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 Topic: Whats your view on Promiscuity?

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  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #90 - October 23, 2011, 10:53 PM
    Not everybody is that demanding of their partner though. Monogomay might be flawed, but i think its better* than all the other alternatives. Sure we mess around in certain phases of our lives, but on the long run I do want someone who is loyal and i can rely on and vice versa.


    * better for me
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #91 - October 23, 2011, 10:55 PM
    Quote from: allat on October 23, 2011, 10:50 PM
    Like I said though, for those people who genuinely want monogamy, not just because they think that's what is expected of them, they should find other people who want the same and be monogamous together.

    Nothing wrong with that at all. I love seeing stories of people like that - there are too few who have been together for decades and decades and been happy.

    Those who are inclined towards open relationships should not have to conform to monogamous standards. Those are able to responsibly enjoy promiscuity with others like them, should not be restricted as long as there is honesty in those relationships.


    +1

    Totally agree with that. I think some of us are best in monogomous relationships and others are comfortable being a bit more free and open. It depends also on your personal experiences and the phase of life you're in. To each their own.
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #92 - October 23, 2011, 10:57 PM
    I think I could better form an opinion on promiscuity if I had a hope in hell of ever being promiscuous  Cry

    But since I don't, I'll stick to; mature adults can make their own decisions about this and it's not my business to judge.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #93 - October 23, 2011, 11:05 PM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 23, 2011, 10:53 PM
    Not everybody is that demanding of their partner though.


    Hmmm most people are. That is why adultery is such a big problem among monogamous cultures that there are secular and religious laws against it.

    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 23, 2011, 10:53 PM
    Monogomay might be flawed, but i think its better than all the other alternatives.


    Which other alternatives? Is culturally enforcing monogamy on people who are not inclined towards it, better for them? With divorce rates at over 50% and adultery epidemic, perhaps it's time to reconsider if compulsory monogamy is really such a better option for most people Smiley

    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 23, 2011, 10:53 PM
    Sure we mess around in certain phases of our lives, but on the long run I do want someone who is loyal and i can rely on and vice versa.


    So sex is the only kind of loyalty?

    Sex is a hangup for most of us because of centuries of religious dogma. We make exceptions for sex in ways we don't for other things.

    E.g. most married couples have friends, some very close friends, who they tell things to that they don't tell their spouses. Is that cheating?

    What about spending money behind your spouse's back or on something they didn't want you to spend money on?

    My point is just that, we can think of sex as the most important thing in a relationship, which is "owned" by your spouse, at the exclusion of all others, that is monogamy.

    Or, you can see each other as individuals, who come together and share a life, love, happiness and yet do not "own" each other's sex.

    Centuries of religious and patriarchal dogmas have made this seem like such a foreign idea, when there is anthropological evidence that this is how our closest primate relatives live, as well as hunter-gatherer tribes lived for millennia, until the advent of agriculture 6-10 thousand years ago, which also was the advent of patriarchy, the nation-state and organized religions.
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #94 - October 23, 2011, 11:15 PM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 23, 2011, 10:53 PM
    Not everybody is that demanding of their partner though. Monogomay might be flawed, but i think its better* than all the other alternatives. Sure we mess around in certain phases of our lives, but on the long run I do want someone who is loyal and i can rely on and vice versa.


