Skip navigation
Sidebar -

Advanced search options →
↑ ↓
CEMB → Forum → Everyday People (no snark zone - play nice) → Health & Well-Being → Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?

Welcome

Welcome to CEMB forum.
Please login or register. Did you miss your activation email?

Donations

Help keep the Forum going!
Click on Kitty to donate:

Kitty is lost

Recent Posts

What music are you listen...
by zeca
Yesterday at 06:31 PM
Lights on the way
by akay
November 22, 2024, 02:51 PM
Do humans have needed kno...
November 22, 2024, 06:45 AM
Gaza assault
November 21, 2024, 07:56 PM
Qur'anic studies today
by zeca
November 21, 2024, 05:07 PM
New Britain
November 20, 2024, 05:41 PM
اضواء على الطريق ....... ...
by akay
November 20, 2024, 09:02 AM
Marcion and the introduct...
by zeca
November 19, 2024, 11:36 PM
Dutch elections
by zeca
November 15, 2024, 10:11 PM
Random Islamic History Po...
by zeca
November 15, 2024, 08:46 PM
AMRIKAAA Land of Free .....
November 07, 2024, 09:56 AM
The origins of Judaism
by zeca
November 02, 2024, 12:56 PM

Theme Changer

 Poll

  • Question: Same as above
  • Yes - brutally and often - 5 (4.6%)
  • Yes - brutally but not often only when they really flipped out - 10 (9.3%)
  • Yes - never brutally, but often - 7 (6.5%)
  • Yes - occasionally - 21 (19.4%)
  • No - never - 24 (22.2%)
  • emotional abuse - 29 (26.9%)
  • sexual abuse - 12 (11.1%)
  • Total Voters: 68

 Topic: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?

 (Read 16824 times)
  • 12 3 4 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     OP - July 03, 2011, 08:40 PM
    I'm curious how common my experience as a child was.

    Often I am told that I don't understand the position of other ex muslims who find it hard to refuse their parents, or act like themselves.  They say I am more prepared to hurt my family since they hurt me so badly as a child.

    But when I was growing up so many of the moroccans in my community were abused, some quite badly.  I was not the only moroccan girl to end up in a children's home around that time.

    Hassan, who has also taught in a school that is near where I grew up, also said that he found the moroccan kids were the most abused at home.

    However when I think back, even the asians in my secondary school could relate the bruises I had all over me, since they reported being abused at home too.

    We always knew each other, you knew they understood, no one judged when my step mother stormed into secondary school and beat me in the hallway to a crowd of onlookers as teachers dragged her off me, the only people to make fun of me about it were non muslims.

    But I always assumed what I experienced, although more brutal than many of them, was actually a pretty common experience.

    TBH it was not until I begun to mingle with teh ex muslim community online that I began to see that abuse doesn't sound like it is as common as I thought it was.

    So I wanted to make a poll, just to see if I am alone in my experience, or if anyone else here can identify with me.

    You may vote 3 times if you were also sexually and emotionally abused alongside physical abuse.

    But of course if you feel to private about it, that's cool too.  Just want to see if it really is my abuse that makes me so distant to my family in comparison to others. 

    My advice is always 'fuck em', which if there is no abuse, I can see is harder.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #1 - July 03, 2011, 08:57 PM
    I rather not go into detail regarding this issue. But i've voted nonetheless. If I ever become comfortable discussing this issue, maybe i'll refer back to it. But for now I am not in the position to dig out old wounds.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #2 - July 03, 2011, 08:59 PM
    That's cool, you don't need to share anything you're not comfortable with, thanks for voting though.  hugs

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #3 - July 03, 2011, 09:05 PM
    hugs

     Cry Fuck the past is allowing itself into my present. Cry
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #4 - July 03, 2011, 09:11 PM
    The past made us I guess, I'm having a good moment so I can say that I believe it for the night.  The past made us who we were.

    See, for me, I can talk about my past, what I can't talk about are recent hurts, things that are really fresh.  I clam up and shut down to deal with the hurt, then when I have ridden out the storm, only then do I start to verbalise that hurt and to be able to talk about it without wanting to cringe up and die again.

