That I still war with myself and struggle to say I am an ex muslim to muslim men.
I have no fear obviously in telling muslim women and girls who ask me that i don't believe, but I feel some level of fear when muslim men ask me.
I want to feel the courage it takes to just flat out say I am an ex muslim, but I find myself giving some wishy washy lame ass reply, about not being a good follower.
Especially when taxi drivers who are muslim ask me, stuck in their mini cabs, fearful that the wrong answer could end badly.
I hate that lack of courage in me.
That's not lack of courage. That's good sense. That's instinct. Don't be ashamed of that. That's the good stuff. Is it really worth the inconvenience of a night in the cells or a visit to the emergency ward just because of a principle? Or worse. Hell, if I'm in a taxi alone, I usually have the taxi ID typed into my phone ready to text just in case. If it's at night I'll just stay on the phone with someone if I can. Not interested in some dysfunctional freak derailing my life.