    * better for me


    Haha, nice ninja edit Grin

    Yes that's exactly my point. Just be who you are... be mono, be poly, be shagedelic. Just stay safe and don't hurt others and have fun.  Afro  If you're having fun, you probably won't feel the need to impose your life choices/preferences on others Wink
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #95 - October 23, 2011, 11:17 PM
    When people, especially Muslims, bring religion into a discussion about sexual morality and monogamy, I think they need to be reminded that Muhammad was a player with a dozen wives plus sex slaves.  He was more promiscuous than a lot of people here.
    .
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #96 - October 23, 2011, 11:22 PM
    I think what constitutes 'cheating' is something that needs to be deconsructed and pondered upon quite a lot. But whats more important is that your partner and you are on the same level on what constitutes cheating. For example I made a joke just 2 days ago to my gf about looking at porn.. and she really lost it on me. Long story short, she considers looking at porn as cheating. I don't. But obviously I didn't disagree with her and told her I haven't looked at porn since we've been together (lies). Often even the most common-minded people can have very different conceptions about cheating. I don't consider flirting cheating, and my gf does it and I just let it slide. She also *says* she doesn't mind me flirting, but when i do actually have any extended conversation with an attractive woman or female friend she will give me endless grief about it.. its obvious she minds. Though she knows that she's 'expected' to be liberal about it when deep inside she is not at all, and is quite possesive.

    I don't think two people who might love each other (friends, spouses etcs) will ever have a genuine agreement on where the boundaries of their relationships are. Jealousies and resentments can arise in the most open of relationships. We all are often quite possessive of the things we love, and love is never ever completely mutual and equitable in even the most fairest of relationships.
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #97 - October 23, 2011, 11:42 PM
    Quote from: Shahid Raza on October 23, 2011, 11:17 PM
    When people, especially Muslims, bring religion into a discussion about sexual morality and monogamy, I think they need to be reminded that Muhammad was a player with a dozen wives plus sex slaves.  He was more promiscuous than a lot of people here.


    The Buddha had a wife and a haram according to tradition, yet he gave them up in order to seek an end to suffering.

    Nanda, his cousin, had a wife who loved sex. He could only be persuaded to seek enlightenment through promises of deva maidens in higher realms. Yet as he meditated, he realized that deva maidens were not important after all.

    I believe that if we think hard enough, we will all realize that monogamy, even of a serial form, is more conducive to happyness.
    Interested in Buddhism? Check out http://www.accesstoinsight.org/!
    Consider Nalanda University, and never let it happen again.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #98 - October 23, 2011, 11:45 PM
    into the den lol

    Sir Wankalot - further to our discussion of everything is on the table when it concerns consenting adults - would incest, like daughter-father, sister-father, mother-son, sexual relationships between consenting adults get your vote of approval?

    And as we usually take adults to mean over 18?, over 21?, sometimes imo some adults are not mature enough at even this stage to make cetrain decisions - perhaps age is a social construct also, in a manner of speaking.

    As for social harmony or gender harmony, (after your posts which made me think a bit more, remember these are not fully-formed thoughts - my thoughts do need to be scrutinised, this is a very good place for scrutinisation)

    what I think I actually mean is, and yes this may not hold any water - is that in my opinion, perhaps if no one fucked out of turn - and I have yet to define what 'fucking out of turn' means - though it does not mean morals/sin. Not wanting to stop gay men from having fun etc

    in my opinion if no one fucked out of turn there might not be any misogyny/misandry - could that be possible?
    I am my own worst enemy and best friend, itsa bit of a squeeze in a three-quarter bed, tho. Unhinged!? If I was a dog I would be having kittens, that is unhinged. Footloose n fancy free, forced to fit, fated to fly. One or 2 words, 3 and 3/thirds, looking comely but lonely, till I made them homely.D
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #99 - October 24, 2011, 12:08 AM
    Quote from: allat on October 23, 2011, 10:37 PM
    Most people today practice "serial monogamy" i.e. date someone new > break up > date someone new > break up > date someone new...

    or

    Marry for life > Divorce > Date > Marry for life > Divorce > Date > Marry for life > Divorce...


