I'd like you to consider this whole notion of being "meant for each other" and chosing someone to be the only person for him/her until the end. I've got news for you. Humans are not generally inclined to monogamy; some of them CHOOSE to practice it. And while you may feel "meant for each other" in the beginning (due to a particular combination of chemicals released in the brain in the early stages of love) and revel in your exclusivity, at some point your natural human attraction to members of the opposite (or even same) sex will kick in yet again. You can CHOOSE at that point to suppress your desires, but at this stage in your reformulation of what it means to be human (as an ex-Muslim), I encourage you to think outside the sexual box that you were raised in, even to the point of questioning monogamy.
This idea in particular I take exception to: "An exclusive attachment is what shows your cherishing over something." Really? Do you not cherish ALL of your family members, friends, hobbies, etc? Do you really have to forsake the many for the sake of the one? And what exactly is the benefit in doing so? Personally, I have love for more than one in my heart, and I cherish each one of them. Furthermore, if I were to force myself to be exclusive, my love for the one would be frought with resentment, because I would be giving up richness in my life and the expression of the love that I feel for others merely for the sake of the ego of the one. Is that justified and fair to me, and would it be fair of me to ask my loved one to do the same?
This begs the question, "What is love?" And to illustrate my personal evolution on the subject of monogamy, I will tell you a story. Shortly after I left Islam I happened upon a youtube video on the subject. A couple was advising someone on a sexual question. Basically, a husband was wanting to know if he was weird for allowing his wife to have sex with another man, since that man was able to please her better than he could. He loved to watch her with the other man and see the pleasure on her face and hear her moan in ways that his own lovemaking didn't inspire due to his smaller penis size.
When I first heard the question, I was revolted. How could any self-respecting man allow such a thing, I thought. Then I listened to the answer they gave about how sweet and supportive he was. REEEEEAALLY!!!!??? I was upset. But after some time it hit me. I realized I was so perturbed by this scenario merely because of religious and cultural conditioning, and nothing else. If the man had encouraged and facilitated his wife in ANY OTHER ACTIVITY that pleased her, no one would fault the man and he would be praised for being so loving and supportive. Somehow when the topic is sexual pleasure, we feel we have not only the right, but the duty, to prohibit our so-called loved ones from enjoying that with anyone else.
Love means wanting the best for them, no matter what.
Love means supporting and accepting them in their authentic self-expression.
Love means that you don't want to deprive them of anyone or anything that brings them true happiness.
So with that in mind, I will close this rant, and post a new topic. Hope you all jump in and comment!
And for those so inclined, here is the video I am referencing. This couple makes great clips on sex questions!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE9xFYeQXxg&feature=relatedwhoah whoah whoah wall-of-text
very simple: I am a monogamist... because my bastard of a father was/is a womanizer. And I want to be a good husband and a father if I marry a woman.
I
do realize that at this current day and age, we
can't afford to be monogamous. Society changes and according to its setting so do lifestyles. I agree and am for this.
Porn and strip clubs are very normal these days. Being a family man itself today is a huge feat let alone one who is loyal and committed to his household.
Plus I have alot of aspirations (not being braggy here - nor an enthusiastic teen whose thinking "oh my God, yeah! I'm gonna change the world!" <- lololol) and I
need a woman whom I can share my deepest feelings and weaknesses with and ask for advice, if I am to find myself a woman. I need a supportive female to be with me through it all. That's why I
personally seek that special female, the one who I am 'meant for'. I can't be changing females.
Most females are outside this category maybe untill they start to get steady at around their 30s.
Of course, I don't say any of this to people I know. I don't get all fluttery with tears trickling "she loves me, she loves me not" LOL
So yeah just ignore what I said. I totally can see how people read this as nonsense or pretense.
Topic: Who else is still a virgin?