Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims

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- HighOctane
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Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
OP - January 02, 2011, 12:27 PM

Some of us are a few years older than the younger ones here. I think we should give advice to them (if you want to).

Learning your own mistakes is good. Learning mistakes of others is better. Note: depending on your circumstance I'd give the general advice below. It may apply to you, it may not.

- Aim for financial security: Really, really plan this ahead. Do summer internships. Get a degree that has real world applications. Don't neglect education. Go the extra mile to do things in your own time in whatever area you wish to specialize in or the skills you want to develop (certifications, extra courses, charity work, etc).
- Live away at uni.
- Go dating at uni: However hard, you'll find it a lot harder once you've entered the work place.
- Judge a good timing and IF you need to tell your rents about your apostasy.
- Save money and be economical. Don't touch credit cards with a barge pole.
- Drinking may or may not be for you. If your ancestors have never digested alcohol, you'll find it has adverse affects on you compared to US/European friends.
- Be confident in your uncertainty rather than worry.

In general, never think thinks will fall into place in the future. The future is for you to create, and the sooner you start thinking about it, the better. As the saying goes, "failing to plan is planning to fail".

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #1 - January 02, 2011, 01:31 PM

Good advice there, HighOctane.

I would add: participate in sports and keep fit.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #2 - January 02, 2011, 01:38 PM

Good advices.. Also if you aren't good at sports, join the gym.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #3 - January 02, 2011, 01:55 PM

lol. .. the list is getting longer. Sorry, it was hard enough to accomplish everything in the original list, but never mind. It's a good list, nevertheless.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #4 - January 03, 2011, 07:42 PM

Great advice !

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #5 - January 03, 2011, 07:45 PM

Good advice

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #6 - January 03, 2011, 08:54 PM

Made a minor edit to your post, HighOctane:

Quote from: HighOctane on January 02, 2011, 12:27 PM
- Drinking may or may not be for you. If your ancestors have never digested alcohol, you'll find it has adverse affects on you compared to US/European friends. If so, there are a number of other legal, illegal, and semi-legal/controlled drugs you can try-- pot/hash, DXM, benzodiazepenes, cocaine, heroin, prescription opiates, DMT, Salvia divinorum, K3, Foxy Methoxy, methamphetamine, Ritalin, Adderall, psylocibin mushrooms, peyote, mescaline, nitrous oxide, ephedrine, amyl nitrite, GHB, ecstasy, gasoline, aerosol sprays, model airplane glue. Be patient and find the drug or combination of drugs right for you.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #7 - January 03, 2011, 09:49 PM

Thanks all. One thing I forgot to add:
- Though you are an ex-Muslim, always appreciate the religious contacts you do have and never close the door on them for you never know when they make amazing contacts for the people they are regardless of the influence religion has on their lives and actions.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #8 - January 03, 2011, 10:21 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on January 02, 2011, 12:27 PM
- Drinking may or may not be for you. If your ancestors have never digested alcohol, you'll find it has adverse affects on you compared to US/European friends.

Have you got a source for this, or is just one of your thoughts?

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #9 - January 03, 2011, 10:40 PM

Good list HO and others, couldn't agree more. I'll add some when I can think of them!
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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #10 - January 03, 2011, 10:49 PM

Some good advive HO.

I must add, as hard it may feel at times, do remember to always love yourself and believe in your own abilities. Only you can make your life better.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #11 - January 03, 2011, 10:55 PM

Okay here's one: try not to feel too angry with or look down on Muslims, because they are just victims of Islam like you once were.
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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #12 - January 03, 2011, 11:07 PM

^Those two are good

Quote from: IsLame on January 03, 2011, 10:21 PM
Have you got a source for this, or is just one of your thoughts?

It's just my advice from life experience and my scientific understanding, feel free to add yours of course!

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #13 - January 03, 2011, 11:10 PM

Quote from: Eliphaz on January 03, 2011, 10:55 PM
Okay here's one: try not to feel too angry with or look down on Muslims, because they are just victims of Islam like you once were.

Good one.. I guess this one was for me..

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #14 - January 03, 2011, 11:20 PM

Quote from: Eliphaz on January 03, 2011, 10:55 PM
Okay here's one: try not to feel too angry with or look down on Muslims, because they are just victims of Islam like you once were.

What do you do when they ask you to get involved with their religious activities?

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #15 - January 04, 2011, 12:12 AM

Quote from: olweasel on January 03, 2011, 11:20 PM
What do you do when they ask you to get involved with their religious activities?

Which brings me to another advice:
- Sometimes you'll have to be an amazing actor/undercover cop/spy in covering your tracks acting "as a Muslim" to certain Muslim who don't know you well enough and give you the benefit of the doubt.

