I hate it the 7th of July, it is the anniversary of a certain horrible majour event in the past.
Every year on this date, I get upset and anxious and antsy, some years (twice it happened) where I didn't realize that it was the anniversary on the day and felt horrible and awful and angry and didn't understand why until a few days later when I realized why... duh, it was that date again lol. Same with the anniversary of the nikah, every year at that time I get so angry and feel awful. Every year on the anniversary of the date I left him for the final time, I get almost euphoric and kind of throw a mental party and get excited that that's another year to add to how long it's been that we've managed to stay away and stay safe for. For some reason anniversaries hold significance for me, even when I don't realize that it's the date of whatever anniversary ('cause I don't have a calender - have to look on my computer or on my phone and 'cause of the depression I forget stuff like that all the time, half the time can't remember what day of the week it is lol), I still mentally somehow know (without knowing if that makes any sense) and feel like crap, maybe it's like a body memory or something, I don't know, it sounds kind of crazy, but it happens over and over again, and I know other people who've had the same thing associated with anniversaries of certain horrible events where even when they don't realize what the date is they still have the same sort of reaction that I do.
I want to smash something. Want to ring up the arsehole and scream. Want to revert back to my old unhealthy habits of cutting (but won't 'cause I don't want to go down that path again). But I can't. Just live, just get through today and tomorrow is new day. I want to cry but can't, why is it so hard to cry despite me wanting to cry so badly? Sigh.
FUCK THE CUNT, he couldn't break me, he couldn't destroy me, he couldn't take away my freedom, the lion roared whilst I flew away, my blood dripping down and me finally free. Fly little birdie, fly and soar through the sky. The lion is gone and only his roars can be heard in echos of the past.
FUCK YOU _________! FUCK YOU!
Topic: I hate...