    So if you don't feel like talking about it yet because it brings up the emotions you felt then, then you don't have to think about it tonight.  You just aren't ready, and that is normal, its understandable.   Smiley
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #5 - July 03, 2011, 09:28 PM
    Thanks. Smiley

    I'm feeling quite shaken up with facing my undealt issues of the past. I buried them deep inside me never wanting to face them again. But one day I will have to face them right?

    Will I ever be ready to face them? Cry
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #6 - July 03, 2011, 09:36 PM
    Never been physically abused. Maybe with the exception of 2 or 3 times when I did something really stupid and got spanked.

    I voted emotional abuse but what I've experienced may not necessarily be viewed as "abuse". That might be too harsh a word to describe it.
    I'd say occasional nagging about not conforming to my parents' idea of an ideal son. And I'm not speaking about religious stuff like not praying or not fasting, I rarely get that. I'm speaking about wasting money by driving around a lot (which I do I have to admit), not cleaning my car, not calling my grandparents enough, not helping around the house in terms of fixing stuff, fighting with my sister..etc but above all staying out late although that has improved lately and now they don't give a fuck that much.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #7 - July 03, 2011, 09:39 PM
    This is kind of a two-sided thing. It was only emotional abuse for me (continuing right now over the phone, in which he insists I abandoned him as a daughter, that I should change my name back to his pre-Islamic surname because of my apparent "vindictiveness", and that I'm headed down the same road of confusion as my siblings, etc.) concerning little, petty matters. Fluctuating weight and body image, my level of iman/modesty and his emotional projection of issues that have more or less nothing to do with me besides my mother's death. On the other hand, my sisters got the worst of it to the point that they're still reeling from what our father put them through. They took part in both physical and emotional/mental abuse. My sister recalls a story every once in a while of my father's blinding rage in the literal sense. The one that sticks is when he spent an hour and a half or so beating them with a 2x4 for some insignificant mistake one of them made, but there are plenty more. The older sister has frequently taken beatings and abuse for the younger and it shows clearly. I'm still baffled that either of them are still Muslim at this point.

    As for me and what the abuse has done, I'm at a disconnect with him presently since he insists that I'm being rebellious and "stupid" in regard to my choices and that literally have no option of future successes in inter-personal relationships if I don't make an effort to communicate with him. He's playing the victim by consistently bringing up my mother, so that's a thing. It's all very draining and frankly I wish he'd leave me alone about and continue to do what he wants since he spent all that time complaining about how much of a problem I was before I left his house. Dunno if this makes much sense but if anyone needs clarification, feel free to ask.
    "I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."
    Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #8 - July 03, 2011, 09:44 PM
    Can we edit the poll?
    Didnt think we could pick more than one.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #9 - July 03, 2011, 09:47 PM
    I picked "No-never" with the following caveats:

    *I do not consider the occasional slap or spanking by my ma when I was being a little shit to be "abuse" (I understand some do, and I do not dismiss this perspective, however I do not personally consider it abuse in the context of my childhood)

    *I do not consider the corporal punishment I often received at school as abuse as this required the permission of my ma, she always gave me the option to opt-out and take the suspension instead and I always chose the paddling.

    *Although there was the occasional emotional abuse by my ma, anyone can get frustrated and shout things they don't mean and later regret-- it happened infrequently enough that I consider it, to use the legal term, of a de minimus nature.

    *I am also not including childhood fights or physical/emotional bullying by peers as this does not meet the common definition of "child abuse"

    I was unlucky in terms of my dad, but lucky my ma got custody of me early in the separation and was a good mother. No serious complaints.
    "In battle, the well-honed spork is more dangerous than the mightiest sword" -- Sun Tzu
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #10 - July 03, 2011, 09:50 PM
    Quote from: Zaiba on July 03, 2011, 09:28 PM
    Thanks. Smiley

    I'm feeling quite shaken up with facing my undealt issues of the past. I buried them deep inside me never wanting to face them again. But one day I will have to face them right?

    Will I ever be ready to face them? Cry


    Yeah, you will.  In time though.  Some people repress memories of abuse so deeply that they don't even surface until a lot later on in life.  People deal with traumatic experiences different, and trauma isn't just about being abused physically, since mental torture can create post traumatic stress disorder too.

