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Theme Changer

 Topic: Nothing.

 (Read 19996 times)
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  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #90 - September 29, 2011, 11:35 PM

    how many times in the history of human kind have we begun with the thought, "shit that don't feel natural"? Maybe the muzies are right, maybe some sort of winey little piece of shit devil is there constantly telling us that we are going to fuck up? But chnage never feels natural, this may seem trivial,

    but when i shaved my lovely beard after 6 years, you can't imagine how fucked up that was, it was a physical decleration that i'm not 'that' guy anymore and it still is hard to come to terms with how much i've sort of moved on, it's been a challenge, fuck i'd admit it was tearful, but i know now that ultimately all those shitty little steps i've taken have been the right ones and i am happier (in a way lol), if you sat down and took stock of what you have achieved it will surprise you, and hopefully you can draw from that.
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #91 - October 03, 2011, 01:55 AM

    I tried so long to change myself, and every time I succceeded I became a terrible person. I eventually (recently) realised that it's not me that needs to change, it's everyone else. So what if that makes me seem crazy, I just don't care.

    I'm happy. I like me, there I said it. I don't care what you (people) think. I'll never be popular because I don't play 'the game', I say the wrong things, I speak my mind, hide my emotions, come across aloof and cold, I'm all confused and messed up cos that's not me- I love to laugh and play, I'm just a kid inside. This is me, I know it is. The person I have been all my life is what I was trying to be. I thought it would be easier not to feel, to be like a robot, tried to be like 7 of 9 in star trek and I succeeded- made me realise what a good actress I am, been acting all my life. But the character broke and here I am, wacky, zany childish me. I say the wrong things, feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations.

    You know what, I love me. I'm so happy for you Zaiba because you're on a journey of self discovery and at the end you will find yourself, or at least start to as I am now, and you will say 'I love me'- most people never try, they go through life never really living cos they never find themselves.
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #92 - October 04, 2011, 08:49 PM

    .
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #93 - October 06, 2011, 10:50 PM

    I am a fantasy fiction nutter, it is pretty much all I read and all I want to write.


    I used to do that. It was an English teacher of mine who helped me develop wider reading range than Fantasy and Science Fiction. But I still have a soft spot for it, and some Fantasy is incredible (David Gemmel, for instance).
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #94 - October 13, 2011, 08:36 PM

    Blog entry

    I'm feeling really sad. Cry

    This is probably going to sound like a whiney rant so here's your fair warning.

    I came home overly drunk last night, and was a lil out of line when I got back to my flat, it was 2am and I was really loud and usual drunkenness. But one of my flatmates took this a lil too far and got OTT pissed off at me, and sent me a really rude and insulting text in the morning, I apologised profusely, not just to her to the rest of my flat mates too, and explained it wouldn't happen again. I was genuinely apologetic for my behavoir and did not mean to disrupt them intentionally.

    I don't think I do anything more now can I? She just won't give it up, and she's making me feel so hostile, I can't even go in the kitchen to have my meal, I ate in my fucking room ffs. She said I don't wanna see you here, which is fine but seriously it's a communal area and I have every right to be there as she does. I don't want to create complications, but she's making this really difficult for me. 5 minutes ago I went in the kitchen, and they have been in there for 2 hours now, and I have this fucking migraine that's killing me and I need my tea, so I go in there and she shoots me the dirtiest death stare ever, and looked away disgustingly, while the rest of them just sat there quietly as I walked in, they sat there quietly while I made my tea, but soon as I left they started laughing and talking again.

    That made me cry, and I'm sitting in my room crying. Ffs.
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #95 - October 13, 2011, 08:40 PM

    They don't drink?
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #96 - October 13, 2011, 08:42 PM

    No, they do, but they didn't go to the bar with me last night I went with my law friends.

     I don't know if this matters but they're making a fucking racket in the kitchen and my rooms the furthest away and this sounds overly planned out. Am I thinking too much of this?
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #97 - October 13, 2011, 08:43 PM

    Possibly. And the hangover probably isn't helping your perception of noise Wink
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #98 - October 13, 2011, 08:47 PM

    .
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #99 - October 16, 2011, 01:16 AM

    Damn tell them to fuck off! They'll only go as far as you let them! Stop it now the bastards! Grrr you want me to come over and kick their asses!!! Go and tell them to grow up and get over it- that the flat is shared and they have no right to outcast you and bully you. Yes, you were wrong but so what!? You're only human, and it's only a matter of time before they make a mistake. Just let them know their behavious is NOT acceptable and if that fails call me and I'll come over and sort them out!  finmad
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #100 - November 04, 2011, 01:47 AM

    .
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #101 - November 04, 2011, 01:48 AM

    My latest blog post.

    I might be the most anti-climatic person out there regarding movies and keeping up with the celeb gossip, but I managed to watch The Infidel last night, and I must say it broke my heart with the amazing storyline. Although I have to admit I was a little wary of watching it at first because of the reviews I read and how it was “Islamophobic” and “blasphemous”, of course I should know better than to listen to a bunch of ignorant backward retards who find perfectly sane and educational movies as either of the terms I mentioned. Omid Djalili is a very talented actor, not that this is breaking news, but it deserves to be said, again. He was terribly realistic with the heart breaking scenes when his family leaves him for being born to a Jewish family. While Djalili was sitting there on the roadside crying, I began to cry too, because I knew what it felt like to be abandoned by your own family. I know how much it hurts to feel so lonely and helpless in a big bad world. Djalili was in reality acting out my life story, among hundreds if not thousands of other apostates in the world.
     
