Losing my Religion

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Losing my Religion
OP - August 25, 2011, 07:35 PM

I wonder how did you guys feel when you first lost your religion?
Were you relieved? Happy? Or angry and distraught that it was all a lie? Or ecstatic that you could finally do whatever you wanted?

I grieved, or still grieving every time I feel I need a loving God.

I can’t deny I was also relieved after breaking shackles of so many fard and sunni prayers... not to mention the constant wudus, Christ, I was turning into lady Macbeth with all the constant worry that I am in a wudu state and the taharah or everything I touched or even the floor I walked on had to be clean and taher.

Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
You are the music while the music lasts.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #1 - August 25, 2011, 07:36 PM

oh sorry if there is a thread like this already, am sure Ella will merge it

Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
You are the music while the music lasts.
T.S.Eliot
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #2 - August 25, 2011, 07:51 PM

Edit: Irrelevant to the thread.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #3 - August 25, 2011, 07:54 PM

I didn't ask why you left Islam

Read the question before replying

Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
You are the music while the music lasts.
T.S.Eliot
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #4 - August 25, 2011, 07:55 PM

fara

I remember the moment the realization came there WAS NO GOD! Actually, it was
an "aha" moment after finding CEMB. Even tho i left islam 2 years prior, it still
had'nt occurred to me or even ADMIT there is no god.

First thing that happened, a million racing thoughts (guilt,etc) suddenly went
silent. I laughed. Then the realization no more god to turn to in prayer.
I got depressed, angry, denial, etc (five states of grief so to speak), and now
I just try to make the most of every day.

There have been several times in the last year I got depressed b/c people
I cared about had bad things happen to them, and I wanted to make dua'a
for them. I felt so helpless.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Helen Keller
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #5 - August 25, 2011, 08:02 PM

I miss making dua'a ... looking up to the sky and talking to Allah, it made me feel so peaceful when I handed over my destiny to the one who knows best.

Not to mention Istikhara , now I have to make my own decisions and live with them

Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
You are the music while the music lasts.
T.S.Eliot
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #6 - August 25, 2011, 08:04 PM

Quote from: Fara7 on August 25, 2011, 07:35 PM
I wonder how did you guys feel when you first lost your religion?
Were you relieved? Happy? Or angry and distraught that it was all a lie? Or ecstatic that you could finally do whatever you wanted?

I grieved, or still grieving every time I feel I need a loving God.

I can’t deny I was also relieved after breaking shackles of so many fard and sunni prayers... not to mention the constant wudus, Christ, I was turning into lady Macbeth with all the constant worry that I am in a wudu state and the taharah or everything I touched or even the floor I walked on had to be clean and taher.

Happy, that i have unshackled my mind from the claws of dogma

Will that do

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #7 - August 25, 2011, 08:14 PM

^yep, that'll do

Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
You are the music while the music lasts.
T.S.Eliot
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #8 - August 25, 2011, 08:30 PM

I was really happy that in the end it was all a sick joke , I felt reborn since everything I did was in accordance with Islam I needed to make my own decisions understand myself . But deep deep down I wanted islam to be true it felt weird having to depend on yourself soley , everytime something didn't go my way I thought it was out of my control because it was Allah's will

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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #9 - August 25, 2011, 08:43 PM

It was like losing virginity to stranger!

But i jest

In the end it went without much great fanfare....

Little Fly, Thy summer's play
My thoughtless hand has brushed away.

I too dance and drink, and sing,
Till some blind hand shall brush my wing.

Therefore I am a happy fly,
If I live or if I die.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #10 - August 25, 2011, 09:01 PM

I was angry and distraught that the whole JW religion was an utter scam and full of shite. Then I realised that all other religions are the same and it make me even more angry. It still makes me angry at times when I read or hear of people suffering horribly under the oppressive fist of dogmatic beliefs.
Then I was sad for all the things I went through because of these lies... and sad that my mum might have been a better person if it wasn't for all the brainwashing beliefs. There was also the fear and worry about being wrong.
Eventually though, I've managed to shed the hurt and move on. I still don't like to discuss my apostacy with people unless I know them very well or it's on forums like this, with like minded people. But it's all in the past and a part of who I am.
And I still have many years ahead of me to make up for lost time
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #11 - August 25, 2011, 09:05 PM

