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 Topic: Help me return to Islam

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  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #120 - March 25, 2011, 02:58 PM
    Quote from: L2PK on March 25, 2011, 02:33 PM
    It seems like its those friends/family that are the ones inciting her against you and not letting her think rationally.


    No, I think Mohammed, that 1400 yr old tosser, is inciting her.

    Quote from: L2PK on March 25, 2011, 02:33 PM
    There's this thing I've noticed about women, the more you chase after them, the more they run away from you even without realizing why they're doing it. It looks like now is the time for you to stop chasing her and cut off contact with her for a while, to show that you don't need her, and then she'll be the one chasing you.


    I agree, for any woman I’ve been with before, not chasing them seemed to do the trick. But those tactics won’t work for this one (she is so unbelievably stubborn… I’ve tried many times to revert to my old tactics, but I’ve always had to be the first one to blink with her)


    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #121 - March 25, 2011, 02:59 PM
    Quote from: TheRationalizer on March 25, 2011, 02:42 PM
    I was under the impression that she knew you were not a Muslim before she married you, didn't she?

    Do you think she knows she is being unreasonable?


    Yeah she knew, but recently she has been claiming that she didn’t know the extent of my non-Islamic feeling.

    After yesterday’s talk, I am hoping she can start to see that she is asking for too much from me.
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #122 - March 25, 2011, 03:08 PM
    Well, whether or not she knew it then she certainly knows it now and has to deal with it.

    You don't need to have a "who can wait it out the longest" competition.  You just need to make certain things clear to her

    1: You love her
    2: You can find someone else, but would prefer not to
    3: You are not going to pretend to be a Muslim

    There is no issue of who will be stubborn the longest and win, that is simply the situation.  You have made clear what you want to do, but ultimately the choice is hers.
    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #123 - March 25, 2011, 03:11 PM
    Quote from: L2PK on March 25, 2011, 02:28 PM
    What happened to her? Thought you said you're still with her in another post.


    I am with her, it is just that her visa ran out and she had to return and apply for a spouse visa, which we are in the process of doing, we are doing an appeal at the moment and it can take about 6/12 months to get a result.
    Left the forum: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=22997
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #124 - March 25, 2011, 03:16 PM
    Quote from: musivore on March 25, 2011, 02:58 PM
    I agree, for any woman I’ve been with before, not chasing them seemed to do the trick. But those tactics won’t work for this one (she is so unbelievably stubborn… I’ve tried many times to revert to my old tactics, but I’ve always had to be the first one to blink with her)

    You've always given up too early.
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=L2pk
    --
    Previously donatelo
    --
    Watch Ishina lie and then try to squirm her way out of it like a worm
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #125 - March 25, 2011, 03:18 PM
    Quote from: King Tut on March 25, 2011, 03:11 PM
    I am with her, it is just that her visa ran out and she had to return and apply for a spouse visa, which we are in the process of doing, we are doing an appeal at the moment and it can take about 6/12 months to get a result.

    cool story bro
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=L2pk
    --
    Previously donatelo
    --
    Watch Ishina lie and then try to squirm her way out of it like a worm
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #126 - March 25, 2011, 03:29 PM
    c
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #127 - March 25, 2011, 04:04 PM

     Cheesy Cheesy
    Thanks Mr Bison, that first paragraph of yours has genuinely lifted the gloom that has been hanging round me all day (and for most of the past month).

    You’re right, I’m the best person to judge on whether to push her, how to push her and what is truly at stake here if our marriage ended… or what is at stake if I conceded to her demands and sold what little pride I have in myself and in my values.

    Even though the advice that you guys has given me has been immense to me, this thread has been more about me sharing the ridiculous situation I find myself in, with people who would understand me a little better than even most of my closest friends.
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #128 - March 25, 2011, 04:53 PM
    Quote from: musivore on March 25, 2011, 01:37 PM
    I did…net result: I’ve moved into the spare room…I’ll just have to wait for the dust to settle to see which way this is going to go.

