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Theme Changer

 Poll

  • Question: Would you consider joining in an arranged marriage?
  • Yes, probably will.
  • Have considered it.
  • Probably not, but depends on the situation/cicumstances.
  • No, not even if it was with the last man on the planet.
  • I'd sooner procure a gun and resist to my dying breath.

 Topic: Arranged Marriages

 (Read 16521 times)
  • Previous page 1 2« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #30 - September 14, 2011, 09:04 PM
    Quote from: SunbulRocket on September 14, 2011, 07:38 PM
    If I had to pick the thing about desi culture that I hate the most, it would be the arranged-marriage-culture-thingy. Yeah. That. Down with this sort of thing.

    Seriously: my parents' marriage has basically pretty much ensured that I will never consent to an arranged marriage. Ever. grin12


    Its very difficult to distinguish Desi Culture from Fulani.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #31 - September 14, 2011, 09:10 PM
    Quote from: Lara91 on September 14, 2011, 07:49 PM


     I mean really who knew marrying someone you dont know and have barely spoken with could end badly  Roll Eyes


    Cheesy
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #32 - September 14, 2011, 09:29 PM
    Quote from: Peppermint Tits on September 14, 2011, 08:38 PM
    When I was in my teens, when people found out I was Muslim one of the first things they would ask me is if that meant I would have an arranged marriage. I'd get annoyed and sad about that, explain that it was actually a "cultural thing" that ignorant Muslims did - and that it's not allowed in Islam. And that my family are not like that anyway so I'm lucky and thankful for that.  Roll Eyes

    Of course, my parents know they can't tell me who to marry, but they can certainly tell me who not to marry.
    Ah, limited freedoms - one of the great perks of Islam.  Roll Eyes

    Also, I've heard things that people tell me about arranged marriages like "Oh, but they ended up liking each other so it's all good."  lipsrsealed talk about missing the point.
    And people who consider the fact that their parents set them up (found their spouse from their contacts) as an "arranged marriage" because it was their parents that hooked them up basically. *barf*

    My parents have many a time tried to get me with their best friend's sons and other people they know. (One guy even wanted to be engaged right away  Cheesy to use that time to "get to know each other" I told him I don't think engagements work that way - for me at least.) Having a strong preference for white men (so tryin to hook me up from someone who is from my country - of whom generally I am rarely attracted to -ugh) and a strong...distaste for religious men that my parents (till this day) say "He's a good person and will take care of you, that's what matters most" doesn't really make it work out.

    Thanks for caring about my feelings in the matter mom and dad, while also implying that I don't want a "good guy" (I want a thug!!!  Cheesy) or I don't know any better to know how to choose for myself.  Roll Eyes


    Its strange how i am one of the few guys that finds this off-putting. Why would i let my mama find a wife for me? wacko , that can make one look less of a man if you ask me.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #33 - September 14, 2011, 09:39 PM
    Quote from: Naija Infidel on September 14, 2011, 09:29 PM
    that can make one look less of a man if you ask me.


    +1

    It's pathetic, and only pathetic men lets mommy pick a girl for them.
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #34 - September 14, 2011, 09:51 PM
    Some reports say arranged marriage are more sucessful.

    But i prefer love, the love that dare not speakest Its name!

    And no im not gay! Wink
    Little Fly, Thy summer's play
    My thoughtless hand has brushed away.

    I too dance and drink, and sing,
    Till some blind hand shall brush my wing.

    Therefore I am a happy fly,
    If I live or if I die.
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #35 - September 14, 2011, 10:12 PM
    <3 Gladfly

    He's like Yeez on anti-depressants.
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #36 - September 14, 2011, 10:33 PM
    Quote from: Jinn and Tonic on September 14, 2011, 08:08 PM
    huh?  i dont see whats funny about my post, the man is
    raping her at his slightest whim.


    Oh, I thought he was just barging into the toilet unannounced.

    But yeah, rape is fucked up although I doubt he sees what he's doing through that lens.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #37 - September 14, 2011, 10:42 PM
    asbdsp

    from what she told me he is ultra religious, and if it werent for the rape thing,
    i would feel sorry for him, too.  He was just as much a victim of this shit as
    she was.  I have a sneaky suspicion from the convo, tho, that he may have
    been in love with someone else, but being the religious dutiful son, did what
    his parents wanted.  *she is muslim btw*  Its just sad all the way around.
    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
    Helen Keller
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #38 - September 25, 2011, 03:52 PM
    Quote from: Peppermint Tits on September 14, 2011, 08:38 PM
    Of course, my parents know they can't tell me who to marry, but they can certainly tell me who not to marry.


    This!
    I'm always skeptical of most people who say that they are ok with an arranged marriage and that their parents would never 'force' them to marry someone. It seems to work out ok for a lucky few, but for most, there is always the subtle (but relentless) coercion. No one would hold a gun to your head of course, but there's all the loaded comments of who NOT to marry, the guilt trips, emotional blackmail ... the pressure keeps increasing and if you are the type of person who can't bear to incur the disapproval / disappointment of your parents, then there's no way you will say no.

