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Theme Changer

 Topic: suggest new Pillars of Islam

 (Read 4148 times)
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     OP - August 10, 2013, 04:43 PM

    HM says

    Quote from: happymurtad on August 10, 2013, 04:27 PM
    The Sixth Pillar of Islam: Getting offended.


    I say The Seventh Pillar of Islam: "Everything You Say About Islam Is Taken Out of Context"

    fire away guys....
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #1 - August 10, 2013, 05:49 PM
    Eighth Pillar of Islam: Creating Quranic Scientific Miracles out of anything and everything.
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #2 - August 10, 2013, 06:12 PM
    Ninth pillar of Islam: Every hadith that portray Allah and Muhammad in a good way are Sahih or Hasan, and all hadith that portray Allah and Muhammad in a bad way are Daif and Maudu.
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #3 - August 10, 2013, 06:25 PM
    Tenth pillar of islam. Islam is now a race so if you have a problem with some of the teachings of the quran for moral reasons you are a racist. Praise allah.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #4 - August 11, 2013, 11:46 PM
    Eleventh pillar of islam: Allah dont like doubtful people
    Lol
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #5 - August 12, 2013, 10:37 PM
    Twelfth Pillar of Islam: When the shit hits the fan mention Palestine. Those bastard Jews!

    Thirteenth Pillar of Islam: All the greatest scientists, philosophers and historians that ever lived were in fact Muslims

    Fourteenth Pillars of Islam: Don't blame it on the Sunnah, Don't blame on the Qur'an, blame it on the U.S.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #6 - August 12, 2013, 10:41 PM
    ^  Cheesy
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #7 - August 12, 2013, 11:24 PM
    Fifteenth Pillar of Islam: Islam gave women rights 1400 years ago. The West simply caught up in the 20th century.

    Sixteenth Pillar of Islam: Have a problem with Islam? Then go to Medina, study to be an Islamic scholar, and learn Arabic; or shut the fuck up.

    Seventeenth Pillar of Islam: Wife beating in the Quran? No bro, just tap her with a feather if she starts pissing you off.
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #8 - August 12, 2013, 11:28 PM
    Thought it was a toothbrush? Either way, if someone did that to me I'd be more pissed off.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #9 - August 12, 2013, 11:35 PM
    I've heard feather, toothbrush and miswaak before. I'm sure there's a few other household items that apologists talk about as alternatives.

    Maybe a sock? A bag of crips? I dunno, just use your imagination. Tongue
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #10 - August 13, 2013, 09:39 AM
    Eighteenth Pillar of Islam: You may not worship any idol but making an exhausting journey to Mecca so that you can throw slippers at a stone and prostrate to an outerspace black rock is okay.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #11 - August 13, 2013, 09:54 AM
    I know he's only just joined but really starting to like Jedi  Smiley
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #12 - August 13, 2013, 05:45 PM
    For those of us who have ever been unfortunate to watch or participate in a debate with Dawists:

    Ninteenth Pillar of Islam: When all else fails reinterpret, contextualise and abrogate.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #13 - August 13, 2013, 06:10 PM
     
    Quote from: Jedi on August 13, 2013, 05:45 PM
    For those of us who have ever been unfortunate to watch or participate in a debate with Dawists:

    Ninteenth Pillar of Islam: When all else fails reinterpret, contextualise and abrogate.

    Quote from: Jedi on August 13, 2013, 09:39 AM
    Eighteenth Pillar of Islam: You may not worship any idol but making an exhausting journey to Mecca so that you can throw slippers at a stone and prostrate to an outer space black rock is okay.

    Quote from: Jedi on August 12, 2013, 10:37 PM
    Twelfth Pillar of Islam: When the shit hits the fan mention Palestine. Those bastard Jews!

    Thirteenth Pillar of Islam: All the greatest scientists, philosophers and historians that ever lived were in fact Muslims

    Fourteenth Pillars of Islam: Don't blame it on the Sunnah, Don't blame on the Qur'an, blame it on the U.S.

     Cheesy Cheesy.. Prophet Jedi  your ayas are no doubt word of Allah., there I will add

    "Ohyee Momin., If some Muslims create problems to other Muslims
    then   Don't blame it on the Sunnah and  don't blame on the Qur'an,
    but blame it on the U.S and blame it on Juice.."