    I started off well, then lost my resolve and fight half way through. But I did enough to make my point.


    what happened?
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  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #129 - March 25, 2011, 05:17 PM
     :finmad:Can't write much Islame, on my smartphone. I stood up for myself, telling her she was asking for too much, that we had too much to lose etc A few plates flew and we agreed that we'd get out of each others faces for now.. but I can see in her eyes she was re-calculating, perhaps to lower her expectations?
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #130 - March 25, 2011, 06:25 PM
    Musivore, your terms are MORE than reasonable.  You even let her cut off the end of your son's penis to appease her imaginary friend, she can't have everything.  She needs to know that your happiness is not up for negotiation.
    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #131 - March 25, 2011, 09:33 PM
    Quote from: musivore on March 25, 2011, 05:17 PM
    :finmad:Can't write much Islame, on my smartphone. I stood up for myself, telling her she was asking for too much, that we had too much to lose etc A few plates flew and we agreed that we'd get out of each others faces for now.. but I can see in her eyes she was re-calculating, perhaps to lower her expectations?

    Hmmm.  I wonder if she can feel your desperation for the marriage to work and is exploiting it for her own ends.  And hasnt really thought that deeply as you as following through with it, nor does she intend to.

    Also if you had a second go, would you still marry her if she was the same person but was an apostate? Yes/No and why?
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  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #132 - March 25, 2011, 09:59 PM
    I think she is thinking about it now, as we lay in our separate bedrooms...

    If I got a second go, I would still marry her if she were a muslim (even with the hindsight I have now). Some things are just meant to be... I was very attracted to her for over a decade, before we even had our first meaningful conversation. And then to discover that we got on so so well, agreed on almost everything (religion aside) and that she had always been attracted to me also - well, these things just don't happen very often; least of all not to me. I honestly believe that we were made for eachother - its a shame that Islam has increasingly polluted her mind and made her lose track of that.

    As for me marrying her if she were an apostate: again, I would have jumped at the chance. You know how you have an ideal woman in your head when you are a teenager? Well, my ideal woman just had to be irreligious, amongst other criteria. It was only in my mid-twenties that I thawed on this point and realised that I should stop discriminating on the grounds of religion. Religion can be good for some people and it was, at first, quite a cute aspect of my wife...To me, my wife is one step away from being perfect - unfortunately that step involves the shedding of Islam. So yes, I would have loved her to have been an apostate and I would have married her that way also.

    Good question, btw Islame. You're married also?
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #133 - March 25, 2011, 10:01 PM
    And yet you don't ask her to stop being religious.  It's not too much to ask for the same in return, is it?
    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #134 - March 25, 2011, 10:18 PM
    It is a well-known fact in fiqh that a marriage between a God-fearing Muslim and kafir is null and void, and any intimacy is equal to zina. I hope your marriage will get back on it's feet inshallah,- this would necasarrily imply your wive becoming a fasiq, or (even better) a murtadd.
    I shouldn't be here. Really. Shaytan SWT deluded ALL of us. Amen.
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #135 - March 25, 2011, 11:03 PM
    Quote from: TheRationalizer on March 25, 2011, 10:01 PM
    And yet you don't ask her to stop being religious.  It's not too much to ask for the same in return, is it?


    In theory, no.

    Mnfq - she's a stubborn mule, so that's not going to happen... I may never get laid again wacko
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #136 - March 25, 2011, 11:09 PM
    Quote from: musivore on March 25, 2011, 01:37 PM
    I didn’t get physically close enough to follow Bison’s advice (haven’t been there for weeks (months?) if I’m honest)


    christ help you brother  grin12

    Quote from: musivore on March 25, 2011, 09:59 PM
    Religion can be good for some people and it was, at first, quite a cute aspect of my wife...To me, my wife is one step away from being perfect


    i guess children make things all that more serious


    i keep my fingers crossed your wife starts seeing some sense soon - just keep talking to her - hopefully she'll admit that you are being the reasonable one soon far away hug

    ''we are morally and philisophically in the best position to win the league'' - Arsene Wenger
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #137 - March 25, 2011, 11:23 PM
    Thanks abuyunus.

    And I read your first post on this thread again. Boy, you're one clever guy. If I went about my life employing even a fraction of that intelligence, then I suspect my life wouldn't have ended up being such a drama.
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #138 - March 25, 2011, 11:26 PM
    Quote from: musivore on March 25, 2011, 09:59 PM
    Good question, btw Islame. You're married also?

