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 Topic: A woman's wedding

 (Read 5396 times)
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • A woman's wedding
     OP - June 02, 2012, 01:56 PM
    My girlfriend of 4 years turns 25 in two weeks and she really wants to have an 'Islamic wedding' two months later, she's already got the go ahead from her family and mine. I never ever thought she was serious when she brought it up on some occasions but I always just said I'll think about it. She knows I am not a Muslim, and most people in my family are only Muslim in name. But strangely the worst Muslims in my family firmly support my girlfriend. Her family have always known we live together and are in a relationship. They've always disapproved but have actually made make efforts engage with me and my family. And not surprisingly as faithful Muslims support their daughter. I know it would make her and allot of people very happy if I just go along with it. But I really don't want to. I force myself to be there on Eid with my family, ironically just like my father and aunties who no longer hide the fact their usually drink and chewing this disgusting green leave stuff they call khat. While the rest of us are a sleep. If I can turn up on two days of the year to celebrate something I don't believe is worth celebrating. Surly I can just bring myself to do this. But let's go back to the question I wanted to ask. My girlfriend has always wanted to get married all of her friends have all got married years ago. She's never hid the fact that an Islamicly correct official marriage is what she wants. I love her dearly and I know it would make her very happy. So should I just do it for her and shut up or actually talk to her about it? Saying 'no' would really hurt her, and I guess for women their wedding and marriage are important things. What do you guys think?
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #1 - June 02, 2012, 02:02 PM

    Just suck it up and do it if it makes her happy. You can say blasphemous things in your mind as you do it so you win, both ways.

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #2 - June 02, 2012, 02:11 PM
    if you're going to bring this up later on down the road , or hold some sort of resentment towards her for not telling her how you feel now ... then bring it up..

    if you're sincere when you say I love her dearly and I know it would make her very happy. So should I just do it for her ..then you have your answer ...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #3 - June 02, 2012, 02:38 PM
    Several weddings?  Full Anglican, registry, .....?
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #4 - June 02, 2012, 02:41 PM
    Actually, is there a completely minimalist Muslim marriage, where for example the man and the woman say a very few words to each other with possibly hardly anyone else there?

    Everyting else is pomp and circumstance, like the Coronation - it actually is only a few minutes long.
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #5 - June 02, 2012, 02:42 PM
    Have you explored humanist weddings?
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #6 - June 03, 2012, 12:09 AM
    Ok, so she is your girlfriend and you love her dearly, but the question remains:

    Do you want to get married with her?
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #7 - June 03, 2012, 08:45 AM
    I am happy the way it is, I've never really thought about getting married to her. But I'd say yes, I'd be happy to marry her. But not an "Islamic" wedding, I think I am just going to shut up about it.
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #8 - June 03, 2012, 09:40 AM
    I do not know where you are, but in England, in law the only legally recognised ones are registry office, with registrar present or anglican.

    Any religious ceremonies one may go through, for example "official islamic" are NOT weddings.  There have been incredible legal issues with women who thought they were married actually not being, including no rights of property, issues with children, no divorce settlements - because no marriage therefore cohabiting.
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #9 - June 03, 2012, 09:49 AM
    I am in the UK at the moment. You forgot to add a Jewish ceremony to your list, but she just wants to have an "official Islamic" marriage to make god happy.
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #10 - June 03, 2012, 12:25 PM
    You can be a cultural Muslim; i.e celebrate/practice aspects of Islam purely for cultural reasons.  A lot of atheists who come from Jewish background do this.  But admittedly Judaism is different; it is more of a culture anyway.  Plus Muslims take religion more seriously; i.e. it is harder to say to other Muslims that you don't believe in Islam, but you want to still follow it for cultural reasons.
    Hope this helps. :/
    "Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so." -- Bertrand Russell

    Baloney Detection Kit
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #11 - June 03, 2012, 12:37 PM
    well.. it's your day too after all.. maybe you should talk to her about having a "liberal" muslim wedding (if that makes sense at all)..

    an official muslim marriage is only the *kateb el ktab* which is only a few witnesses , sheikh, wali 2amrah (who speaks on behalf of the woman) and you , and if anyone speaks on behalf of you.. like your father or uncle..
    but you guys are planning a wedding.. the parteh!
    sooo... you plan on seperating the men from the women?.. no music??
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #12 - June 03, 2012, 01:02 PM
    She basically planning a full blown wedding, it sounds like a "liberal" wedding but I must say I have no role in it. She along with her friend is planning it all. I honestly am just planning to go along with it. She's not planning a official marriage just something that she believes will make our relationship look legit under the gaze of God. So I guess I can live with that but what gets me is, we've lived the unfaithful life for 4 years already. Why now? We sleep in the same bed, live in the same house and spend most of our time together. She's happy form what I can see and been happy during most of our relationship, she's not that religious anyway and why does she think 4 years of sinning will change God's opinion on her?  
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #13 - June 03, 2012, 01:05 PM
    I dunno why Kaleem, but my sister had the whole nikah/valima thing, but we also had crazy dancing and music, and it was loads of fun, so I think you're good. Tongue
    Self ban for Ramadan (THAT RHYMES)

    Expect me to come back a Muslim. Cool Tongue j/k we'll see..
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #14 - June 03, 2012, 01:27 PM
    for one.. muslim or not.. it's your wedding day too.. hopefully the only one you will ever have.. so you need to get involved in it...

    i wanna quote billy and say "islam trumps everything" .. even after 4 years of not acting like a muslim..