    But if you’re not one of the lonely souls who have families abandon them, you wouldn’t have a clue about the importance of this scene, it’s not your fault you happen to believe and coincide with your family views, hence why it is not a matter of concern for you but a very few people can empathise with those unlike themselves. In the past few days I have spoken to a few people who have proven to me that most people have no regrets to be living in their own bubble undisturbed by those around them. As much as we as humans like to believe that we’re not purely selfish and that we do care and empathise with others, the truth of the fact is that just isn’t true for many of us. Nowadays, everyone is only concerned about themselves; each to their own, seems to be truer now than ever, and this is saddening because we have millions of helpless poor and deprived people on the other side of the world, the world that we are at most invisible to, the world that is known as the third world. It’s a shame that we cannot relate to others, we cannot be bothered to care nor appreciate what we have, at the very least.
     
    This is just one of the many examples of ignorance that we, the people of the west portray all the time, without even realising it. But most importantly, the issue that The Infidel depicts is of the “Islam vs Judaism” conflict. How many times have you cringed at the helplessness of the “Palestine vs Israel” conflict? How many of you have wished that these two states could just live harmoniously together? Even if you have very little knowledge about these two religions, you would know that they are more similar to each other than conflicting. You would know that they originate from the same lineage, you would hope to believe that these two religions are in fact siblings and should be at peace with each other, rather than conflicting. Yet this just isn’t the case, unfortunately this only validates one argument, and that is the fact that religion divides nations, it does not benefit society, it creates tension and confliction, yet resolves very little.
     
    Imagine a society without the pressures, conflicts, divisions of religion. Imagine how harmonious people among different cultures and societies would be. Religions may have their own benefits, and there is no denying that, but what use are those benefits if they encourage division rather than consensus? We have Muslms, Jews, Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Atheists, Agnostics, Deists and so many more divisive ideologies, when in the end we’re all humans, sharing the same Earth, and have more in common with each other than differences yet we still manage to find something small and insignificant to form allies and maintain a “them and us” attitude. Why? Is it so hard to set our minor differences aside and live harmoniously? Why do we feel the need to constantly validate that we follow the “right path” and that our religion is the “only true religion” thus we need to constantly fight amongst each other and make life difficult to live rather than to enjoy and appreciate the world we live in.
     
    Religion does not need to be impinged on others. Religion should only be to serve oneself, and each person should only be concerned with themselves regarding their religious beliefs, not to be thrust upon others.
     
     
     
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #102 - November 04, 2011, 03:49 AM

    The Infidel, I gotta watch that movie one day seems interesting but that one scene probably wont hit home to me as much as it did to you (at least not yet).

    Faith means not wanting to know what is true. - Friedrich Nietzsche

    If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. -
    Albert Einstein

    "I love life, but there's so much shit to deal with" - Thom Yorke
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #103 - November 04, 2011, 04:24 AM

    i h8 this blog

    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #104 - November 05, 2011, 01:14 PM

    .
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #105 - November 05, 2011, 03:13 PM

    Why so serious?  hugs

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Flbnj4fiOyc
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #106 - November 07, 2011, 09:07 PM

    Interesting. Good for you Jesus.


    i <3 this blog

    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #107 - January 06, 2012, 10:37 AM

    .
  • Re: sex, booze, boys and life : Zaiba's blog
     Reply #108 - January 16, 2012, 10:18 PM

    Just shoot for the stars. If it feels right And aim for my heart. If you feel like And take me away and make it. OK I swear I'll behave. Just shoot for the stars Maybe it's hard. When you feel like you're broken and scarred. Nothing feels right. But when you're with me I'll make you believe. That I've got the key. You wanna know how to make me smile. Take control, own me just for the night. And if I share my secret. You're gonna have to keep it. Nobody else can see this. So watch and learn I won't show you twice. Head to toe, oooh baby rub me right. But if I share my secret You're gonna have to keep it. Nobody else can see this.



    What do I want?

    To be alone?
    No, I just blankly stare into space.

    To be with people?
    No, too tiring and I've had enough of being a public figure. I'm not as patient with people as I used to be.

    To go out?
    No, don't feel like getting dressed.

    To stay home?
    No,  can't stand my own company.

    To sleep?
    No, don't want to have any more dreams.

    To stay awake?
    No, being conscious is too hard to bear.

    To read?
    No, hard to stay focused on the story.

    To tidy up?
    No, no energy for that.

    To not tidy up?
    No, seeing the mess at home makes things worse.

    That feels like a distant world. I've been completely out of it and I know there's so much to catch up on. I don't want to. I have a long list of all the things I don't want to do. But what do I want to do? I don't know. So shut up and just do it. Don't think. Don't ask myself whether this feels right or not. Nothing will feel right for a while. So don't ask. Just do. Why am I so restless?  Because the only thing I want is the one thing I can't have. So this is what is meant by accepting and making peace. No wonder everyone says 'be strong'. Yes, it takes tremendous will power to pick myself up and out of the quicksand of depression.
    .

  • Re: Nothing.
     Reply #109 - January 22, 2012, 03:16 AM

    <snip>
  • Re: Nothing.
     Reply #110 - January 22, 2012, 08:51 AM

    Don't take life so seriously.
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