 6 months I managed to trick my father into thinking that the higher price was actually the price for a single week and after that I was free from Islam… I wish.  

    My father sent me to learn Islam from my uncle who after educating me on how to read Arabic correctly allowed me to read on my own deeming my Arabic reading skills to be at a good level.  I decided to read in my room where I surfed the net and flicked forward 50 pages every day.  I “finished” when I was about 11 due to huge holidays from Islam that I was granted by my Father who has always allowed me to slack off on anything Islamic and was given £200.  I always found it quite amusing that I made money by flicking pages and surfing the net.

    I first became agnostic aged 10 I believed in evolution as a fact but Allah had been firmly branded into my brain and I couldn’t understand what to do.  My initial response was to tell my friends however living in a Muslim ghetto wasn’t really a good place for an agnostic discussion so I decided against it.  My friends included a few Christians and several Muslims all “deeply religous”.  Talk to any of these buffoons and they would tell you that all meat was haram and that chicken wasn’t an animal they also had quite extreme views on what to do with ‘the kuffar’.

    When I was 13 my parents began and force me to pray and read Koran so for 2 weeks I was pretending to pray 5 times a day and read Koran.  When I told my parent that I didn’t want to pray or read Koran anymore my mother slapped me and told me that I would burn in hell.

    The high school I attended strangely was made mostly of atheists but I was still agnostic.  At home my mother was getting very angry at me and had taken my computer out of my bedroom saying that it had brain washed me this is when I started loving school as it got me away from home.  Somehow I managed to get in with the ‘cool kids’ at school.  My friends who hadn’t climbed the social ladder as I had attributed my success to my hair which quite long and apparently that was very cool.  The ‘cool kids’ were all 13 most had long hair like me and spent lunch times smoking discreetly or just talking.  After this I began smoking (aged 13) but I only had about 3 a week which I used to relive my depression or when with friends.  I tried alcohol and haram food shortly after that and was pretty much trying to show that I wasn’t Muslim anymore.  At home my situation wasn’t very good and I felt really depressed and lethargic my friends had often smoked marijuana and I tried it a few times but I never got high for some reason.  My friends started to move on to more hardcore drugs like crack which I thought they where insane for doing but they told me that they planned on spending their lives taking drugs and only expected to live to about 40.  After that I didn’t touch drugs again I still smoke but that was because I constantly felt sad and smoking seemed to get rid of those negative emotions I had.

    I was still 13 years of age and I was invited to a talk at a mosque I initially refused but my mother forced me to go threatening to kick me out if I didn’t go and I wouldn’t really have had anywhere  to go if I was kicked out.  I went with some Muslim friends after sitting there and hearing there leader talk about his hatred for homosexuals and atheists he began a presentation on the Gaza strip.  When I got home I was firstly thinking I should become religious (don’t ask why I have no idea myself).  Then I realized that if god wouldn’t do anything about all the suffering going on in the world then he must be incredibly cruel.  I researched a lot about atheism on the internet and eventfully became an atheist.  I looked at the criticisms of religion and eventfully began to fell embarrassed that at one point I actuality enjoyed learning about Islam from my grandfather who always left out the bits about Mohammed having people assassinated and having intercourse with a pre pubescent girl.

    I was now 15 had left my friends who have since been kicked out of school and started hanging out with a new crowd which was made up of 9 atheists and 1 Christian so admitting my atheism wasn’t really difficult at all.  Eventfully my childhood Muslim friends found out and began a massive quest on trying to “stop me being confused” eventfully I burst and made a speech about the faults with Islam (even saying the P word about Mohammed).  2 “Muslims” later came to me and admitted that they were atheists but they had been keeping it a secret and now I just get dirty looks from all the Muslims.

    I'm 16 next year in April.  I quit smoking but I have fallen deeper into depression.  The only time I came close to telling my parents I was an atheist resulted in my dad threatening to beat me with a bat and send me live in Arabia (My dad has suddenly become really religious and wants to make hajj).  I thought of telling them about my depression but I don’t really talk to them much anymore. My mother and father told me I was stupid and not their son anymore.  I haven’t really thought of them as parents for a few years now; I see them more as people who decided to invest money into me so that I can provide a nice dividend for them when they’re old.  My Parents have decided to see me as a Muslim and I have decided to play along only about 2 more years and ill be able to leave and I have managed to not have to pray fast or do anything Islamic (apart from celebrate eid which seems essential to my parents).

    I’ve probably written this quite poorly but that’s practically my life so far.