    Quote from: Iraqi Atheist on July 03, 2011, 09:36 PM
    Never been physically abused. Maybe with the exception of 2 or 3 times when I did something really stupid and got spanked.

    I voted emotional abuse but what I've experienced may not necessarily be viewed as "abuse". That might be too harsh a word to describe it.
    I'd say occasional nagging about not conforming to my parents' idea of an ideal son. And I'm not speaking about religious stuff like not praying or not fasting, I rarely get that. I'm speaking about wasting money by driving around a lot (which I do I have to admit), not cleaning my car, not calling my grandparents enough, not helping around the house in terms of fixing stuff, fighting with my sister..etc but above all staying out late although that has improved lately and now they don't give a fuck that much.


    Yeah, I would say abuse is the wrong word as it doesn't sound too bad.  Unless, the nagging also involved name calling?

    Like my step mother who goes straight into insults the moment my brothers go round to visit.  Like you're so stupid, you can't get a job.

    Or even worse, she started calling my bro and told him that she had decided the way to get him to sort his life out was to insult his manhood, and would then phone and say "You have a small penis, you are not a man" hoping to shame him into not shaming her anymore by being a bum.  Woman is craaaaaazy.

    As long as there were no insults and it was just general nagging then its probably more of emotional blackmail/pressure or something similar to that I think anyway. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #11 - July 03, 2011, 09:51 PM
    Quote from: Hananii on July 03, 2011, 09:44 PM
    Can we edit the poll?
    Didnt think we could pick more than one.


    I can remove your vote and let you do it again if you want?
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #12 - July 03, 2011, 09:56 PM
    Quote from: The Wyre on July 03, 2011, 09:39 PM
    This is kind of a two-sided thing. It was only emotional abuse for me (continuing right now over the phone, in which he insists I abandoned him as a daughter, that I should change my name back to his pre-Islamic surname because of my apparent "vindictiveness", and that I'm headed down the same road of confusion as my siblings, etc.) concerning little, petty matters. Fluctuating weight and body image, my level of iman/modesty and his emotional projection of issues that have more or less nothing to do with me besides my mother's death. On the other hand, my sisters got the worst of it to the point that they're still reeling from what our father put them through. They took part in both physical and emotional/mental abuse. My sister recalls a story every once in a while of my father's blinding rage in the literal sense. The one that sticks is when he spent an hour and a half or so beating them with a 2x4 for some insignificant mistake one of them made, but there are plenty more. The older sister has frequently taken beatings and abuse for the younger and it shows clearly. I'm still baffled that either of them are still Muslim at this point.

    As for me and what the abuse has done, I'm at a disconnect with him presently since he insists that I'm being rebellious and "stupid" in regard to my choices and that literally have no option of future successes in inter-personal relationships if I don't make an effort to communicate with him. He's playing the victim by consistently bringing up my mother, so that's a thing. It's all very draining and frankly I wish he'd leave me alone about and continue to do what he wants since he spent all that time complaining about how much of a problem I was before I left his house. Dunno if this makes much sense but if anyone needs clarification, feel free to ask.


    Wow chick, that sounds seriously stressful for you at the moment.

    Emotional blackmail is a killer, although it sounds like you are feeling the emotional draw to give in less and less, that 'disconnect' that eventually happens.  Sorry to hear about your sisters, that's terrible for them.  Perhaps it is also why they are still muslim, fear from actualy physical abuse is powerful fear. 

    Abuse creates in children a desperate need to be loved which means they become clingier to the abuser, same as in domestic violence, the more abuse and rejection the more trying to please to be loved.  To get away from this they need to reach that disconnect you have, and they will.  Abuse eventually pushes for it, and they will see you and think it doesn't have to be that way for them too.

    hugs  << genuine hug, hope things ease up a bit for you and them. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #13 - July 03, 2011, 10:01 PM
    Quote from: Raccoon Rapist on July 03, 2011, 09:47 PM
    I picked "No-never" with the following caveats:

    *I do not consider the occasional slap or spanking by my ma when I was being a little shit to be "abuse" (I understand some do, and I do not dismiss this perspective, however I do not personally consider it abuse in the context of my childhood)

    *I do not consider the corporal punishment I often received at school as abuse as this required the permission of my ma, she always gave me the option to opt-out and take the suspension instead and I always chose the paddling.