    Yep, 8 years now Marshy Allah

    Quote
    I think she is thinking about it now, as we lay in our separate bedrooms...

    If I got a second go, I would still marry her if she were a muslim (even with the hindsight I have now). Some things are just meant to be... I was very attracted to her for over a decade, before we even had our first meaningful conversation. And then to discover that we got on so so well, agreed on almost everything (religion aside) and that she had always been attracted to me also - well, these things just don't happen very often; least of all not to me...To me, my wife is one step away from being perfect

     
    What is it about her thats so special?  Are you sure you are not getting emotional & overly sentimental?  What makes you think another woman who loved you, and you respected couldnt provide what she gives and much more?  I just cant see how your minds can meet on many intellectual levels when she is this extreme, and how rich your conversations can ever get with her?

    Quote
    I honestly believe that we were made for eachother - its a shame that Islam has increasingly polluted her mind and made her lose track of that.

    Perhaps she has stopped loving you, and is using this as an islamically justifiable excuse?

    Quote
    As for me marrying her if she were an apostate: again, I would have jumped at the chance. You know how you have an ideal woman in your head when you are a teenager?

     
    Nope.  My ideals & what I wanted continually changed as I changed growing up.  

    Having said all that, and if you can give positive answers to all the above, then I think you should keep trying with her.  Its far from over yet.
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  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #139 - March 26, 2011, 12:06 AM
    Islame - I'm not going to try to rationalise love because once you start doing that, I suspect that you can start losing an essence of yourself that makes you human. Besides, to analyse the suitability of a partner in terms of probability is a dangerus road for a fragile mind like mine to traverse.

    My limited vocabulary and wayward grammer cannot do her or her qualities justice, so I'm not goinfg to try, so just take it from me that she is worth fighting for, in my eyes at least.

    I do think that she has temporarily stopped loving me. Such is the power of Islam. But I honestly believe that Islam is the cause, and not an excuse that she is using to justify a change of heart.

    I agree, it's not over yet. There's plenty of fight left in both of us. Hopefully, that fight will be channelled towards fixing our relationship and not breaking it forever.
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #140 - March 26, 2011, 03:29 AM
    Something doesnt make sense and add up to me about this whole situtation, I just cant put my finger on it. 

    Anyhow I genuinely wish you a pleasurable outcome in all of this, you sound like a guy that quite honestly deserves it  Afro
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  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #141 - March 26, 2011, 04:08 AM
    Maybe she's using divorce as a means to get you to start practicing? Because she knows you value ur marriage too much to want a divorce?

    so my advice would be to tell her you want a divorce and see her reaction Afro
    井の中の蛙大海を知らず。
    (I no naka no kawazu taikai wo shirazu)
    A frog in a well does not know the great sea.
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #142 - March 26, 2011, 07:55 AM
    Perhaps she loves you, but she fears Allah.  The words "Don't get me to choose between you and my god" spring to mind.  I used to feel the same way, until I realised what a bastard god of the bible was Smiley
    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #143 - March 26, 2011, 10:26 AM
    Quote from: IsLame on March 26, 2011, 03:29 AM
    Something doesnt make sense and add up to me about this whole situtation, I just cant put my finger on it. 

    Anyhow I genuinely wish you a pleasurable outcome in all of this, you sound like a guy that quite honestly deserves it  Afro


    Thanks Islame,you're a good man.
    Let me know if you manage to put your finger on it - I have a feeling you're still stuggllng to understand how a muslim and non-muslim can find enough common ground to find love and respect or each other?


    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #144 - March 26, 2011, 10:36 AM
    Nessa - I may just try that if my situation doesn't improve soon. I think that when I mentioned to her on Thursday that my wife needed to think about the things that she would lose and miss about me, that I saw a slight flicker in her eyes. There may be some hope there. But to call her bluff regarding a divorce takes some balls...

