Musivore, can I just say, I know it sounds wrong to be grateful for your misfortune, but thanks for posting this thread. It has made a welcome change from the abstract philosophical discussions and the arse-threads (not that I'm complaining about those!). But I've read through the whole thing and it is not a simple situation at all and I hope that things are improving for you even in if only in a small way.
I know you don't want to go into details, but I wonder what your wife was like before you got married. You said you hoped love would transcend all that belief stuff. As I am engaged to a Muslimah myself, albeit a very liberal one who knows of my apostasy, I feel this thread has given me alot of food for thought.
EDIT: In particular, it has really made me consider potential issues such as child circumcision and visiting Makkah...
Thanks for your kind words mate Eliphaz.
My wife seemed fairly cool when I married here. We agreed on a number of things regarding religion, before we got married, and I’ll list the most important here:
• I was irreligious and would never change
• She was Muslim and would never change that
• I could continue to drink alcohol, as long as I did not go back to the family home i.e. if I stayed at a friends/or in a hotel. However, I would have to give up this up also, once any children we may have became old enough to become influenced by me
• Our children would be bought up as Muslims. I did not have to help in this process. I just had to keep my nose out of their religious education
• There was no need for me to ever perform any of the pillars of Islam (though I think this particular agreement was left a little vague between us)
• I was not allowed to eat non-halal food in my wife’s presence. Like alcohol, I’d have to give this up eventually completely, for the sake of our children
• No more drugs. Drugs are just wrong. Obviously.
I realise that all the compromises above seemed to have been on my side, but my wife was compromising also, by marrying someone who was not a Muslim. For me, that was enough. If she had not gotten more radical in her beliefs, I think that the compromises above would have served our long-term future well.
And I’m not just saying this to be nice, but I think you and your Mrs have every chance of doing a much better job of marriage than me and mine have. I can sense this from what I know of you, added to what you’ve written so far on this forum about your fiancé.
Btw, I’ve only just forgiven you for losing the wonderful Bob Dylan from your avatar. Why have you now changed your name also? I liked the ‘ph’…it felt and looked right?
Islame and Yezevee, i dont know about muslims from the other parts of the world especially Europe, but here in Nigeria its quite difficult, my recent relationship with a muslimah has quite cause a stir in my life because of my beliefs. Everything is going well perfectly but after i told her about my beliefs she seems okay with it at first but after she told her friends and a sheik,she started changing her mind and even went to the extent of telling me that she can never be happy living with me forever because of that.
The more I hear about your situation, the more it sounds like mine
Topic: Help me return to Islam