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #15 - June 03, 2012, 02:21 PM
    Actually, this is a whole industry.  People do spend a fortune, having several ceremonies on different days, complete if you want with elephants.  The only bit that matters is the registry office or where there are religious equivalents.

    How much is being spent?  As I see it a modern big Muslim wedding is actually a hindu wedding!
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #16 - June 03, 2012, 04:27 PM
    I have no idea how much she wants to spend, if I am not mistaken she said my dad and uncle (he's not really my uncle, just my dad's bestfriend) are paying. If that's the case she's probably not got a budget. But I don't really want anything expensive. Something private, just family and close friends. Actually, oh shit. I don't even know how many people she's planning to invite. I wouldn't want allot of people there. So I am gonna talk to her about it actually. Probably today.
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #17 - June 03, 2012, 04:28 PM
    Quote from: moi on June 03, 2012, 02:21 PM
    Actually, this is a whole industry.  People do spend a fortune, having several ceremonies on different days, complete if you want with elephants.  The only bit that matters is the registry office or where there are religious equivalents.

    How much is being spent?  As I see it a modern big Muslim wedding is actually a hindu wedding!

    Umm...do you mean Pakistani weddings? Cuz yeah, our traditions are often just Hindu ones. We even take the bad traditions, like the bride's family having to pay the groom's. grin12
    Self ban for Ramadan (THAT RHYMES)

    Expect me to come back a Muslim. Cool Tongue j/k we'll see..
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #18 - June 03, 2012, 04:56 PM
    @Kaleem Yahya

    If I were at this wedding of yours, I would probably spend the whole time pointing and laughing at you.

    Moral of the story: Don't invite me to your wedding, guys.  Grin
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #19 - June 03, 2012, 05:28 PM
    @asbie It's all good. Being laughed at doesn't bother me, life's too short to care about stuff like that.
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #20 - June 03, 2012, 05:36 PM
     Afro
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #21 - June 04, 2012, 08:59 PM
    Quote
    Pakistani weddings?


    Are there others?   parrot
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #22 - June 05, 2012, 02:33 AM
    ^ Cheesy
    Self ban for Ramadan (THAT RHYMES)

    Expect me to come back a Muslim. Cool Tongue j/k we'll see..
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #23 - June 05, 2012, 06:07 PM
    None of us are from Pakistan... I am of Arab and African decent and she's Djiboutian but moved to France at 4. But her grandma came from India, does that count?
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #24 - June 05, 2012, 06:41 PM
    Quote from: Kaleem Yahya on June 05, 2012, 06:07 PM
    I am of Arab and African decent and she's Djiboutian


    Oh, I'll bet she is.  Wink
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #25 - June 05, 2012, 07:38 PM
    Quote from: Kaleem Yahya on June 05, 2012, 06:07 PM
    None of us are from Pakistan... I am of Arab and African decent and she's Djiboutian but moved to France at 4. But her grandma came from India, does that count?

    Hmmm........Thinking hard India would count, and I guess grandma is close enough of a relation... She's in! grin12

    Try to arrange an Indian/Pakistani wedding. They're fun! Get people to dance dance (but you can't say that, your fiancee should probably get her cousins to or something). I've never been to a Djiboutian wedding. I've been to Arab ones though, and no offence to anybody but they sucked. More Western than Western ones. Maybe if you have a traditional Arab wedding, that would be cool!!

    I bet she'll look so pretty and then you won't even regret getting married! Smiley Smiley Smiley GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
    Self ban for Ramadan (THAT RHYMES)

    Expect me to come back a Muslim. Cool Tongue j/k we'll see..
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #26 - June 06, 2012, 05:05 AM
    I personally think arab weddings are more fun than paki or western weddings. but then again i am biased.

    Dude, It just sounds like you are a guy and don't want to suck it up and commit. This has nothing to do with Islam and you know it. If she wants a "muslim" wedding do it. You can sit there and think on how over half the traditions she will do during the wedding are probably haram anyway.

    If I had a partner that would my family would accept and I loved them and all they wanted from me was a silly marriage done in a certain cultural way I would do it. Because thats what commitment means.
    I wish parents everywhere could remove their veil of religion and see their kids for whom they actually are.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #27 - June 06, 2012, 11:27 AM
    @norabora. I actually proposed going to the registry office and having a small official wedding, instead of what she's proposing I've got no problem with getting married.
    I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

    John Galt.
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #28 - June 07, 2012, 11:47 PM
    Ewww, marriage.  vomit
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: A woman's wedding
     Reply #29 - June 07, 2012, 11:53 PM
    Quote from: asbie on June 07, 2012, 11:47 PM
    Ewww, marriage.  vomit

    Awwww, I thought that too!!!!

    ...when I was 5.

    Have you gotten over cooties yet? Tongue
    Self ban for Ramadan (THAT RHYMES)

    Expect me to come back a Muslim. Cool Tongue j/k we'll see..
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »