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Theme Changer

 Topic: (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time

 (Read 5052 times)
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  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     OP - September 17, 2013, 03:43 PM

    So that you won't be 'dissapointed' I tell you already, that I am NOT ex-Muslim.
    Still Islam has had effect on my life and I feel most comfortable with ex-Muslims, since Islam has had big negative effect on my life. It's not only reason by no means, but one of the bigger ones.
    So I tell my story, because I believe it takes some of the pain away.


    ––I am boy from Nordic Europe, I am from big area (1 million people in the whole area, half of that in my own city)
    I lived pretty good life, but problems started when I got very bad acne (at the age of 13-14) and people started seeing me as a freak.
    I wasn't bullied, because I knew how to fight, so very few wanted to fight with me, but I could see people staring at my skin; even adults were giving me weird looks and being far away from me.
    This was ok, because I was pretty strong mentally, but when I went to college
    (we do not have same system as you do, so I'm not exactly sure what it is in English. I was about 15-16 at the time)
    where I knew no one. I started using littlebit of acne make up, which covered everything pretty well, but I came very uncofortable with myself, because I was always afraid that someone would see that I had make up.

    I got very tired, because I was scared that someone would see my make up and I was always tired at school, sleeping in the class and being in my own world, so people started making fun of me. Saying that I was on drugs and that I was a weirdo.
    I hoped that they knew who I was, so they wouldn't dare to bully me and I hoped that the biggest guy in the school would punch me, so that I could beat him up and show that you should bully someone else.
    Well, no one ever attacked me physically and I couldn't defend myself with words, so going to school started being terrible. Because of the stress my acne got even worse and I got very tired and lost my will to live.
    I skipped school all the time and was very sad at school. Everytime I went to class late the whole class started yelling and laughing; asking if was using drugs or selling this time.

    There were few nice guys and girls, but overall the class was terrible and teachers never did anything to make me feel better.
    So I chose to stop school after some months. It was sad, because I liked the SCHOOL, sadly people were not as nice.

    I was from atheist country, atheist family and I was atheist myself. We were not against religion tho' just unreligious.
    I was very low and didn't want anything to do with anything. I started praying to Jesus, since I am from formerly Christian country, and IT HELPED. I got so happy that I cannot explain.
    Always smiling, never sad, never anxious and never scared of anything. So I just started reading Gospels, listening to some Bible scholars and listening to hymns.
    I got injured in my sports little bit before my depression and I stopped playing sports, so I had nowhere to go.
    And it was great. I just had time to pray, listen to music and read the Bible.
    I didn't go out for a month (I took trashes out few times with my mom and went once to skin doctor, but that was it) and my family got worried. So we went to doctor and the doctor said, that I clearly had depression and therefore I got medicine for it.

    Life was looking good, because I had Jesus, Bible, family and bed, but I didn't go outside.
    My mom was trying to get me out and so was my doctor, but I was fine with my life.
    Doctor send request to Teenagers's Mental Help, and we got time there.
    They made a plan for some months and I got also ADHD diagnosis. I had to start going there few times in a month to speak about my condition and I got order to go out.

    Well I always went there to talk but I never went outside besides that.
    So we (doctors, my family and I) were talking and they asked why I don't go outside.
    I said that praying and reading makes me perfectly happy (which was true), but they gave great advice/warning that I just skipped, since I believed in Jesus deeply.
    They said: "You might feel good now, but in long term you will ruin your life by never going out, seeing others or doing anything but praying and reading religious stuff."

    So I was about 4 months indoors and went outside very rarely, but my mom was very sad because of it, so I went to countryside with my dad, so that I could be alot outside and do something fun (like boxing and hacking trees).
    My mom also signed me up to this "Socially Alienated Teens's and Young Adult's Group" where we would get back in life and we would try to find schools or jobs. It would be twice a week, which would be a good baby step to get social again.
    One day when I was doing push-ups my dad handed me a phone, where one of the group leaders answered and said that I should come to interview next morning.
    So I had to run to bus (only one bus a day in the countryside) and travel back to my hometown from the countryside, where I was boxing, praying, lifting and reading all day long.