    *Although there was the occasional emotional abuse by my ma, anyone can get frustrated and shout things they don't mean and later regret-- it happened infrequently enough that I consider it, to use the legal term, of a de minimus nature.

    *I am also not including childhood fights or physical/emotional bullying by peers as this does not meet the common definition of "child abuse"

    I was unlucky in terms of my dad, but lucky my ma got custody of me early in the separation and was a good mother. No serious complaints.


    Yeah, I wasn't including peer bullying, although perhaps it would have been interesting to see if muslim teens are socially pressured through bullying by others and how that plays out in their behaviour, but I thought to stick to just parental/primary carer/extended family abuse.

    Yea, I think to some that wouldn't be a no - never, but if you don't feel abused, then that's good.  I think.   Afro

    Quote from: Lara91 on July 03, 2011, 09:53 PM
    Yes- occasionally- Its was very rare, probably because I was a good quite kid who was too afraid to ever do anything wrong or speak her mind. On the rare occasions it happened it was a quick slap in the face and a lot of yelling and threatening going on. I only recall once were it was more than a slap and it wasn't that severe.

    Emotional abuse- In the sense that there always was and still is threats (not really spoken out loud but I know they are there) if I ever were to do something wrong, or didn't listen to their every word. In that sense I have and will aways feel intimidated and scared of them. Other than that just very strict control over me which I found abusive.

    I think I have been lucky, and im not even shure if the above even qualifies, I would say abuse is too harsh a word in my case.


    I think it qualifies, a few slaps is all it takes with some children to bring the fear into them, so from that point merely the threat of it is enough, or the implied nature of it.

    Like how so many people report being more afraid of their dad not because their dad hit them, but because their dad is the threat used by the mum, so it builds up a fear in them. 

    It counts, thanks for voting, and sorry to hear that you still feel intimidated by them.   Cry
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #14 - July 03, 2011, 10:09 PM
    Yeah. But I'm okay. Just abhor violence.
    "If intelligence is feminine... I would want that mine would, in a resolute movement, come to resemble an impious woman."
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #15 - July 03, 2011, 10:10 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 03, 2011, 10:01 PM
    Yea, I think to some that wouldn't be a no - never, but if you don't feel abused, then that's good.  I think.   Afro


    Yeah, I dunno. I think there are a lot of folks out there (not necessarily on this forum, but out there in the world) who complain about their parents abusing them when it was just minor shit who need to suck it up and realize how fuckin lucky they had it in comparison with a lot of folks-- I see it mostly amongst upper-middle-class white kids, mommy brutally spanked them for trying to feed the dog Drano, and daddy abused them by being emotionally distant. Whenever I run across people like that (which thankfully isn't that often as I don't move in those circles), I wanna help them catch up real quick on experiencing real physical abuse.

    My ma had me at 19, had to raise me herself, struggle with alcoholism, two (thankfully short-lived) loser husbands, and a mean-spirited, angry, smart-ass, anti-authoritarian child, plus just deal with the general bullshit of life and people around us we all do-- I think she done good to limit herself to the occasional slap/spanking and name-calling.
    "In battle, the well-honed spork is more dangerous than the mightiest sword" -- Sun Tzu
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #16 - July 03, 2011, 10:16 PM
    Quote from: Ephemeral on July 03, 2011, 10:09 PM
    Yeah. But I'm okay. Just abhor violence.


    I wonder why it works different ways for different people, because some people abused go on to become abusers themselves, whereas some hate violence, and it is the same with sexual abuse, sometimes it pushes promiscuity and sometimes it creates fear and a barrier.

    I guess this is down to how a person deals with their shit, personality differences etc.  I think.  I don't know. 

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #17 - July 03, 2011, 10:21 PM
    Quote from: Raccoon Rapist on July 03, 2011, 10:10 PM
    Yeah, I dunno. I think there are a lot of folks out there (not necessarily on this forum, but out there in the world) who complain about their parents abusing them when it was just minor shit who need to suck it up and realize how fuckin lucky they had it in comparison with a lot of folks-- I see it mostly amongst upper-middle-class white kids, mommy brutally spanked them for trying to feed the dog Drano, and daddy abused them by being emotionally distant. Whenever I run across people like that (which thankfully isn't that often as I don't move in those circles), I wanna help them catch up real quick on experiencing real physical abuse.