    Damian

    p.s. another reason i admitted my atheism  to all my friends was because I didn't want to become my father who at 40 still hides his agnosticism.  He agrees with me that Islam was manufactured by Mohammed and evolution is correct yet he fasts and prays
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #1 - September 08, 2010, 05:11 PM
    It pleases me the our apostates are getting younger and younger. Maashallah.

    The feelings of depression you're experiencing right now are normal. It's pretty common to feel like shit after leaving Islam, being confused is also par for the course. You seem like a bright kid, I'm sure you'll be able to get out of the clutches of your parents and live life without Islam.

    Welcome to the forum!
    19:46   <zizo>: hugs could pimp u into sex

    Quote from: yeezevee
    well I am neither ex-Muslim nor absolute 100% Non-Muslim.. I am fucking Zebra

  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #2 - September 08, 2010, 05:21 PM
    Welcome!

    Hang in there lil bro. I can assure you it's going to get better. Smiley
    German ex-Muslim forum — My YouTube — List of Ex-Muslims —
    Wikis: en – de – fr – ar – tr
    CEMB-Chat
    I'm on an indefinite break...
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #3 - September 08, 2010, 05:24 PM
    Hey Damian. Welcome. I was raised an atheist, but i read most introductions and personal stories here, so i know a little bit of how you feel.

    You are really mature and rational for somone your age, and you shouldnt feel depressed.
    "We are never deceived, we deceive ourselves." - from Goethes Faust
    "Only the wisest and the stupidest men never change." - Confuzios
    "there is no religion of peace, only people who are peaceful while being religious."
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #4 - September 08, 2010, 05:30 PM
    Welcome Damian.   Smiley
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #5 - September 08, 2010, 05:35 PM
    @ GodIsNotGreat
    Maybe I'm not the youngest my brother seems to be an agnostic at 11; he has Charles Darwin posters and evolution t shirts (which he wants to wear on eid!).  He seems to want me to make the decision for him but he has a good relationship with my parents and for his sake I don't want to ruin that.

    Thanks for the Welcome.  
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #6 - September 08, 2010, 05:39 PM
    I'd love to take a Charles Darwin T-shirt into a mosque. That'd be one epic troll.  Cheesy
    19:46   <zizo>: hugs could pimp u into sex

    Quote from: yeezevee
    well I am neither ex-Muslim nor absolute 100% Non-Muslim.. I am fucking Zebra

  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #7 - September 08, 2010, 05:41 PM
    Thanks Aziz I'm sure it will get better. thanks to DigDeep and Cheetah for the welcomes.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #8 - September 08, 2010, 05:47 PM
    welcome bro!  far away hug

    you should be proud of the level of rationality and open minded thinking that you have achieved. Your father's actions dont surprise me much. many muslim men are agnostic / atheist (like my dad and a few uncles) but since they are married and have strong social and business ties within the muslim community its very difficult for them to even consider revealing their thoughts.

    You are young, study hard, move out of the house for school and live on your own. You will find that should give you more personal freedom.

    looking forward to hearing more from you.  Smiley
    Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #9 - September 08, 2010, 05:50 PM

    Hello mate  Afro

    Very impressed by your character after reading that introduction, you have been on an intense journey intellectually and spiritually for someone who is just 15 years old.

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #10 - September 08, 2010, 06:11 PM
    Thanks Canex thats the plan really.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #11 - September 08, 2010, 06:14 PM

    Quote
    p.s. another reason i admitted my atheism  to all my friends was because I didn't want to become my father who at 40 still hides his agnosticism.  He agrees with me that Islam was manufactured by Mohammed and evolution is correct yet he fasts and prays


    Welcome, let us know how you found this site.

    Quote from: Damian_Gray on September 08, 2010, 04:38 PM
    p.s. another reason i admitted my atheism  to all my friends was because I didn't want to become my father who at 40 still hides his agnosticism.

    I thought you said your father had become more religious earlier?

    Quote from: Damian_Gray on September 08, 2010, 04:38 PM
    with the amount of fees due printed on them usually we would pay monthly but the mosque had decided to take 2 yearly payments and this one would cover the next 6 months I managed to trick my father into thinking that the higher price was actually the price for a single week and after that I was free from Islam… I wish.  

    now thats clever for a 10 year old

    Quote
    I'm 16 next year in April.  I quit smoking but I have fallen deeper into depression.

    Its a common age to fall into a low, try to ride it out as best you can by looking & working for the future

    Quote from: Damian_Gray on September 08, 2010, 05:35 PM
    @ GodIsNotGreat
    Maybe I'm not the youngest my brother seems to be an agnostic at 11; he has Charles Darwin posters and evolution t shirts (which he wants to wear on eid!).  He seems to want me to make the decision for him but he has a good relationship with my parents and for his sake I don't want to ruin that.  