    Mr Rationaliser - I'm glad you came over to this side. I can imagine that you would have made a formidable Muslim. Its good that you are here instead, as the towering Thomas Huxley of the CEMB.
    Hi
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #145 - March 26, 2011, 11:49 AM
    Quote from: musivore on March 26, 2011, 10:26 AM
    Thanks Islame,you're a good man.
    Let me know if you manage to put your finger on it - I have a feeling you're still stuggllng to understand how a muslim and non-muslim can find enough common ground to find love and respect or each other?

    nope thats not it - its just the imbalance between how bad she is towards you, and how good you are towards her.  I realise religion is a powerful thing, but she doesnt sound like a salafi but otherwise open-minded individual (e.g does she wear hijab, or hate homosexuals?) so most manage to brush it to the side and can work their way around it particularly when there are innocent  :parrot:kids involved.

    Quote from: Nessa on March 26, 2011, 04:08 AM
    Maybe she's using divorce as a means to get you to start practicing? Because she knows you value ur marriage too much to want a divorce?

    so my advice would be to tell her you want a divorce and see her reaction Afro

    advice win! Yep follow through with it & start actually process of hiring solicitors, but you take a firm lead in initiating all of this, she really needs to believe you are serious..  I wonder if this is all just a stupid game, which would make sense.
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  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #146 - March 26, 2011, 12:00 PM
    Quote from: musivore on March 23, 2011, 02:39 PM
    This is probably not the best place to make this plea, but since I respect the opinions of most of the people on this forum, I’m gonna give this a shot.

    I left this forum about six months ago (not long after arriving really), because my Islamic wife said I had to. I’m one for an easy life, so I obliged.  However, in the last month, she has started trying to push me more and more towards Islam. Unfortunately, she will no longer take, ‘Is it your time of the month or somet?’ for an answer…

    It seems I have three choices:

    1) Return to Islam
    2) Divorce
    3) Return to Islam

    Now, I have tried meditating my way back to the fold and have even started talking to a Sheikh in order to receive some guidance (he seems a nice enough guy anyways)… However, is there something else I can do to get back to where I need to be? Are there any drugs out there that will help me to swallow the crap that I’m being fed? Would a lobotomy work?


    hello i have read your question,i think your wife is definitely a good muslimah to pressure you like this,but let me tell you something she cannot live with you while you are not muslim,that is adultery and in my parents' country if she do this she will be flogged and you also,and also there is big punishment in hell for those who do a sin like this,so my advice is you must return to islam asap and then do fasting for a month and repent and inshallah you wlll be forgiven,but you must stop being a non muslim
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #147 - March 26, 2011, 04:53 PM
    My advice is to try and get the religious stuff off the table for now and remind her how much u two love each other try to romance her again flowers her fav dinner made for her or things like that. Keep returning her animosity with love. Right now the religious stuff won't be a unifying force it will just make ur rift deeper and make it more likely you will separate. Remind her that she loves you and you don't have to focus on religion to have a relationship. She has non muslim friends I assume look at that and find ways to bring similarities to her attention. But focus in ur love and ur relationship don't let this rift get to big.
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #148 - March 26, 2011, 04:59 PM
    Quote from: alsaeedm on March 26, 2011, 12:00 PM
    hello i have read your question,i think your wife is definitely a good muslimah to pressure you like this,but let me tell you something she cannot live with you while you are not muslim,that is adultery and in my parents' country if she do this she will be flogged and you also,and also there is big punishment in hell for those who do a sin like this,so my advice is you must return to islam asap and then do fasting for a month and repent and inshallah you wlll be forgiven,but you must stop being a non muslim


    STFU. How can you think your religion is so correct, when you accept flogging for an innocent woman? How can you break the bond of marriage, just due to religion?

    Seriously, you are proving to me that Muslim's like you; have a brain the size of a pea, if that.

    Btw musivore, hope everything works out for you  Smiley
  • Re: Help me return to Islam
     Reply #149 - March 26, 2011, 05:14 PM
    Quote from: superomario on March 26, 2011, 04:53 PM
    My advice is to try and get the religious stuff off the table for now and remind her how much u two love each other try to romance her again flowers her fav dinner made for her or things like that. Keep returning her animosity with love. Right now the religious stuff won't be a unifying force it will just make ur rift deeper and make it more likely you will separate. Remind her that she loves you and you don't have to focus on religion to have a relationship. She has non muslim friends I assume look at that and find ways to bring similarities to her attention. But focus in ur love and ur relationship don't let this rift get to big.

    this is only a temporary fix - the problem in the relationship is more fundamental
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