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- Crunchy Cds
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Reply #30 - February 20, 2013, 06:33 AM

Religion isn't for everyone. Some people DO find happiness in their religion but the mistake is believing it will 'save' everyone.

***~Church is where bad people go to hide~***
- IMadeOfClay
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Reply #31 - February 20, 2013, 08:05 PM

Thanks for your post mena. I found your story very interesting. I'm happy for you that you have a great partner but sad for you with regards to your family situation. I have thought long and hard about this problem for ~10 years (I have a problem which has some parallels to yours). It's not black and white to answer but in my case I have decided to live my life the way I want to. Why should I stay miserable for the sake of others (even if they are family)? As someone else here said: "Isn't it amazing how our own happiness doesn't seem important to them... There seems to be an awful lot of us who'd hate to upset others... but our own feelings are clearly irrelevant." This is certainly true for me (and I suspect many others here). I'm sick of hearing comments like, "It will be very embarassing for the family if you don't come". Stupid izzat concept.

I'm not saying to upset your family intentionally but in my humble opinion your happiness is important too. If the two are mutually exclusive then you should choose your happiness. Sorry if that sounds a bit hardlined but it's just my opinion

And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence - Bertrand Russell
- mina
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Reply #32 - February 20, 2013, 08:36 PM

Thank you IMadeOfClay.

You are right, it's not black and white. Especially as person where your happiness is tied in with your family's like mine is. As long as they hurt, I will always hurt because it's just how it is for me. But saying that I will never give up my life or fiancé for any one.

The other things is that it is hardly ever the case of them not caring about your happiness. On the contrary they have a warped idea that though living the way you do or I do, we just think we are happy, and we are blinded and depriving ourselves of the chance to true and eternal happiness- the happiness that really counts. They think that if they truly love you they don't give up trying to change you. Which is why it's best to live away, for your own sanity. Because really there is no resolution with people who think like that and they will never change. But that's not for a minute because they don't care for your happiness.

Like I said before, i can't know how awful it is for you, and don't think about izzat- it should never come in to it. Leave izzat to the community to worry/gossip/gloat about. In my case though, I would be thinking what it would mean for my brother if I am there at his nikah and wedding. I might be hugely wrong but for your family, regardless of whether you pray or not etc, they will miss you and It won't be because it's embarrassing that you aren't there, it's just that as a brother and son you aren't there at this hugely momentous occasion for your family full stop.
- The Defiant
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Reply #33 - February 26, 2013, 12:10 AM

Oh yeah, re: the fiance situation, TELL HIM! I'm one of those who converted for the purpose of marriage. I'd be doing back flips of joy if my wife suddenly told me she'd left the flock.
- ateapotist
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Reply #34 - February 26, 2013, 12:33 AM

Welcome to our humble abode, mina.

"Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so." -- Bertrand Russell

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Reply #35 - February 27, 2013, 10:51 AM

This is a late welcome, sorry, but welcome to the pack I read your story and I must say you should be mighty proud of yourself I can't really advise you on how to deal with your family as I'm yet to sort that out myself but I wish you well and hope things work out
- RationalDreamer
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Reply #36 - March 01, 2013, 08:01 PM

Mina, after going through your whole story, me and a lot of others can relate to your problems as well.

Its not just the women who're subjected to such pressures. Its the men as well!

My Brother received a lot of flak for getting married to a White American woman from my parents, relatives and whatnot. Parents especially went to the point of saying that it 'soiled' the name of our family history. Apparently I was the one to support his marriage, and after much coaxing they've finally managed to accept it (But not without its repercussions....my mother still wants her to be converted to Muslim...fat chance of that anyway!)

Ever since that day, my Mother has constantly told me that if I do the same thing, she'll never speak to me ever again. That has affected me to such a point that I don't talk much to my Parents anymore (they live back in Pakistan...I live in the UK)

I do hope that I manage to tell my parents about my renunciation of religion, and that they eventually get to accept it.

We're all victims of religion, and we all need a standing that justifies our basis and our freedom.

Hope to get more in touch with you as well!
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