Are you lonely IRL? Because....

12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
- Cato
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
OP - June 25, 2012, 08:34 AM

Based on the conversations i've had with some members and the scattered posts i have seen from some in this forum, i have noticed most are lonely for one reason or another.

My own case is option 1, I had made many friends(most of them are muslims) right from my childhood scattered all over the country until i lost two of my closest friends who couldnt handle my apostasy thus i pushed most away and kept them at a distance for fear that they may do the same thing if they find out, some of them have tried to reach me though but i still push them away mostly because of that.

Also i cant relate to them anymore like how i used to, seeing how the apostasy has changed my outlook on life and i got evolved out of Islamic way of thinking which means i cant enjoy or tolerate most discussions they have since Islamic topics must come up which irks me, not only that even a misogynist undertones or conspiracy theories does make me mentally roll my eyes off and make me want to leave the group or gathering so that i can go to my room to read a book or something

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- toor
- Administrator
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #1 - June 25, 2012, 08:44 AM

I chose option 2. On a one-to-one basis, I can be very good with people; when it comes to acquaintances, I tend to keep them as distant as possible.

I'd have trouble imagining myself with any Muslim friends now, but then I haven't had any close Muslim friends since I was 13-14ish. I think I prefer it that way, because I can't imagine anything more tedious than listening to someone talk about how x, y and z are a massive conspiracy against Islam/Muslims/tawheed..

Before it gets too late, you will find escape.
- Da_Dude
- Still chillin'
- Ex-Muslim
- Chill Man
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #2 - June 25, 2012, 10:02 AM

I lost all of my muslim friends and family. I find it hard to trust people, expect to get hurt I guess. Find it hard cause I can't tell my friends much about my past, and people expect reciprocation in sharing info blah blah and I cant te55 people much for safety's sake. I think I confuse people, I'm too private, but people don't understand that I have to be this way.

I hate it, I hate the loneliness, I hate not being able to tell my friends the reason why I am depressed, or why for example I'll need some alone time all of a sudden, or why I freak out when I see a car that looks the same as my Xs etc... Thank fuck most of my friends are used to me, but meeting new people is painful, have to go through the same thing again.

I tend to avoid socializing a bit, it is less painful being alone, I actually feel less alone when alone then when around other people, cause being around other people just reminds me of how much I cannot share, how alone I really am. Crazy huh?

I hate talking about it, just reminds me of my loneliness, I am pathetic.

Bleh, I'm used to it anyway, life is loney.
- Naerys
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #3 - June 25, 2012, 10:02 AM

I don't really know which option to choose. My apostasy is a well-kept secret so I haven't lost any friend over it. Then again, even the people I consider my friends aren't THAT close to me. They're just coworkers I see everyday and have affinity with.

Even if I had been out as an ex-muslim, I still wouldn't consider myself lonely because I do have non-muslim friends who know (although I don't see them regularly), the closest one being my boyfriend.

He's no friend to the friendless
And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
- Cato
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #4 - June 25, 2012, 11:55 AM

Quote from: Da_Dude on June 25, 2012, 10:02 AM
I lost all of my muslim friends and family. I find it hard to trust people, expect to get hurt I guess. Find it hard cause I can't tell my friends much about my past, and people expect reciprocation in sharing info blah blah and I cant te55 people much for safety's sake. I think I confuse people, I'm too private, but people don't understand that I have to be this way.

I hate it, I hate the loneliness, I hate not being able to tell my friends the reason why I am depressed, or why for example I'll need some alone time all of a sudden, or why I freak out when I see a car that looks the same as my Xs etc... Thank fuck most of my friends are used to me, but meeting new people is painful, have to go through the same thing again.

I tend to avoid socializing a bit, it is less painful being alone, I actually feel less alone when alone then when around other people, cause being around other people just reminds me of how much I cannot share, how alone I really am. Crazy huh?

I hate talking about it, just reminds me of my loneliness, I am pathetic.

Bleh, I'm used to it anyway, life is loney.

I feel you on that one, it even sucks when you cant share the reasons why you are depressed, not to mention most of them have no clue what existential crisis is all about, i once asked a professional if she is familiar with the term, she said no which made not to talk about it anymore because she probably wont understand the meaning.

I have already become used to being lonely that its no longer an issue for me but to focus on my academics and other stuffs

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- Cato
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #5 - June 25, 2012, 12:21 PM

Quote from: Naerys on June 25, 2012, 10:02 AM
I don't really know which option to choose. My apostasy is a well-kept secret so I haven't lost any friend over it. Then again, even the people I consider my friends aren't THAT close to me. They're just coworkers I see everyday and have affinity with.

Even if I had been out as an ex-muslim, I still wouldn't consider myself lonely because I do have non-muslim friends who know (although I don't see them regularly), the closest one being my boyfriend.

I do have some christian friends,the ones i went to same high school with and the ones i attend same university with but i wouldnt say we are close enough.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- Naerys
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #6 - June 25, 2012, 12:28 PM

I've been doing some thinking and... can one really call a person a friend if one cannot share with them such a life-changing event as the loss of a faith one has had all their life?