    My ma had me at 19, had to raise me herself, struggle with alcoholism, two (thankfully short-lived) loser husbands, and a mean-spirited, angry, smart-ass, anti-authoritarian child, plus just deal with the general bullshit of life and people around us we all do-- I think she done good to limit herself to the occasional slap/spanking and name-calling.


    yeah, I got to be honest I do find it hard listening to people in the real world who ran off because mummy and daddy emotionally abused them by paying for everything for them, which was striping them of their independence, as abuse and good reason for causing their parents worry, very very annoying.

    I actually know 2 people like this, middle class white background, private education, ran away from home, did drugs and fucked up their lives, all because their mum and dad shouted at them or as I said, paid for everything.

    I used to sit there at 14 in that squat full of junkies where I was sleeping, and think you stupid stupid person, I would kill to have your set up.

    But I guess its about how people handle things.  Especially teens who usually need to find something to rebel against, even if it is parents removing pocket money.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #18 - July 03, 2011, 10:22 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 03, 2011, 10:16 PM
    I wonder why it works different ways for different people, because some people abused go on to become abusers themselves, whereas some hate violence, and it is the same with sexual abuse, sometimes it pushes promiscuity and sometimes it creates fear and a barrier.

    I guess this is down to how a person deals with their shit, personality differences etc.  I think.  I don't know.  


    If you come up with a definitive, specific answer to that, the World Psychiatric Association will build a 25-foot statue of you, you'll be mentioned in every introductory psychology textbook, and you'll have enough money to fly all the cool CEMB members to your private island to party.

    Quote from: BerberElla on July 03, 2011, 10:21 PM
    yeah, I got to be honest I do find it hard listening to people in the real world who ran off because mummy and daddy emotionally abused them by paying for everything for them, which was striping them of their independence, as abuse and good reason for causing their parents worry, very very annoying.

    I actually know 2 people like this, middle class white background, private education, ran away from home, did drugs and fucked up their lives, all because their mum and dad shouted at them or as I said, paid for everything.

    I used to sit there at 14 in that squat full of junkies where I was sleeping, and think you stupid stupid person, I would kill to have your set up.


    Be prepared to meet a lot more of those jagoffs when you go to university.  grin12
    "In battle, the well-honed spork is more dangerous than the mightiest sword" -- Sun Tzu
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #19 - July 03, 2011, 10:25 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 03, 2011, 09:56 PM
    Wow chick, that sounds seriously stressful for you at the moment.

    Emotional blackmail is a killer, although it sounds like you are feeling the emotional draw to give in less and less, that 'disconnect' that eventually happens.  Sorry to hear about your sisters, that's terrible for them.  Perhaps it is also why they are still muslim, fear from actualy physical abuse is powerful fear.  

    Abuse creates in children a desperate need to be loved which means they become clingier to the abuser, same as in domestic violence, the more abuse and rejection the more trying to please to be loved.  To get away from this they need to reach that disconnect you have, and they will.  Abuse eventually pushes for it, and they will see you and think it doesn't have to be that way for them too.

    hugs  << genuine hug, hope things ease up a bit for you and them.  

    I sincerely appreciate the support and well-wishes. Thanks for making the topic, too. It felt really good to release that into the ether.

    The disconnect stays, especially with my renouncing of Islam. He couldn't pull me back into that cycle of confusion if he sold his soul to the shayateen. I might take care of everything he's been whining about and hire a family therapist so he can come to terms with the fact that he's the only common denominator of a problem in all of his relationships. We'll see how that goes.
    "I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."
    Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #20 - July 03, 2011, 10:29 PM
    Yeah I think we all have had a good smack when I look back its kinda funny but sometimes it set me straight , its odd how I don't think anything of it .
    "its fashionable to be an ex Muslim these days"
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #21 - July 03, 2011, 10:37 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 03, 2011, 09:50 PM
    Yeah, I would say abuse is the wrong word as it doesn't sound too bad.  Unless, the nagging also involved name calling?

