So guys, thought I'd post some of the stuff I've been doing over the months to keep me busy.
I'm only just now really getting on my feet with things again. Back when I was in ________ before my X found us again and tried to do a break and enter on the place we were living at and were transported by police and child-protection far away to a new location where we are now,
my place was beautiful, I'd put so much work into making my home a home. During the being relocated to where we are now, I lost almost every except what I could pack into 4 suitcases. It was heart-breaking and I kind of gave up trying. When we first moved here to our new location we were in a refuge for four months, then moved into our own place, and it took almost a year and a half after we moved into the place we are in now for me to finally go, "Ok, it's time for me to start making our home a home and stop feeling sorry for yourself. For that year and a half before I got my act together in regards to making our home a home again, I couldn't be bothered, we'd lost so much in having to move so far, and I felt like there was no point in working so hard when there is always the risk that he could find us again and loosing everything again.
Sigh, boy did I waste alot of time being not-bothered. I was glad that we'd gotten out alive and ok, but still, it was so hard to start all over again, AGAIN.
So I've spent the last 6 months or so rebuilding our sanctuary, making our home a home. This time I didn't have the drive I had the last time, as previously it had been adrenaline that had kept me going moment to moment. I lived every moment as though it was our last, but this time around with rebuilding our lives, the adrenaline I lived on for years had largely been dissipating as the threat of us being found is no longer as high and I can live now knowing that there is a very good chance that he might not ever find us again. Well here's hoping *crossing fingers*.
I've done little baby steps towards making our home a home, I try to do one thing a night to better our lives/our home etc...
Back in _______ where we lived before, I had plants everywhere inside the house and gardened the outside gardens. When I lived in ________, I was determined to have as much nature around us as possible, as it was just one of the things that had me and the kids had been deprived of when living with the X. So I had plants everywhere, in the bathroom, in my bedroom, in the loungeroom, on the window sills etc...
It was just one of the aspects of living with the X that was really hard, and it's so insignificant I know, but plants are important to me, and when I was with my X I was badly deprived of nature and plants. I wasn't allowed to buy any for inside the house and wasn't allowed to go out onto the balconey, and he had the rule that the curtains and blinds (curtains were in front of the blinds) had to be closed at all times. I got vitamin D deficiency when with him due to the fact that I never got any sun on my skin. But I longed for plants and flowers, it was just one small thing that I desperately longed for for years.
So the last 6 months, I've been slowly rebuilding our plant situation.
I have another three plants that I have that aren't in the above photos, one is looking very sad as all the leaves have died but the flowers have come back, another is a fern that is doing beautifully, and another is some Madagascan plant that has beautiful blue and white flowers.
I also have a love for statues, which goes back to my childhood and unfortunately wasn't able to fulfill until after I left my X. In _________ where we lived before I had a large collection of statues, that of graceful beautiful women and their children in beautiful poses. Today I have only one that I bought about a year ago. I hope to add to the collection and get many more. For some reason they make me really happy.
I've put new curtains up in the last 3 months, they are beautiful silky sheer browns, much nicer than the garbled jibberish coloured mess of curtains that were up when I moved in. I hope to put move curtains up in the other rooms when I have the money to get more.
I've furnished the kids room, bought cuboards and baskets for their toys. I got them new bed-spreads for christmas as we'd had the old worn ones I'd bought from an op-shop when we moved in here. A Ben10 one for my son and a Bratz one for my daughter. And today I bought a flat screen tv and a dvd player from a second hand store for $70 to put in the kids room so that they can watch tv on a saturday morning when I want to sleep in. So exciting! I'm so happy about it, have been waiting for months to buy them a tv and dvd player, and it's finally happened.
In _______ I had kids wall stickers in the kid's bedrooms, and when we moved into our own house out of the refuge here, I didn't have the money or the heart to bother, but now I'm planning on doing it again, have to go out and find the right ones... and bann my son from peeling them off the wall lol!
I've recently got a new vacuum cleaner, as my old one that the refuge gave us when we moved into our own place had long since broken. I'd duct-taped it and tried to find new parts to it, but to no avail, it just kept breaking and getting worse and I've spent almost two years on my hands and knees vacuuming. So when a friend told me a few weeks ago that they were buying a new vacuum cleaner, would I like to buy theirs, I was like, Hell yeah!
I've gotten a microwave in the last 3 months, a popcorn maker, new plates that were on special, fixed my coffee table that had broken and many other things. It's great to finally be able to say that life is improving and I'm resting easier at nights knowing that hopefully we'll be safe for good.
I want to decoupage the dining table and chairs, like I'd done with an old set that had been badly graffiti-ed when were living back in _________. Seriously, it was a work of art, I loved it and had quite a few people ask to buy it off of me, but I refused as I'd put so much work into it. Unfortunately it's gone with the rest of the things I made/bought/grown etc... back there, but that's life for you I guess. Least we got out safety and he didn't have a chance to hurt us due to a quick thinking neighbour who called the cops, who in turn took us to the local refuge and organized for us to be relocated hours away.
These are pics of a mural I did for a friend's kid's bedroom awhile back. They aren't updated photos as I've done more work on the mural since taking these pics and fixed a number of errors I'd made when painting it, but I haven't had a chance to photograph the finished product.
And here's a pic of a boat I've been building, so much fun and so fiddly. I only work on it when I've got chronic insomnia as it's something that I can't work on around the kids as they want to touch and aren't allowed to, and it's great for filling in the seemingly endless hours when you can't sleep and feel like a zombie. For some reason doing things with my hands seems to calm me down. I've done more since this part of the making of the boat, but I need to go get it out of the cupboard to take a photo of it and can't be bothered right now.
I have other pics of stuff I've done/am working on, but they are all on a usb stick that is somewhere around but not sure exactly where. When I find it will post some more pics up of things I'm doing/working on.
My goals for the next couple of months are:
Spend lots more quality time with the kids, go to the markets, take the kids to the movies 'bout once a month, work on their craft projects with them, keep helping them with their extra-curricular activities, cook with them even though I hate cooking with them (so much drama when it comes to cooking with them), play, have fun and enjoy their company.
Go to uni for the degree I'm planning on working on for the next couple of years instead of doing the other one I was working on but is too triggering for me at the moment.
Finish the projects I'm working on at the moment. Specifically finish the bloody quilt I've been making for the last 2 years.
Buy a little fishy or two (I love fish) AGAIN.
Buy some love birds.
Get a new washing machine as the one I currently have is broken and I've been washing by hand.
More plants, more gardening, get the garden outside to be bloody green instead of dead plants everywhere that uproot ever time due it never having been properly gardened before.
Make my bedroom nice for a change instead of it being the dumping ground for pretty much everything.
Get a second hand tv for my bedroom.
Save enough for another rental bond in case we have to move again.
Get a fucking toaster for fucks sake, grilling bread is no fun!
Cut down smoking to no more than 2 packs a week. This pack a day thing just has to go!
Buy wall stickers for the kid's bedroom.
Do some portraights of the kids for fuck's sake, stop procrastinating on it 'cause they are getting older as you waist your time doing other things and it will be great to be able to give them pics you've painted of them when they grow up and move away, so fucking get off your butt and start painting pics of them woman!
Bake deserts one day a week. For fucks sake, where is your motivation? You know you love cooking, so why the fuck haven't you baked anything lately?
Read to the kids every night from the Chronicles of Narnia instead of just reading those short little picture books, stop being lazy and read what they want you to read. It's not that hard to read a chapter a night is it? They've been bugging you to do it for the last 3 weeks now, so fucking do it!
Topic: Broken Birdie Flying - Blog of this Ex-Muslim