a story of a guy who loves his parents

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- codex
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
OP - April 27, 2012, 01:12 AM

Hi everyone, it depresses me that I have to resort to this. I really need some help and advise.

About me: male, 20s, doctor, UK

I don't know if there is a creator or not, but i have known for a while that organised religion that adheres itself to an all-knowing and judgmental god is both dangerous and bullshit. Being a doctor who has been around a lot of dying people over recent times has only served to further confirm my views.

I have had friends from a huge variety of cultures and religions. However, my core group of friends are muslims. This has not helped. Its funny, because I see how my muslim friends conduct themselves, and think to myself 'wow im probably a better muslim than you!'. Most of the hypocrites I have come across in life have been muslims.

My parents are strict muslims, though incredible people. They have given me everything, and have had to endure a lot of hard work and hurt throughout their lives for the sake of their children. I have been pretending to be a true muslim for years and years now, and its killing me.

I just can't do it. I can't leave my parents, or hurt them. I have always lived my life by the philosophy that I will never be truly happy unless my parents are happy. I know that if they found out about my true self, they would not be happy. I even have a muslim girlfriend, who i pretend to be muslim around as well. She's amazing, and i do really care for her, but i think the real reason i have chosen her is because i know my parents would be happy if i married her. I secretly wish i could find the same kind of girl, but with the same beliefs as me. Someone wants to pretend for her parents just like me. If I ever have kids, I feel sorry for them - I will have to pretend to be muslim and raise them as muslims just to make their grandparents happy - and they'll just have the same dilemma as me.

I guess I feel that I am locked in some kind of philosophical prison, and I don't know whether escaping this prison will improve my life or make me happier. I'm trying to make my life one big sacrifice. If you've got far enough to read this sentence, I thank you already.

Oh shit, this introduction makes me sound depressed and brooding lol. I can assure you that I like to have a laugh and am generally happy. I'm just having one of those nights when i'm smoking a cig and suddenly become all philosophical
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #1 - April 27, 2012, 01:45 AM
- David
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #2 - April 27, 2012, 01:49 AM

Alternatively...
- David
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #3 - April 27, 2012, 01:50 AM

But you owe it to yourself to dig.
- norabora
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #4 - April 27, 2012, 02:31 AM

I think the same way. I have almost been engaged a few time to please my parents. It won't be fair to this girl to live that kind of life because one day she will find out. Your kids will also know and will find you to be a coward and resent you for it.
From our perspective it seems like the only choice assuming death isn't one.

I wish parents everywhere could remove their veil of religion and see their kids for whom they actually are.
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #5 - April 27, 2012, 02:53 AM

I'll probably be in the EXACT same dilemma as you when i am ready to get married in bout 8-9 years. I know exactly how you feel.

I would not want to abandon or hurt my parents in nay way since they love me so much but at the same time i only have one life and can't afford to waste it pretending to be someone i am not.

By the way do your parents live with you? Because if they don't then you will only have to pretend when you meet them. If they live with you...well thats a different story. Are you parents traditional south asian where it is cultural for them to live with you so you take care of them in their old age?

In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #6 - April 27, 2012, 03:00 AM

BTW Welcome to the forum. Have a parrot

In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
- yeezevee
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #7 - April 27, 2012, 06:06 AM

Quote from: codex on April 27, 2012, 01:12 AM
Hi everyone, it depresses me that I have to resort to this. I really need some help and advise.

About me: male, 20s, doctor, UK

I don't know if there is a creator or not, but i have known for a while that organised religion that adheres itself to an all-knowing and judgmental god is both dangerous and bullshit. Being a doctor who has been around a lot of dying people over recent times has only served to further confirm my views.

I have had friends from a huge variety of cultures and religions. However, my core group of friends are muslims. This has not helped. Its funny, because I see how my muslim friends conduct themselves, and think to myself 'wow im probably a better muslim than you!'. Most of the hypocrites I have come across in life have been muslims.

My parents are strict muslims, though incredible people. They have given me everything, and have had to endure a lot of hard work and hurt throughout their lives for the sake of their children. I have been pretending to be a true muslim for years and years now, and its killing me.

I just can't do it. I can't leave my parents, or hurt them. I have always lived my life by the philosophy that I will never be truly happy unless my parents are happy. I know that if they found out about my true self, they would not be happy. I even have a muslim girlfriend, who i pretend to be muslim around as well. She's amazing, and i do really care for her, but i think the real reason i have chosen her is because i know my parents would be happy if i married her. I secretly wish i could find the same kind of girl, but with the same beliefs as me. Someone wants to pretend for her parents just like me. If I ever have kids, I feel sorry for them - I will have to pretend to be muslim and raise them as muslims just to make their grandparents happy - and they'll just have the same dilemma as me.

I guess I feel that I am locked in some kind of philosophical prison, and I don't know whether escaping this prison will improve my life or make me happier. I'm trying to make my life one big sacrifice. If you've got far enough to read this sentence, I thank you already.