    Like my step mother who goes straight into insults the moment my brothers go round to visit.  Like you're so stupid, you can't get a job.

    Or even worse, she started calling my bro and told him that she had decided the way to get him to sort his life out was to insult his manhood, and would then phone and say "You have a small penis, you are not a man" hoping to shame him into not shaming her anymore by being a bum.  Woman is craaaaaazy.

    As long as there were no insults and it was just general nagging then its probably more of emotional blackmail/pressure or something similar to that I think anyway. 

    Yes thankfully that's all it's ever been.

    Your step mother certainly is abusive from what you describe.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #22 - July 03, 2011, 10:40 PM
    Quote from: Raccoon Rapist on July 03, 2011, 10:22 PM
    If you come up with a definitive, specific answer to that, the World Psychiatric Association will build a 25-foot statue of you, you'll be mentioned in every introductory psychology textbook, and you'll have enough money to fly all the cool CEMB members to your private island to party.


    I will have a 12.5 foot statue of you built to stand next to mine, my turnip influence, and it will be a homage to your great tutoring skills.   cool2

    Quote
    Be prepared to meet a lot more of those jagoffs when you go to university.  grin12


    Oh I have no doubt, just so happens the Uni I am going to is in the same area these 2 whiners were from.  Grin 

    In many ways whilst I regret missing my window of opportunity to apply to Oxford and Cambridge because the deadline was mid october which was my worst month of depression, I think I would have thoroughly hated the experience. 

    Quote from: The Wyre on July 03, 2011, 10:25 PM
    I sincerely appreciate the support and well-wishes. Thanks for making the topic, too. It felt really good to release that into the ether.


    I'm glad it helped.  We all need to let out the negativity sometimes, I can't quite remember the saying, 'A problem aired, is a problem shared', or something like that, but I agree.  If I could handle talking sooner, maybe it would stop the months of dark dwelling on things I can't change.  I always find in the end when I talk, that I find it easier to deal.

    Quote

    The disconnect stays, especially with my renouncing of Islam. He couldn't pull me back into that cycle of confusion if he sold his soul to the shayateen. I might take care of everything he's been whining about and hire a family therapist so he can come to terms with the fact that he's the only common denominator of a problem in all of his relationships. We'll see how that goes.


    Do you think you could even get him to go?

    My father walked out of family therapy when we first went into state care, he didn't care to hear the things they said, and just stormed out. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #23 - July 03, 2011, 10:54 PM
    Quote from: ChinaDoll on July 03, 2011, 10:29 PM
    Yeah I think we all have had a good smack when I look back its kinda funny but sometimes it set me straight , its odd how I don't think anything of it .


    I went through years of being dismissive over my abuse.

    people would say to me 'I don't understand how you can be so blase about it", but I never really thought they [my parents] were wrong.  I went through a stage of thinking that I should have stayed because the abuse would have at least kept me on the straight and narrow but really that was wrong. 

    It's a bit like confused people joing the army because they think being controlled is the only way to gain self control.  I know you aren't saying that, it just triggered that thought in my head lol.

    It's only really now, the last few years, that I feel so angry about it all.  That I feel betrayed by them, and am able to blame some of my issues on them, whereas before I took full responsiblity for the things that happend to me.

    Quote from: Lara91 on July 03, 2011, 10:18 PM
    Yes the threat itself makes a very powerful impact, it definitely controlled my every behaviour to the point where I  didn't even dare trying anything because I was afraid of the qonsequences if I got cought.  It has become part of my person, being afraid to do things other people disike because of that fear set inside me.

    thanks, but im not thinking much about it, im giving them absolutely no reason to pick on me, as long as im secretive im good  grin12


    You know I can see this within my own children, some children are just more prone to anxiety and fear even over implied abuse, than others.  For me, I would rebel like crazy.  I was first brought home by the police at 7 for stealing.  This was something that became a regular thing, but at 7 is when I was introduced to abuse and to islam.  I acted out like children do.

