Long time reader, now decided to start posting after taking my precautions.
I came across this website for the first time by chance while I was looking around Youtube for religion related videos, I was shocked of what I've seen on Youtube, but that's not where my story begins, so let's go way back.
I was born in Saudi Arabia, both my parents are Saudi, lived most of my life there under the veil of Islam according to that country, so my knowledge of this religion is above average compared to Muslims who aren't Arabs, or so I think. I was both a "good boy" and a "good Muslim", did everything asked of my religion, heck I even did Hajj, but Zakat was the only thing which I didn't get the chance to do. I used to memorize the Quran, so you can say I was a typical Saudi Muslim (except I shave my beard).
There were times when I had minor concerns about small details regarding Islam, well they only seemed minor at the time which is probably why I shook them off in favor of focusing on my schoolwork, but the time where I really started to have doubts is during my 20s (I'm still in my 20s, so this is recent), when someone non-Muslim asked me one simple question:
"Why are you a Muslim?"
"I was raised that way."
I am the type of person who thinks a lot, so I felt something very wrong as I was saying these words, is this REALLY why am I a Muslim? It never occurred to me before WHY am I one, and if this was really my reason, then I am no different from any other Chrisitian/Jew/religious person, so after that I started searching for something.... anything that would count as a good reason to be a Muslim, I remembered in my school days the religion teachers used to talk about scientific miracles in the Quran, which is where I started my search, some way somehow I ended up on Youtube on videos that destroy the idea of religion itself, and Abarahamic religions especially, this made my concerns become much much deeper.
I saw later videos of atheists teaching critical thinking, this was my very first light in the darkness I was in, so I was able to make my own conclusions about stuff later on, I also learned what evolution really is, and the true meaning of a scientific theory. Yet it didn't seem my own thinking will take me back to Islam, because the conclusion I reached was Islam isn't what it claims to be, and I was too scared to talk to people face to face about it, so instead I started writing in Arabic forums that defend Islam, I chose one that had a record of successfully removing the doubts of those who had them, but to save time let's say they didn't manage to help me in my case, guess those who had their doubts removed were following confirmation bias or something... On an Islamic level that forum's distinguished users were good, but on a scientific level they were no different than Christian creationists.
So here I am now, someone who lives in the most conservative Islamic country that has its own definition of free speech and treats apostasy the same it does with capital crimes, meaning I have no hopes of showing my actual world view to the people around me and have to live in the same manner as the Munafiqin whom I used to despise. I still haven't told my family about my big change yet, not sure when to tell them... Maybe when I am independent (well... I technically am, only my income isn't fully independent yet) and after immigrating from the country, because I don't think I have any chances of living here while keeping my sanity in the long term since I don't like the idea of living a lie, but simply leaving the country feels like the too easy way out, I have thoughts of making a cause that makes strictly Islamic countries accept non-believers, but that is just me in my wild fantasies.
I'm feeling I'm forgetting many things to say, but I'll stop here for now, there were details I obscured from this introduction for my own anonymity, I'm that much scared of having someone figure out who I am and then have my head rolling on the ground.
I'm not sure on what my religious views are right now, I'm between atheist and irreligious, but definitely ex-muslim, actually.... was I really ever a muslim? feels like I was always in a dream state...
P.S.: Could you please encrypt your password file or something? I was scared when I saw my precious password included in the registration email.
P.P.S.: Don't ask what my screen name means, I came up with it just for this forum
*opens the parrots cage*
Topic: Hi, Saudi ex-muslim