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 Topic: Whats your view on Promiscuity?

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  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #240 - July 25, 2012, 02:39 AM
    Quote from: Lynna on July 25, 2012, 02:09 AM
    It seems like a very easy concept to me.

    Devilsadvkat gave a very good and easy to understand example... [snip]

    Only the prudish, the jealous, or the sexually insecure judge a person's worth or disposition based on how much sex they have or have had. Number/frequency of sexual partners tell you nothing about a person. Nothing at all except the number/frequency of sexual partners they have had. And so it's prejudice - not the good or useful type of judgement - to assume to know anything about someone based on this insignificant trivia.

    Does it make more sense to you now?
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #241 - July 25, 2012, 03:11 AM
    Quote from: Maya on July 24, 2012, 07:48 PM
    The thing is people ARE judged on such matters whether we like it or not.  Not necessarily on how much sex they have but on how many different people they have it with.

    It's telling that you used a passive voice. It's as if people don't have agency. PEOPLE do judging. CERTAIN people. Those people need to be called out and shamed for what they really are: as Ishina said, prejudiced, jealous, insecure types.

    Don't make this impersonal, deterministic. Don't try to justify it by appealing to some "this is how it is" non-argument.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #242 - July 25, 2012, 03:31 AM
    Quote from: Ishina on July 25, 2012, 02:39 AM
    Only the prudish, the jealous, or the sexually insecure judge a person's worth or disposition based on how much sex they have or have had. Number/frequency of sexual partners tell you nothing about a person. Nothing at all except the number/frequency of sexual partners they have had. And so it's prejudice - not the good or useful type of judgement - to assume to know anything about someone based on this insignificant trivia.
    Does it make more sense to you now?


    Apparently a description of yourself.

    It was never said that a persons value or worth was being judged. It is only very apparent that judgements are continuously made by people when determining who they will interact with and what kind of conduct they will tolerate around them. It was you yourself that began to make prejudicial descriptions of other people. I only said the activitiesof B and C were not inline with the type of activity thar A was interested in.

    I suppose you'd try to pursue someone for a one nightstand who was absolutely uninterested? Well....perhaps you would because you run head long with your own idea thinking you are right no matter what. And you're not very attentive to details so maybe you would. Okay that's you.



    If at first you succeed...try something harder.

    Failing isn't falling down. Failing is not getting back up again.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #243 - July 25, 2012, 03:40 AM
    Quote from: Lynna on July 25, 2012, 03:31 AM
    Apparently a description of yourself.

    I'm rubber you're glue laa-dee-fucking-daa.

    Quote from: Lynna on July 25, 2012, 03:31 AM
    It was never said that a persons value or worth was being judged.

    *I said* if you judge someone on how much sex they have tells us more about you than it does them. I then went on the clarify my position.

    I have no idea what conversation you are having or why you are quoting me if you do not understand this.

    Quote from: Lynna on July 25, 2012, 03:31 AM
    It was you yourself that began to make prejudicial descriptions of other people....

    ...I suppose you'd try to pursue someone for a one nightstand who was absolutely uninterested? Well....perhaps you would because you run head long with your own idea thinking you are right no matter what. And you're not very attentive to details so maybe you would. Okay that's you.

    Oh, beautiful irony.
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #244 - July 25, 2012, 04:12 AM
    I said something about what Devilsadvokat and Maya said and then you quote me Ishina before I quoted you. So don't ask me why I quoted you because I really wont have if you hadnt commented on what I said.  Your reply proves it really isn't worth the time.
    If at first you succeed...try something harder.

    Failing isn't falling down. Failing is not getting back up again.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #245 - July 25, 2012, 04:29 AM
    Yeah. It was totally unreasonable of me to assume your comment entirely about judging people was anything to do with my comment about judging people just above it. And unreasonable of me to pick up on it as though it was part of the conversation I was involved in.
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #246 - July 25, 2012, 01:01 PM
    Quote from: Abood on July 25, 2012, 03:11 AM
    It's telling that you used a passive voice. It's as if people don't have agency. PEOPLE do judging. CERTAIN people. Those people need to be called out and shamed for what they really are: as Ishina said, prejudiced, jealous, insecure types.