I was bitter and angry while being really, truly, deliriously happy at the same time. I felt like I could take on the world - or maybe not, but it didn't matter because no-one cared anyway, right? - on the evening I officially apostatised. It was weird as fuck.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #12 - August 25, 2011, 09:16 PM

Quote from: Fara7 on August 25, 2011, 08:02 PM
I miss making dua'a ... looking up to the sky and talking to Allah, it made me feel so peaceful when I handed over my destiny to the one who knows best.

Not to mention Istikhara , now I have to make my own decisions and live with them

But I wouldnt trade a moment of my apostacy, and all the amazing people i have
met (okay, so over the internet) that really helped me through some rough patches
of trying to fathom WTH happened! LOL In turn, I try to be there for others who
are currently going thru what we've already been through. Somehow, that feels right
and worth having gone through it to see despondency evolve into hope and joy

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #13 - August 25, 2011, 09:31 PM

Ive had a mixture of feelings, from being happy to quite angry and sad. but the way I see it is that I'm better off with.
Though I will say that it means that I'm no longer that close with my parents (even though they don't know) cos religion
use to be a main topic of discussion but no longer.

but hey, life goes on

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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #14 - August 25, 2011, 09:36 PM

I was very angry. Like rage angry, bitter, depressed, lost, but really mostly just very angry with myself and with my parents for being stupid themselves and the way they went about teaching me religion.

I couldn't believe how badly I had been conned into believing a lie, and how stupid I was to believe in it for all of that time. So much so that I allowed an entire marriage of hatred to play out because a lie told me to.

Don't think I can describe quite how much anger I felt at the start of my apostasy.

I would phone up my dad and shout at him on the phone, full of anger. "did you know they could rape captives, DID YOU KNOW, then how can you still believe" or "she was a child, how can you defend that, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU". I was just so angry and I wanted him to tell me something, anything, that could gain back my respect for him. He knew these things that I had only started learning, and yet still he believed, what respect could I give then?

I am over that now. Now I just feel sad that I wasted so much time. I see the young apostates we have on here and I genuinely envy them.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #15 - August 25, 2011, 09:47 PM

I was relieved and angry

Relieved because I finally made sense of all thee none sense and it is a huge thing to just take that decision.

angry because there are a lot of things i missed out on because i was a "Muslim" and gah -,-

also angry because I was lied to all that time by the same idiots who attack me for releasing the shackles of islam

[13:36] <Fimbles> anything above 7 inches
[13:37] <Fimbles> is wacko
[13:37] <Fimbles> see
[13:37] <Fimbles> you think i'd enjoy anything above 7 inches up my arse?
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #16 - August 25, 2011, 09:52 PM

I was immensely depressed. Not happy at all. I lost all my friends, my entire social foundation was based on Islam. I felt I had lost a major compass in my life. It was very sad, Islam and Allah was like this friend.. and now he was dead. I realised it was an imaginary friend.. but sometimes even imaginary friends are still friends. Islam provided an important moral anchor in my life and now it was gone and I was set adrift. I felt like I had just been born again, brand new to this world, facing a brand new future without bounds - but it was really scary at first. I felt completely naked and exposed, because I had been stripped of all that I believed and valued. But I was also relieved because maintaining the illusion of Islam had been so difficult for so many years, it was like a massive rock was off my back. And deep down I was excited, though at the moment I was sad, I knew it was the start of something fresh and new.

Best decision I've ever made in my life.

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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #17 - August 25, 2011, 09:53 PM

I lost my religion last week. Couldn't remember where I placed it.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #18 - August 25, 2011, 09:55 PM

Quote from: Jesus Christ on August 25, 2011, 09:52 PM
I felt like I had just been born again,

Fucking Christians. Can't take em anywhere without someone being born again. Jesus.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #19 - August 25, 2011, 09:58 PM

Quote from: Jesus Christ on August 25, 2011, 09:52 PM
Best decision I've ever made in my life.

