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Theme Changer

 Topic: From the mouth of madness - My blog

 (Read 84021 times)
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  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #60 - June 03, 2011, 08:50 PM
    If he's abusing the oldest one they should stop contact.  I think the only problem you might face there is that so many times in custody disputes parents have been known to make false allegations of child abuse.  However, as you have physical evidence and your son's statement you should be able to prove the abuse.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #61 - June 03, 2011, 09:03 PM
    Quote from: Biaxident on June 03, 2011, 08:43 PM
    hugs

    The offer I made ...a couple of years ago is still on the table.

    Get me a plane ticket...And I'll take care of the rest.   Wink


    Lol if only such things were possible.  One day I will make it possible for myself and them though.  Yay to uni and plans to go further.  For now though, here I stay and here it continues. 



    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #62 - June 03, 2011, 09:09 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on June 03, 2011, 08:50 PM
    If he's abusing the oldest one they should stop contact.  I think the only problem you might face there is that so many times in custody disputes parents have been known to make false allegations of child abuse.  However, as you have physical evidence and your son's statement you should be able to prove the abuse.


    Yea, he has already tried to make this claim but the two youngest ones witnessed him doing it aswell.

    My eldest doesn't want to see him anymore, my little girl cries at the idea that she might be forced to see him again.  My middle son, unfortunately still wants to see him even though he saw it happen too.  He is very angry with his brother for reporting it, and towards me so there is alot of drama with the kids at the moment.

    The inititial social worker working with the police has said I can stop contact and they will stand by this in court especially since my son doesn't want anymore contact.

    She did however say that since my middle son was still saying he wanted to see his dad, that my ex could actually STILL get this right to see at least him, since what the kid wants is more important.

    I am still so fucking baffled at how this system works.  We won't let one child come to you because you beat him, but you can take the other, we still trust you?

    I would rather have my middle son hate me for awhile until he grew up and learned to understand the complexities of why contact had to cease.

    I wouldn't make a false aligation, but no doubt those who do also claim they wouldn't, but seriously, doing this alone, no time off, no shared responsibility, hardly something worth lying for.  I would rather have contact with no issues, for my own sanity, than what his actions have led this all to become.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #63 - June 03, 2011, 09:15 PM
    Quote
    I am still so fucking baffled at how this system works.  We won't let one child come to you because you beat him, but you can take the other, we still trust you?


    I know, its madness.  They'll do nothing until he beats the middle one too, because the child's wishes over ride other concerns.  I'd like to say your ex wouldn't be stupid enough to risk getting in more trouble by hitting him, but he has to be stupid to have hit the older one in the first place.  Didn't he realise you would be able stop contact in response?
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #64 - June 03, 2011, 09:22 PM
    Think its more that he didn't realise that his son would actually report him.  It wasn't even me who reported it, my son never told me as he didn't want to upset me :(    so he told a teacher on his return to school.  This is something he never considered could happen.  Plus he begged his son not to tell anyone as it would only make trouble.

    I won't even waste my time saying I can't believe it has come this far, I can.  And yep, I know he would hit my middle son.  When I wasn't there, it was my eldest, if my eldest isn;t there, then it will inevitably be my middle son next.

    My daughter he threatened, and since she hasn't been raised to think this is acceptable behaviour, wants nothing to do with him either.

    I remember when a friend told me, when I feared that my children would reject me and go live with their dad, that usually they end up seeing their dads for what they are.  I didn't really believe her idealistic view of happily ever afters.  Yet its happening with my children now.

    My eldest used to look up to his dad and hate me, and now this is reversed.

    I am sad they have to go through this though, still, after all of this time.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #65 - June 03, 2011, 09:26 PM
    I feel sad for them too, a child should be able to trust both its parents.  Can't really blame your middle son for wanting to hold on to that illusion, but he's going to come to the same conclusion as the other two eventually.  I just hope he doesn't learn the hard way.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #66 - June 03, 2011, 09:28 PM
    Me too, and yet that seems inevitable too.  :(

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #67 - June 03, 2011, 10:04 PM
    Life is a fucking never ending, roller coaster ride Berbsy. The only difference is, you can't just wait till the end of the ride, and get off.  You have to keep going around, and around, no matter how sick and tired you are, until you buy the farm. 


