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 Topic: Have you been to Ummah.com ?

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  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #690 - December 11, 2015, 12:47 AM
    From the thread:

    Quote
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    It was narrated from Mu'adh bin Jabal that:

    the Messenger of Allah said: "No woman annoys her husband but his wife among houris (of Paradise) says: 'Do not annoy him, may Allah destroy you, for he is just a temporary guest with you and soon he will leave you and join us."' (Sunan Ibn Majah)

    It's graded hasan.


    Quote
    Quote Originally Posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    you think it's funny hoor is doing that?


    Quote
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Not necessarily, I just don't think it's anything to be stressed out or depressed about. Annoying your husband doesn't necessarily mean you won't be with him in jannah.


    Quote
    Quote Originally Posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    I'm not worried about being with him in Jannah I'm worried about getting some curse on me by his hoor lol


    Quote
    Quote Originally Posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    inshaAllah. don't want that hoor curse on me.


    Worried about being cursed. Grin Oh islam. You're like the 7th century Arabian version of Harry Potter.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #691 - December 11, 2015, 12:51 AM
    I skimmed through the link and came across this:
    Quote
    The large breasts of the maidens of Jannat Allah ~ states:
    "And the people of Jannat will have full-breasted women who will be equal in age.
    The breasts of these women will be round like pomegranates and they will never sag down because these women will never become old


    Now I can imagine the sheikh saying all of the above while grinning widely. Knew I would regret this  no
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #692 - December 11, 2015, 12:51 AM
    Like I said. Harry Potter.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #693 - December 11, 2015, 12:54 AM
    It’s unbelievable, really. I’m struggling to believe I actually ever believed it. Did I, really? Women who never poop or pee, self-repairing hymens, breasts that never sag. It’s like it was written by teenagers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqowmHgxVJQ
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #694 - December 11, 2015, 12:56 AM
    Quote from: Quod Sum Eris on December 11, 2015, 12:47 AM
    Worried about being cursed. Grin Oh islam. You're like the 7th century Arabian version of Harry Potter.


    Wonder what it means to be under the Hoors curse. I know that Allah curses women who shape their eyebrows, which may be why I can't get any bloody sleep these days. One would think that a Hoors curse is milder than Allah's.
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #695 - December 11, 2015, 12:58 AM
    happymurtad, remember my conversation with George where he was telling me about the teachings of the Prophet Dave? I was thinking of quoting it here. Seems appropriate. Grin
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #696 - December 11, 2015, 12:59 AM
    Quote from: happymurtad on December 11, 2015, 12:54 AM
    It’s unbelievable, really. I’m struggling to believe I actually ever believed it. Did I, really? Women who never poop or pee, self-repairing hymens, breasts that never sag. It’s like it was written by teenagers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqowmHgxVJQ


    That pretty much represents belief in Jannah  Grin
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #697 - December 11, 2015, 01:02 AM
    Fuck it, I'll quote a little.

    Quote from: Quod Sum Eris on July 24, 2013, 02:28 PM
    "I knew it! You're trying to trick and confuse me! God told Dave to tell us people would do that when the unicorn took him up the rainbow to heaven! Ha! More proof!"

    "Look, calm down, alright? Okay, did Dave actually bring anything back from heaven? Some real proof you can hold, see, smell, test?"

    "No, but he told us what it's like."

    "I'm probably going to regret this, but go on..."

    "You ever see those Japanese cartoons?"

    "Anime, yeah. So?"

    "The Japanese cartoon porn."

    "It's called Hentai."

    "How do you know what it's called?"

    "Not important. So come on, what was heaven like?"

    "Like nothing any human could come up with on his own. Real life anime girls with the big eyes and the huge tits and god gives you loads of them and you can have sex with forever and they'll do whatever you want! And you get a palace and servants and never ending wine and it's brilliant! Isn't it brilliant? We wrote it all down in the Book of Dave. But you can only go there if you believe Dave is a prophet of god. Dave said that only stupid people won't believe it and if we think it's bollocks that's the Devil trying to trick us and we should talk to Dave."


    Full thing here. http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=3513.msg697920#msg697920
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #698 - December 11, 2015, 01:15 AM
    I remember that  Grin

    Jannah is described in a way that would appeal to 7th century men in Arabia. I wonder how it would sound if Mo had lived and founded the Quran during modern times.
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #699 - December 11, 2015, 01:17 AM
    Exactly like Dave.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #700 - December 11, 2015, 01:19 AM
    Possibly Tongue
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #701 - December 11, 2015, 01:27 AM
    All I did was change a few words. I changed geckos/house lizards to hamsters. I changed flying horse with wings to unicorn. Hoories are real life anime girls. That wasn't a change in anything except terminology. Even the unicorn thing where Dave says a thousand years in heaven is an hour on Earth as an excuse is found in islam.

    It really is EXACTLY like Dave. Every single thing in that post is what islam teaches.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #702 - December 11, 2015, 01:31 AM
    Of course, but like Jannah it isn't that appealing. Sounds like a meaningless life  Undecided
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #703 - December 11, 2015, 03:06 AM
    Quote from: happymurtad on December 11, 2015, 12:54 AM
    It’s unbelievable, really. I’m struggling to believe I actually ever believed it. Did I, really? Women who never poop or pee, self-repairing hymens, breasts that never sag. It’s like it was written by teenagers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqowmHgxVJQ


    Tell me about it. I remember sitting through so many boring classes on the menstruation of women. "The menstruating woman can't do this, and the menstruating woman can't do that."

