Dear Bel,
These dark days will come and go, but you will make it through each time
The things you think you want, that you should have, are not all real, some are illusions of what you want because of the life you've had, without exposure to the world. There is so much of the world to see and experience and you are barely on the tip of the ice berg.
Life isn't black and white, people aren't black and white, there are so many shades of grey and you've only come across a few pixels.
People are more like you than you imagine, and that's a good thing, take comfort that you are part of bigger picture, no matter how little, insignificant and 'weird' you feel.
Don't be sad that you haven't reached where you imagined you would be within some time period. Some things in life you have to go through, to learn lessons and each of us with different routes to take and places to go. Reading books and watching movies, documentaries will never give you the same enriched understand that comes from truly allowing yourself to connect with other people. Reach out more.
You will soon discover (or probably just recently) Richard Feynman, a brilliant man and he has more to teach you years later. A simple message.
'You don't have to be good because people think you will be good' You don't have to prove to people anything to be who you are. You have more choice than you can imagine, you just need some people and some opportunities to open your mind.
Choose to be happy, don't despair when things aren't going the way you wanted them to, life isn't static, changes happen sooner or later.
You're life isn't just about work, although at that stage in your life there seems nothing else that can bring you happiness in any form other than being brilliant in work. You will discover how love really feels like, and how much love you're capable of giving, how crazy love can make you. Don't give up on yourself, your family loves you more than you realise and in a way you will understand some day. You can learn to forgive them for ways they've hurt you as see the a larger portion of the 'bigger picture' of life.
Never forget you're beautiful on the inside and that's the only thing that matters you don't need anything to justify your right to live. The universe created you, as she shall take you back some day, but inbetween learn explore, I know there's a little explorer in you, ready for adventures, well
life is one big adventure and it begins at your doorstep, you don't have to be rich and travel the world to be an explorer.
Open your heart more, show the people you care about that you do, nobody is around forever, and let them care about you, and nothing is gained by closing yourself off, to 'protect' yourself.
Stay chirpy! ^_^
Continue to learn and grow
Live Long and Prosper
PS.. you'll always be a romantic till the end...all attempts to change that will be futile!