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 Topic: Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam

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  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #150 - May 13, 2014, 02:32 PM
    Quote from: Cornflower on May 13, 2014, 01:56 PM
    I really don't get this "understanding men/women" discussion. People are individuals, understanding each other will always be difficult because you are trying to understand someone who isn't you Smiley If you exoticise an entire sex, perhaps the preconceived notions someone has of the group "women" and "men" is what stands in the way of trying to understand each other? Smiley



    It is true that no two members of the same gender will have exactly the same realities or defining experiences, but I don’t think it’s entirely correct to discount the impact that being a member of one gender or another has on the individual. It’s a conversation I’ve had before. I tend to view it in a similar vein as nationality, religion, or other defining qualities that exist among humans. My experience with being an American is going to be very different from Lua’s experience, though we will share some overlap. Similarly, my experience being a Muslim was very different from hers.  Still, a significant element of common ground exists. 

    As a man, I can never fully appreciate what it means to be a woman. Therefore, there will always be that element of the unknown and of discovery that I described above, more so than with other men. I personally find that element appealing.   Smiley <--Strategic smiley.
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #151 - May 13, 2014, 02:32 PM
    So you think gay people don't have relationship issues, love trouble, domestic violence, fighting and nagging, or just sometimes trouble with finding someone you really like? Where are CEMB's gay community to set these guys straight Grin
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #152 - May 13, 2014, 02:33 PM
    Quote from: happymurtad on May 13, 2014, 02:32 PM

    It is true that no two members of the same gender will have exactly the same realities or defining experiences, but I don’t think it’s entirely correct to discount the impact that being a member of one gender or another has on the individual. It’s a conversation I’ve had before. I tend to view it in a similar vein as nationality, religion, or other defining qualities that exist among humans. My experience with being an American is going to be very different from Lua’s experience, though we will share some overlap. Similarly, my experience being a Muslim was very different from hers.  Still, a significant element of common ground exists. 

    As a man, I can never fully appreciate what it means to be a woman. Therefore, there will always be that element of the unknown and of discovery that I described above, more so than with other men. I personally find that element appealing.   Smiley <--Strategic smiley.



    What you describe is an intersectional outlook and perspective on individuals, when a lot of different factors define people's experiences etc (sex, social class, age and so on). I agree on this. But I don't think your love life will be any easier just because you're gay Smiley
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #153 - May 13, 2014, 02:39 PM
    Quote
    But I don't think your love life willbe any easier just because you're gay


    I never said it would be. I have no interest in being gay nor do I have anything against it. If I were gay, I’d be gay and I’m sure that would still entail all of the ups and downs that come with any relationship, gay or otherwise.

    My initial comment was that I never thought about “preferring” to be gay because men would somehow be easier to understand. My point was that I tend to find the difference attractive. This is true for most things in my life, not only sexuality. I get a thrill from exploring the unfamiliar.  Smiley
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #154 - May 13, 2014, 02:39 PM
    Ok I obviously know gay people have the same trouble finding a partner, love trouble etc.. but on the other hand..

    Oh man I would be getting laid soo much if I was gay.

    "TDR heads out to gay nightclub*

    TDR " Whats up dude"

    Dude" Whats Up"

    TDR" Damn you looking good, let's make out

    ^I could easily find someone who is a willing participant. Because most men are easily aroused.  

    No waay that would work for me if I tried that with women.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #155 - May 13, 2014, 02:45 PM
    hhhh perhaps, I don't know. But the idea that homosexual men are more promiscuous is a prejudice against the gay community. Don't know if there's partly any truth to it, though Roll Eyes Women are maybe, what do I know, harder "to get" because there is a stigma attached to women liking to have a lot of sex with different men. Heard of the term slut and whore? Well, blame patriarchy for having a harder time scoring as a heterosexual male.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #156 - May 13, 2014, 02:49 PM
    Quote from: happymurtad on May 13, 2014, 02:39 PM
    I never said it would be.



    It was more of a general comment to those who may think that life would be less complicated as a gay man. I even think it can be harder sometimes finding a partner. I mean, they estimate that 10 % of the population are homosexual. Let's say that there's a 50/50 ratio between lesbians and gays, that leaves 5 % of the population. Now among those 5 %, you are supposed to find someone you like, and who actually likes you back. I don't like those numbers  Undecided
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #157 - May 13, 2014, 02:50 PM
    ^

    I'm not saying gay men are more promiscuous. I'm not saying that at all.

    I'm just saying men in general. Both heterosexual and homosexual are easily aroused and as a result more easy to seduce.

    A woman can go up to heterosexual guys and ask for sex and get it. We men are not very picky about who we sleep with. Especially when we are in our horny teen and twenty years.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #158 - May 13, 2014, 02:54 PM
    LOLOLOL to be honest, I don't think I could go up to any random guy and get sex. And even if I lucked out and found some random guy to have sex with, he might just "use" me and view me as a slut and whore just like large parts of the rest of society would. That's not such a great thing Roll Eyes
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #159 - May 13, 2014, 03:02 PM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on May 13, 2014, 02:50 PM
    ^

    I'm not saying gay men are more promiscuous. I'm not saying that at all.

