Hi All
I'm yet another person who has awoken from the perils of Islam. It took reading and making a lot of references and findings to get where l am today, and gosh it feels great to be free.
I was born into Islam yet i've always had the feeling the something wasn't right. I started to question my religion when l met a nun that taught at the local private catholic college near my own school back when l was 13. l would make an excuse to my parents of my where abouts and go to visit the sisters at the convent where l would spend hours in discussions regarding faith and god.
My head was very confused at this stage as l would go home with my mind made up in regards to 'the truth' to only be brain washed again by my family and friends, yet l wouldn't dare tell them why l would ask so many questions regarding Islam and they just put it down to my being young and wanting to learn.
Now at this stage l was a very confused young girl.. Which was the right religion? Who is god? Why does he allow people to suffer? Why doesn't he stop the murder of innocent people? How and why does he sit back and watch it all happen? Does god exist or is he a fallacy of fear that is embedded to control mankind? My confused state led me to be what is called the 'black sheep' in the family, for if god doesn't exist then either does hell and so fear didn't reside within me anymore and thus the rebellion began.
Now being a young girl at 12-13 and having such an outspoken personality is not something Muslim parents take lightly as good little girls keep quiet and don't speak, l on the other hand would speak up and take on any adult that would try to cross me which let to my parents and family thinking that if l didn't get married at 16 who would want a strong minded female and i'd be left at home to be an old maid.
So off to marriage l went at 17 to a respectable Muslim man of 19 who was a 'good guy' and so l thought. l spent 12 years within the jail cell of Islam.. I had married a man whom would preach Islam yet would act different.
My life was an endless array of routine, of being an obedient wife, of cooking and cleaning, of restrictions, of abiding to the law of god when he himself wouldn't.. You see Islam gives men like my ex husband the excuse to do what they want, he used it for his own benefit yet didn't apply it to himself. He would twist and turn Quran and Hadith to suit his own needs.
I had fallen into such a dark hole that getting out seemed impossible, he'd managed to erase everything that l was within, my strength, my intelligence and turn me into a scared little girl who feared god to such a degree where she'd say little and do much. The few friends that he allowed me to have were of course handpicked by him, all were religious and he knew ther husbands so l could not dare utter a single word of my depressed state.
It took years and years to teach myself independence again to break myself away from the curse of Islam and my marriage, to allow myself to be that beautiful, strong women that l knew l was and to discover that this so called religion of peace was a labyrinth of contradictions and lies.
Time passed yet l had managed to keep the new me secret, id chat with the sisters but not disclose what l felt within, yet in doing so l didn't agree with them in regards to religion l mainly listened and would only talk about general subjects not those regarding Islam. Then one day as one of the sisters within our group was giving an explanation as to why the prophet married his wife Aisha so young l put down my tea cup and let her have it. My outburst was met with strange looks of disgust and l was accused of having a Jinn in me, why else would l speak such horrible things about our prophet and our religion? Was l possessed? Should an imam be consulted? What l had just said was a blatant and heinous crime against Islam and l would burn in the lowest rank of hell and may god have mercy on me and show me the way was one remark. That was the day that l lost my friends and was shunned from the group this was the day that l walked away from the facade and became me again.
This all happened recently and since then my world has been one of new experiences and freedoms. When l say freedoms l will note that in life we all need boundaries or we will find ourselves in chaos. My freedoms are wearing that perfect little black dress with those amazing red heels, the freedom to curl my long thick hair and not be ashamed that it’s a sin to have it look nice, to have conversations with men, to wear makeup, to sit at a nice bar with a glass of wine and not feel ashamed and have that hot side serving of guilt that follows after, to wear bikinis to the beach and show off those legs, to listen to music, to make love and not feel that I’d burn in hell for my innate desires, to eat a Cesar salad and not have to say …“No bacon with that please”, to dance, to laugh and enjoy myself, to not ‘lower my gaze’ at attractive men but smile at them then get that flutter inside when they smile back, to have the right to say “l don’t want to do that”.
It is the little things that are the building blocks to a larger structure yet Islam prohibits the freedom of choice and what we are left with is a mass of people that are like incomplete buildings that fall upon sound structures destroying everything in its path.
Those that love me will accept me for me those that don’t aren’t deserving of my company. I’ve taken on everybody and I’ve lost all but one friend yet l don’t feel afraid or saddened by this as new friends will come and family will get over it. I will not live to die anymore, l will live to live.
Thanks for taking the time to read
Topic: Ex muslim and proud of it - My story