If Heaven exists...

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Topic: If Heaven exists...

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- harakaat
- The Cunning Linguist
- Ex-Muslim
- The World Is Quiet Here
- offline
If Heaven exists...
OP - August 23, 2011, 02:13 PM

... what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

My answer:

I'm sorry.

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
- cosmicdancer
- Pub Regular
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #1 - August 23, 2011, 02:16 PM

"Ouch! That hurt!" (right after I kick him in his divine balls)
- Prince Spinoza
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #2 - August 23, 2011, 02:16 PM

THERE YOU ARE!!
- Gladfly
- The Lord of the Flies
- Pub Regular
- Be Happy. Be very very Happy
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #3 - August 23, 2011, 02:21 PM

Get out of my way! You blocking my heat from the Fire of Hell!

Little Fly, Thy summer's play
My thoughtless hand has brushed away.

I too dance and drink, and sing,
Till some blind hand shall brush my wing.

Therefore I am a happy fly,
If I live or if I die.
- Jinn and Tonic
- My Place is the Placeless, the Trace of the Traceless
- Ex-Muslim
- aka عزرایل
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #4 - August 23, 2011, 02:24 PM

WHY?!?

edit... oh wait, thats what i would say lol.

what god would say... after i punched him

"silly rabbit, tricks are for kids"

me. "you son of a bitch!"

god. "."

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Helen Keller
- Naerys
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #5 - August 23, 2011, 02:25 PM

I fucking hate you, harakaat.

He's no friend to the friendless
And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
- harakaat
- The Cunning Linguist
- Ex-Muslim
- The World Is Quiet Here
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #6 - August 23, 2011, 02:27 PM

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
- harakaat
- The Cunning Linguist
- Ex-Muslim
- The World Is Quiet Here
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #7 - August 23, 2011, 02:36 PM

"I'm afraid the Mormons were right."

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
- Jesus Christ
- Ex-Muslim
- fuck peace
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #8 - August 23, 2011, 03:25 PM

"So yeah, sorry about all that religion stuff. I was getting really bored and decided to communicate with my creation, but it ended up causing more bad than good. After my experiment with Muhammad resulted in him fucking a 9 year old and killing 900 jews I called it quits and never sent revelations again... sorry!"

Formerly known as Iblis
- Jesus Christ
- Ex-Muslim
- fuck peace
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #9 - August 23, 2011, 03:29 PM

"Oh and sorry about leaving you on the cross to die like that, I was such a jerk!"

Formerly known as Iblis
- Azuremist
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #10 - August 23, 2011, 03:37 PM

"I'm really, really sorry" would be nice, but I think "Surprise!" would be more likely.
- vagabond
- Member
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #11 - August 23, 2011, 03:43 PM

Me ( looking confused ) : erm...so you actually existed...I have one last wish before you start roasting me till etrnity...can I ask you a few questions?

God smiles divinely, nods in affirmative and gestures me to a table and chair nearby... I sit down, think for a while and start asking questions... I keep on Asking, God keeps on Answering, till the point that I am content and there is a look of satisfaction on my face, God still wears the same heavenly smile, I too smile and ask him what would he do with me now?
God: 'You tell me, young lad'
I choose to cease to exist....

This is of course, supposing God isnt the tyrant named Allah.

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."
- Fombles
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #12 - August 23, 2011, 03:45 PM

Quote from: Naerys on August 23, 2011, 02:25 PM
I fucking hate you, harakaat.

@thread, if it's Jesus, then it'd be all cool cause he'd be all like "It's fine dawg, I love everything, cmon up into heaven".

07:54 <harakaat>: you must be jema
07:54 <harakaat>: considering how annoying you are
- Crunchy Cds
- Pub Regular
- The artist
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #13 - August 23, 2011, 04:40 PM

"Congratulations your belief won."

me: "Wut..?"

***~Church is where bad people go to hide~***
- Tlaloc
- Aperture Science Test Subject
- Pub Regular
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Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #14 - August 23, 2011, 04:47 PM

"Brb, rebooting universe now. Lulz!"

Do not look directly at the operational end of the device.
- Hallakuf
- Pastafarian
- Pub Regular
- offline
Re: If Heaven exists...
Reply #15 - August 23, 2011, 05:04 PM

"Wrong gate, mate. This is for Muslims. Try the next on the left, the Golden Gate, that's for Christians"

Religion is organized superstition
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