    Interesting. I know a lot of people like that but never looked at it from that perspective before...that serial monogamy is just really a compromise between the ideal of monogamy and the realities of the world/desire for polyamory.

    fuck you
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #100 - October 24, 2011, 12:26 AM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 23, 2011, 11:22 PM
    I think what constitutes 'cheating' is something that needs to be deconsructed and pondered upon quite a lot. But whats more important is that your partner and you are on the same level on what constitutes cheating. For example I made a joke just 2 days ago to my gf about looking at porn.. and she really lost it on me. Long story short, she considers looking at porn as cheating. I don't. But obviously I didn't disagree with her and told her I haven't looked at porn since we've been together (lies). Often even the most common-minded people can have very different conceptions about cheating. I don't consider flirting cheating, and my gf does it and I just let it slide. She also *says* she doesn't mind me flirting, but when i do actually have any extended conversation with an attractive woman or female friend she will give me endless grief about it.. its obvious she minds. Though she knows that she's 'expected' to be liberal about it when deep inside she is not at all, and is quite possesive.

    I don't think two people who might love each other (friends, spouses etcs) will ever have a genuine agreement on where the boundaries of their relationships are. Jealousies and resentments can arise in the most open of relationships. We all are often quite possessive of the things we love, and love is never ever completely mutual and equitable in even the most fairest of relationships.


    That's all well and good and reasonable, but I dunno, when it comes to love it just is-- I spent a good deal of my life analyzing love reductively. And that's probably a good way to analyze it. But after a series of meaningless short-term relationships, one-night-stands and lots of unrequited love (on both sides), I'm fuckin done rationally analyzing it. Maybe I'm just getting old but if I feel love, fuck it, it's all good and I'm going for it. Consequences be damned.

    As far as commitment goes, for me it's real fuckin simple-- you commit to another person and you fuckin live by it, whatever the terms of that commitment may be-- marriage, an "open" relationship-- whatthefuckever. And it's a simple matter of being loyal and not fucking the other person over. Cheaters are weak, fuckin period, and can't be trusted because of that. Fuck all this "it's natural and these people are constrained by their society's morals bullshit"-- you made a fuckin commitment you either stick by its original terms or if it's not working out be honest and seek to revise the terms or you break it off, fuck society's morals, the only morals that matter are your own-- but what you don't do is sneak around like a fuckin rat and be disloyal then blame it on nature. Fuck all that shit. I'm not saying that people who cheat are necessarily bad people and it's unforgivable, but it is a bad act, and those who try to justify it are fucking lying to themselves.

    But don't mind me, I'm a bit drunk.
    fuck you
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #101 - October 24, 2011, 12:39 AM
    Quote from: Colonel Q-Daffi on October 24, 2011, 12:26 AM
    That's all well and good and reasonable, but I dunno, when it comes to love it just is-- I spent a good deal of my life analyzing love reductively. And that's probably a good way to analyze it. But after a series of meaningless short-term relationships, one-night-stands and lots of unrequited love (on both sides), I'm fuckin done rationally analyzing it. Maybe I'm just getting old but if I feel love, fuck it, it's all good and I'm going for it. Consequences be damned.

    As far as commitment goes, for me it's real fuckin simple-- you commit to another person and you fuckin live by it, whatever the terms of that commitment may be-- marriage, an "open" relationship-- whatthefuckever. And it's a simple matter of being loyal and not fucking the other person over. Cheaters are weak, fuckin period, and can't be trusted because of that. Fuck all this "it's natural and these people are constrained by their society's morals bullshit"-- you made a fuckin commitment you either stick by its original terms or if it's not working out be honest and seek to revise the terms or you break it off, fuck society's morals, the only morals that matter are your own-- but what you don't do is sneak around like a fuckin rat and be disloyal then blame it on nature. Fuck all that shit. I'm not saying that people who cheat are necessarily bad people and it's unforgivable, but it is a bad act, and those who try to justify it are fucking lying to themselves.

    But don't mind me, I'm a bit drunk.


