Lua
The greatest superheroes are born from the harshest and most inhospitable of climes. Such is the case with lua, and her origin story is no less startling than her feats. The old cliche is of a child left in the woods to fend for oneself and being raised by wolves. In lua's case it was an even more savage and deadly locale and caretaker, having been left uncovered in the cold barren tundra with polar bears. The polar bears not knowing what to do with her found a shelter that could protect half of the child at a time, and their care consisted of turning her at intervals in the night so only half of her would be exposed at a time. Such an improbable survival marks the beginning of her remarkable story.
Soon the young girl was wrestling the other polar bears and she grew up on a diet of ice and narwhal blood. The narwhal blood, of course gave her both adequate nutrition, and imbued her with its magical powers. Without any effort or exposure she learned the language of all of the creatures including all human languages. The ice was of course her only other palatable means of hydration. In such circumstances her strength and intellect quickly grew to an impressive peak. Bored of polar pugilism, lua then set out for civilization, brash and confident in facing any challenge, as was her wont.
Lua's first venturing into civilization was immediately eventful. The city she first stumbled upon was being terrorized by a giant can of diet cola with the people in a state of hysterical fear and consternation. "Fuck it, this is a mess," she thought to herself. She then realized that she had the power to neutralize this enemy, and so stepped beside this giant can, poked a hole through its metallic exterior, and began to drink from its vast contents. The power of her diet of narwhal blood made her impervious to the neurotoxins within this deadly monstrosity, and she soon consumed all of it, leaving behind only a large mass of aluminum, and looking herself unscathed and none the worse for her effort.
Alas, it proved that not only victory, but also tragedy befell this city at her arrival. Lua came across civilization naked as the day she was born, and it soon became apparent that the gross incandescence of her hair was killing all men within a 5 mile radius. Discovering this, lua quickly covered the most hairy parts of her body with the very functional raiment that is so familiar to us now. Dressed thus in her loincloth, sports bra, turban, and mustache cover, lua had an audience with the local city council and mayor. Despite the great feat that she had accomplished, she could not help but apologize profusely for the great loss of life that had occurred from her carelessness, and from then on her speech was colored by an abundance of such apologies in all situations no matter how malapropos.
From there, we all know the story of her legend. How she slayed giant pens and hot air balloons, and befriended and tamed strange beasts. Still Lua is not without her weaknesses, chief among which are the simplicity with which she can be nerd sniped by complex problems, and an inability to breath in the vacuum of space. Eventually, having thus vanquished all of these great foes she decided to settle down to a quiet and inconspicuous life which might occupy, if not satisfy her vast intellectual powers. She now works at a small biochemical lab, optimizing bio-mechanical widgets for utilization in humans. Still, she waits in her patient isolation for the moment of humanity's need for a great super hero. In such a moment one need only check the ice bath freezer at Biotech labs. If it is empty, then we know that the world is in great peril, but we need not fear, for there is no mortal or god that is any match for lua once properly hydrated.
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