A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders

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- TomDickJihadis
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
OP - April 22, 2014, 11:11 AM

I have this little pet theory & am curious to hear what other ex-Muslims think.

I've wondered for a long time whether living a lie & a double-life in an extremely conservative (Muslim) framework eventually leads to a type of (borderline?) personality disorder. I hasten to add, I don't mean someone that is *unable* to move out of the double-life required if you don't believe, but can't escape, but more those that pretend to themselves that they still believe and yet evidently, don't, those that can't acknowledge their duplicity.

Surely the cognitive dissonance must eventually give way to something worse and more permanent?

I think this because I've seen it happen to people I've known in the past. Anyway, I welcome other thoughts on the matter!
- Cornflower
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #1 - April 22, 2014, 12:55 PM

Well my thoughts are that a person who constantly lives with the fear of being "outed", having to wear a mask in front of everyone important in their lives and never being honest about who they are, will put strains on the person's mental and physical well-being. Not sure if that necessarily leads to borderline or any other more serious mental problem, but it will most definitely cause problems in one way or the other. When still living with my ex, I was on edge all the time because I was scared that I would leave my mp3 player laying around (he would find out I listen to music), or that myself of the kiddo would mentioned we had eaten certain foods, or the worst case scenario that I forgot to close the window and he would find out I was hanging here on CEMB It happened several times that I had to go back home after leaving for work or school just to check that nothing "compromising" was left for him to find while I was away.

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- TomDickJihadis
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #2 - April 22, 2014, 01:26 PM

Yeah, I see what you mean, but that wasn't what I meant, exactly, in the example you just gave, you weren't denying what you believed in your mind, you were just trapped by circumstances (I remember that 'edgy' feeling so well.)

The only other parallel I can think of is, you know how sometimes the most homophobic & pious anti-homosexuality campaigners turn out to be closet gays, that's the most similar parallell I can find.

"I don't mean someone that is *unable* to move out of the double-life required if you don't believe, but can't escape, but more those that pretend to themselves that they still believe and yet evidently, don't, those that can't acknowledge their duplicity."
- Cornflower
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #3 - April 22, 2014, 01:33 PM

Oooh OK I get it, didn't read your post well enough it seems. Well, perhaps some zealots are in fact secretly doubting their own faith, but engage in dawah activities and propagation of the "excellency" of Islam. I tried doing that for a short period of time and it did help me keep the doubts contained. Once I decided I had to step back, I could finally let all those questions and doubts come to surface where I had the chance to confront them once and for all. Didn't take me long before I realized the truth...

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- TomDickJihadis
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #4 - April 22, 2014, 06:14 PM

Yeah that's exactly what I mean (sorry am not always clear). It's like over-compensation, sort of! I always find myself wondering whether the more zealous and aggressive a person is, is, the more they are compensating for underlying issues, or they wouldn't have to be so aggressive about it. My 2ps worth
- purelyatheist
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #5 - April 22, 2014, 06:18 PM

in my opinion when people can't make other feel what they feel regarding a belief they resort to getting emotional because there really is no logical thought or argument they can use.

I guess this could portray them as more aggressive

"I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

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- scamper_22
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #6 - April 22, 2014, 07:12 PM

I think there are definite mental issues with living double lives, living with fear and constant doubt...

However, I'd be careful about labeling specific diseases.
Things like BPD are extremely serious and damaging. I knew a girl who genuinely had it once and it truly is a step above just being a little emotional or crazy in the way we normally speak of people.

As to emotional people. here again, there are lots of different factors.
One is for example MBTI type. You can look it up. Some people operate from logic and thinking (NT). Others from feeling or sensing (SF).
The other thing is people brought up in honor based cultures are very sensitive to perceived slights. I watched a documentary on it once comparing say the American bible belt to a North Eastern person to a perceived slight or rudeness. Say someone disrespected you while waiting in a line. The people from the honor based culture would actually flare up at the slight. The others would just shrug it off.

There's no doubt religion is strongly attached to identity and you can definitely strike the ego in these cases which can cause major flare ups.
But if I were to put money on it, my bet is it is more general based on the personality type and cultural values, rather than anything about living a double life or even religion itself.
- TomDickJihadis
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #7 - April 22, 2014, 07:14 PM

I agree, or they go for the ad hominem attacks or whatabouttery as that is all that they have got.
- TomDickJihadis
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A little pet theory I have. On double-lives and personality disorders
Reply #8 - April 22, 2014, 07:27 PM

I did say it is just a theory & I know a fair bit about BPD. I have a step-sister who has had it very seriously for years, and have seen how devastating it is. I'm involved in a lot of her care, and speak regularly with her crisis team/psychiatrists etc. Personally, I think some of the trauma & double-life/lie-living that she experienced at a young age has contributed to it.

As for the Myers-Briggs tests, I've studied them a fair bit, they are heavily contested & not really used that much any more in modern psychology, as there isn't much evidence to support it. It's good for self-reflection, perhaps, on how you interact with others. Am not sure what your point was regarding emotions though? What do culture and emotion have to do with denying to yourself what you believe in your mind? I don't understand the point your making (but would like to) could you explain what you mean and how it relates to what it is to deny to yourself what you believe and to live a lie?
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