    Don't make this impersonal, deterministic. Don't try to justify it by appealing to some "this is how it is" non-argument.


    I believe in live and let live. I personally don't judge these people, if that's how they want to live their life I have no problem with that. I wouldn't look at somebody who slept around and dislike them purely based on that, heck I've got friends who sleep around.  I don't and never have slept around (but I have always been a flirt and do like flirting) but it doesn't mean we judge each other even though we don't necessarily agree with that part of each other's lifestyle. 

    Anyway who cares what anybody thinks.  If I did sleep around I couldn't care less what anybody else said about me as long as I feel ok with it.  Likewise if anybody wants to call me a prude or whatever they like, I couldn't care less what they think or say about that either. I've never understood why people get so bothered and upset about what others think or say about them.

    What's the point of calling them out?  It won't change how they act, feel or speak out imo.    Let them have their say whatever it might be and let me have mine if I want to say something back at them, or if I wish to ignore them then that too.
    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #247 - July 25, 2012, 04:15 PM
    Quote from: Lynna on July 25, 2012, 02:09 AM
    It seems like a very easy concept to me.

    Devilsadvkat gave a very good and easy to understand example. Person A is looking for a on night stand no strings attached. Person A sees Person B who is known to have been an exclusive relationship for 6 years and broke up and is now looking for another exclusive relationship.  Person A makes the judgement that Person B would likely not be a likely person to persistent a one nightstand with. So Person A sees Person C who is known to have had at least 30 one Nightstands in last month. Person A makes the judgement "ah no" that is a little bit to active for what I'm interested in. So Person A sees Person D knows that this persons had a couple one nightstands in the last month makes the judgment yes that is a person I'm interested in getting with. Person A judged the persons B, C and D on the ground of their known activity.  It was very reasonable for Person A to do this in fact it would have seen down right stupid and or offensive not to have. Think about it (especially if you are trouble thinking it is okay to judge people) what if person A would have approached Person B for a on nightstand knowing that there was no interest in that sort of activity. Gee that would be a social blunder. We make judgements about other peoples activities all the time. That doesn't mean we go into every detail of it with every one we meet. Nonetheless we make the judgmentl as part of deciding on all kinds of matters.


     Shocked

    There's a difference between making snap-second decisions when you meet people or encounter a new situation. The subconscious is often at work in these situations and the reasoning behind the decision is complex and based on a multitude of factors.

    When  you make a judgement, to me that means you have stopped to think about something and drawn a conclusion from it. In this case that means that someone might judge a promiscuous person as immoral, filthy, or perhaps consider them inferior in some manner because their ideals do not match up with the other person's lifestyle.
    "If intelligence is feminine... I would want that mine would, in a resolute movement, come to resemble an impious woman."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #248 - July 25, 2012, 04:45 PM
    Quote from: Maya on July 25, 2012, 01:01 PM
    Anyway who cares what anybody thinks.  If I did sleep around I couldn't care less what anybody else said about me as long as I feel ok with it.  Likewise if anybody wants to call me a prude or whatever they like, I couldn't care less what they think or say about that either. I've never understood why people get so bothered and upset about what others think or say about them.

    No offense, but that's easy for you to say if you aren't promiscuous, if you don't go through the feelings of guilt and shame that come with having a sex drive that's supposedly too active, that society tells you to be ashamed of.

    Let's "live and let live". Let's all accept each other's attitude towards sex. But what you're saying is kind of like someone saying "I don't see colour", when racism is so fucking glaring that you would have to be blind to be colour blind.

    I refuse to "live and let live" with intolerance. To do so is injustice.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #249 - July 25, 2012, 04:49 PM
    You're not doing it right if you feel cheap and negative about your promiscuity.  That doesn't sound too healthy tbh.

    But I'm not being judgemental, so please don't eat my face. 