    I was kinda annoyed, but when I went to the interview, the place looked nice, staff were nice and the group leader was pretty nice (hot) looking. So it started very next day and I had good time.
    I was still praying and reading and my skin was pretty good, because I had had medicine.
    Life was pretty good, but I was still depressed.

    Few months were going like this and the course ended. I found a job that was meant for youngsters who didn't have anything else to do. Very nice boss, very nice friends and very nice place. Only annoying thing was that this job was relatively far away. Big building full of beautiful girls, nice guys and everything was going good.
    But I started becoming more skeptical about the Bible and I started thinking if Jesus was really God etc.
    (happens to many people after they get over the first part of their spiritual journey, which ever religion they have converted to)
    Life was still good, and I kept praying to Jesus. I was so thankful to him for making me happy so I didn't want to just quit after getting happy only thru' Jesus.
    But my faith started dying and I saw some Muslim scholars teaching about Qur'an and I read littlebit of Qur'an.

    It was much better than the Bible by it's poetry and I really liked it (Arabic poetry just was more my style).
    So I started fighting against the feeling. You know, I was praying that Jesus would help me and that Satan would stop tempting me out of the Light of Jesus.
    I saw Muslim stuff about the Bible and came to realize, that Jesus wasn't God. I started listening to some ex-priest that became imam and he said, that Surah of Maryam giving birth to Issa was the last blow and converted. I was scared and thought that I would lose my faith to Christianity, but I still read the Surah.
    No joke, I cried. It was so beautiful.

    I started crying even more when I realized, that this is more likely to be Word of God than the Bible, where I found peace. I fought against the feeling, prayed all the time and I became Messianic Unitarian Jew, Torah was the Word of God and Jesus was just manifestation of God's will (like Muslims taught too and Muhammad probably got the idea from that Ebionite(?) priest). I found peace but Islam was in my subconcious mind and I was praying to Yahve to kill my interest Qur'an, Muhammad and Allah.
    Well obviously didn't happen, just like trying not to think about Pink Elephant makes you think about it.

    Qur'an became much more beautiful, because it was the hidden fruit and I was always nervous when reading it.
    I went to church for the first time in my life, because I tried to get back to Yehoshua, Yahve, Mosheh, Avraham, Yakuv, Isaq etc. like I called them at that time and get away from Issa, Allah, Musha, Ibrahim, Yaqub, Ishaq etc.
    It was crazy struggle like you can imagine.
    I loved the church, I remember the peace I had there. So nice people, so much people from different cultures.
    It was a place of peace, but my mind was fighting between Jewish-Christianity mix of mine and Islam.
    I started getting anxiety attacks, fears and depression, but praying helped me.

    Then I started reading the Tanakh, like I called it and saw all kind of immoral stuff I had never heard of.
    I didn't see Yahve as love again and Yehoshua started looking like a crazy person. I got anxious from reading the Tanakh, Gospels of the Word of Yahve (I didn't believe him as the haMaschiach but as a perfect example of Yahve's being) and from praying, because God wasn't this loving peaceful being but bloodthirsty just like Allah in my eyes.

    I lost my faith, was trying some praying which didn't work anymore and I quit my job, because I got anxious.
    And the reason for anxiety was Islam and Qur'an. I tried to be a Muslim in a way, but I just couldn't get the courage despite praying to the Most Merciful, Allmighty Allah which Muslims talked about.
    So I prayed to Allah and said: "Please remember me and my family, even tho' we cannot live according to your standards. We are sinners, we are bad and weak, but since you are Most Merciful, you can probably forgive."
    And whats true, my friends, what is true?

