Depression and suicide

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Reply #60 - January 20, 2013, 06:19 AM

Quote from: sethyboy0 on January 20, 2013, 03:11 AM
Of course. Anyone who who uses the words "slut" and "nigger" is obviously a crazy misogynist racist asshole who cannot possible be making any kind of point or anything.

In fact, we shouldn't even read or understand his posts, and we should ignore the fact that he is against slut shaming, racial profiling, and the lack of thought in society.

We should just be exactly like the people this forum is against and jump him for any signs of what could possibly or not possibly be an opinion other than our own (although we don't know because we didn't actually read and understand what he said).

Thanks for the condescension dude. Really helps bring home the point that your discourse is in good faith.

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Reply #61 - January 20, 2013, 10:02 AM

Quote from: Al-Alethia on January 20, 2013, 01:50 AM
I think people need to calm the fuck down! Srsly, words like "slut" are thrown around all the time IRL and often barely have any meaning. Does anyone consider how an "illegitimate" child feels when the word "bastard" is thrown around? Or do we just accept that it is not always intended literally and is just an empty stock insult? No need to make a mountain out of a molehill. It's not like sethyboy has a habit of slut-shaming or sexism so why all the harping over his usage of "whoremones"?

So basically if his associating the whole hormone experience as a whore moan, and jokes that he is a whore too (because when men try to adopt the shaming words, that makes it all better right? ) and I am personally offended by it, I should say nothing in case I get accused of harping? (which would you believe it is another word used to only describe a woman talking continuously about something?

Sorry, I'm not about to bow my head down and let someone make me feel like shit by sticking up for his right to use the word whore as some personal joke.

I don't think it's cute when men adopt words "Oh, but I;m a whore too"

As if they even have an inkling of what it feels like to be described in those terms. They don't, never have never will.

Bit like a white person saying "Well, I'm black too"

Quote from: sethyboy0 on January 20, 2013, 03:11 AM
Of course. Anyone who who uses the words "slut" and "nigger" is obviously a crazy misogynist racist asshole who cannot possible be making any kind of point or anything.

In fact, we shouldn't even read or understand his posts, and we should ignore the fact that he is against slut shaming, racial profiling, and the lack of thought in society.

We should just be exactly like the people this forum is against and jump him for any signs of what could possibly or not possibly be an opinion other than our own (although we don't know because we didn't actually read and understand what he said).

So I'm now a muslim? or just like one? Just like the people this forum is against?

Because I think you should refrain from throwing the word whore around joke or not and have explained my reasons?

Is this your final answer? that if I am offended by you using whore as any form of joke, this makes me a muslim and representative of the sort of people this forum is against?

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Reply #62 - January 20, 2013, 11:15 AM

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 10:02 AM
…harping? (which would you believe it is another word used to only describe a woman talking continuously about something?

I actually don't believe that. I'm not obsessed with the gender politics behind every bloody word that can be construed as derogatory. I accuse men of harping all the time and didn't even know it was a gender-specific term until you brought it up as such, which brings me to my next point: I understand that your personal experiences have made you more sensitive to (and more aware and knowledgeable about) this stuff but keep in mind that not everyone shares your sentiments, or knowledge for that matter.

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 10:02 AM
Sorry, I'm not about to bow my head down and let someone make me feel like shit by sticking up for his right to use the word whore as some personal joke.

I personally don't think words are offensive in and of themselves. He (implicitly) called himself a "whore" and it had exactly nothing to do with you (or with women for that matter) so I don't see why you feel the need to get upset about it.

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 10:02 AM
I don't think it's cute when men adopt words "Oh, but I;m a whore too"

It doesn't even have anything to do with him being a man using the shaming word; I wouldn't give a toss if a woman called herself a "whore" either. I have friends who affectionately refer to each other as "sluts" ("hey slut" is a standard greeting) and I wouldn't harp on to them about how offensive and sexist that is because, hey, they're using it amongst themselves and are cool with it, so why do I give a shit again?

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 10:02 AM
Bit like a white person saying "Well, I'm black too"

I don't understand why a white person would ever say "I'm black too" just like I wouldn't understand why a man would say "I'm a woman too" (has that been said?), unless of course you consider "whore" to be synonymous with "woman".

I'm black, usage of the word nigga doesn't bother me in the slightest unless it is meant to be derogatory. If some guy in the street yelled "nigger" at me I'd be pissed off, however, if someone on a forum posts:

I wouldn't be bothered at all by their usage of "niggas".
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Reply #63 - January 20, 2013, 11:28 AM

Yet there are black people on the forum who are bothered by people on the forum using the word nigga (it has been discussed before), so just because it doesn't bother you, doesn't mean its ok for the forum to start using it.