If so, I have no friends here.

He's no friend to the friendless
And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
- Stardust
- Founder of Neo-Hippiism
- Ex-Muslim
- Beneath The Veil
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #7 - June 25, 2012, 12:29 PM

I think mine is 2, because when I'm put in a social situation I seem to love it (at least the last three social things I went to I have, especially after drinking some ) but it's that getting out there and connecting with people which I can't bridge over, I have this 'I feel safe in my cave' thing going on about me. The comfort zone I suppose.

I am an introvert, but I'm not so much to the point that in a social situation I wouldn't try and talk to people. I think I just need practice, the more I force myself into situations the easier it will get to just be confident and go out.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
- Stardust
- Founder of Neo-Hippiism
- Ex-Muslim
- Beneath The Veil
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #8 - June 25, 2012, 12:31 PM

To add: I grew up being forced not to socialise by my parents. At school I had friends, but couldn't relate to people much.

It's very recently (over the last few months) I've been able to socialise more properly and during which I've been to three social meet ups.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
- Stardust
- Founder of Neo-Hippiism
- Ex-Muslim
- Beneath The Veil
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #9 - June 25, 2012, 12:46 PM

Quote from: Da_Dude on June 25, 2012, 10:02 AM

I tend to avoid socializing a bit, it is less painful being alone, I actually feel less alone when alone then when around other people, cause being around other people just reminds me of how much I cannot share, how alone I really am. Crazy huh?

I can relate to this a bit. The more I've been out there the more I realise how much I want those close friends, it does highlight how lonely you've really been/are, but it's also important to remember friendship takes time, so going out there meeting people is step one and then following up on them, contacting them etc.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
- BerberElla
- Class A'sexual
- Creator Goddess
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #10 - June 25, 2012, 02:16 PM

I never really had muslim friends to lose, was only allowed to socialise with my sister in law or my mother in law, so didn't really lose anything.

I feel lonely because more often than not I choose to feel that way. I have plenty of opportunity to socialise, lots of people and things to join in on, but I don't have the freedom that allows me to take advantage of those chances, and so its simpler to just say no, and stay home.

But even if I did socialise a lot I would still feel lonely, infact I can feel loneliest when I am in a crowd because I feel disconnected from the group. And I have a billion trust issues.

I am of course lonely in love, that is part choice and partly not, but hey, thousands upon thousands of people die lonely so what the fuck does it matter

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
- paranoid
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #11 - June 25, 2012, 02:25 PM

Don't know that true or not, or if it's accurate but I chose 2, you can tell me if I'm wrong

I'm surrounded by muslim irl, feel left out in society, I feel uncomfortable if a muslim asked me which direction is the kiblah, or where is the nearest mosque, or why I'm not participating in religious event.

I also tend to tell people irl of my past, illness, depression, for acceptance of what I am and most of them are cautious, or just asked me question like

'don't you know how sinful is suicide in islam'

or

'you're a muslim why are you doing that'

or

'you're not doing the fardhu prayer, that's why you're sick'

or

'why won't you get married'

this I don't get, how does it have to do with my illness, even my doc give my parent this sort of thing as a hint, 'marriage' a cure for all ?
(if you get it, tell me please, I'm baffled)

and when these kind of question were asked, I can't even tell them truly why, afraid of what reaction I'll receive

Non-muslim tend to feel distance because of my races, default religion and I'm afraid to even tell them about it, my disbelief but I do feel comfortable having conversation with them than my own and surprisingly they're more open, understanding of my past illness.

If there's a disbeliever among my kind, near me, I won't ever know, they're secretive, it's true for me.
- -Tmp-
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #12 - June 25, 2012, 03:25 PM

I just need to come out of my cave.
- asbie
- Actually just a dude
- Poster of the Month
- Past, present, future...
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #13 - June 25, 2012, 03:34 PM

Probably mostly 2, but a bit of 3 as well.

Yeah, my dad wasn't real big on the making friends thing. It was pretty much basically all study, all the time. Only exception was when I went to weekend religious school, but even then I couldn't relate to most of the spastics who constituted my peers at that place. Obviously, any overly friendly interactions with females was right out.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Air
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #14 - June 25, 2012, 04:03 PM

.

You need to read this book.
- Cato
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #15 - June 25, 2012, 05:05 PM

There is nothing that im more curious than to know what is like to live in London or any place where people dont give a shit about religion just to find it out if im really asocial.

I have muslim friends who are schooling in UK that came back expressing their disapproval of the country because of the lifestyle that goes against their morals. Well,for me whatever muzzies dont like, i like it. The way i see it,i think im not going to be bored because honestly i would love the experience of going to the pub every evening to drink,watch football and socialize with people, go to concert, watch stand up comedy show or attend some jazz club, go to cinema and watch movie, go to places to shop or take a walk at the park.

Im only basing this on my experience of visiting there for two weeks vacation 10 years ago and throughout that period i was always out going places,and before you know it while am out somewhere in the city its already getting dark,in fact there was a time that my mother was complaining because she is afraid that i might get lost.