    I got happier, I felt that stuff ain't going that bad. So I started liking Islam, I started seeing Allah as Merciful Provider of human life. So what I did?
    The  idiot I was, I opened the Qur'an and all the happiness I got from that short yet confident prayer to Allmighty Allah was fully vanished. I read and after few lines of good poetry (you probably agree, that Qur'an is pretty well written when you read it for the first about. 300 times, but it's pretty repetive and some say it gets boring after a while) and I was SO DISGUSTED that I couldn't read it anymore.
    At those times I got my first panic attack, because I "knew" I was going to eternal Hell with my family and that Allah would burn our skins, make us drink boiling water and would make Hell intense everytime I would ask for Mercy.
    I thought that I had rejected Allah and his Messenger and even tho' I realized Hell made no sense, I got almost crazy. I started feeling surreal (if that is the right word in English) and I started feeling I was just blinded by Shaytan and left alone by Allah. I felt that I had missed my only shot and that Allah would blind my eyes from that on.

    Now the Panic Attacks got so severe that I couldn't sleep, and I was full of cold sweat. I had to sleep in the same bed with my mother, because she was only one that could find the right words. Next day, which was, let's say Tuesday, I couldn't go to job so I went to my sister. There I was kinda down but I fully broke when thinking about my lovely mother, who wouldn't be there to hug and protect me in Hell, but she would be drinking boiling
    water too.
    I got fully broken down for the first time in my life and I just cried. My family was asking what's up but I couldn't tell so I just made something up. My sister said I should go to bed and I went and cried forever (I didn't watch clock, but for a pretty long time. Atleast it felt like eternity) fully out loud. I sounded like Chewbacca from the movies Cheesy

    They called Taxi and I went to Mental Hospital, where I got medicine. Was strong stuff, helped me very much but I lost all my strength from my legs and it was also sleep medicine (it's used for many things) so it made me super tired for few days. Worked until I realized, that in Hell I wouldn't have medicine to help and I just got super anxious and I asked for forgivness from Allah.
    Well I felt I was forgiven, until I read the Qur'an. Everytime I read that book, I got deeper and deeper and I thought about suicide, but never really wanted to do that. Also would be kinda funny to kill my self because being afraid of hell Cheesy Then I would go to hell even more likely and straight away Cheesy

    I quit my job (only three weeks to go in that job, mom said that I should drive thru' the anxiety, but I just became paralyzed of fear, couldn't do anything but medicine, write poetry to God to make me feel more peaceful with Him, chatting online, sleeping and watching Shane Dawson, Nigahiga, TimothyDeLaGhetto and other pretty funny people from YouTube).
    I went to countryside again and there I was doing boxing and medicine (yeah, weird mixture Cheesy), eating when I could and watch some porn. I somehow could watch porn without fear, but then I got introduced to Zoroastrian Hell, and one of the biggest sins in that religion is masturbation, so I stopped masturbating again.
    Well, I'm actually happy about stopping masturbation because I think I did it too much before (even if I wasn't afraid of Hell or anything) and I have felt much stronger after stopping.

    I got into Sikhism, which gave me peace and everything was cool until I found Jainism and Buddhism and their Hells and reincarnation etc. I kinda forgot Islam but then it came back again and I was like a basketball being thrown everywhere. I got very weird:
    I was afraid to go to sauna, because it reminded me of Hell, I also was just slapping myself to get more used to pain so I would do better in Hell.
    I did meditation to get me numb to pain.
    Actually worked because I was so out of this world and I slapping and punching myself in the face didn't even feel bad anymore, everything just became weird.

    I was like a yo-yo and sometimes stuff good, sometimes bad.
    I started going out after three years and now I go everywhere with bike or walking, I visit my sister often and I workout three times a week+I meditate when I can and I have done Yoga too.
    I haven't gotten the fear away, but because I train so much and I take ice cold showers and stretching etc. I can handle fear better. I also want to pray to Jesus and I actually did and got peace, even tho' I think Bible is full of doo-doo but I'm afraid to "worship anyone besides Allah".
    I realize Qur'an is most likely not Word of Allah/God and the concept of Hell is meant to keep people like me under the roof of Islam, but fear is getting in the way.

    I think I have Hadephobia and I got Mental Help, which starts in few months, depending when they have room in their schedule. There I believe I get over my fears and start to love life again without these dogmas of hate, fear, supression, discrimination and submission.

    Wish me luck  Afro
     thnkyu for Reading My Long Text, My BROTHERS & SISTERS of FREEDOM.

    I ask many stupid questions frequently.
    I am curious, that's why I ask many questions.
    I am overly curious, that's why I ask stupid questions.
    I lack patience, that's why I ask frequently.
    So forgive me and answer me Smiley
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #1 - September 17, 2013, 03:55 PM

    Welcome Siunaa Maailmaam, have a parrot.  parrot

    You may find this interesting.

    Quote

    Debunking Jahannam: Why Islamic Hell Is Not Real by happy murtad

    There are few concepts that have haunted the human psyche more perverse and absurd than that of an eternal hell.

    Jahannam, Islam’s rendition of the fiery abode of the damned, is an exceptionally gruesome world of endless torture and grotesque physical anguish.

    The Quran, the sacred text of Islam—believed by millions of Muslims to be the unchanged pronouncements of an all merciful God, is quite literally filled with countless obscene and ugly descriptions of the torment that is said to await billions of non-Muslim souls and even an untold number of Muslim souls.

    Muslims are actively encouraged to live in a constant state of terror at the prospect of being banished to Jahannam for all eternity, as the Qur’an states “Fear ye the fire, whose fuel is men and stones, prepared for the disbelievers!” Surah 2:24

    What is more, generation upon generation of Muslim children have been frightened into submission with nightmare-inducing scenes of suffering from Allah’s custom designed torture lair. The fear of hell is often reported as the single-most disturbing Islamic facet that lingers on, even after one has come to the rational conclusion that Islam is not true.

    “The day they shall be dragged through the fire on their faces, taste ye the touch of hell!” Surah 54:48

    “Those who shall dwell for ever in the Fire, and be given, to drink, boiling water, so that it cuts up their bowels!”  Surah 47:15

    “Verily, with Us are fetters (to bind them), and a raging Fire. And a food that chokes, and a painful torment.” Surah 73:12

    “But those who deny (their Lord),- for them will be cut out a garment of Fire: over their heads will be poured out boiling water. By which is melted that within their bellies and [their] skins. In addition there will be maces of iron (to punish) them. Every time they wish to get away therefrom, from anguish, they will be forced back therein, and (it will be said), "Taste ye the Penalty of Burning!" Surah 22:19-22


    Whilst torment by fire, iron maces, and bowel-tearing water are undoubtedly a clear violation of the Geneva Convention against Torture, there exist still in today’s modern world those who would adamantly assert that such cruel and unusual punishments are morally justifiable. While a marginal number of interpreters would assert that these verses are merely allegorical, a great deal more throughout the ages have taken these descriptions of pain and bodily harm with dead seriousness.

    They would attempt unimpressive twists of logical gymnastics in a feat to explain that not only is such a deranged sentence true, it is also a wise and fitting judgement that ought to be imposed upon the vast majority of humanity.

    In the same vein, and without the slightest perception of irony, advocates for the necessity of such a depraved notion will concede that it is entirely the brainchild and construction of a God who dubs himself “the most merciful of those who show mercy.”

    The inhabitants of Islamic hell are not simply the hedonist tyrants of the days of old. They are the billions upon billions of people who did not reach the less than obvious conclusion that Islam was God’s only religion.

    They are our colleagues, our doctors, our teachers, our mail men, our friends, and often times, our family.

    They are fellow human beings.

    Now, if Allah is indeed all knowing and all powerful, then he knew in advance that billions of these poor souls would be cast unto such unspeakable tortures, mostly on account of the beliefs they happened to be indoctrinated with from birth.  He could have given all of them guidance and saved them from such a fate, but he chose not to. As Allah is quoted as saying in the Qur’an, “If We had so willed, We could certainly have brought every soul its true guidance: but the Word from Me will come true, "I will fill Hell with Jinns and men all together." Surah 32:13


    This is troubling on many levels. Would it not be more merciful for him to simply not create the inhabitants of hell to start off with?