    I'm a slut too.
    "If intelligence is feminine... I would want that mine would, in a resolute movement, come to resemble an impious woman."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #250 - July 25, 2012, 04:54 PM
    What does it mean -- "not doing it right"? Is there such a thing as wrong when it comes to sexuality?
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #251 - July 25, 2012, 04:57 PM
    Not really. It's about whatever feels good. I understand that some things might feel bad because of the society you grew up in, but if you're being promiscuous but also being plagued by negative feelings and eroded self worth, to me that seems like unhealthy behaviour. I guess as long as it feels good for the most part. Smiley

    Happy slutting~ Smiley
    "If intelligence is feminine... I would want that mine would, in a resolute movement, come to resemble an impious woman."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #252 - July 25, 2012, 05:01 PM
    I know you have good intentions, but what you're saying is that I should fit myself into social standards to be able to feel good about myself.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #253 - July 25, 2012, 05:17 PM
    No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying you should evaluate and get rid of the feelings that make you feel bad about your sexuality so that you can enjoy it more.  Smiley
    "If intelligence is feminine... I would want that mine would, in a resolute movement, come to resemble an impious woman."
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #254 - July 25, 2012, 05:19 PM
    Quote from: Abood on July 25, 2012, 04:45 PM
    No offense, but that's easy for you to say if you aren't promiscuous, if you don't go through the feelings of guilt and shame that come with having a sex drive that's supposedly too active, that society tells you to be ashamed of.

    Let's "live and let live". Let's all accept each other's attitude towards sex. But what you're saying is kind of like someone saying "I don't see colour", when racism is so fucking glaring that you would have to be blind to be colour blind.

    I refuse to "live and let live" with intolerance. To do so is injustice.



    Well I think you need to work on why you feel such guilt and shame just because some people in society tell you what you're doing is wrong.  Wrong for whom? It's not wrong for you.  Nobody is asking them to live that way so what's their problem?  So you have a high sex drive - well that's your business and nobody else's as to how you deal with those urges, whether that be by seeking many partners or having lots of sex with just one person.  I don't think you're a lesser person whichever way you choose and to those who would call you for it I say fuck 'em.  I wouldn't even give them a second thought.   If you're a honest, truthful, caring and thoughtful person in every other respect then that surely trumps what kind of sex life you have imo.  

    It seems to me that you do have issues in your own mind in accepting the way you are. You say you do, at times, ask yourself why you feel the way you do but what happens next? You bring to mind your upbringing and let that influence your thoughts.  If you can dismiss Islam as nonsense then you can do the same for cultural taboos and dismiss them to the dustbin too.   You don't have to do or live any lifestyle you're not happy with, if you don't feel comfortable being a slut then don't be one, nobody is forcing you to be one, and likewise if you accept yourself for whatever label you wish to put on it then carry on and indeed live and let live. Why battle with yourself about it when clearly interferring others won't hesitate to do that for you?

    ETA:  I see you've now edited your post abood but what I say above still stands anyway.
    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #255 - July 25, 2012, 05:47 PM
    Not only do you have to suffer the phobic and neurotic bullshit judgements from the socially conservative killjoys and harassment from boorish dick-swinging macho cunts, but you also have to navigate the minefield of feminist moralisers that are telling you you're hurting "The Cause" by degrading or objectifying yourself and compromising your mystical womanhood, and somehow by association theirs also. You're allowed to be a slut, but you've got to do it on their terms.

    I'm not built to internalise it, thankfully. I'll just throw it back out at them where it belongs. Make them carry their own shitty stuff and swallow their own bullshit hang-ups. But I have friends who are sometimes beaten down by it. It's socially acceptable to harass a woman who's had a few sexual partners. Call her a whore casually 'cause obviously it's 'just a joke', humiliate her, touch her up, invade her personal space, get rowdy and cheer the spectacle on. If a man does the same, he's a hero. The man of the hour. He can wear a badge of pride. Be cheered for a different reason. It can get really really boring.

