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Theme Changer

 Poll

  • Question: Are you in a arranged marriage?
  • Are you in a arranged marriage? - 2 (3.9%)
  • WERE you in an arranged marriage? - 4 (7.8%)
  • WILL you be forced into an arranged marriage? - 2 (3.9%)
  • Will you refuse to be in an arranged marriage? - 12 (23.5%)
  • Have you/will you marry for love only? - 31 (60.8%)
  • Total Voters: 51

 Topic: Arranged Marriages

 (Read 17586 times)
  • Previous page 1 23 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #30 - November 06, 2011, 02:28 AM
    If you still need an excuse, you could always tell your mother it's haraam for a muslim girl to marry a non-muslim, and if she facilitated that, she would be committing a great sin.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #31 - November 06, 2011, 02:32 AM
    Quote from: Prince Spinoza on November 06, 2011, 02:28 AM
    If you still need an excuse, you could always tell your mother it's haraam for a muslim girl to marry a non-muslim, and if she facilitated that, she would be committing a great sin.


    Thats how my apostasy was revealed to my mum actually.

    I told her how it would void her marriage, but seems like that whole experience has not affected my mum.
    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #32 - November 06, 2011, 02:34 AM
    How evil are you feeling?
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #33 - November 06, 2011, 02:35 AM
    uh, go on
    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #34 - November 06, 2011, 02:40 AM
    The idea of hell can be pretty frightening, I know I was often intimidated into doing things I didn't want to, I was going to suggest just drilling into her how much she stands to lose by committing such a sin.

    But on second thoughts, that's a pretty dicky and hypocritical thing to do.

    Surely it's not beyond you to put your foot down? This is your life.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #35 - November 06, 2011, 02:43 AM
    Quote from: VHD on November 06, 2011, 02:26 AM
    I dunno how to take your post dude, I gather you think I cannot act like an adult and cannot stand up for myself. I been through it all, I have gone the rebellious route, "stood up for myself" and in the end learned it makes no fucking difference. There are more important things to me than marriage, and I am not prepared to strain relationships for something I care so little for ever again. My Mom > East vs West cultural collision.

    Why do you assume I am ruining the girls life? Fortunately my family has a tradition for allowing around about 1.5 to 2 years before actual marriage. That is plenty of time for me to let her know about the elephant in the room. Then its up to her and I wont be at any blame if it gets called off.

    Maybe I misread your posts, but it just seemed to me that you are not happy with marrying this girl but you are still going through it anyway because of your parents.  

    I'm not assuming you're ruining the girls life. I just noticed that you will get to know her 1-2 years before marrying so that's good.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #36 - November 06, 2011, 07:53 AM
    Quote from: VHD on November 06, 2011, 02:26 AM
    I dunno how to take your post dude, I gather you think I cannot act like an adult and cannot stand up for myself. I been through it all, I have gone the rebellious route, "stood up for myself" and in the end learned it makes no fucking difference. There are more important things to me than marriage, and I am not prepared to strain relationships for something I care so little for ever again. My Mom > East vs West cultural collision.


    Marrying someone you're indifferent to isn't really a recipe for happiness. You'll be living with someone very closely indeed, where you won't exactly have the option of ignoring them. That sort of commitment isn't worth making to please anyone else.

    Have you considered that your mum is actually holding you hostage? It's not up to her how you live your life, and yet you treat your relationship with her as somehow worth the sacrifice (of a divorce settlement - not cheap, generally, and I'm not just speaking financially - if not just an unhappy marriage). Why?

    If you think your apostasy is sufficient to drive potential suitors away, fine, but you've still not addressed the underlying problem.
    Before it gets too late, you will find escape.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #37 - November 06, 2011, 08:21 AM
    Quote from: Prince Spinoza on November 06, 2011, 02:40 AM
    The idea of hell can be pretty frightening, I know I was often intimidated into doing things I didn't want to, I was going to suggest just drilling into her how much she stands to lose by committing such a sin.

    But on second thoughts, that's a pretty dicky and hypocritical thing to do.

    Surely it's not beyond you to put your foot down? This is your life.