    And if, for reasons beyond our comprehension, Allah was compelled to create humanity as he did, and was compelled to punish billions of them for their failures and transgressions as he will, then would not a death sentence be sufficient? Why could he not just cause them to stop existing if he is angered by them so much? Why is it necessary to keep them alive in order to sadistically subject them to eternal torture?

    Consider for a moment the example of a rich man who anonymously sends money to his many poor children. These children, who have never seen their father, differ with each other about his true identity. Some of these children believe the milk man to be their father. Others believe the local judge to be their father. Still, some of the children curse their father for his absence. Nonetheless, the father continues to send money to his children. What would we say about such a father if on the day he finally revealed himself to his children, he physically punished them in a state of anger for their ignorance as to his true identity? What more would we say if he tortured them with fire and hooks, deliberately keeping them on the cusp of life so that they should gain no respite from his rage? Consider that every time they fell unconscious, he injected them with a dose of substance to reawaken them and heighten their capacity to feel pain. What might we say of such a father?


    Indeed, the descriptions of hell in the Qur’an seem to have more befittingly arisen in the mind of a deranged sadist than in the wise plan of an all merciful god.

    As we find it highly suspicious that an all-wise and all merciful deity could find within himself no better method of administering the eternal fate of billions of human souls, it is our duty to also call the history of such silly claims into the light of scrutiny.

    It is no secret that Islam borrows heavily from the lore and legend of earlier Jewish and Christian writings. Islam acknowledges the mission and scripture of messengers such as Noah, Moses, and Abraham. One would therefore rightfully expect to find at least one example of said patriarchs warning their people against the blazing fires and unspeakable torments said to await the disbeliever.

    Instead, we find no references to anything resembling Islamic hell in the Taurah (Torah). As the alleged destination for countless a wayward soul, jahannam is curiously absent from the writings of the earliest Hebrew prophets. Instead, the word that is sometimes translated as “hell” in Hebrew scripture is the Hebrew word “sheol,” which actually just means “grave” or “pit,” and is also translated as such into English many times.

    While these alternate translations seem to lend credence to the idea of the early inception of a jahannam-styled hell, sheol was the destination of all living men, regardless of their righteousness. It is defined by early biblical scholars as simply the place or state of the dead. It is a shadowy, non-physical existence that encompasses the gloom and decay of death, but does not imply torment.

    The following are examples of how the word “sheol” is understood in the Torah to simply mean grave:

      "Ye shall bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave." Gen. xvii 38. "I will go down to the grave to my son mourning." xxxviii 35. "O that thou wouldst hide me in the grave!" Job xiV 13. "My life draweth nigh to the grave." Ps. lxxxviiI 3. "In the grave who shall give thee thanks?" lxxxvi 5. "Our bones are scattered at the grave's mouth." cxlI 7. "There is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest." Ecc. ix. 10. "If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold thou art there." Ps. cxxxix. 8. "Hell from beneath is moved to meet thee, at thy coming. It stirreth up the dead for thee," &c. Isaiah xiV 9-15.
     (Thayer, 1855)

     In the days of the Hebrew prophets, Allah did not threaten his detractors with blazing fires. Instead, a reading of the Jewish bible will show that the righteous were rewarded with worldly riches and power. Incentives to be righteous included a prolonged life, healthy offspring, abundant livestock (donkeys, goats, cattle, etc) and victory over one’s enemies. Earthquakes, floods, disease, and defeat were all interpreted as signs of divine disfavor.  Once a human being was dead, they were dead. In sheol, there were no blazing flames, no iron maces, no choking fruits, and no molten brass. These ideas would only be born much, much later.

    Jesus of Nazareth, known for his use of the parable, was the first to speak of Gehenna, the indisputable root of the Arabic phrase Jahannam.