Maybe living there could be different from vacation, but i do know that if this dead town that im living has places to go and there are also people that are secular minded like London, i dont think i would be lonely as i am now.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- BerberElla
- Class A'sexual
- Creator Goddess
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #16 - June 25, 2012, 05:07 PM

I really hope you get the chance one day cato. I couldn't even begin to understand how difficult it has to be for you, living where you do and surrounded by the sort of people you talk about. I would hate every second of it too.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
- Cato
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #17 - June 25, 2012, 05:17 PM

I would, Berbs. Insha-allat i would, only that it would take years but hey, they say every journey begins with a single step right, I can only remain patient for now and work towards it.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- Susie Cues
- Wannabe Internet Thug
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #18 - June 25, 2012, 05:20 PM

Combination of the first three. I cut off my Muslim friends because talking about Allah and how great Muhammad was no longer appealed to me as appropriate use of my time. I'm introverted to a moderate degree in which I get irritated and antsy hanging around strangers or people I only hallway enjoy being around for too long. I'm more socially awkward than asocial and almost always feel out of place in most social settings and find it hard to do the small talk thing for hours at a time. Also, sharing this paragraph has made me weep for my apparent lack of a social life.

"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."
Muhammad Ali
- zooby
- Ex-Muslim
- Snoozin'
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #19 - June 25, 2012, 05:57 PM

Probably a combination of 1 and 2. It was a lot easier to make friends and meet people as a Muslim for me as everyone liked to stick together and had similar interests and talking points.

Join us on chat. Click here.
- totalweirdo
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #20 - June 26, 2012, 01:58 PM

ive never really had muslim friends to begin with, although the one i had has now decided to be an absolute prick!

yes. i is just odd... find it difficult to relate, and strike up a conversation

"the question is" said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be the master- that`s all."
Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking- Glass.
- Kodanshi
- La solitude s'eprend de mon coeur
- Ex-Muslim
- *Careful Plague & Scarred Joy*
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #21 - June 26, 2012, 02:28 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on June 25, 2012, 02:16 PM
But even if I did socialise a lot I would still feel lonely, infact I can feel loneliest when I am in a crowd because I feel disconnected from the group. And I have a billion trust issues.

I am of course lonely in love, that is part choice and partly not, but hey, thousands upon thousands of people die lonely so what the fuck does it matter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPQOyH7gQwI
- Final Fantasy
- Ex-Muslim
- Ex Scientia Vera
- offline
Re: Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #22 - July 15, 2012, 08:39 PM

I've always felt alone, but none as much I have since becoming atheist. There's just no one to talk to or hang out with. Can't even go to the bloody bar or superstore to buy a drink without seeing familiar faces in this city. Need to leave ASAP.

"If a monster existed, it was buried deep within."
- sciFimoviefan
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #23 - February 23, 2013, 03:43 AM

i polled for 2nd one.
- TheDashingRabbit
- Politics and Literature Junkie
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #24 - February 23, 2013, 03:50 AM

I'm lonely because I'm in a transition phase.

I didn't tell my muslim friends of my apostasy but I still stopped contact with them after starting uni this year

Why go through all the drama right ? And theres the risk of it leaking out to my parents so stopping contact was the best option

Now I'm starting to make a new social circle since uni began this year. I've met one guy and it seems to be developing into a good friendship and I'm talking to more people so I can make friends that like me for who I am.

I still retained my two closest friends after my apostasy, one is a Hindu Atheist, the other is a muslim (more of a cultural muslim really) he doesn't care about religion at all.

I was a loner in highschool but I'm still happy for the two genuine friends I did make.

I am focusing more on the quality of friends that I make instead of the quantity.

In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
- sciFimoviefan
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #25 - February 23, 2013, 03:57 AM

darkrebel yes ur right, u dont have to tell them and cut them off is indeed the best way. unfortunately i didnt see that and all "hell" broken loose.
- asbie
- Actually just a dude
- Poster of the Month
- Past, present, future...
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #26 - February 23, 2013, 03:59 AM

We're all lonely because we don't have Cato's swag.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- TheDashingRabbit
- Politics and Literature Junkie
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #27 - February 23, 2013, 04:05 AM

yeah and I understand what Cato is saying.

If I was living in an Islamic country I would be a complete loner.

I really hope you can make it to the U.K. or somewhere similar Cato.

In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
- sciFimoviefan
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #28 - February 23, 2013, 04:22 AM

.
- strangestdude
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Are you lonely IRL? Because....
Reply #29 - February 23, 2013, 08:52 PM

Due to a combination of things I've been going through an extremely lonely period of my life since last summer.

My advice to any young people around university/college age is take advantage of the easiest period in your life to make friends, because as you get older it gets more challenging. Encourage yourself to build and maintain friendships.
Regardless of what movies tell you about the importance of finding 'the one', friendships tend to last longer than most romantic relationships, and they are really important for psychological health.

That's not an attempt to get pity, that's genuine advice to any young people reading.

An alternative to religion;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2nfXfTg92E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWNW-NXEudk
12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »