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"God was all I really had."......my goodness gracious ... fantastic post from ExM_VlogG..
It was a bit devastating for me. God was all I really had. Even now, it's difficult to let go. It's been about 2 years without the comfort and concept of an All-Powerful Being watching over me.. It's pretty difficult to adjust even as an atheist, not going to lie. And even after being an atheist, you still find other atheists attaching themselves to non-religious dogma..
Even being an ex-muslim and an atheist, I find others that just want to talk about religion.. Perhaps it's an addiction I have to just talk about religion as well..
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"God was all I really had."....
that was exactly the situation I used to be in when I was around 9 to 15 dear ExM_Vlog.,., But events in life, persistence of human spirit against all odds, zebra life, confused interactions with relatives from different religions took me way beyond this stupid mundane nonsense ritualistic religious gibberish. Now I need to read rest of your post.. but I would like to say one thing. I am afraid you do not have proper definition of Atheism or you misunderstood it.. here is a old clip of Dawkins who many of us think as
HARMLESS militant atheist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH9VILely7Mharmless in the sense he doesn't go and kill people who are theists and who question his views on Theism. Even Dawkins puts a number on existence of super duper controller .. I mean he doesn't say it is zero and absolute zero...
So my point is you don't need to leave Allah/god whatever .. you can have it and keep that aside but at the same time you can question religious rubbish of every religion that is a stench from the human history.. So I often joke at dinner time...
"I killed my god when I was 15 .. because that guy(god was guy at that time) was useless and wastes my time." So my point is you don't need to leave Allah god .. keep it if it helps you. As far as addiction is concerned., it is medical problem and is a different problem.. You need to learn to channel your time and energy in to other fields that you may be interested in.. such as Music.. sports.. creative writing.. and if you are a student "THERE ARE PLENTY OF COLLEGE THINGS IN WHICH YOU COULD USE YOUR TIME".. Or or Volunteer yourself to do some work around where you live.. You go plant some flowers on road side...lol.. anyways I am very glad to read you..
with best wishes
yeezevee