    You dont have to ruin it for him, tell him what you believe, but let him make his own choice.  However it is important that you warn him of the danger if he does not take your advice.
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #12 - September 08, 2010, 06:17 PM
    Thanks Billy.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #13 - September 08, 2010, 06:35 PM
    Quote from: IsLame on September 08, 2010, 06:14 PM
    Welcome, let us know how you found this site.

    After I burst out and started shouting at the group of Muslims who were trying to "save me" the guy who admitted to being an atheist who wanted to keep his beliefs hidden told me about this website that had good advice he is on here somewhere I'll have to ask him what his user-name is.

    Quote from: IsLame on September 08, 2010, 06:14 PM
    I thought you said your father had become more religious earlier?

    My father prays, fasts and reads koran but when he used to work in an area with very few Muslims he didn't do anything Islamic at all so i am thinking that the fact that he now works with 12 highly religious Muslims might have caused him to subconsciously try and fit in.  If you walked into his library you would think you were in an atheists household he owns so many books on evolution and atheism.  He taught me about evolution and admitted that he believes that there are many mistakes in the koran yet he follows Islam.  I have a feeling he is a non-Muslim who is too afraid to admit to his massive Muslim family and wife that he is an atheist.

    Quote from: IsLame on September 08, 2010, 06:14 PM
    You dont have to ruin it for him, tell him what you believe, but let him make his own choice.  However it is important that you warn him of the danger if he does not take your advice.

    Maybe ill get him Stephen Hawking's new book when it comes out and ask him what he think about it.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #14 - September 08, 2010, 06:47 PM
    Quote from: Damian_Gray on September 08, 2010, 06:35 PM
    I have a feeling he is a non-Muslim who is too afraid to admit to his massive Muslim family and wife that he is an atheist.
    Maybe ill get him Stephen Hawking's new book when it comes out and ask him what he think about it.

    Why dont you just spark off a debate & ask him?  Sounds simple enough to me..
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #15 - September 08, 2010, 06:50 PM
    Welcome! :-)I wish the best for you. A lot of the people here have been through the same as you have. No doubt it's difficult, but it will be easier when you're no longer dependent on your parents.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #16 - September 08, 2010, 06:53 PM
    Quote from: IsLame on September 08, 2010, 06:47 PM
    Why dont you just spark off a debate & ask him?  Sounds simple enough to me..

    I don't think he should debate his dad and criticise Islam flagrantly until he's independent.
    19:46   <zizo>: hugs could pimp u into sex

    Quote from: yeezevee
    well I am neither ex-Muslim nor absolute 100% Non-Muslim.. I am fucking Zebra

  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #17 - September 08, 2010, 06:56 PM
    no need for flagrant criticism, just questions about what his dad believes
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #18 - September 08, 2010, 06:58 PM
    I usually do question Islam in front oh him he actually agrees with me but usually tries to stop me from talking by saying something like your not allowed to say stuff like that.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #19 - September 08, 2010, 06:59 PM
    Thanks Zebedee
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #20 - September 08, 2010, 07:01 PM
    Quote from: Damian_Gray on September 08, 2010, 06:58 PM
    I usually do question Islam in front oh him he actually agrees with me but usually tries to stop me from talking by saying something like your not allowed to say stuff like that.

    I dont get him at all  Huh? Huh?  Would love to chat to him, he would make an interesting case study, but oh well, thats never gonna happen.

    If poss, try to get him on here, but dont tell him you have joined up already..  if he's interested you could get the mods to move this thead into a private area
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #21 - September 08, 2010, 07:31 PM
    welcome on board, hope you don't mind me asking but is Damien a code name for security or is it your actual name?
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #22 - September 08, 2010, 07:52 PM
    Kind of a nickname but it was invented when my friend was planning a road trip across Europe when we left high school for some reason that meant that we all needed aliases and I was given Damian seemed to just stick after that.  Don't really want to write my real name just in case any family members happened to read this.
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #23 - September 08, 2010, 07:54 PM
    oki, what ethnic background you from then?
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #24 - September 08, 2010, 07:56 PM
    What's your bank account number and sort code? Just asking.
    19:46   <zizo>: hugs could pimp u into sex

    Quote from: yeezevee
    well I am neither ex-Muslim nor absolute 100% Non-Muslim.. I am fucking Zebra

  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #25 - September 08, 2010, 07:57 PM
    Haha GING- I in question mood
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #26 - September 08, 2010, 07:59 PM
    3/4 Pakistani 1/4 Iranian
  • Re: Hey...
     Reply #27 - September 08, 2010, 08:00 PM
     Afro
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