+1

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #20 - August 25, 2011, 10:00 PM

Never been so elated in all my life. And, me being me, the first thing I thought was 'what time is it'? Ahem.

Then I ran downstairs and danced in the kitchen. I've elaborated elsewhere so I won't bore you with it again but... it was incredible, it was magical, it was... spiritual. (And I know the exact time it happened. )
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #21 - August 25, 2011, 10:18 PM

hahahaha

11:46pm (i think) April 25 2010

[13:36] <Fimbles> anything above 7 inches
[13:37] <Fimbles> is wacko
[13:37] <Fimbles> see
[13:37] <Fimbles> you think i'd enjoy anything above 7 inches up my arse?
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #22 - August 25, 2011, 10:32 PM

Quote from: Kod on August 25, 2011, 10:18 PM
hahahaha

11:46pm (i think) April 25 2010

Mine was 5 AM-ish 3 days before you

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #23 - August 25, 2011, 10:46 PM

I had doubts for a long time, it took me a while to believe that there was no god, and that whole time I felt deep hatred for myself. How dare I doubt the almighty! I was also angry at many things, mostly at the people who made me feel ashamed of myself for asking questions, they used to tell me my doubts came from the shaitan and that I should be better muslim, but they never answered my questions directly. I felt a lot of fear because I sure I was going to hell.

After I finally admitted it to myself I guess I feel better, less self hatred (though that will never fully go away, too many reasons). Less fear as well. I also feel more sorry for everyone else, and I can finally see things I could never see before. It changed a lot about how I think and the way I look at things.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #24 - August 25, 2011, 11:12 PM

Started learning about my religion only when I was fifteen/sixteen, at that time I just wanted to learn more about the faith my parents brought me up with. When I read the highly controversial hadiths depicting the ethics of the Prophet, a figure that I had been taught to emulate, I was in shock of the horrible actions (Aisha, Banu Qurayzah, war ethics) which at least according to mainstream sunni Islam were held to be true. I read the Qur'an and was appalled by the logical fallacies of heaven and hell. I found my faith wavering for nearly 3 years, and I found myself persisting with Islam, trying to rationalise the absurdities, the moral principles but in the end I just found that I was creating a more complicated reading of Islam. I can't mark an exact moment when I left - the doubts just begun to sink in more, and I became depressed.

I came to this forum with an open mind and I learnt to view Islam from an honest and more objective perspective and I finally accepted Islam wasn't true. The process of leaving Islam was a stressful one, undoubtedly, but ultimately compulsory for every truth seeking person. I couldn't live trying to forcibly believe in something that I knew made no sense.

"The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves."
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #25 - August 26, 2011, 03:35 AM

i started having doubts, read some stuff and realized it was crap.

I remember I was sitting on a couch in the main family room one night all alone just thinking. Thats when it hit me. I no longer believed. It was such a strange feeling. I know I should be proud but given most of my social circle and family is religious it was a haunting feeling. Still i am proud of it in a way but cant really show it.

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #26 - August 26, 2011, 05:07 AM

well the night i quit cold-turkey i cried for a good ten minutes. like a drunk jersey shore character who'd just been dumped by snooki. i begged and pleaded for Allah to save me. i was afraid life would be too depressing. but it's actually much better now.
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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #27 - August 26, 2011, 08:15 AM

Facing reality is harsh. Atleast you don't have to believe you'll get houris to fuck (oh nvm, you won't get squat, woman ) hearing innocents scream begging for water for just not worshipping Allah. Facing reality is hard, and I'm glad you chose it over living a lie

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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #28 - August 26, 2011, 08:17 AM

Do people miss prayers? I though you guys found it boring, rather? Might be just me, but the "beautiful azans" give me a goddamn migraine

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Re: Losing my Religion
Reply #29 - August 26, 2011, 01:04 PM

Quote from: Kod on August 25, 2011, 10:18 PM
hahahaha

11:46pm (i think) April 25 2010

Quote from: harakaat on August 25, 2011, 10:32 PM
Mine was 5 AM-ish 3 days before you

Y'all took your sweet fucking time, didn't you?
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