    Aww, princey has a semblance of morality... cute!!!
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #38 - November 06, 2011, 10:48 AM
    VHD: I'm confused as to how this will all work out... The woman will find out in 1-2 years time that you are an atheist? If she decides to call it off, isn't that a year or two wasted of her life when she could have been looking at other proposals? And she will relay this info about your apostacy to her family. Would it not then cause problems? In other words, news of your apostacy will cause issues - it's just a matter of now or later. Or do you plan on pointing the finger at your mum and say 'she was supposed to tell you this'?
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #39 - November 06, 2011, 12:21 PM
    there are direct "arranged marriages". (which are straight forward..)
    and there's what i call the indirect "arranged marriages".. which is more of what i went through..
    almost brainwashed into thinking this is the right thing to do, noone twisted my hand, but rather convinced me that it was what i wanted, obligation has alot to do with it.. guilt plays a big role..
    oh if i knew then what i know now..
    Quote
    Surely it's not beyond you to put your foot down? This is your life.

    at the time.. this seemed impossible.
    wish i had .. so i hope all of you will..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #40 - November 06, 2011, 01:02 PM
    Quote from: Ephemeral on December 30, 2010, 11:35 PM
    I told my parents I wasn't going to be some guy's ticket to canada.


    Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #41 - November 06, 2011, 01:03 PM
    LOL at the ticket to canada. I have always thought the same thing...now I kinda wonder how much I could make off something like a marriage for papers...I kid Tongue
    I wish parents everywhere could remove their veil of religion and see their kids for whom they actually are.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #42 - November 06, 2011, 03:07 PM
    I'm thinking of accepting/asking for an arranged marriage. I will never have the guts to tell my parents of my apostasy and demand that I have the right to date etc etc. So, might as well face the inevitable situation and just hope the guy is decent enough.
    "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

    'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #43 - November 06, 2011, 03:14 PM
    Quote from: Abood on November 06, 2011, 08:21 AM
    Aww, princey has a semblance of morality... cute!!!

    When it suits me. Wink

    No but really, I'm actually a very moral person. I gave my penny change from McD's the other day to the in-house charity.  yes
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #44 - November 06, 2011, 03:20 PM
    Quote from: stardust on November 06, 2011, 03:07 PM
    I'm thinking of accepting/asking for an arranged marriage. I will never have the guts to tell my parents of my apostasy and demand that I have the right to date etc etc. So, might as well face the inevitable situation and just hope the guy is decent enough.


    There is nothing to demand, because it's not in their gift. You can choose to exercise particular freedoms of action, or not.
    Before it gets too late, you will find escape.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #45 - November 06, 2011, 04:04 PM
    Quote from: stardust on November 06, 2011, 03:07 PM
    I'm thinking of accepting/asking for an arranged marriage. I will never have the guts to tell my parents of my apostasy and demand that I have the right to date etc etc. So, might as well face the inevitable situation and just hope the guy is decent enough.


    Its difficult to know how to reply to something like this, because it inevitably impinges on your private life and your private decisions, but thats quite the most depressing and bleak post I've read on here in a while.

    I understand you feel trapped in this cage of expectation - all I can say is, if you do go ahead with an 'introduction' marriage, I hope its to someone liberal like you or else you could be locked into an even more restrictive intimacy than your relationship with your family.



    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #46 - November 06, 2011, 04:11 PM
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KygRSIIaCDI
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #47 - November 06, 2011, 05:30 PM
    Quote from: billy on November 06, 2011, 04:04 PM
    Its difficult to know how to reply to something like this, because it inevitably impinges on your private life and your private decisions, but thats quite the most depressing and bleak post I've read on here in a while.


    +1

    Sorry to read that stardust. Do you at the least feel able to play the role of a non-practising muslim?
    An alternative to religion;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2nfXfTg92E

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWNW-NXEudk
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #48 - November 06, 2011, 05:35 PM
    Quote from: stardust on November 06, 2011, 03:07 PM
    I'm thinking of accepting/asking for an arranged marriage. I will never have the guts to tell my parents of my apostasy and demand that I have the right to date etc etc. So, might as well face the inevitable situation and just hope the guy is decent enough.

    If you do go the arranged marriage route then you should tell the guy about your Apostasy in advance.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #49 - November 06, 2011, 06:03 PM
    Quote from: stardust on November 06, 2011, 03:07 PM
    I'm thinking of accepting/asking for an arranged marriage. I will never have the guts to tell my parents of my apostasy and demand that I have the right to date etc etc. So, might as well face the inevitable situation and just hope the guy is decent enough.


    So whats the worst that can happen if you open up to your parents about your apostasy?