In fact, if none of this bothers you either way, people saying slag, whore or nigga for a joke on the forum, why does it bother you enough to argue in favour of being understanding to people who use it off the cuff, in the face of the offence of others?

When we started up this forum, it was was a place to act as a refuge, where one could breathe a sigh of relief until having to face the real world where there is endlessly no escape from all this bullshit. We have continued to try to operate a forum where people respect each others personal boundaries.

My personal boundary on this forum has always been, from day dot, that slut, slag, and whore etc be words that people refrain from using.

Yet, it seems to be, in spite of none of this stuff bothering you, you are arguing that I should be more like you and just not care and accept this newbs reintroduction of said words around here?

Hey man, words have no power, be more like me, don;t take it so personally anymore....right?

Because all of those experiences are so easy to just stop taking personally.

Anyway, i get you, you yourself don't care about any of this at all. None of it bothers you, you're all good.

However since I;m not good with all of this, and it offends me, I will repeat, I won't tolerate him making his sexist jokes again.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Reply #64 - January 20, 2013, 11:41 AM

Quote
I have friends who affectionately refer to each other as "sluts" ("hey slut" is a standard greeting) and I wouldn't harp on to them about how offensive and sexist that is because, hey, they're using it amongst themselves and are cool with it, so why do I give a shit again?

I see people use it to each other all the time, and it's so normal and they don't seem to mind. I dunno if it's because they grew up with it being normal - I started noticing the trend maybe 3 years ago (if I remember right). My friend said "hey bitch" just yesterday, and asked her not to say that to me. (I'm glad she's a close friend, otherwise it might have been an awkward moment..)

As far as I can see from what everyone is saying, it seems to be a personal preference and could be influenced by your peers, or what you're used to. I don't think I'll ever get used to it though - and particularly dislike when I hear guys use these words. I hate the word "pussy" too, lol but I've resorted to using it too since "coward" is so mediocre -_-"
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Reply #65 - January 20, 2013, 12:10 PM

My friends know not to call me bitch affectionately.

I spent 8 years verbally abused day after day with these derogatory words, bitch, hoe, slag, slut.

In the same way that rape jokes are triggers to people who have been raped, these words are triggers that return me to a place where I hear his voice echoing the words.

I will never be cool with people just tossing it out, regardless of how the prettify it.

I even back handed my best friend once for calling me one of those words in an argument we had once.

Call me anything else, just don't use the word, they are a massive trigger to me and I'm not going to be cool with it, or get over it.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Reply #66 - January 20, 2013, 12:14 PM

Quote from: sethyboy0 on January 20, 2013, 03:11 AM
In fact, we shouldn't even read or understand his posts,

Read and understand Berbs post first

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

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Reply #67 - January 20, 2013, 01:42 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 11:28 AM
In fact, if none of this bothers you either way…

I don't like the way some people here will jump onto a member for saying something they find offensive but wasn't necessarily intended to be offensive, wasn't even directed at them to begin with, and wouldn't be considered offensive in most informal adult environments. Usually, it's multiple people launching into a "that's sexist/racist/offensive" tirade against someone who said something flippantly and probably without even considering it.

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 11:28 AM
When we started up this forum, it was was a place to act as a refuge, where one could breathe a sigh of relief until having to face the real world where there is endlessly no escape from all this bullshit. We have continued to try to operate a forum where people respect each others personal boundaries.

Fair enough, I guess; it's just a bit complicated because everyone has different boundaries. You may find something offensive, while I find it petty and vice versa.

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 11:28 AM
Hey man, words have no power, be more like me, don;t take it so personally anymore....right?

Pretty much, and I don't see what's wrong with that…I can (somewhat) understand where you're coming from and why those words hurt you but I don't understand why it matters when someone is using it to refer to themselves and it's not directed at you. You've managed to turn a flippant comment about "whoremones" into a discussion about what is and isn't offensive (and hence should and shouldn't be said) by your standards, whether it involves you or not.

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 11:28 AM
However since I;m not good with all of this, and it offends me, I will repeat, I won't tolerate him making his sexist jokes again.

Is the word "whore" forever synonymous with "woman" or something? He was referring to himself and didn't attack women in any way but whatevs.
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Reply #68 - January 20, 2013, 02:04 PM

Maybe, earlier, before I read his "calm your tits" comment on another thread i'd be more inclined to say hey, one off off the cuff meaningless comment, but now, I'm even more inclined to believe that what I have here is someone who immaturely hasn't discovered the power of words and sexist jokes, or has but just doesn't give two shits.

See unlike you, I do believe words hold a lot of power.

If words, and jokes, flippant unthought out sexist jokes, increase proclivity to rape for example, how on earth can they hold no power?

It's idealist and unrealistic to say that it rests upon your own interpretation, that's all well and good inside that idealist bubble, but step out into the real unthinking world and the bubble is one only you are living in, you and a few others.

By saying in the other thread for example that someone should calm their tits, that's reinforcing the whole women being irrational.

To bring a man down he referred to him as a woman.

On here to describe his moaning, he describes it as whoremones and then says its all good cos he;s a whore too.

I could be more like you, giggle, call it immaturity and flippant but meaningless, and allow the world to plod along immersed in the same fucking stereotypes used to keep women down, but then I'd hate myself for not pointing out that it's not right and people should think more about what they are saying.

So yea, whatevs indeed.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Reply #69 - January 20, 2013, 03:08 PM

What?? I'm sorry but I don't buy that. There's really no way a firm link could be established b/w men who make questionable and stupid comments online and the likelihood of committing rape. Correlation/causation. Men who have raped or are willing to rape are a-holes and the way they talk and the things they say reflects that.

I'm not at all living in an "idealist bubble". As I said, in the real world (outside of this forum) everyone calls everyone a slut and nobody gives a toss because it's just one of those words (like bastard) that has become devoid of any real meaning to most people and is thrown around a lot. It's what I call a "stock insult". The "whoremones" comment wouldn't have outraged any of the girls I know and judging by the number of replies (which didn't note it)
b/w the offending post and your response I'd say most people here don't give a toss either.

I don't "giggle"; I just don't give a shit and didn't care to witness a storm of comments yapping about how offensive what was said is. I also didn't know that you had so much invested in the words of Internet strangers. Seriously, I didn't know guys on forums saying dumb shit like "whoremones" was what was really keeping us down all along.

On a final note, I really don't want to be defending sethyboy; I don't even know the guy, he could a serial axe murderer for all I know. The "calm your tits" comment certainly crossed a line (even by my standards) and that coupled with the "whoremones" business exhibits a running theme. I don't know if it's immaturity or outright hostility to women.
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Reply #70 - January 20, 2013, 03:24 PM

To be fair correlation might not equal causation, but it does equal evidence found to be linked, I can't link to the full articles right now (about to go play snow ball fights) but google results https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=sexist+jokes+increases+risk+of+rape+proclivity&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a link to journal articles which better explain that point.

Mind you I'm not too bothered if you accept the point or not come to think of it, since as you said, my offense is probably something no one gives a toss about either.

I had a hunch about sethyboy that is proving to pay off though, that I do give a shit about, and the fact that you are seeing the theme now, covers why I jumped all over his post in the first place.

Also final point before I throw a snowball in my son's mouth, if I didn't care about the words of people on the internet, I wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be here, no one would need to be here, putting investment, emotional and not, because no one would care.

If someone was on here requiring you to cheer them up and you cared about their internet persona you would expend some emotional investment, just not on this topic as you said, cos you couldn't care less. I'm not sure why that sort of emotional investment is more acceptable than that of mine, which is to just try to get people to recognise moments when another joke would have worked better. In fact why is it wrong for me to be emotionally invested in the words of an internet stranger?

But thems the breaks of starting a forum up.

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Reply #71 - January 20, 2013, 05:48 PM

Berbs, it doesn't matter, you don't care and it's only words, but I must say this: I LOVE YOU

"That it is indeed the speech of an illustrious messenger" (The Koran 69:40)
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Reply #72 - January 20, 2013, 05:53 PM

It's just words they have no power.

You don't love me.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Reply #73 - January 20, 2013, 06:09 PM

Don't worry, Berbs. I still love you.

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Reply #74 - January 20, 2013, 06:33 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on January 20, 2013, 05:53 PM
It's just words they have no power.

You don't love me.

Berbs, you're the bestest and my most favourite woman with issues. I saw you in my dream tonight and you were quite satisfied in my dream if you know what I mean. What more proof of my true love do you need, love?

"That it is indeed the speech of an illustrious messenger" (The Koran 69:40)
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Reply #75 - January 20, 2013, 07:05 PM

I didn't mean that any and everything said by anyone and everyone on the Internet is just meaningless words. Perhaps I should've been clearer because that's obviously not the case. Believe it or not, I actually do care what some members here have to say because I value their opinions and I like them (well, their Internet personas I guess); there are other members whose opinions I couldn't care less about. I still don't understand how something an obscure newbie said (flippantly I might add) that wasn't directed at you could actually hurt.

I generally don't get hurt by what some Qwerty1234 on a forum is typing, especially when it doesn't involve me or anything I hold dear. What's the point? When push comes to shove, you don't know this person and if they're an ass why bother with their nastiness and whatever BS they have to say?
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Reply #76 - January 20, 2013, 11:38 PM

If words didn't have any power, people wouldn't get so worked up about them. Maybe someone thinks a word is so hurtful because they experience how fucking hurtful it can be.