    Gehenna, or the Valley of Hinnom, was a well known, physical location on the outskirts of Jerusalem. In olden days, certain idolatrous Jews would sacrifice doves, livestock, and their own babies to appease pagan gods. As the Jews were admonished back into the worship of a singular deity, the place became a wretched dump, receiving the town’s rubbish, the decaying bodies of animals, and the worm-ridden corpses of executed criminals. There were perpetual fires necessary to control the filth and stench, and the decay of the place became a thing of infamy. When Jesus spoke of the fires of Gehanna, his listeners would have received a powerful mental image, a hell. Someone who committed a crime worthy of Gehanna had committed a serious offence indeed. (Schleusner)

    The writers of early Christian scripture, who were directly influenced by earlier Greek ideas of the underworld Hades, embellished greatly upon the concept of hell. Sheol and Gehenna were both translated as hell and modeled largely on the Greek ideas of Tartarus in Hades. Tartarus, both a deity and a gloomy abyss of torment in the afterlife, was believed to be a place of suffering for the wicked within the Greek underworld. Indeed, Hades and Tartarus were used interchangeably to refer to hell in the Greek versions of the New Testament.   

    This is not a surprising turn. As Christianity emerged and spread during the oppressive reign of the pagan Roman Empire, the faithful were at a loss to explain why God’s favor was not being showered upon the righteous in the form of prosperity and victory.

    This idea is common in the apocalyptic writings of the time, and the notion emerged that God must be waiting until an afterlife to reward the righteous and punish the sinful. Heaven and hell seemed like suitable replacements for goats and diseases, respectively.

    Many centuries later, Muhammad would pick up on these ideas of Gehenna and Tartarus to use them for his own purposes. Having nothing to offer his followers of a worldly nature in return for their absolute obedience, Muhammad built upon the Christian ideas of heaven and hell, threatening his detractors with Jahannam and promising Jannah to his followers. While the New Testament spoke of Gehanna only 12 times, Muhammad made more than 75 references to Jahannam in the Qur’an. Not to be outdone by the Christian writers, Muhammad added significantly to the countless torture tactics that jahannam has become notorious for today.The amount of times that blazing fires and endless torments of all sorts are mentioned are too many to count.

     Muhammad threatened the Arab tribes with hell not simply for being immoral, but for not obeying his every command, for not financing his campaigns, and for not going to battle for his cause. Similarly, as an incentive, the Kingdom of Heaven became filled with lush palm trees, rivers, wine, and full-breasted maidens.  It was manipulation of the worst kind that has lived on to this day.

     As part of our basic instincts, all living beings have a natural aversion to death. This manifests itself through our struggle to survive against all odds. As human beings who are consciously aware of our impending worldly demise, the concept of an afterlife can be comforting. When this yearning for eternal existence is manipulated through extravagant bribes and threats of torture, it can have a lasting effect on the mind.

    Fortunately, there really is no reason to fear. Everything about the descriptions of heaven and hell in the Qur’an suggest that they were invented only to appeal to the base desires, fantasies, and fears of the desert tribes Muhammad was trying to recruit.

    I alluded earlier to the Geneva Convention on torture. It is important to note the great strides of progress that the nations of the world have accomplished by recognizing and banning the evil of torture. Article 1 of the convention defines torture as “any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person…” Article 2 goes on to ban all forms of torture and states that “no exceptional circumstances whatsoever" may be invoked to justify it. It compels signer states to take measures to prevent torture in all territories under their jurisdiction. As the all merciful lord of the universe, who has all of creation under his jurisdiction, is it not ironic that Allah himself would stand in violation of these internationally accepted principles?

    The next time you are out and about, take a look around you. When you are at the grocery store perhaps, or in a crowded shopping mall, or stuck on a congested freeway, ask yourself if you could really imagine a merciful god subjecting all of those innocent people to a grotesque and sadistic torture. Could you imagine yourself doing that? Could you imagine anyone that you know doing that? Surely, it is a disgrace to a wise and merciful god to believe that he would do that.