    It does nothing but program your mind to think that there's something wrong with a woman on her period.. That's why you have so many dumb Muslim guys who say, "Sister you are behaving very emotional right now."

    Bunch of 13 year old teens I tell ya, who can't accept basic anatomy.
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #704 - December 11, 2015, 03:07 AM
    What about masturbating women?
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #705 - December 11, 2015, 03:15 AM
    From my experience, it was more appropriate for the muslim imams to address male masturbation as opposed to female masturbation.. because they're sexist of course.

    they're of the myth of "females never masturbate"

    but here's Qaradawi (one of the biggest muslim scholars) saying that "female masturbation is risky" lol

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPXmNXLbuxY

    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #706 - December 11, 2015, 07:50 AM
    Sick of all this hymen obsession!  furious

    A while back I had a friend who wanted to come horse riding but was not allowed to because her parents were scared that she would "lose her virginity". She would then ask whether I was worried that I would accidentally "lose" mine while playing "risky" sports. Told her I didn't give a flying fuck.

    It's sad to see how women in some cultures have to restrict themselves because they're so terrified that some thin membrane they may have been born without could tear, and some insecure future husband won't be able to sleep at night because he is continuously freaking out about what his wife may have been up to.
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #707 - December 11, 2015, 08:06 AM
    You're no longer a virgin when you have sex. That's it. In times past you were considered a virgin until you'd given birth, whether or not you'd had sex before that was irrelevant.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #708 - December 11, 2015, 08:10 AM
    The man in the video used the Arabic word for "virginity" to describe the hymen. Narrow-minded people can't distinguish between the two.
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #709 - December 11, 2015, 08:17 AM
    Times have changed people. There are other ways to know if the kid is yours.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #710 - December 11, 2015, 08:24 AM
     Grin

    It's not about that though. In some cultures there are a number of guys who worry about whether their wife has been "tainted". She is just a possession who has to belong to one man, otherwise she is "damaged goods".
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #711 - December 11, 2015, 09:30 AM
    This is a short muslim film called, "Change of Heart"..

    I seen it a while back. It's about a girl who had sex before she changed and became a practicing muslim. The husband is angry and conflicted because she didn't have her "virginity." I have to say it's a good film for muslims to change their perspective on the sacredness of the "hymen." It shouldn't be a big deal in the first place. Unfortunately, Prophet Muhammad said that young virgins are the best to marry. It's not really Muslims fault. I wished they criticized the hadeeth itself about marrying young virgins. "Popping the cherry" isn't really a big deal and should never be a big deal.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7UJVVsIS8A
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #712 - December 11, 2015, 12:22 PM
    Sounds interesting, will watch it in a bit Smiley
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #713 - December 11, 2015, 01:18 PM
    Quote from: AGirlWithDoubts on December 11, 2015, 08:24 AM
    Grin

    It's not about that though. In some cultures there are a number of guys who worry about whether their wife has been "tainted". She is just a possession who has to belong to one man, otherwise she is "damaged goods".



    This is the apparent concern of Jesus in at least Matthew. People THINK that it says that divorce and remarriage is adultery, but what it ACTUALLY says is that divorcing your wife makes HER become guilty of adultery, and also makes whoever she married after you guilty of adultery. It doesn't say that if a dude married, divorced the woman, and married a younger woman, be committed adultery, or that a man may only take one wife.

    So basically, a fairy cave is only to be entered by one dingaling, but dingalings can travel between as many fairy caves as they want, as long as they don't enter any fairy cave owned by another man.

    What beautiful timeless wisdom.
    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I have a sonic screwdriver, a tricorder, and a Type 2 phaser.
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #714 - December 11, 2015, 01:22 PM
    ^^ A very accurate way to put it.
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #715 - December 11, 2015, 04:51 PM
    gal_from_usa

    That's seriously disturbing way to put it.

     Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #716 - December 11, 2015, 05:39 PM
    Hello all,

    Yes and it makes you lose faith in humanity (let alone Islam).

  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #717 - December 11, 2015, 05:48 PM
    Quote from: Sultan-Galiev on December 11, 2015, 05:39 PM
    Hello all,

    I would like to call umma.com a forum of cunts (generally speaking). However, to qualify as a cunt one would need to possess warmth and depth. Those two qualities are in short supply on those boards.

    Hello  Sultan-G.... greetings and my good wishes to you....

    Please do not resign from umma.com.. and please do not Insult that word using it for them...

    and welcome to the CEMB Den...
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #718 - December 11, 2015, 05:57 PM
    Hey dude,

    Thanks and sorry to anyone who got offended. I did a quick edit (couldn't actually delete the damn thing).
  • Have you been to Ummah.com ?
     Reply #719 - December 11, 2015, 07:34 PM
    I'm disappointed you edited as just what was quoted by yeezevee was brilliant. Sad I missed the whole thing.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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