    +1  Afro

    There is never an excuse for cheating. Be a man and stick to it or be up-front and break up and then do what you want. In a free society there is no fucking excuse. If you cheat, you're a spineless wimp. Period. I might be jaded on lots of issues related to monogomy, but I still and always will put loyalty and honesty above all else.
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #102 - October 24, 2011, 12:42 AM
    Loyalty and honesty are the most important qualities in a relationship for me too.
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #103 - October 24, 2011, 12:44 AM
    Congrats Allat Smiley
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #104 - October 24, 2011, 12:48 AM
    Quote from: Colonel Q-Daffi on October 24, 2011, 12:26 AM

    But don't mind me, I'm a bit drunk.


    In vino veritas.  Exactly.   Afro

    I think people are free to do what they want, but if you have to lie about it its fucking wrong, and cheaters lie.  be honest and upfront and just say it like it is. 

    Maybe he wants an open relationship and I don't, maybe he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me, which he knows will happen because I want monogomy, so he removes the choice or power from my hands by cheating and doing it hidden.  That is not fair on me.  I have the right to choose if I want monogomy or an open relationship, and yet I don't get that choice anymore because someone selfish wants their cake and to eat it too.

    Maybe I am culturally conditioned to want monogomy, maybe I have just grown up and want something I believe is more intimate for me, either way, it is my choice.  When someone is weak and cheats they remove that choice.  Its not fair on either end really.

    I would never ever try to push my desire for one person to love on anyone else though, I truly am to each their own. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #105 - October 24, 2011, 12:52 AM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 24, 2011, 12:44 AM
    Congrats Allat Smiley


    Thanks Smiley
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #106 - October 24, 2011, 12:53 AM
    I am extremely jealous.   Cry
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #107 - October 24, 2011, 12:56 AM
    A lot of people (esp. men, but also women) will say they are monogamous, because that's what's expected of them. So everyone ends up lying to each other.

    If you are 100% sure that you are monogamous, that you could really, actually live and have sex with only 1 person for your whole life, then you just need to find someone who is also 100% monogamous, and not someone pretending to be monogamous.
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #108 - October 24, 2011, 12:59 AM
    One of the things that bothers me about jealousy is that it does not imply loyalty. One of the most jealous girls I dated also happened to cheat on me.. TWICE. In retrospective she seems like one of those people who are so paranoid about impending betrayal that she emotionally protected herself by constantly flirting and 'keeping her options' open. She could never be loyal because she always imagined her partners betraying her trust, her jealousy and her infidelity were both results of this I think.

    I can understand because I have been like this for the past two years myself, I could never sustain a relationship and trust because I always started off thinking the girl would eventually hurt me anyways. Ironically it's this last girl that started this emotional complex in me... so in a way cheaters create cheaters. But I know at the core I'm not like this, I'm the schmuck that always believed in true love.. and I always will. Only my current gf broke me out of this vicious cycle and I've decided to put the past behind me and trust and love again. I hope I'm not wrong. :/
    Formerly known as Iblis
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #109 - October 24, 2011, 01:07 AM
    Quote from: allat on October 24, 2011, 12:56 AM
    See I couldn't be with someone who is truly monogamous. You need to find someone who is genuinely, truly monogamous.

    A lot of people (esp. men, but also women) will say they are monogamous, because that's what's expected of them. So everyone ends up lying to each other.

    If you are 100% sure that you are monogamous, that you could really, actually live and have sex with only 1 person for your whole life, then you just need to find someone who is also 100% monogamous, and not someone pretending to be monogamous.


    Age eventually forces monogomy or celibacy on the majority of people anyway.  Comes a point in your life where unless you're paying for it, its just not happening like it used to. 

    I'm not even saying that i am, only used myself in the scenario, could have been visa versa.

    When i was younger it was easier to turn my head and get distracted by the next exciting thing.  Now not so much.  Now I want something.  I don't even believe in something that lasts anyway, so for me its more that I want something monogomous until it eventually falls to shit.

    Ask me about lifelong commitment and how I feel about it when i actually believe I;m capable of believing its possible.

    Right now, my self esteem issues would find it way too hard to consider sharing or being open. 