    Eventually you will cave in and marry a person you probably have little interest or connection with because you love your parents and feel that they know best. And of course in time you will come 'love' your spouse, because it's not like you have anyone else to be the object of your affection. If you're stuck with someone for life, you might as well learn to get used to them Grin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #39 - September 25, 2011, 04:29 PM
    Quote from: Sir Wankalot on September 25, 2011, 03:52 PM
    This!
    I'm always skeptical of most people who say that they are ok with an arranged marriage and that their parents would never 'force' them to marry someone. It seems to work out ok for a lucky few, but for most, there is always the subtle (but relentless) coercion. No one would hold a gun to your head of course, but there's all the loaded comments of who NOT to marry, the guilt trips, emotional blackmail ... the pressure keeps increasing and if you are the type of person who can't bear to incur the disapproval / disappointment of your parents, then there's no way you will say no.

    Eventually you will cave in and marry a person you probably have little interest or connection with because you love your parents and feel that they know best. And of course in time you will come 'love' your spouse, because it's not like you have anyone else to be the object of your affection. If you're stuck with someone for life, you might as well learn to get used to them Grin


    Yup.

    It's less love and more to do with the slow grinding attrition of desi coercsion destroying your personality bit by bit until you are nothing but a husk of a person. At that point you become so low, so lacking in passion you merely just go with the flow and just embrace your fate. I've rarely ever seen genuine love between two arranged marriaged desis.
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #40 - September 25, 2011, 04:38 PM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on September 14, 2011, 07:36 PM
    I guess find a tall, good looking and muscular muslim bengali guy...

    ....
    ...
    ..



     Cheesy Cheesy good looking, tall, muscular bengali guy  Cheesy  Cheesy

    Good luck....  mysmilie_977


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w2CvjqSJHo&feature=related

    edit... wait, i found more! LOL

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp676Aiog6k&feature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jutA_UUJus&NR=1

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TbYGpUWePQ&feature=related
    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
    Helen Keller
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #41 - September 25, 2011, 04:45 PM
    lol.. that first one is NOT a bengali man.

    And the rest are what you'd call rare rare exception


    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #42 - September 25, 2011, 05:22 PM
    Quote from: Sir Wankalot on September 25, 2011, 03:52 PM
    This!
    I'm always skeptical of most people who say that they are ok with an arranged marriage and that their parents would never 'force' them to marry someone. It seems to work out ok for a lucky few, but for most, there is always the subtle (but relentless) coercion. No one would hold a gun to your head of course, but there's all the loaded comments of who NOT to marry, the guilt trips, emotional blackmail ... the pressure keeps increasing and if you are the type of person who can't bear to incur the disapproval / disappointment of your parents, then there's no way you will say no.

    Eventually you will cave in and marry a person you probably have little interest or connection with because you love your parents and feel that they know best. And of course in time you will come 'love' your spouse, because it's not like you have anyone else to be the object of your affection. If you're stuck with someone for life, you might as well learn to get used to them Grin


    If only i have the guts to tell my first cousin this ^
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #43 - September 25, 2011, 05:42 PM
    Quote from: Naija Infidel on September 25, 2011, 05:22 PM
    If only i have the guts to tell my first cousin this ^


    Try writing them an anonymous letter? Grin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #44 - September 25, 2011, 06:02 PM
    But she is already married :(

    A few weeks before she got married, she started having mixed feelings about but the pressure from her parents just made her cave in, though she told me that she is happy but i dont see it in her face. She is scared to defy her parents.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #45 - September 25, 2011, 06:06 PM
    I can't even imagine being caught up in an issue like that. It's probably the only thing I'm thankful for in regards to having a half-assed African-American Muslim community. I honestly can't think of anyone in the same ethnicity who had to work through an arranged marriage. Very curious...
    "I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."
    Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Arranged Marriages
     Reply #46 - September 25, 2011, 06:13 PM
    Quote from: Naija Infidel on September 25, 2011, 06:02 PM
    But she is already married :(

    A few weeks before she got married, she started having mixed feelings about but the pressure from her parents just made her cave in, though she told me that she is happy but i dont see it in her face. She is scared to defy her parents.


    I guess it's the only way to cope with such a situation - to tell yourself and others around you that you are happy. As a woman in a conservative society, it is very difficult to rebel on your own. Actually it is very difficult for any one to rebel in a very close minded community. So humans find different coping mechanisms to deal with unhappiness and helplessness.
  • Arranged Marriages
     Reply #47 - August 14, 2016, 01:14 AM
    I voted last as well. Though I dont know how my life is going to unfold. Lol

    But an arranged marriage is rarely a love marriage and I find it beyond creepy to spend the rest of your life with someone your parents decided would be a good fit.






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