Oh shit, this introduction makes me sound depressed and brooding lol. I can assure you that I like to have a laugh and am generally happy. I'm just having one of those nights when i'm smoking a cig and suddenly become all philosophical

you are well educated, good person, good Muslim Who does not know Islam and a stupid codex. and.. and I called very few people stupid on this forum.

who knows., your parents may be pretending and your girl friend may pretending., you don't know that for real. do you??

No..no STAY IN PRISON

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #8 - April 27, 2012, 12:50 PM

Welcome, codex.
Quote from: codex on April 27, 2012, 01:12 AM
I even have a muslim girlfriend, who i pretend to be muslim around as well. She's amazing, and i do really care for her, but i think the real reason i have chosen her is because i know my parents would be happy if i married her. I secretly wish i could find the same kind of girl, but with the same beliefs as me. Someone wants to pretend for her parents just like me. If I ever have kids, I feel sorry for them - I will have to pretend to be muslim and raise them as muslims just to make their grandparents happy - and they'll just have the same dilemma as me.

Maybe your girlfriend is pretending too. Maybe she is not but she would not care if you actually tell her you are not Muslim. Maybe you can even convince her not to believe in Islam anymore.
About your kids, you won't need to raise them as Muslim if you can teach them to just pretend to be Muslim .

Don't worry too much about Yeezevee, he can be harsh and also sometimes a little difficult to understand at the beginning, but you'll get used to it .
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #9 - April 27, 2012, 05:34 PM

I find it odd that a devout Muslima would be willing to have a boyfriend. Have you tried testing the waters to see how serious she is about religion?

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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #10 - April 27, 2012, 08:22 PM

Hi Codex

Welcome to the forum. Here's a gift and . They're always good for a laugh or two.

You sound normal for this place perhaps you'll stay for awhile and we'll hear how it works out raising your children as pretend Muslims and them making their own choice.

Parents and children are so awesome. They mess up your life like no body else could possibly come close except ourselves .

Aren't hypocrites pretenders?

Yeezevee had some good advice.

I don't think .you're stupid. It's difficult to separate yourself from what we think our parents want for us especially when we realize they have worked hard to give us much. That is a very mature thing to understand while still in your 20's. Ineed because.of the responsibility of your work.

If at first you succeed...try something harder.

Failing isn't falling down. Failing is not getting back up again.
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #11 - April 27, 2012, 09:39 PM

You are an adult. What you are describing to me sounds like emotional blackmail. Look up games people play or transactional analysis.

Basic question.

Why do people have such what to me feel like almost incestuous relationships with other family members?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #12 - April 28, 2012, 01:16 AM

@moi,

What do you mean? :S

Self ban for Ramadan (THAT RHYMES)

Expect me to come back a Muslim. j/k we'll see..
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Re: a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #13 - April 28, 2012, 10:06 PM

This

Quote
My parents are strict muslims, though incredible people. They have given me everything, and have had to endure a lot of hard work and hurt throughout their lives for the sake of their children. I have been pretending to be a true muslim for years and years now, and its killing me.

I just can't do it. I can't leave my parents, or hurt them. I have always lived my life by the philosophy that I will never be truly happy unless my parents are happy.

That is classic emotional blackmail.

Quote
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

http://bbcearth.posterous.com/the-wildlife-of-a-young-bird

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
- codex
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #14 - May 31, 2017, 01:39 AM

Well. Thanks for the messages guys. 5 years later better than never.
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #15 - May 31, 2017, 02:50 AM

Quote from: codex on May 31, 2017, 01:39 AM
Well. Thanks for the messages guys. 5 years later better than never.

So you returned after 5 years. How are you now codex?
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #16 - May 31, 2017, 02:50 AM

Welcome back! What ended up happening?
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #17 - May 31, 2017, 02:41 PM

Awwhh, I'd be really interested to know how things worked out for you, too. I can understand the guilt that comes with brekaing parents' hearts, but then the sense of suffocation that comes with hiding your true self all the time. I'm experiencing that suffocation right now, until I work up the courage to do something about it.
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #18 - May 31, 2017, 05:53 PM

Welcome back.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #19 - May 31, 2017, 08:11 PM

Quote from: codex on May 31, 2017, 01:39 AM
Well. Thanks for the messages guys. 5 years later better than never.

Welcome back then

Wait a second, he didn't reply, is he gone again?
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #20 - June 01, 2017, 07:01 AM

Quote from: codex on May 31, 2017, 01:39 AM
Well. Thanks for the messages guys. 5 years later better than never.

Well dont leave us hanging!! Tell us what happened!!

~My story~
~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
- cosmicdancer
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a story of a guy who loves his parents
Reply #21 - June 01, 2017, 08:05 AM

Take what you like from Islam ditch the rest. It's a flawed human religion just like all the rest. Pick and choose. Be who you are. Show love to all. Let others take you for who you are. If they can't then that's their problem.
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