Angry, depressed, Islamophobic

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- lydialily
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Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
OP - January 06, 2012, 06:02 PM

Ever since I was sent a very long and very hurtful message from a former friend accusing me of insulting Islam and her messiah, I keep on being reminded of parts of the message. I know I should laugh it off, shrug them off as the words of just another brainwashed Muslim but I can't. It's been 3 months and the hurt is still there. It's gotten to the point where I am just so damned irritated to be reminded of Islam whenever I see a hijabi or read stuff on Facebook. I want to lash out, tell them to fuck off and stop imposing but I don't want to be exposed.

I don't think my Muslim family members are bad but I can't help wanting to run away from them or exploding in a mass of blasphemous rage. I wish to never encounter another Muslim but they are everywhere. They want me to pray, repent and return to the fold. I want to shut them up whenever another idiot posts a video about the beauty of hijab. I don't want to tolerate anymore.

And I am depressed made worse by the alienation and the knowledge that I no longer have some crutch to lean on in the form of a personal God who will make life a little easier if you prayed hard enough or in the right way whatever that is. I take pills and they just make me sluggish and guilty for their expensive cost.

Sometimes I don't see the point anymore in living what with this much hate and anger for strangers and especially for myself. When I see the shit people not just Muslims do to others it makes me want to give up and say screw it. No matter how much money I give or the amount of time spent in helping, they're just not enough.

Sorry I had to vent, I hope this is the appropriate format for a blog
- Halal Kafir
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #1 - January 06, 2012, 06:17 PM

Most of us here know how you feel... trust me. I myself only left Islam 4-6 months ago after being a practising Muslim for the last 4-5 years, and I'm still angry, depressed, embarrassed and ashamed to have been a Muslim. Everyday since I left Islam I've bafflingly asked myself this ..."what on earth were you thinking?". My best advice to you is to go out there and enjoy your life. Instead of exploding in a "mass of blasphemous rage" (yes, I know that would help somewhat.), challenge their beliefs....ask them why they believe..... what makes Islam different than any other religion.... basically just ask awkward questions. Make you sure they know that you disbelieve for good reasons.
- lydialily
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #2 - January 06, 2012, 06:46 PM

I don't have any desire to debate anymore and I'm not embarrassed for what I used to believe. I used to always cherry pick anyway and never quite fully believed in the whole thing. However, I've been quite alarmed by the increasing tendency to be more religious among the Muslims in my country. Their knee jerk response to label every criticism as Islamophobia pisses me off. That just increases my anger and now I do believe I have full-blown Islamophobia because now I just can't stand the sight of any one of them, knowing what they believe. But that hatred makes me sick. I have to keep reminding myself that some are decent people. Hatred turns us all into monsters and for my hate, I'm no better than the extremists.
- Jinn and Tonic
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #3 - January 06, 2012, 07:20 PM

sweet lydia... I think every one of us who were once sincere wanna swift kick ourselves
in the ass for believing this crap, or being forced to be raised IN it, not by choice.

While this may sound dorky, what I try to do when the negative energy gets to much,
I started teaching myself different genres of art. I do needle work, beadwork, tried
painting (huge fail LMAO, but still encourage myself that at least i tried lol), charcoal and
tempura drawing. Find a hobby that you can channel that energy into.

Believe me, i have chronic severe PTSD and anger is at the top of the list of my
downfalls, but getting into things that either really interested me, or i was curious
about REALLY HELPED, and even paid off! I then taught myself how to make jewelry,
and I sold one set for 350.00 US dollars! That came at a point in my life when I was
just shy of living under a bridge, too.

But honestly, sweetheart... take a browse through about.com go thru the
sub categories and click on something that interests you or you are curious about!

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Helen Keller
- lydialily
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #4 - January 06, 2012, 09:52 PM

That's a great idea actually, not dorky at all and wow really awesome that you sold that jewelry set! I'll try again with the hobbies instead of dwelling on this whenever the darker moods set in.
- Merry_Squirell
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #5 - January 25, 2012, 05:08 PM

Lidia, you are not alone, regarding the way you feel...Although I am neither ex-muslim nor muslim, sometimes I really hate the way they see the world around them; us vs.kaffirs.

Isn't it funny how cats can understand people without ever reading a single psychology book?
- Zaiba
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #6 - January 25, 2012, 06:07 PM

.
- lydialily
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #7 - February 17, 2012, 06:56 AM

Exactly Zaiba, exactly how I feel. What helps these days is hanging out with non-Muslims doing haram things and calling out on Muslim bullshit whenever it pops up. Okay it's childish but it feels nice to piss off the Muslims I used to be friends with. I'm glad I live in a secular nation where the minority Muslims are not able to dominate in any form.
- moi
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Re: Angry, depressed, Islamophobic
Reply #8 - February 17, 2012, 01:59 PM

Islam often is incredibly inyerface. I think where I live has much higher Jewish and Hindu and Sikh populations than Muslim, but no one would know it!

Are there ways to avoid it? Get a dog? Move somewhere else?

Something on the TV about Yugoslavia had beautiful church bells then the call to prayer over an awful sound system. I suppose the call to prayer will be allowed soon because banning it is religious discrimination...

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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