    I'm just saying men in general. Both heterosexual and homosexual are easily aroused and as a result more easy to seduce.



    I’m not downing your position, but I don’t think I could ever separate the act of sex from the person with whom you are engaging. Are you attracted to males as well, or are you saying that because you think males would provide easier access to a depository for your bits, you’d consider opting for a male instead?

    I’m asking out of genuine curiosity as I’ve never thought that way. I’ve never engaged in a sexual act or wanted to engage in a sexual act with someone I was not actively attracted to. I'm not even referring to romance necessarily, just attraction.  
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #160 - May 13, 2014, 03:03 PM
    ^

    I am not saying that you would do that but IF you wanted to as a woman you wouldn't need to put much effort to get  an attractive guy to sleep with you.

    Evidence:

    Attractive Guy ask 100 random girls to have sex with him

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxyySRgrYsU

    Attractive Girl asks 100 random guys to have sex with her
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRpfouqMrgg


    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #161 - May 13, 2014, 03:04 PM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on May 13, 2014, 02:50 PM
    ^

    I'm not saying gay men are more promiscuous. I'm not saying that at all.

    I'm just saying men in general. Both heterosexual and homosexual are easily aroused and as a result more easy to seduce.

    A woman can go up to heterosexual guys and ask for sex and get it. We men are not very picky about who we sleep with. Especially when we are in our horny teen and twenty years.


    I wouldn't say yes, maybe I'm in a minority. If she had a Ph.D. in Physics though...  whistling2

    Online statistics are not really reliable, but dating sites seem to report that 99% of Heterosexuals have said they have had sex with 20 or fewer partners, compared to 98% for homosexuals. The stereotype that homosexuals are more promiscuous seems to be a myth.
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #162 - May 13, 2014, 03:12 PM
    Quote from: happymurtad on May 13, 2014, 03:02 PM
    I&#8217;m not downing your position, but I don&#8217;t think I could ever separate the act of sex from the person with whom you are engaging. Are you attracted to males as well, or are you saying that because you think males would provide easier access to a depository for your bits, you&#8217;d consider opting for a male instead?

    I&#8217;m asking out of genuine curiosity as I&#8217;ve never thought that way. I&#8217;ve never engaged in a sexual act or wanted to engage in a sexual act with someone I was not actively attracted to. I'm not even referring to romance necessarily, just attraction. &#160;


     

    I'm just saying that if I was attracted to men this would be the case.

     Let's say I'm in a bar or nightclub I would be more confident about approaching a man. Why wouldn't I be? I've been hanging around men all my life.

    And just getting the interaction going and stuff would be much easier. Not to mention I wouldn't have too put in too much effort in taking things to a physical level.  I can easily "read" understand him.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #163 - May 13, 2014, 03:13 PM
    Women are more afraid of acting like "sluts", while men don't have that problem. Also, if a random guy came up to me and asked for sex, even if I would really want to have sex with him, I'd be afraid he's a psycho out to murder me or something. It's not "normal" social behavior to act like he did in the video. Maybe men take more risks. And I also noticed he asked girls in groups, and even is the guy was super hot and I really wanted to have sex with him, if he asked my friends as well, I would turn him down by default. I don't like feeling "replaceable" like that.

    But you have to be hot and attractive for that to work (didn't watch the videos yet) anyway, so what about all us average looking gals.  Cry Grin
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #164 - May 13, 2014, 03:14 PM
    As for am I actually attracted to men no I don't feel lust/sexual arousal towards them the same way that I do towards women.

    However I just want to make out and experiment with a guy just our of curiosity.

    For now I'm bi-curious not bisexual.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #165 - May 13, 2014, 03:16 PM
    Quote from: Cornflower on May 13, 2014, 03:13 PM
    But you have to be hot and attractive for that to work (didn't watch the videos yet) anyway, so what about all us average looking gals.  Cry Grin

     

    But you have to be hot and attractive for that to work (didn't watch the videos yet) anyway, so what about all us other average looking gals that are not me.  Cry Grin

    Fixed that for ya  Wink
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #166 - May 13, 2014, 03:18 PM
     popcorn

    In my opinion, it can be muchh more difficult if you are gay to find someone. Instead of waltzing up to a member of the opposite sex and having to only basically confirm that they are 1. single and 2. into you, which can be done pretty subtly, you have to add the extra question, and it becomes, 1. Hey, are you gay? 2. Cool, are you seeing anyone? 3. Nice, maybe want to go on a date? And so there's three chances for something to get in your way. Grin

    My first crush once asked me if I was a lesbian, and, on the spot, I just stammered that I was not, which is true, but in my nervousness I didn't elaborate, and so that was as far as that went. Oops!