    The concept of jahannam, as it has evolved over the millennia, is a uniquely human construction of the worst kind, designed and embellished upon solely in the minds of scheming men.

    It is only a relic of a darker time in human history, a lingering hangover of a time when tyrannical kings commanded complete authority and ruled over their kingdoms through fear and persecution. Men who lived in such dark times imagined a god that was, as kings then were, necessarily ruthless and brutal. As the world has moved beyond those dark eras, so to should we relegate the idea of a divinely sanctioned, torturous hell to the pages of history. Such horrible ideas have no place in our world today.



    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=24124.0

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #2 - September 17, 2013, 04:00 PM

    Welcome  Afro

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #3 - September 17, 2013, 04:21 PM

    Thank you, @ Bill, for your kind word and emoticon.
    Thank you, @ Quod Sum Eris, for your text, which was great.

    I ask many stupid questions frequently.
    I am curious, that's why I ask many questions.
    I am overly curious, that's why I ask stupid questions.
    I lack patience, that's why I ask frequently.
    So forgive me and answer me Smiley
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #4 - September 17, 2013, 05:05 PM

    Tervetuloa forumille  parrot

    I'm sorry to hear about your hardships. Hope that the treatment you are seeking will bring you some peace.

    I confess I had never heard of the concept of hadephobia before. Interesting.

    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #5 - September 17, 2013, 06:29 PM

    How did you know my language Smiley

    I ask many stupid questions frequently.
    I am curious, that's why I ask many questions.
    I am overly curious, that's why I ask stupid questions.
    I lack patience, that's why I ask frequently.
    So forgive me and answer me Smiley
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #6 - September 19, 2013, 08:40 AM

    En puhu suomea mutta mieheni on Suomalainen Smiley

    I know what maailmaa means  grin12

    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #7 - September 19, 2013, 09:29 AM

    I don't think religion is for you.
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #8 - September 19, 2013, 11:36 PM

    En puhu suomea mutta mieheni on Suomalainen Smiley

    I know what maailmaa means  grin12


    Did your husband write that? And it's suomalainen, not Suomalainen   piggy
    Where are you from?

    I ask many stupid questions frequently.
    I am curious, that's why I ask many questions.
    I am overly curious, that's why I ask stupid questions.
    I lack patience, that's why I ask frequently.
    So forgive me and answer me Smiley
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #9 - September 19, 2013, 11:37 PM

    I don't think religion is for you.


    Brother, I agree Smiley

    I ask many stupid questions frequently.
    I am curious, that's why I ask many questions.
    I am overly curious, that's why I ask stupid questions.
    I lack patience, that's why I ask frequently.
    So forgive me and answer me Smiley
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #10 - September 20, 2013, 02:11 AM

     Afro

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #11 - September 20, 2013, 02:18 AM

    Did your husband write that?

    No, but he vets everything she posts on here, and accompanies her to the shops.
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #12 - September 21, 2013, 04:21 PM

    And I have to walk three feet behind him in the street Cheesy

    I wrote it myself because I have learned some Finnish basics but you're right, that was a terrible mistake.

    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #13 - March 15, 2014, 07:52 AM




    I started getting anxiety attacks, fears and depression, but praying helped me.



    Now the Panic Attacks got so severe that I couldn't sleep, and I was full of cold sweat. I had to sleep in the same bed with my mother, because she was only one that could find the right words. Next day, which was, let's say Tuesday, I couldn't go to job so I went to my sister. There I was kinda down but I fully broke when thinking about my lovely mother, who wouldn't be there to hug and protect me in Hell, but she would be drinking boiling
    water too.



    O my word your words hit the spot for me :O and I am currently still muslim and trying to fight these doubts and fears because you know 'shaytaan' but the more i try the less I believe, now I'm trying to accept I might just be 'created for hell' which sounds SO cruel. I so relate to you and hope you are doing better now

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • (REALLY LONG) My story from 15yo to current time
     Reply #14 - March 15, 2014, 09:49 AM

    I think I arrived here late. Best of luck in finding the truth Afro.
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