    I knew I would be beaten but I did it anyway, because I knew I would be beaten for something else even if I behaved.  I even remember one time someone saying to me (since everyone knew I was abused because I looked it lol and my parents weren't shy about coming to the school to do it) "but your parents will beat you" and me replying "its only a beating, I can handle it".  (and I could, I could remove myself in my mind when they beat me)

    But my daughter, she wouldn't dream of rebelling right now, and she is 7, much as I wouldn't ever dream of laying a finger on her.  She isn't that way inclined and yet she is afraid of punishment.  Not physical, although it is implied somewhat since my eldest will actively fight me, so it can get quite crazy, but she is more afraid of the regular goodies being taken away from her, so no tv, no story time, etc etc, its all it takes.  She is a sweetheart <3.  On the other hand my middle son is so rude, always arguing, always challenging, always breaking the rules.

    My eldest breaks the rules when he is angry, then NO rule matters. 

    I am rambling cos it seemed relevent somehow, as in not everyone feels the need to provoke their parents so much, but not sure my rambling right now is relevent lol.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #24 - July 03, 2011, 11:14 PM
    It could go either way but I figure it's worth trying. He's a mostly rational man so he'll no doubt see the benefits of it beforehand. If he doesn't, it's nothing a pep talk or three can't cure. 
    "I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."
    Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #25 - July 03, 2011, 11:33 PM
    I had a lot of 'light' beatings, and then the occasional whipping or kicking or tennis racket or other such blood-drawing fun. Then I grew up and started fighting back. By the time my parents realised I wouldn't hesitate to punch them in the face if they touched me again it pretty much stopped.  The threats continue but I just yawn at them these days.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #26 - July 03, 2011, 11:49 PM
    My mother looked so frustrated and helpless the first time the little squirt tried smacking me and I was big enough that I just held her back with one arm as she struggled to get at me with her arms flailing like in some fuckin cartoon.  Cheesy Our relative sizes at this time were helpful to me because this was the time when I was most rebellious and she was most angry and frustrated with life, work, and her new lazy, fat redneck husband. The fatso I would have to deal with later with a Swiss Army Knife to the ankle when he tried kicking me as I was on the floor.  grin12 The only reason he even tried that though is my ma was out of town cause if she had seen him doing that she likely would have grabbed the Tokarev out of the bathroom and busted a cap in his fat, flabby ass.
    "In battle, the well-honed spork is more dangerous than the mightiest sword" -- Sun Tzu
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #27 - July 04, 2011, 12:02 AM
    Quote from: The Wyre on July 03, 2011, 11:14 PM
    It could go either way but I figure it's worth trying. He's a mostly rational man so he'll no doubt see the benefits of it beforehand. If he doesn't, it's nothing a pep talk or three can't cure. 


    Lol I like your confidence towards the situation.   Afro  Would be good if that could happen for you, for all of you.

    Quote from: Prince Spinoza on July 03, 2011, 11:33 PM
    I had a lot of 'light' beatings, and then the occasional whipping or kicking or tennis racket or other such blood-drawing fun. Then I grew up and started fighting back. By the time my parents realised I wouldn't hesitate to punch them in the face if they touched me again it pretty much stopped.  The threats continue but I just yawn at them these days.


    Wow.  You know even though I was battered I couldn't dream of fighting back, and even now, I would not lay a hand on my parents.  The most i ever did was restrain my step mother when she went to beat my sister with a stick in morocco for something she hadn't even done.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #28 - July 04, 2011, 12:27 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 04, 2011, 12:02 AM
    Wow.  You know even though I was battered I couldn't dream of fighting back, and even now, I would not lay a hand on my parents.


    Turnipovich is disappoint.  turnipovich
  • Re: Personal question - were you physically abused as a child?
     Reply #29 - July 04, 2011, 03:40 AM
    I don't even remember.. so it must have been nothing huge, to me personally. I've witnessed my parents fight though, and my dad abused my mom right in front of me. Hurt her bad and she was just taking it and I was so little that I couldn't do anything.  Cry

    Another time that stands out was him abusing my sister. She was naked. I'm not going to go into details, it was hard to see because it was so violent (and it was over something so, so stupid) but that stands out in my memory.

    He's always had a really bad temper, but as he grew older he got better I think, just because of age. Although I'm sure when he hears the news of my apostasy that will change.  Roll Eyes

    I can't believe what you've been through, Berbs.  Cry
    hugs
    Rather be forgotten than remembered for giving in.
  • 12 3 4 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »