I am an ex-convert to Islam!!

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- Commander961
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
OP - February 08, 2013, 03:41 PM

My name is John Dubh. I converted to Islam but I ultimately came to realize that Islam is a bunch of fairy tales just like many other religions. I was born into a catholic family, my dad was a devout catholic, and my mom was catholic in name (she would go to mass with the family, but only out of her own personal tradition, slave mentality, but not out of any sincere belief, just like half the people who go to the masjids.) As I grew older, I began to become disillusioned by the hypocrisy of catholics, who would act pious and good catholics, but would sleep around, would act mean to people, and were stuck up. This immediately got me disillusioned with catholicism, in addition to the fact that I could not comprehend the trinity. I immediately began to search around for various religious beliefs but ultimately I eventually found Islam. I went on a chatroom run by icq and I met a pakistani american man who gave me "dawah". The thing about dawah is that they only tell you what you want to hear, they leave the grotesque stuff for after you say shahadah (killing apostates, non muslims go to hell, death for adultery, homosexuality, cutting off hands for thieves) From what this mans interaction with me sounded like, the religion he presented me was different than the Islam I later began to find out, if the religion he presented to me was exactly what Islam said, I would not be on this board. Basically, when you give dawah, you are supposed to present a completely different religion than Islam, but then use scare tactics to keep you within the fold of Islam. At first I could understand the rules concerning no pork, no drinking, and it made sense to pray 5 times a day because religion generally involves prayer. But I had to literally force myself to accept the fact that homosexuals were inferior to straight people, that women were inferior, to hate Jews, and to support the shariah punishments. Oddly enough I know plenty of reverts and born muslims who don't believe these things, but that is because they are good people, not because of Islam, but despite Islam. My parents were not happy when I converted to Islam, and thus I could only go to the masjid in secret, and my only interaction with muslims for nearly a year and a half was with muslims at the masjid. It was not until college that I began to interact with muslims, even through my University's Muslim Student Association, that muslims put on two faces, at the mosque, and outside the mosque, which got me to then learn that hypocrisy exists in all religions. Another aspect of interaction with muslims is that I realized that they would never treat me like an equal because they always refer to me as a gora and always remind me on a day to day basis that I am different from them, yet they would always ask me to do favors for them with the so called incentive that it would make me accepted among them. I decided to renounce it last night on february 7th 2012 after considering it on and off for a long time.

A few questions I have for advice are:
1. How do I deal with any muslim friends I have made since converting to Islam, and dealing with them when they find out I am no longer muslim.
2. How do I talk to my parents and explain that I left Islam without looking like an idiot and getting an "I told you so" look from them?
- kutta
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Reply #1 - February 08, 2013, 04:52 PM

1.
In my opinion, don't tell them, atleast for now. Especially if they are hardcore muslims, and actually follow what the Qur'aan and Hadith say literally. Yes, they might seem like nice people. However, me and you both know what religion can cause a person to do, and how religion can completely change a person's behaviour. I have heard stories of death threats being put on towards people for leaving the religion. Even if they don't actually do it, it can play a big part on your life, and cause you to experience a lot of fear. Without a doubt, it would be very courageous for you to admit, but do not UNDERESTIMATE the seriousness of being an apostate in Islam, please. I am just telling you the safe way. It is completely your choice though

2.
Good thing your parents are catholic, LOL. Atleast they don't believe in death for apostates (I hope).
Well, you can tell them, as they are your parents. If you do choose to tell them, try to make them realize that your life would be much happier that way, and try to convince them to look at life in your shoes. Other than that, it totally depends on your parents, and there is not a compact, strong "general" advice for everyone in this situation.
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Reply #2 - February 08, 2013, 06:37 PM

i recommend you to put this in the introductions section by the way.
- Commander961
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #3 - February 08, 2013, 08:51 PM

My name is John Dubh. I converted to Islam but I ultimately came to realize that Islam is a bunch of fairy tales just like many other religions. I was born into a catholic family, my dad was a devout catholic, and my mom was catholic in name (she would go to mass with the family, but only out of her own personal tradition, slave mentality, but not out of any sincere belief, just like half the people who go to the masjids.) As I grew older, I began to become disillusioned by the hypocrisy of catholics, who would act pious and good catholics, but would sleep around, would act mean to people, and were stuck up. This immediately got me disillusioned with catholicism, in addition to the fact that I could not comprehend the trinity. I immediately began to search around for various religious beliefs but ultimately I eventually found Islam. I went on a chatroom run by icq and I met a pakistani american man who gave me "dawah". The thing about dawah is that they only tell you what you want to hear, they leave the grotesque stuff for after you say shahadah (killing apostates, non muslims go to hell, death for adultery, homosexuality, cutting off hands for thieves) From what this mans interaction with me sounded like, the religion he presented me was different than the Islam I later began to find out, if the religion he presented to me was exactly what Islam said, I would not be on this board. Basically, when you give dawah, you are supposed to present a completely different religion than Islam, but then use scare tactics to keep you within the fold of Islam. At first I could understand the rules concerning no pork, no drinking, and it made sense to pray 5 times a day because religion generally involves prayer. But I had to literally force myself to accept the fact that homosexuals were inferior to straight people, that women were inferior, to hate Jews, and to support the shariah punishments. Oddly enough I know plenty of reverts and born muslims who don't believe these things, but that is because they are good people, not because of Islam, but despite Islam. My parents were not happy when I converted to Islam, and thus I could only go to the masjid in secret, and my only interaction with muslims for nearly a year and a half was with muslims at the masjid. It was not until college that I began to interact with muslims, even through my University's Muslim Student Association, that muslims put on two faces, at the mosque, and outside the mosque, which got me to then learn that hypocrisy exists in all religions. Another aspect of interaction with muslims is that I realized that they would never treat me like an equal because they always refer to me as a gora and always remind me on a day to day basis that I am different from them, yet they would always ask me to do favors for them with the so called incentive that it would make me accepted among them. I decided to renounce it last night on february 7th 2012 after considering it on and off for a long time.

A few questions I have for advice are:
1. How do I deal with any muslim friends I have made since converting to Islam, and dealing with them when they find out I am no longer muslim.
2. How do I talk to my parents and explain that I left Islam without looking like an idiot and getting an "I told you so" look from them?
- osmanthus
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #4 - February 08, 2013, 08:54 PM

Hiya.

1/ is going to depend on how tolerant they are. You'll just have to use your own judgement.

2/ is completely unavoidable. Parents love doing stuff like that.

Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West.
- billy
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #5 - February 08, 2013, 09:03 PM

Hi - thanks for joining the forum and sharing things. I echo what Os says in answer to your questions. Sometimes, there is a tendency for converts to burn their bridges and some people encourage Muslims to do that. But its now that you can realise that the bridges were'nt burned, it only seemed that way. Religion, for all its efforts, cannot destroy the natural bonds of love between you and your parents.

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

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- tabularasa
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #6 - February 08, 2013, 09:20 PM

Oh my gosh, your last two questions....wow....I am working on those myself

1st off, you do not have to have a conversation about it yet with family....wait until you are more comfortable in your new "non Muslim" skin. since you are man, it is not like there are visible markers of your deconversion....unless you where a kufi all the time. If they notice and want to talk, just say it is deeply personal and you do not wish to discuss it. I have had to use that line with many people and they have been respectful of that,

2ndly...your true friends will remain your friends. My close Muslim friends all received a personal letter from me. And all of them appreciated my honesty and are still my close friends. Not everyone will be supportive, but just as you probably LOST some friends when you became Muslim, be prepared to lose some yet again...it's the circle of life you may find that some of you Muslim friends open up to you about the issues that are bothering them about the faith. you may be surprised. you have nothing to lose by being honest.

good luck to you!

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Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Commander961
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #7 - February 08, 2013, 10:21 PM

The worst part is that I still pray when I still want to leave Islam, for some reason the salah calms me down even if I don't believe in Islam, how do I break away from that also?
- Jila
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #8 - February 08, 2013, 10:22 PM

Welcome!

What's a gora btw?

1. It's hard, but you can slowly start cutting from your Muslim friends. I am currently in that process and my phone is constantly buzzing from them, asking what happened. If you can't confront them (like me atm), keep acting busy, leave your phone on silent, make sure you have a few stories ready.
I can't tell you how to deal with it once they know, but good luck!

2. As for your parents What Os said. They'll probably be relieved by the sound of how you had to sneak around the mosques and all.

Salah was awesome, no doubt, especially when you think there is a god listening. I miss that feeling of venting and feeling someone was closely listening. It was calming and awesome. He aint real though, so that ruined it.
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #9 - February 08, 2013, 10:41 PM

Quote from: Commander961 on February 08, 2013, 10:21 PM
The worst part is that I still pray when I still want to leave Islam, for some reason the salah calms me down even if I don't believe in Islam, how do I break away from that also?

who are you praying to? and why?
is it meditation you're looking for?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
- osmanthus
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #10 - February 08, 2013, 10:43 PM

Quote from: Commander961 on February 08, 2013, 10:21 PM
The worst part is that I still pray when I still want to leave Islam, for some reason the salah calms me down even if I don't believe in Islam, how do I break away from that also?

My suggestion: don't stress about it. Do wotcha like. If you feel like stopping at some point, fine.

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- Luthiel
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #11 - February 08, 2013, 11:44 PM

Hey Commander, welcome to the forum. Congratulations on finding your way back out of Islam

As an ex-convert, I had the same thoughts going through my head when I left Islam. I never could figure out how to tell my Muslims friends, so I ended up just gradually no longer keeping in touch with them. They eventually figured it out, and some of them asked me directly if I was no longer a Muslim and I confirmed it. Some didn't care at all, some still have me on facebook but we hardly talk at all (definitely not like we used to). One initially expressed a desire to try to convince me to come back to Islam, but we never got around to having the discussion, although I was prepared to do so patiently and respectfully. And then there are those who pretend I no longer exist, because to them I may as well not. The person I was as a Muslim is no more.

As for my family, I wrote up a short note and emailed it to everyone. I'm lucky to have family who are for the most part very accepting of the various lifestyles everyone has. And even those who strongly disagree on things like religion, there is never the sort of animosity that would cause people to be disowning other people, etc. It felt embarrassing anyway, because as a Muslim I was arrogantly sure that I had the truth and they all were wrong. But I decided to just take the plunge and tell everyone I changed my mind about Islam, since they were all going to find out eventually anyway.

Here's the note I sent them:

Quote
To my dear family:

I want to thank all of you for your loving support during my journey as a Muslim for the past 7 years. I know many converts who are not so lucky. You guys are the best!

My time in Kuwait has given me many valuable experiences, one of the most important being an opportunity to learn about the real Islam. I will simply say, I have found it is not for me.

I'll be returning (home) on June 27, and leaving Islam behind. I can't wait to get home and see you all!

Love,
Luthiel

And the response I got was overwhelmingly positive. Almost nobody mentioned my change of religion at all, just that they were excited for me to come home and would I please bring some delicious Middle Eastern treats with me

My sister in law did say she was proud of me for having given it a try and for taking the time to search for what I believed in, since many people don't bother. I really appreciated that.

All in all it ended up being pretty anticlimactic. I hope that helps you and anyone else figure out how you will tell your friends and family.

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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #12 - February 09, 2013, 12:52 AM

Welcome Commander,
Seems like we have a bit in common too. I'm/was a convert myself(although for purposes of marriage) and from a Catholic background(but a piss watery one to be fair).
I would have to agree with what Os had to say,
1, It depends on how hardcore your muslim friends are, sadly I've noticed even the seemingly most moderate muslims I know have a hardline edge to them when it comes to matters of faith, in saying that it may apply more to comprimising their own personal beliefs, than caring so much what you choose or choose not to believe.

2. I suspect the "I told you so" from your parents is unavoidable. I remember just over a year ago, I was going through a rough patch in my marriage and when I told my mother she was almost immediately like "Well what did you expect!
Whatever happens I wish you well and good luck with it.
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #13 - February 11, 2013, 10:15 AM

Quote from: Commander961 on February 08, 2013, 08:51 PM
I went on a chatroom run by icq and I met a pakistani american man who gave me "dawah".

Ah, the good old irc.icq.com!
On there I have had many hilarious conversations with Muslims trying to go all dawah on my infidel ass

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- muhandis
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #14 - February 12, 2013, 02:47 PM

Move city and start a new life. Make sure you tell people in your new city that your name is John and not Yahya.

I dont think these guys will go violent on you but the emotional stress of it would be too much for me in your situation (and I AM in your situation only WORSE because I ended up marrying a muslim and having kids). Yeh Id keep it secret till you move.

But if you want to face the music, by all means announce your apostacy to everyone, your families I told you so is unavoidable and I really dont know how the muslims will react. Id love to see some feedback here
- sciFimoviefan
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I am an ex-convert to Islam!!
Reply #15 - February 20, 2013, 12:48 AM

hey mate

dont tell anyone. u dont have to. if you can, keep urself distance from muslims. and dont speak like a muslim to them. u'd put urself in greater danger. if u happen to face them. make sure its in public area and its better when u have valid reasons like u just said. explain it. if its not in public area. just say u gotta go busy time.

they wont have it. they see it as reward to "everlasting green and river". so its possiblity that they can be ruthless. but they will still make ur life miserable. u dont want that. keep away from them

ur parents were right. u will have to swallow the humble pie. but dont tell anyone else too much. just tell any one if u can trust and only if they ask you. otherwise leave it just like its one of other things.

oh and you mentioned about salah down the trend....

its habit, its all in imagine and paranoia feeding from books and experience, its like lethel cocktail. ull pass. go to gym and work out keep busy. go out and drink. eat bacon. watch tv and film. have sex. feel free. no limit. no bound. only law of the state. dont think about it i went thru same thing and i passed it. for different people, period of that uncomfotable experience are varities. depending on how much they know about books and amount of experience.

on second thought,u might wanna sit down at home and spending time thinking and planning things out and make sure its all within safety and smart ways. u dont have to change radically in a minute. there r other way of doing it. its staying home and think ur plans about what are you going to do with urself and stuck to plan and trust in it.
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Reply #16 - February 22, 2013, 06:26 PM

I know how you feel! I wanted to learn about Islam because I didn't want to believe the crap I was hearing in the media. At first everything was great and they also gave me a watered down "peaceful" version but then when they thought I was joining ranks everyones behavior changed, the religion stopped being so "peaceful" and more strict and obnoxious. I couldn't do it and I openly told everyone that I am happy not belonging to any faith thank you.
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