When the Jehovas Witness evangelist is a MILF
OP - October 29, 2010, 04:36 PM
So the JW's prosletyse regularly in my locality. Last time they came round was in the summer, and it was two elderly Jamaican grandmas who I very politely and very sweetly dissuaded from pursuing my conversion.
Yesterday was the return leg, and this time it was a couple of white ladies in their mid forties. The one who did most of the talking looked a bit worn out by life, but the other lady was a foxy blonde MILF, dressed straight out of a Marks and Spencers Christmas advertisment with Twiggy, and I spent about 20 minutes parlaying with them for the fun of it.
It was obvious they had been drilled well, asking me questions about myself in a way that was supposed to plant a seed of doubt in my mind, to establish my loneliness or vulnerability. When I explained that I was an atheist (I'm probably more of an agnostic but the foxy MILF inspired me to be firm in my opposition to her precepts so that she could try harder to convert me) the worn out looking one gave it all the, "Awwww, why is that? Did something happen in your life to cause you a loss of faith?"
I looked at the MILF Jehovah Witness and cracked up laughing and said, "She's good at this, isn't she, she's been trained well", and she started giggling too. I think she was a recent convert and was probably brought along to watch and learn. She was very passive in the conversation, but laughed at all my jokes, which is always a sign of intelligence and integrity.
Anyway so I started asking them about their personal lives, what was it in their lives that made them become a JW, did they experience depression, ennui, loss of self worth, then I looked at MILF JW and asked, did your husband leave you?
It was all done in a good spirit and they were laughing as I kept a step ahead of them and turned all their efforts back on them. All the time I was flirting with MILF Jehovas Witness. I told them that I was very tenacious and if they were really interested in talking I would be happy to chat for as long as they wished but I would warn them they wouldn't succeed in their evangelism but would in fact be at risk of being turned by me because I have a 100% success rate of planting seeds of doubt in the minds of those who I focus on.
At this point I was already anticipating future erotic fantasies about the foxy Witness MILF who tries to convert me but ends up overcome by my intellectual and personal charisma. We carried on in this vein in a very good natured and humorous way.
I was doing reverse psychology, double-bluff, jokes, undercutting, mirroring tactics, all devastating. They were simultaneously warned about my impregnable defences and counter-thrusts, but were charmed by me.
So, eventually I persuaded them of the futility of their efforts with me, and that I didn't want to plant seeds of doubt in their minds (although maybe I wouldn't mind planting seeds inside the MILF if you know what I mean, but I didnt say that, I just thought it), because I am a compassionate man who accepts everyone as they are. They were very impressed, I could tell, and I even told them about the time once in London when I actually met a Seventh Day Adventist evangelising in Hyde Park, and gave her doubts about her faith, its called evangelical blowback.
I could tell they were enlivened by my conversation with them. Just before they departed, they asked me if I would at least accept some of their pamphlets and a book.
"I believe in the principle of reciprocity. I will accept your books, and promise to read them, if you accept a book from me, and also promise to read it"
Jehovas Witness MILF looked excited. The other one asked what publication I was offering in return. And without even allowing for a bat of the foxy lady's eyelid I said, "The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins"
(Now as an aside, wouldn't it be an idea to print Dawkins pamphlets for these situations, to give to evangelists on the doorstep or wherever)
Never mind that I had misplaced my copy of The God Delusion. My mind scrambled. I could lose face if I failed to find it. Luckily they just laughed. As a contingency my brain reminded me that I had a book given to me by a Hare Krishna in Liverpool in the summer, which has lots of pictures of men with tigers heads and women with shapely boobs and twelve arms. Although undermining some of what I had said previously, it would at least have been a colourful contrast for them, and that can never be a bad thing.
Alas, this intellectual, spiritual jousting had to end, and I bid them farewell, and before she left the MILF smiled and winked at me. Although it could have been a twitch, who knows, these are the mysteries of the universe.
"we can smell traitors and country haters"
God is Love.
Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
Topic: When the Jehovas Witness evangelist is a MILF