    That is a good revelation and you are a Prophet material Jedi.. In the next round I will nominate you for the CEMB awards....
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #14 - August 13, 2013, 07:36 PM
    Twentieth Pillar of Islam: The 'No True Scotsman' Fallacy shall be renamed the 'No True Muslim' Fallacy

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #15 - August 14, 2013, 12:04 AM
    twenty first pillar of islam: masturbate five times a day during month of shaban. must eat seven ajwa dates before performance of masturbation. if unavailable, any concentrated source of simple sugars will suffice. if too poor to afford so much sugar, the act is not obligatory.  toys are bid'ah and must not be used. intention of masturbation solely for the sake of Allah must be made each time.

    "Fapping is prescribed for you, as it was for the nations before you, so that you may be successful." (115: 2)

    first fap: right before sunrise, when white thread is clearly distinct from black thread whatever the hell that means.
    second fap: right at noon when your shadow is the length of a.... fucking... whatever just look at a clock
    third fap: when the shadow is twice the length of my member (so 26")
    fourth fap: right at sunset
    fifth fap: 12:37 a.m. not a minute before, not a minute after and must finish in a minute

    failure to perform a single fap session will result in 50,000 years in hell unless you repent.

    you're welcome

  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #16 - August 14, 2013, 10:20 AM

    7amzah....but you can do more than the obligatory 5 faps a day right?Huh??
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #17 - August 14, 2013, 12:56 PM
    Of course. It is mandoob to do extra fapping during this holy month. In fact when our wholely profit Muhammad went up to visit Allah, Allah ordered 50 faps a day for the ummah. But Musa told him that's too much and our ummah will not be able to handle it. So Muhammad went back up and negotiated it down to five. Musa still thought that was too much, but Muhammad (piss be upon him said) he was too embarassed to negotiate it any more. Plus every time he went up there he had to fap for Allah and he was out of juice. So we are very lucky that we don't have to do more than five a day but it is highly recommended that you go more than five times. Alhamdulillah. In fact there are some fapping sessions that are mu'aqqadah. two before the morning fap, four around the noon fap, two after the sunset fap and two after the evening fap. Also after the evening fap if you wake up in the middle of the night and do some extra fapping, Allah will answer all of your prayers. Ususally the answer will be "no", but he'll answer.
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #18 - August 14, 2013, 02:04 PM
    Never heard it called fap before this site.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #19 - August 14, 2013, 03:54 PM
    http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/fap
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #20 - August 14, 2013, 05:42 PM
    That's two links you've given where I've learned something new  Smiley
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #21 - August 14, 2013, 10:59 PM
    For the Muslim, 5 faps a day is prescribed whilst for the Muslimahs, 5 schlicks a day are prescribed. Except when on their periods. Then they are excused from their 5 daily schlicks. Missed schlicks during Ramadan must be made up at a later time.

    Now, how about taraweeh faps and schlicks?
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #22 - August 14, 2013, 11:06 PM
    MashaAllah you have the knowledge of a shaikha. Yes, there is a difference opinions amongst scholars whether the evening masturbation should be 8 or 20 orgasms. You should ask a scholar about this. Try

    http://www.islamqa.com/en

    And Allah knows best.
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #23 - August 14, 2013, 11:17 PM
    Quote from: Nour on August 14, 2013, 10:59 PM
    For the Muslim, 5 faps a day is prescribed whilst for the Muslimahs, 5 schlicks a day are prescribed. Except when on their periods. Then they are excused from their 5 daily schlicks. Missed schlicks during Ramadan must be made up at a later time.

    Now, how about taraweeh faps and schlicks?


    Allhamdulillah,

    Truly the Force is great with this one.

    The above quote just proves the Islamophobes wrong and reinforces that fact that Islam is an equal opportunities provider. Whereas other religions ignore the fact that women tend to flick the clit and slap the beaver, Mash'Allah the Qur'an acknowledges and condones this behaviour. Only if more people were aware of this then they would convert to Islam and be upon the righteous path and not upon the path of those who restrain their right hand or prevent their legs from parting.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • suggest new Pillars of Islam
     Reply #24 - August 14, 2013, 11:40 PM
    MashaAllah wa tabrakAllah akhi.
    Indeed before Islam women were not even allowed to own property. Look at what Islam gave them: half the inheritance of a male and the opportunity to join the men in masturbation throughout the hole-ee month.
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