    And of course, if you don't take that shit and fight back, you're "too much like a bloke".
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #256 - July 25, 2012, 09:16 PM
    The mouth of a woman is the most bacteria-ridden place in the planet. No way I'm sticking my dick in there.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #257 - July 25, 2012, 10:28 PM
    Good! you'd probably get it bitten off.  Cheesy
    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #258 - July 25, 2012, 10:31 PM
    .
    You need to read this book.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #259 - July 25, 2012, 10:34 PM
    The judgement made in terms of promiscuity is not really comparable to that of societal response towards over eaters or people who over indulge in drink in terms of degree of consequence. And it is an important distinction in a very specific way. In certain conservative cultures, the stigma of 'promiscuity' can have consequences beyond simple name calling. It is different by an order of magnitude that is immense.

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #260 - July 25, 2012, 11:39 PM
    Quote from: Maya on July 25, 2012, 05:19 PM
    It seems to me that you do have issues in your own mind in accepting the way you are. You say you do, at times, ask yourself why you feel the way you do but what happens next? You bring to mind your upbringing and let that influence your thoughts.  If you can dismiss Islam as nonsense then you can do the same for cultural taboos and dismiss them to the dustbin too.   You don't have to do or live any lifestyle you're not happy with, if you don't feel comfortable being a slut then don't be one, nobody is forcing you to be one, and likewise if you accept yourself for whatever label you wish to put on it then carry on and indeed live and let live. Why battle with yourself about it when clearly interferring others won't hesitate to do that for you?

    That's easier said than done. Much easier. I certainly fight against the influence of cultural hegemony on myself, but the mind of a single individual is vastly overshadowed by an entire society. And I should add that it's not just Islamic society that enforces this norm of chastity and "purity". Muslims are more explicit about it, but it exists in many liberal, democratic societies as well.

    I agree with what Ishina said, but I would add that gay and bisexual guys share a similar experience with women. They're negatively stereotyped as sluts who can't maintain a monogamous relationship.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #261 - July 26, 2012, 12:12 AM
    Does it really matter though Abood, all this stupid stereotyping nonsense?  At the end of the day it's just a means of society trying to force the majorities opinions on the minorities. That's all it is, and they can only succeed in shaming you into their way of doing things if you let them.

    I can see that to you it does matter but provided you are not being physically harmed by them trying to enforce their ways upon you (this is a different kettle of fish) then it's something only you can deal with yourself.  I know you say it's easier said than done but where you and I differ is that I really couldn't give a rat's arse what anybody else's opinions are if they differ from mine or how many people are of that opinion, even a whole society if that's what's involved.  Seriously!

    Even if the "stereotype" you mention of gay and bisexual guys and promiscuous women was true (I don't know if it is as I don't listen to stereotyping shit talk), so what? 
    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #262 - July 26, 2012, 01:10 AM
    Society plays a role in shaping our psyches. It's largely subconscious, and that's what makes it so subtle yet pervasive.

    You can say "so what?" because you don't experience it. I can say "so what?" as much as I can, and I do, but parts of this cultural hegemony is engrained in my head. And that's why it's a hegemony.

    What we need to do to dismantle this patriarchal, heteronormative structure is constantly question our actions and beliefs. And we need to focus on the subtleties, the unspoken thoughts, the unthought about actions. We all claim to be anti-racist, anti-homophobic, anti-sexist, but sometimes our subconscious begs to differ. There are even tests that quiz those hidden attitudes we hold, the ones that ultimately uphold the status quo. Saying "so what?" makes us ignore how cultural normativity affects our psyches.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #263 - July 26, 2012, 01:36 AM
    Huh?   Huh?  Talk about over-analysing everything.  Don't even go there, it just reads as hogwash and nonsense to me.   Roll Eyes   Why would I want to boggle my mind with such stuff?  wacko

    I have no inclination whatsoever to dismantle or question anything.  I have my own ideas and opinions which I'm fine with and don't need to focus on anything in my subconscious thankyou. My subconscious can stay buried or it can come to the fore and be dealt with as and when.

