I have found loads of Satan hadiths, check them out!
Muhammad said cocks crow for they saw Angels, while donkeys bray as they saw Satan.
Sahih Bukhari
Volume 4, Book 54, Number 522:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said,
"When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah's Blessings
for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the
braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from Satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a Satan."Muhammad says a child cries for Satan touches it.
Sahih Bukhari
(3.36) Volume 4, Book 55, Number 641:Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab:Also, same thing at Volume 6, Book 60, Number 71:, Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab:
Abu Huraira said, "I heard Allah's Apostle saying,
'There is none born among the off-spring of Adam, but Satan touches it. A child therefore,
cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan, except Mary and her child." Then Abu Huraira recited: "And I seek refuge with You for her and for her offspring from the outcast Satan"
We can disprove this, can't we?
A child cries
due to the pain of delivery, the struggle to come out for hours prior to birth & the different atmosphere.
Muhammad says Satan can't come in through a closed door.
Sahih Bukhari
Volume 7, Book 69, Number 527:
Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah
Allah's Apostle said, "When night falls (or when it is evening), stop your children from going out, for the devils spread out at that time.
But when an hour of the night has passed, release them and close the doors and mention Allah's Name, for Satan does not open a closed door. Tie the mouth of your water-skin and mention Allah's Name; cover your containers and utensils and mention Allah's Name. Cover them even by placing something across it, and extinguish your lamps."
Muhammad says repeating a prayer will make Satan unable to harm the child.
Sahih Bukhari. Volume 8, Book 75, Number 397:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
The Prophet said, "If anyone of you, when intending to have a sexual intercourse with his wife, says:
'Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna-sh-shaitan, wa jannibi-sh-shaitan ma razaqtana,' and if the couple are destined to have a child (out of that very sexual relation), then Satan will never be able to harm that child."Muhammad says Satan ties knots at the back of each peron's head when they sleep.
Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 491:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "
During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is long, so keep on sleeping,' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy."
Muhammad says earthquakes come out of the side of Satan's head.
Sahih Bukhari,Volume 2, Book 17, Number 147:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
(The Prophet) said, "O Allah! Bless our Sham and our Yemen." People said, "Our Najd as well." The Prophet again said, "O Allah! Bless our Sham and Yemen." They said again, "Our Najd as well." On that the Prophet said,
"There will appear earthquakes and afflictions, and from there will come out the side of the head of Satan." Muhammad claims Satan tried to interrupt his prayers, but he choked Satan, this imo is the funniest!
Sahih Bukhari Volume 2, Book 22, Number 301
Narrated Abu Huraira
The Prophet once offered the prayer and said,
"Satan came in front of me and tried to interrupt my prayer, but Allah gave me an upper hand on him and I choked him. No doubt, I thought of tying him to one of the pillars of the mosque till you get up in the morning and see him. Then I remembered the statement of Prophet Solomon, 'My Lord ! Bestow on me a kingdom such as shall not belong to any other after me.'
Then Allah made him (Satan) return with his head down (humiliated)." ,
Muhammad said if people stand for prayers, Satan makes him forget the number of Rakat.
Sahih Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 22, Number 324:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said,
"When anyone of you stands for the prayers, Satan comes and puts him in doubts till he forgets how many Rakat he has prayed. So if this happens to anyone of you, he should perform two prostrations of Sahu while sitting.
Muhammad says that Satan reaches the human body everywhere like blood reaches the body.
Sahih Bukhari
Volume 3, Book 33, Number 251:
Narrated Ali bin Al-Husain:
Safiya, the wife of the Prophet told me that she went to Allah's Apostle to visit him in the mosque while he was in Itikaf in the last ten days of Ramadan. She had a talk with him for a while, then she got up in order to return home. The Prophet accompanied her. When they reached the gate of the mosque, opposite the door of Um-Salama, two Ansari men were passing by and they greeted Allah's Apostle . He told them: Do not run away! And said, "She is (my wife) Safiya bint Huyai." Both of them said, "Subhan Allah, (How dare we think of any evil) O Allah's Apostle!" And they felt it.
The Prophet said (to them), "Satan reaches everywhere in the human body as blood reaches in it. I was afraid lest Satan might insert an evil thought in your minds." Muhammad says Satan's head appears in a particular direction-near Aisha's house & affliction will appear there.
Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 53, Number 336:
Narrated 'Abdullah
The Prophet stood up and delivered a sermon, and pointing to
'Aisha's house (i.e. eastwards), he said thrice, "Affliction (will appear from) here," and,
"from where the side of the Satan's head comes out (i.e. from the East)." Also, the same hadith, Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 499:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:
I saw
Allah's Apostle pointing towards the east saying, "Lo! Afflictions will verily emerge hence; afflictions will verily emerge hence
where the (side of the head of)
Satan appears."
Sooo ridiculous!
A request to the mods, could this thread be renamed Funny Hadiths related to Satan or some such name? Maybe then more people will read it for it contains many such funny hadiths rather than a single one as the title suggests, or maybe these could be collected separately in another thread.
Topic: Satan farts during the adhan