And it's not worth counting the reasons not to exist? Try being stopped from appreciating all those 'beautiful and wonderful' things that you mention as if it's extremely easy to command the will when there's so much to influence it.
It is worth counting the reasons that some one would hate to exist it is just sad that those reasons for hating existence exist. There are indeed many of them. I myself even pulled back to when life was more of a struggle for me as I thought about what I said in that post.
Did I hate existence then?
I didn't because I was 47 when I get my first traumatic brain injury and 48 when I got my second in a near fatal auto accident. I had been a nurse for 19 years at the time of my first injury so I had some maturity and experience that helped me think I could fight my way to the other side. Even though I know I would make it to the other side that I could will myself to win. It wasn't easy. My granddaughter was born 5 months after the auto accident and I would say she was just born for a year and a half because I could remember when she was born. I still have trouble with her age. It's like her life started when my life started again with having my seizures under control. Since my first injury I've nearly lost my drivers license three times. I've lost two jobs. I'm was on administrative leave from current position and am just now after 3 months staring to go back to work part time trial period.
I hate it more that my 23 year old neice started having debilitating migraines because this should be the care free time of her life. When she should be having fun not counting the reasons that make existence hard. She is an awesome Photographer. I hate there isn't away to make things better for her.
There is a young man that goes to the same neurologist that I do. That is the only place I see him and his Mom. He is 21 he a brain tumor, so far there is nothing that can be done for it. The project is that he will be died by age 30. Perhaps something new will happen between now and then. That is the hope he and his family and friends have. He can't hear anymore. He is so happy when his brother can come to appointments with him. He has a beautiful smile. I hate he and every one who knows him has to go through this.
None of these things make your problems less. I read alot of your post to see if I could figure out what makes you so sad. I couldn't. I suppose it doesn't matter if I know. I'm not in your real life. Hopefully there is some one some place that you can let in to your space that will understand. It might take more then one person if your problem is very extensive. For example my younger sister lives near me, I was always the bossy big sister. She just could not handle how near I came to death and how much help I needed at first. She just couldn't do it. I was so mad at her I thought she didn't care. Now when I look back I know I was wrong. I hate that I was wrong. Our sister from 1,000 miles away had to come and stay 8 months. Anyhow, I suppose you get the point. You speak of friends try to meet them where they're at. Take what they are able to give and believe it is given in kindness. Do what you are able to do and be honest with yourself.
I don't doubt that your problem is real. I frequently hear it in your I hate posts. Often enough that I noticed. I'm sorry if you thought that I was making light of it by suggesting some reasons for wantiing to exist.
I hate horrible circumstances.
Topic: I hate...