    Yeah I can say "so what" and will continue to do so.  No I don't experience it because I've never let "cultural hegemony" as you put it take root in my head and spread like a weed. So what?

    This conversation actually brings back memories of my schooldays and my refusal to let anybody try and feed me any bullshit about religion.  No I probably haven't experienced it in the form you have but I certainly recall my parents, family, school-teachers and Church people coming down on me like a ton of bricks when, if forced to listen to such bullshit in religious education classes, I had no qualms about disrupting it for everyone.  I think I've mentioned it before in some thread or other, but no matter how I was treated, or even a good-hiding off my father for shaming him by my behaviour in school,  it made no difference to me.  I did not want to hear it and eventually they did all get the message and even though I was made to sit outside such classes on a chair outside the classroom like the naughty girl,  I'd much rather do that than suffer those stupid lessons I hated so much.  So what?  Did I experience some of it or not?  Who cares!



    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #264 - July 26, 2012, 02:10 AM
    Thank you for reinforcing my belief that this discussion is a waste of time.

    Frankly, I found your attitude offensive from the beginning, but I wanted to have a meaningful conversation to hopefully have some sort of understanding. But evidently you don't care. So thank you for proving me right, that some people just don't give a fuck, that they would rather bask in their apathy and pretend that social values don't "take root in my head and spread like a weed" than question their attitudes.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #265 - July 26, 2012, 03:34 AM
    There are some in this conversation who seem to me to be very clearly saying "make your own mind what you are comfortable with and stand by that. Don't let society smash you in their mold and make feel shamed,"  I suppose this many be easier said then done, however that would be the ideal to be comfortable enough with self to not be effected by the snot mouths of the world. As people are more aware of their own circumstances it is common to see a situation from a self perspective. So ....so how do I say this without sounding like a total jerk.... As a woman who has chosen a very not promiscuous lifestyle where even flirting is overstepping the line. I see society in general as very encouraging of of being over sexed and very encouraging of being homosexual or bisexual. It is very surprising for to hear a young man to say that society makes him feel a shamed of supposedly having an very active sex drive. (Forgive me if I have misunderstood the problem). Totally amazing how the same societal message could be so diversely received.

    I would never have thought that a sexual active person would have been made t feel over sexed by society. Thank you for this differ point of view.

    If at first you succeed...try something harder.

    Failing isn't falling down. Failing is not getting back up again.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #266 - July 26, 2012, 05:21 AM
    If Maya is telling me to just be myself, she's preaching to the choir. I will always and forever be myself and take pride in it, even if the whole world is against me.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #267 - July 26, 2012, 08:45 AM
    Quote from: Abood on July 26, 2012, 02:10 AM
    Thank you for reinforcing my belief that this discussion is a waste of time.

    Frankly, I found your attitude offensive from the beginning, but I wanted to have a meaningful conversation to hopefully have some sort of understanding. But evidently you don't care. So thank you for proving me right, that some people just don't give a fuck, that they would rather bask in their apathy and pretend that social values don't "take root in my head and spread like a weed" than question their attitudes.


    Why do you find my attitude offensive?  Why do you feel this discussion is a waste of time?  Is it because I'm preventing you from playing the 'victim' card?
    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #268 - July 26, 2012, 09:01 AM
    Yes. Anything that doesn't allow me to bask in self-pity is offensive and a waste of time.
  • Re: Whats your view on Promiscuity?
     Reply #269 - July 26, 2012, 09:25 AM
    Abood I really had no intention of trying to offend you and whether you believe that or not is up to you.  All I was trying to say was that hoping to appeal to peoples better natures to understand your point of view and change how they feel or behave, or by Ishina's method of calling out their bullshit, is never going to work in the long run. People have their opinions and are entitled to them whether that be sympathiser or bigot.   Best all round if you can not let it bother you what anyone else thinks or says and just get on with living your life your own way imo.
    "The greatest general is not the one who can take the most cities or spill the most blood. The greatest general is the one who can take Heaven and Earth without waging the battle." ~ Sun Tzu

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