    I may not understand what you are going through but putting your hopes to be bethrothed to a decent guy is like a lottery, your chance of getting one is as equal of getting a possessive man who will use Qur'anic laws to his advantage(as an ex-muslimah,even if you pretend to follow his ways since he is more like your owner,its inevitable that you will be fed up and rebel against him), you could be very surprised on how Muslim men changes after marriage,no matter how nice,kind and liberal he is. I could be wrong but im just telling you this from my experience.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #50 - November 06, 2011, 07:06 PM
    Quote from: nessrriinn on November 06, 2011, 12:21 PM
    there are direct "arranged marriages". (which are straight forward..)
    and there's what i call the indirect "arranged marriages".. which is more of what i went through..
    almost brainwashed into thinking this is the right thing to do, noone twisted my hand, but rather convinced me that it was what i wanted, obligation has alot to do with it.. guilt plays a big role..
    oh if i knew then what i know now.. at the time.. this seemed impossible.
    wish i had .. so i hope all of you will..


    I know exactly what you are talking about. :(

    Stardust, I really hope you find someone really special and really soon. Go for the arranged marriage route if you want, but be clear to your parents you will be very selective.
    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #51 - November 06, 2011, 07:13 PM
    Quote from: nessrriinn on November 06, 2011, 12:21 PM
    there are direct "arranged marriages". (which are straight forward..)
    and there's what i call the indirect "arranged marriages".. which is more of what i went through..
    almost brainwashed into thinking this is the right thing to do, noone twisted my hand, but rather convinced me that it was what i wanted, obligation has alot to do with it.. guilt plays a big role..
    oh if i knew then what i know now.. at the time.. this seemed impossible.
    wish i had .. so i hope all of you will..

    So what happened? Did you go through with the arranged marriage? Are you happy with the guy you married or not?
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #52 - November 07, 2011, 05:12 AM
    Quote from: nessrriinn on November 06, 2011, 12:21 PM
    there are direct "arranged marriages". (which are straight forward..)
    and there's what i call the indirect "arranged marriages".. which is more of what i went through..
    almost brainwashed into thinking this is the right thing to do, noone twisted my hand, but rather convinced me that it was what i wanted, obligation has alot to do with it.. guilt plays a big role..
    oh if i knew then what i know now.. at the time.. this seemed impossible.
    wish i had .. so i hope all of you will..


    This is how they made my brother marry his cousin and i know they are planning to do the same thing to me which is going to be a huge failure for them because im not going to agree on that unless if she likes me and accepts my apostasy which is very unlikely for that to happen.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #53 - November 07, 2011, 06:32 PM
    Quote from: stardust on November 06, 2011, 03:07 PM
    I'm thinking of accepting/asking for an arranged marriage. I will never have the guts to tell my parents of my apostasy and demand that I have the right to date etc etc. So, might as well face the inevitable situation and just hope the guy is decent enough.


     far away hug

    You can 'date' in an Islamic way....say you ask your parents to find you a suitable hubby, before marrying you can get to know him by talking and meeting up, that way you can see if you like him or not. Because its Islamic you'll have to have a brother or your dad near-far enough so he can't hear your convo but close enough to see what you're doing  Roll Eyes
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #54 - November 07, 2011, 08:38 PM
    Quote from: Aphrodite on November 07, 2011, 06:32 PM
    Because its Islamic you'll have to have a brother or your dad near-far enough so he can't hear your convo but close enough to see what you're doing  Roll Eyes

    That would make it really really awkward.. at least for me.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #55 - November 07, 2011, 08:43 PM
    I'm never ever ever going to get married, ever, at all. Wayyyyyyy too permanent.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #56 - November 07, 2011, 08:44 PM
    Quote from: SunbulRocket on November 07, 2011, 08:43 PM
    I'm never ever ever going to get married, ever, at all. Wayyyyyyy too permanent.


    You live by the 3 Fs too, eh?

    Find em
    Fuck em
    Forget em

     cool2
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #57 - November 07, 2011, 08:47 PM
    ^ When are you marrying a freshie?  Tongue


    Quote from: -Tmp- on November 07, 2011, 08:38 PM
    That would make it really really awkward.. at least for me.


    Me too, it was only a suggestion  grin12
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #58 - November 07, 2011, 08:49 PM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on November 07, 2011, 08:44 PM
    You live by the 3 Fs too, eh?

    Find em
    Fuck em
    Forget em

     cool2

    Always. cool2
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #59 - November 07, 2011, 08:50 PM
     Cheesy
    Formerly known as Iblis
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