    I knew a woman in my early college years who was an open lesbian who had somewhat of a hard time in the romance department, not because she wasn't a great woman or attractive, but because she was so extraordinarily charismatic and quick to flirt that unarmed straight women were likely to jokingly flirt right back! And then she never knew who would seriously be into her and who was just winding her up, since only the extreme minority of those women were actually ones with whom she could have a viable relationship. She once gave me her number and I held onto it for the longest time, wondering if I could somehow make this work with my religious views. The answer wound up being no, but I sometimes wonder what would have happened otherwise. wacko
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #167 - May 13, 2014, 03:20 PM
    @HM so are you saying that you would never consider making out with another man just to see what it feels like ?
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #168 - May 13, 2014, 03:23 PM
    Quote from: lua on May 13, 2014, 03:18 PM
    She once gave me her number and I held onto it for the longest time, wondering if I could somehow make this work with my religious views. The answer wound up being no, but I sometimes wonder what would have happened otherwise. wacko

     

    OMG you should have soo gone for it

    If you still have her number do you think your hubby would mind you going on a date with another woman ?
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #169 - May 13, 2014, 03:23 PM
    ^ He would divorce me if I even asked.  Cheesy
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #170 - May 13, 2014, 03:23 PM
    @TDR making out with a person of the same gender you are not attracted to will be the same as making out with someone from the opposite gender you are not attracted to. I know from experience. You better find a cute hot guy you like or else you'll be very disappointed.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #171 - May 13, 2014, 03:25 PM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on May 13, 2014, 03:20 PM
    @HM so are you saying that you would never consider making out with another man just to see what it feels like ?


    I would if I had the interest, but I have absolutely no interest in men. I have spent countless hours in the company of men, eating, sleeping, travelling, etc,  and I simply find nothing appealing about them from a sexual standpoint. That is not to make me sound any better or worse than guys who have that desire, it’s just something that I know is not in me.
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #172 - May 13, 2014, 03:29 PM
    I'm not sexually attracted to men either but if a really attractive man was interested in me I would be open to experiment.

    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #173 - May 13, 2014, 03:31 PM
    @HM Do you think that it might be your experience with Islam that is causing you to restrict your sexuality in some way even though you have left it ?
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #174 - May 13, 2014, 03:34 PM
    TDR, are you sure you're not bisexual? It seems unusual to me that a completely hetero dude would be willing to make out/have sex with a guy just because it might be easier. Nothing could convince me to find the prospect of getting intimate with another girl even remotely appealing; I'd easily rather go without, and can't understand straight girls who allow themselves to get coaxed into FMF threesomes. It's not an attack, I'm not a homophobe, and there's nothing wrong with being bisexual, I'm just generally curious because most straight people IME -- particularly men -- aren't interested in swinging the other way just for the heck of it. I mean, what's the point of an easy lay with someone you're not even remotely sexually attracted to?  Huh? Other women are not even on my radar.
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #175 - May 13, 2014, 03:36 PM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on May 13, 2014, 03:31 PM
    @HM Do you think that it might be your experience with Islam that is causing you to restrict your sexuality in some way even though you have left it ?


    Not to put words in his mouth, but I know a lot of people who never had such a restriction who just are not into the idea. Your sexual tastes aren't so dissimilar from any other preference; some things you just don't care for one bit. There's a lot of things that I feel I don't need to try in order to determine that it's not for me.
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #176 - May 13, 2014, 03:50 PM
    Quote from: Al-Alethia on May 13, 2014, 03:34 PM
    TDR, are you sure you're not bisexual?

     

    I'm not bisexual but I am Bi-Curious
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #177 - May 13, 2014, 03:55 PM
    Quote from: Cornflower on May 13, 2014, 03:23 PM
    @TDR making out with a person of the same gender you are not attracted to will be the same as making out with someone from the opposite gender you are not attracted to. I know from experience. You better find a cute hot guy you like or else you'll be very disappointed.

     

    Don't worry when I decide to experiment I will do it with a hot young stud no less  grin12
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #178 - May 13, 2014, 03:57 PM
    Quote from: lua on May 13, 2014, 03:23 PM
    ^ He would divorce me if I even asked.  Cheesy

     


    How about if you told him you slept with that woman back in college ?

    If my future wife told me something like that I would get soo turned on  bunny
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Gents List of things to do after leaving Islam
     Reply #179 - May 13, 2014, 03:57 PM
    Quote from: lua on May 13, 2014, 03:36 PM
    Not to put words in his mouth, but I know a lot of people who never had such a restriction who just are not into the idea. Your sexual tastes aren't so dissimilar from any other preference; some things you just don't care for one bit. There's a lot of things that I feel I don't need to try in order to determine that it's not for me.



    What lua said.
    My mind runs, I can never catch it even if I get a head start.
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