More advice (getting more controversial now):
- White lies to your parents on petty things (e.g. Have you done your prayers?) is not a bad thing and should be used where possible. This are LITTLE things.
- Don't feel guilty for white lying on religion things, especially on eating during Ramadan.
- Slightly bigger lies (such as going out on a date, coming back home after a night out) requires a certain level of deception which you can slowly train yourself too, but take care to cover your tracks.

Also:
- Always remember it's not you, it's your culture you were brought up in. Your parents would be the same if they grow up in your shoes and vice-versa.
- If you are one of the older kids, then I'm afraid it's up to you to fight for things that then pave the way for the younger siblings.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #16 - January 04, 2011, 12:43 AM

You should write a self-help book for young ex muslims HO.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #17 - January 04, 2011, 10:18 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on January 04, 2011, 12:12 AM
Which brings me to another advice:
- Sometimes you'll have to be an amazing actor/undercover cop/spy in covering your tracks acting "as a Muslim" to certain Muslim who don't know you well enough and give you the benefit of the doubt.

Fake praying is much easier that normal prayers . I can just pretend I'm on the last ra'kah and just chill out , make sure you say takbeer out loudly though

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #18 - January 04, 2011, 11:13 PM

Amazing advice HighOctane. I'll make sure to follow the advice, and not being a hot headed kid
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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #19 - January 04, 2011, 11:19 PM

Quote from: olweasel on January 03, 2011, 11:20 PM
What do you do when they ask you to get involved with their religious activities?

I tell them to fuck off

Nicely of course.
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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #20 - January 04, 2011, 11:22 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on January 04, 2011, 12:12 AM
Which brings me to another advice:
- Sometimes you'll have to be an amazing actor/undercover cop/spy in covering your tracks acting "as a Muslim" to certain Muslim who don't know you well enough and give you the benefit of the doubt.

+1.

Learn the art of peppering your conversations with token "mashallahs" and "inshallahs" accordingly to blend in depending on how religious the crowd is (this is probably quite easy if you have just left Islam but gets harder as time goes on).

However one thing I categorically refuse to do, even if everyone in the room does it is murmur "peace be on him" like a sheep whenever Mo is mentioned. It is like saying "peace be on Hitler" or "peace be on Joseph Fritzel". Leaves a sour taste in the mouth and you will die a little inside each time.
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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #21 - January 05, 2011, 12:12 AM

- Avoid telling Muslim relatives or friends that you are an apostate unless you are 110% sure they won't tell others. I've made terrible misjudgements in the past about the things that I have told people ( they seem to be agreeing with you or seeming to " see your point of view" at the time , then go and spill the beans to your parents or siblings). It's hassle you don't need. Until you are financially independent, it's much better to be someone who is seen Quran-only or "progressive" rather than an apostate. Just the fact of you being an apostate demands a reaction in many Muslim minds, and unless you really don't give a shit, these can have hardcore repercussions .

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #22 - January 05, 2011, 12:22 AM

Here are some more I have found useful:

Life might seem initially very scary and pointless without god, the concept of afterlife, but understand that these feelings of fear will lessen with time and that you will eventually be able to live life again. Not only that, but you will realise that the concept of afterlife in Islam is actually quite crap.

Also don't be too hard on yourself.
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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #23 - January 05, 2011, 12:33 AM

Also, why do people just assume that I'm religious?

I don't express any outward signs of religiosity.

Quote from: Eliphaz on January 04, 2011, 11:22 PM
Learn the art of peppering your conversations with token "mashallahs" and "inshallahs" accordingly to blend in depending on how religious the crowd is (this is probably quite easy if you have just left Islam but gets harder as time goes on).

A cousin of mine did that same thing when he came over.

It didn't sound right.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #24 - January 05, 2011, 11:14 AM

Quote from: Man-Machine on January 05, 2011, 12:12 AM
it's much better to be someone who is seen Quran-only or "progressive" rather than an apostate. Just the fact of you being an apostate demands a reaction in many Muslim minds, and unless you really don't give a shit, these can have hardcore repercussions .

Done that before didn't go so well .......I was called a sell out

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #25 - January 10, 2011, 09:34 PM

Quote from: Eliphaz on January 04, 2011, 11:19 PM
I tell them to fuck off

Nicely of course.

Also, I've been invited to attend a halaqa.

Where do I go from here?

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #26 - January 10, 2011, 11:20 PM

Go and ask them how can someone who is Ghaffaar and Qahaar can also be Rehman and Raheem at the same time?

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #27 - January 11, 2011, 12:05 AM

That doesn't make any sense.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #28 - January 11, 2011, 12:35 AM

Some great advice here. A lot of it rings true with me already. I don't really have much to chip in myself, other then when things get tough, never, ever give up. There is always hope, there are always people who will care enough to lend an ear and a (even if only hypothetical) hand. You've just got to look hard enough for them. Like here, for instance.

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Re: Advice to 16 - 22 years old Ex-Muslims
Reply #29 - January 11, 2011, 02:55 AM

damit where were u with them advices about alcohol before highoctane ;(

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