    I guess I make no sense.  That's just how I feel. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #110 - October 24, 2011, 01:10 AM
    Quote from: Jesus Christ on October 24, 2011, 12:59 AM
    One of the things that bothers me about jealousy is that it does not imply loyalty. One of the most jealous girls I dated also happened to cheat on me.. TWICE. In retrospective she seems like one of those people who are so paranoid about impending betrayal that she emotionally protected herself by constantly flirting and 'keeping her options' open. She could never be loyal because she always imagined her partners betraying her trust, her jealousy and her infidelity were both results of this I think.



    Same as my ex.  Most jealous and possessive man I ever knew and yet he cheated on me because he was so convinced I would cheat on him.

    he made a judgement call about my ability to be loyal based on my past sexual history (a stupid marker since it just meant i had tried enough to be ready to settle down duh) and also because he had been cheated on before.

    Case of get them before they get you.

    What a fool and a hypocrite he was.

    I used to believe that jealousy = some connection to loyalty, but thanks to him i learned that this is just not true.  Its just projection.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #111 - October 24, 2011, 01:16 AM
    Honesty means being honest about one's own and one's partner's strengths and weaknesses too. Not expecting fairy tales to replace the real person who loves you, cares about you, and has needs you can't meet.
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #112 - October 24, 2011, 02:37 AM
    Quote from: Colonel Q-Daffi on October 22, 2011, 07:15 AM
    Fuckin seriously? Naija is one of the nicest guys here. This is as retarded as when ALM started attacking deusvult.


    The fun thing about dissociative personality disorder is that I can always claim it wasn't me.  Cheesy
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #113 - October 24, 2011, 02:45 AM
    Quote from: Sir Wankalot on October 23, 2011, 12:14 AM
    No, it seems to be a drift towards wanting everyone to conform to ones view of how things should be. Which is in the same league as the religions nutters wanting gays killed and women covered up from head to toe, albeit less extreme.

    I still fail to see how consenting acts affect your notion of 'social order'. When violence or harm is inflicted on unconsenting beings - human or animal, that should be a cause for concern.


    Oh Sir Wankalot, you're gettin' me all hot and bothered.  001_wub
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #114 - October 24, 2011, 02:49 AM
    Quote from: Sir Wankalot on October 23, 2011, 12:41 AM
    I am in support of voluntary euthanasia and my hope is that in the near future there will be more progress and open dialogue in this area so that legislation will allow for the fundamental right to choose to die, while at the same time putting measures in place to ensure the person makes the choice freely and not under duress.

    Outlawing such actions is not helpful in any way. Open and meaningful dialogue, debate and research does.

    Terminally ill people in pain and with no quality of life have a right to choose to end it. Those who seek to stop them, should first be subjected to the same conditions as the patients for at least a year. Let them see what it feels like to have someone clean shit from their ass every day and drool on themselves while being fed. Then they can comment on how someone else should handle their life.


    I wonder whether or not its my responsibility to report this post.  Huh?
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #115 - October 24, 2011, 03:16 AM
    That is a neat trick, genuinely impressed, even though it does make it harder for me to ascertain how tempted you will be by my shameless flirtations.  Tongue
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #116 - October 24, 2011, 03:26 AM
    How do you put up with that much talking with one person?  wacko
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #117 - October 24, 2011, 04:33 AM
    Quote from: asbdsp on October 24, 2011, 02:37 AM
    The fun thing about dissociative personality disorder is that I can always claim it wasn't me.  Cheesy


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #118 - October 24, 2011, 05:09 AM
     wacko
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #119 - October 24, 2011, 05:21 AM
    promiscuity is not something you view, it's something you do.

    seriously tho, i don't really care. i'm not the most promiscuous guy but i do get laid occasionally and need it to not lose my sanity. wacko you kinda get bored of it after a while and want more, tho. having sex with someone you have feelings for is not the same at all.
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