This forum is supposed to be a safe space. Some people need to grow up, learn some empathy, and respect other people's experiences. For you maybe a word is just a word; for others, it's not. You can throw it around all you want when you're around friends and anyone who doesn't find it powerful. But you most certainly cannot say certain words in a place that's meant to be a safe space. Get over it or leave.
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Reply #77 - January 21, 2013, 01:22 AM

I think this whole episode has been blown out of proportion. Ugh. I stand by everything I said and I've made my thoughts/feelings on the subject(s) clear. I do apologise for being insensitive (I acknowledge I was bitchy) and dismissive of other people's experiences/feelings. I guess it's difficult for me to really empathise with something I just don't get. From now on I'll let people who make dumb comments defend themselves seeing as only they know their motives (and Berberella may have been right about sethyboy)
Hopefully, no hard feelings.
Peace out.
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Reply #78 - January 21, 2013, 05:11 AM

My post isn't aimed towards you. It's a general statement, and aimed more towards the new guy.
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Reply #79 - January 21, 2013, 05:55 AM

I have to agree with berbs and abood on this matter. and yes indeed berbs was right about sethboy.

Im saying this as someone who has and grew up with two older sisters and two younger sisters. You never use those words to describe women if your a man. plain and simple.
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Reply #80 - January 21, 2013, 07:36 AM

Is it okay if I can use this statement "Aint this a bitch?" Incase I read something that piss me off.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

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Reply #81 - February 23, 2013, 02:51 AM

.
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Reply #82 - February 23, 2013, 03:02 AM

Before I left my faith I became very depressed, isolated, lonely, and constantly thought of how I would kill myself. Once I threw my hands up and said "I CAN'T FOLLOW THIS FAITH. I JUST WANT TO SAY 'I DONT KNOW' EVEN IF IM DISOWNED"...Once I left my faith and openly told everyone that I do not follow the Abrahamic religons, then I started feeling happy.

I do believe in God or some great force...or whatever. I also believe that if God exist then it knows more than any human can comprehend. I feel comfortable saying that religion holds more evil than good and once I openly admitted that....my life got better, despite losing all my friends and families approval.
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Reply #83 - February 23, 2013, 03:10 AM

excellence and a person is always better if he follow his own way of goodness and innocence in his vision even if by that he lose families friends etc cos he trust himself and his friends etc dont. in this case its friends families that are losers, and i dont mean it in bad way but its true since they dont approve a member of theirs own family blood all cos of religion.
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Reply #84 - March 15, 2013, 12:22 PM

I stopped posting in here once this thread got turned into a discussion about the word nigger but Miakoda I really commend you for being able to tell your family I'm still not able to do the same it does make you feel trapped

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Reply #85 - March 15, 2013, 09:33 PM

Yes it does. I butted heads with my family for over a year about me "denying Christ as my Lord and Savior". Anytime I am around my Grandmother on my Fathers side, she will crazy shoving God down my throat, telling me that God won't be able to hear my prayers unless I pray to Jesus, throwing books at me.

I realized that religious people are correct when they say that disbelievers go to hell. Once you admit you disbelieve, the believers put you through hell.
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Reply #86 - March 16, 2013, 03:10 AM

Awww I love that analogy xD

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Reply #87 - March 16, 2013, 04:27 AM

Quote from: Miakoda on March 15, 2013, 09:33 PM

I realized that religious people are correct when they say that disbelievers go to hell. Once you admit you disbelieve, the believers put you through hell.

oh how true! That's why I haven't had the courage to admit it. Just for questioning certain verses slightly I've been ridiculed nonstop. I am in awe of all of you who have stood up to family and told them how you really feel!

Quote
My friends know not to call me bitch affectionately.

I will never be cool with people just tossing it out, regardless of how the prettify it.

Quote
As far as I can see from what everyone is saying, it seems to be a personal preference and could be influenced by your peers, or what you're used to. I don't think I'll ever get used to it though - and particularly dislike when I hear guys use these words. I hate the word "pussy" too, lol but I've resorted to using it too since "coward" is so mediocre -_-"

My sister and her friend used to jokingly call each other bitches but she knew better than to try that with me esp. that "p" word It's sad when I go to the playground and 8 to 10 olds call each other that among other things. They don't care anymore who is next to them including adults like me and the small children I'm babysitting.

"In every religion there is love, yet love has no religion"

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Reply #88 - March 16, 2013, 05:19 AM

My depression has gotten a lot worse over the past week. Not sure what I'm going to do. :/

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Reply #89 - March 16, 2013, 06:52 AM

The past week I've been looking into my own suicide twice. Called the crisis hotline once.
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