     Smiley
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I remain.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #68 - June 03, 2011, 10:10 PM
    Lol be 3 yrs min before I can buy that farm.  Indeed I am setting is a max date.  I WILL be published in 3 years.  Watch me.  Then I can buy my 'farm', or move into a funny one.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #69 - June 03, 2011, 10:12 PM
     grin12
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I remain.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #70 - June 05, 2011, 07:32 AM
    I hope it all works out.  far away hug

    Quote
    You;d think he would remember what he said to me when I left him, that I was nobody and everybody would always see that, he should never have panicked as this is what pretty much happened

    I don't understand why you are so hard on yourself.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #71 - June 05, 2011, 07:35 AM
    Thanks hupla.  I hope it does too.  My son is alright today, so I feel better today.

    I don't know, I just am, its the way I see the world.  I lost my rose tinted shades so many years ago.

    I believe this stuff so deeply, that even when I have evidence against it, I can't accept it.  Even though I try to embrace new ways of thinking, the way I see the world slowly seeps back out.

    It doesn't matter.  I'm still functioning lol thats all the matters.  I think many people go through life with twisted perceptions, but yet they still go through life, I guess thats all tha matters.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #72 - June 05, 2011, 07:43 AM
    Speaking of going through life.  Wow has this year (academic since 2010) has gone past in a flash.

    So much has happened, I have changed in so many ways.  Maybe my world view is even more twisted.  I have a lot more hate in my heart and mistrust, but hey, we all need protection.

    But in other ways things in my life have really changed.

    I started this forum with my buddys as someone who sat at home, afraid to change her life. I got high everyday and had no hope that things would ever change.

    This year I am weeks away from completing a course I began last year  (one of my best decisions I ever made.) and I am going to Uni in September.

    Yea sure I am a lot older than the other members heading to uni this year (a fact I am well aware of without their reminders) but they never lived my life, so I am actually really proud of myself for getting here now, even if it is now.

    Even with my hospitilastion, even with my own problems trying to make me curl up and give up again, I never did.

    I think I really wanted this.  I don;t think I have ever wanted anything (aside from love) as much as I wanted this because I have worked so hard.

    I stay up all night to get things completed on time, whilst so many other class mates just stroll in and say I haven;t done it, this is why I know how much I want it, how secure I am in where I am heading for my future.

    I feel so excited.  That aftar all of that shit in my bio, after all that I have been through, I am actually about to head down a road in which I make my dreams happen.

    I will be a writer/publisher one day, this is a given now.  Not a dream anymore. 

    I have issues, so good chance is that I will go to sleep tonight feeling depressed about a lot of other stuff, self esteem and paranoia are such bitches, but right now I feel so positive about my life I could sing with the local woodlife.

    Yay for changes.  Nothing in life ever stays the same, but sometimes those changes don't have to be bad.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #73 - June 05, 2011, 07:52 AM
    Fukn awesome mate. That's teh spirit. You're due for some ups. yes
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #74 - June 05, 2011, 07:55 AM
     dance

    Although some college twats reckon cos I broke a mirror on my foot I am about to have 7yrs of bad luck.   Cheesy

    Good thing I am not superstitious.  Luck is what you make of it.  Fuck if I don't feel lucky right now.   cool2
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #75 - June 05, 2011, 08:03 AM
    Tell them you've done a voodoo ritual that transfers the bad luck to them. Say the last person you did that too died horribly after seven years of pure hell. That'll fix the buggers. Grin
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #76 - June 05, 2011, 08:10 AM
     Cheesy

    I should sew a voodoo doll and take it in with me, and hold it in my hands whilst I tell them that.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #77 - June 05, 2011, 08:13 AM
    ROFLMAO. Yeah do it. With chicken blood and the whole nine yards. Make sure to talk spooky.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #78 - June 05, 2011, 08:13 AM
    @Berbs
    What are you going to study exactly? Creative writing/publishing?
  • Re: Berb's New Bodaciously Ballsy & Bawly Blog!
     Reply #79 - June 05, 2011, 08:18 AM
    Well I finally settled on the Theology and religious studies/Creative and professional writing joint honours.  I accepted my place, that was a scary firm decision moment lol I avoided it till the deadline.  Grin

    But I decided that since I always end up thinking about religion, since somehow it leaks out into most of my essays, then religion seemed to be calling me to study.

