Hey everyone,
I've been a closet ex-muslim for a year. I registered a while back but got lazy and didn't do the intro thing. I found a link to this site from Reddit's ex-muslim sub. At first I thought this was UK-only. But after browsing around, it seems there are people from all over the world posting here (you even let those sneaky Canadians post here...just kidding, lol
).
I was born in Hyderabad (nakko!), India into a typical Sunni muslim family. We moved to the US when I was around 10. I guess I was a cultural muslim. I was that typical apathetic teenager, praying here and there when I got yelled at and not giving a shit about anything. I had a few "religious spikes" during my college years where I would suddenly pray 5 times a day, read quran, secretly think of myself as "better" or "superior" than those kafirs etc., Sometimes, I'd use mathematics to try to calculate and wet myself over how much "sawab" I was getting by praying in a mosque/congregation. I actually had a points counter going in my head and giggled like a school girl because I couldn't wait to "spend" them in the afterlife. I know...talk about delusional. Anyway, a few weeks of that, and the laziness/apathy kicked in and I went back to just going about my daily business not giving a crap about rituals other than an occasional prayer here & there.
It wasn't until my late twenties that I really started to question my faith. I guess I'll highlight some factors that led me to that point:
Scientific facts will amaze the world about islamOne of the first memories I have about islam is of my father telling me that as time goes on, scientists will uncover facts about the universe due to allah's blessing. People all over the world will be amazed that the quran already mentioned some of them 1,400 years ago.
Oops. What actually happened is by and large that the world wasn't amazed by so-called quranic scientific revelations, and just went about its business. I don't wanna go into details as this post would turn into an encyclopedia, but the usual stuff like embryonic process, curvature of earth, life comes from water...were all known about long before muhammad came to be. I'm surprised I don't see modern-day Greeks walking around with posters: How could Aristotle know about modern science 2,300 years ago?
As a defense mechanism it is claimed that the Quran isn't a scientific book and the word is vague enough for a layman to understand, but the hidden meaning is there for experts and the rightly guided. I'm sorry, but this just feels like a cop-out.
Required belief in Fantastic Events and Fantastic CreaturesI decided to make a couple of lists:
List A- Lightning happens because Zeus lives in the clouds and when he is angry, he throws lightning bolts down to earth.
- Some dude named Rama (OMG a profit!) defeats a demon-king named Ravana with the help of a half-human, half-ape creature named Hanuman. (Ravana: Don't fuck with monkeys man, they're crazy!)
- When you die, you're just reborn again and again until you attain Nirvana. Do mostly good, you're reborn into a better life. Do mostly bad, you're reborn into a worse life. Is it possible to be reborn as a body part? What if you're reborn as a penis on a muslim or Jewish baby? :(
- God lives on the planet Kolob. Tom Cruise says of course that's fiction. But Xenu is real. No comment.
- Jesus comes back to life 3 days after dying from being nailed to a cross. Silly Jews, they forgot rule #2 - Double Tap.
List B- Ibrahim has a dream that allah tells him to sacrifice his only son. Son: "Sure pops, let's do it". Ibrahim goes up a mountain, ties up his son, and blindfolds himself, because it's icky. Does the deed. Removes blindfold to find a dead lamb and his son by his side. "You've been Punk'd!" said Ashton Kutcher as he bursts out of a bush. (Ok, I made that part up. Just replace Ashton Kutcher with allah and you get the jist of the story.)
- Musa, with allah's help, splits the red sea while holding his staff. The Jews escape safely, but then the walls of water close on each other, drowning the chasing Pharaoh and his army. Pharaoh: oh shit...oh shit...OH SHIT. FML.
- Virgin Maryam pops out Isa without doing the whoopie with a human male. Angel Gabriel may or may not have been spotted later that day giving and receiving high-fives and smoking an expensive cigar.
- Jews think they nailed Isa to a wooden cross, but he is actually replaced with some random unlucky identical look-alike. The "Real Isa" is teleported safely to heaven.
Isa look-alike: FML. - Muhammad's teleportation to heaven. Shattering and re-joining of the moon. Well, duh! Everyone knows the moon is made of cheddar cheese. It shatters easily.
- Jinn exist, but you can't ask for 3 wishes. Angels exist, and 2 of them sit on your shoulders and write down your good & bad deeds. These immortal, inter-dimensional beings have an Achilles heel though: puppies and dogs.
- Surah Al-Fil: In an epic game of Angry Birds, Allah uses birds (that drop pebbles) to destroy an army riding elephants whose intentions were to destroy the Kaaba. No one has beaten the high score.
I used to laugh off List A as a joke. But buy into List B as though it were as real as this chair I'm sitting in. All because it's written in an ancient book that's "unchanged". Very tempting! No, sorry, they're all just fairy tales to me. What struck me was that Islam isn't some unique snowflake, it too has it's fair share of myths.
I know the typical reaction:
"Yes, yes, laugh it up murtad. But we will be the ones laughing at you in the afterlife. You will roast in jahannam, while we look down on you from jannah, drinking non-intoxicating wine and resting our heads in between ample breasts of our houris. And our wives shall be watching us, watching you!!"Which leads me to the next reason why I don't believe:
Male FantasyI thought
long and
hard about this but just couldn't help thinking that the afterlife as it is written in the quran and narrated in hadith is pretty much a
7th century man's fantasy.
So, let's see:
(Reality) -> (Wishful thinking/fantasy)
Red hot desert Sun -> Reclining in shades.
Lack of Water/Wine/Milk -> Free flowing rivers of milk and wine.
No sex out of marriage -> Non-stop sex.
Harsh climate, lack of cosmetics -> Fair skinned maidens (to the point that skin is see-through).
Average desert breasts -> HUGE non-saggy breasts.
Average stamina -> Stamina of a hundred men, enough to make Peter North jealous.
Most folks are poor/middle-income -> Own a castle/big house.
The justification here is that it is all spiritual and not to be taken literally. That this is just a tiny portion of heaven. Real heaven will have different kinds of rewards, why focus on such a little thing like sex, food and housing? Women aren't sex-hungry like men, therefore, it is not necessary to write specifics about what rewards they will get. Just assume they'll have it as good as men.
I don't buy it. I suppose I could convince myself it's all true, if I performed gymnastics with the Arabic language. But I don't have the uber skill like good ol' Zakir Naik, Undefeated Arabic Word Twist Champion.
There is obviously tons more stuff, but those were the highlights that led me away.
I also watched all the YouTube videos on CEMBAdmins. The ones by Hassan were brilliant. The poetry from nesrin and allat was painfully gorgeous. I want to give both of them suffocating hugs!
Whew! That about covers it. If you managed to read through my drivel, congratulations, you probably have a lot of free time on your hands
Bring on the doped-out parrot and the horny bunny!
Topic: Hello from the Windy City!