    And writing has always been my passion and I loved the lecturer when I met him.  He looked like steven seagal, spoke like him, made me feel awed by his writing knowledge.  Think I'm in love <3
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #80 - June 15, 2011, 09:40 PM
    Its more than my winter calories.  So sadly even at these low levels of calories I am gaining weight, which terrifies me so I start reducing it again.

    And I'm in another limbo with clinics again, my doctor does my weigh ins, blood and heart check, because havin gained enough weight to be out of immediate danger again, I am being transferred to another apparantly more suitable clinic who can help more.

    So right now, no.  I have no support for this.

    Hoping to be in place by september though.  I hope.  Just need to get to september without returning to winter calorie levels.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #81 - June 15, 2011, 09:45 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 15, 2011, 09:40 PM
    So sadly even at these low levels of calories I am gaining weight,  

    I have a very simple formula to reduce weight of any person where his/her weight is NOT directly related to genetics dear Berber queen..

    and that is "EAT ONLY LIQUID DIET".. along with heavy consumption of watermelon + RED WINE + double the load of vitamins..  off course if you a bit of exercise to that ., you will not recognize your self in two months..
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #82 - June 15, 2011, 09:49 PM
    Lol Yeez.  If I lose weight I will be back where I started.

    Even though I hate this feeling of being bigger again, I have to let it stay this way.

    I liked being that skinny.  No one really understands that.  I would have been happy to stay that underweight if my heart hadn't started getting fucking weaker.  Damn weak human body of mine.

    Anyway.

    Bitches in college. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #83 - June 15, 2011, 09:58 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 15, 2011, 09:49 PM
    Lol Yeez.  If I lose weight I will be back where I started.

    Even though I hate this feeling of being bigger again, I have to let it stay this way.

    I liked being that skinny.  No one really understands that.  I would have been happy to stay that underweight if my heart hadn't started getting fucking weaker.  Damn weak human body of mine.

    Anyway.

    Bitches in college. 


    What's your BMI? i doubt you're not skinny anymore..  wacko
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #84 - June 15, 2011, 10:01 PM
    Quote from: Lara91 on June 15, 2011, 09:55 PM
    and when do you get to eat something  Huh?

    put in to a grinder add bottled water .. drink it dear Lara91..  whatever may be the food., EXCEPT ice cream...
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #85 - June 15, 2011, 10:05 PM
    It's 19.3, which is in the normal range. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #86 - June 15, 2011, 10:07 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 15, 2011, 10:05 PM
    It's 19.3, which is in the normal range. 


    Huh? what's the problem then babes? what's your height in cm and weight in lbs?
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #87 - June 15, 2011, 10:07 PM
    Quote from: yeezevee on June 15, 2011, 10:01 PM
    put in to a grinder add bottled water .. drink it dear Lara91..  whatever may be the food., EXCEPT ice cream...


    I'm going on a liquid detox diet in a few weeks anyway.

    But it's not to lose weight, it is to detox and hopefully help with my aversion to food since its supposed to help reawaken your appetite.

    1 week of very very nasty drinks (which made me puke last time I tried it so I gave up) and then 3 months of restricted food, and liquidised shakes.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #88 - June 15, 2011, 10:10 PM
    Quote from: Zaiba on June 15, 2011, 10:07 PM
    Huh? what's the problem then babes? what's your height in cm and weight in lbs?


    Honestly, it's cool.  It's called an eating disorder.  It's not rational.  The weight I gained I needed.  But weight is weight.

    I'm 175cm, and 59kg, don't ask me to go convert that to pounds lol I only just adjusted to metric.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Bitches at college lol
     Reply #89 - June 15, 2011, 10:14 PM

    Is it a control thing, Berbs? Or is that too simplistic? That you are at least in control of what you eat and what fuel enters your body, if you feel you don't have control of other things? Like how self harmers sometimes say they cut themselves so that they feel in control of themselves?

    Apologies if this is presumptious, I have never really asked or felt in a position to ask someone with an eating disorder anything before.
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

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