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 Topic: polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam

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  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #60 - April 02, 2014, 11:56 AM
    I just spoke to health visitor. I called her an she came to my home. She promised to help with getting a place in a hostel and benefits if i leave my husband. Talking to her, and to you, helped me understand that i'm with my husband for the very wrong reasons, it shouldn;t be this way. Maybe i really should separate from my husband. I think i deserve better...
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #61 - April 02, 2014, 12:26 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on April 02, 2014, 11:56 AM
    I think i deserve better...


    I do, too.  Afro

    You've got one life to live. Make it a happy one.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #62 - April 02, 2014, 12:57 PM
    You do deserve better. Believe me, just before I left my ex I had the same fear, worries and thoughts. And the first two, three weeks were hell. But after that I slowly started to build up my life. I am happier, more calm and balanced and have a much more positive outlook on life now than I EVER had with him. My only worries are about getting my kid back and finally have my ex leave me alone and stop the emotional and psychological abuse. Hold on, fight for what is best, and eventually you'll rise up from this like a winner. I promise.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #63 - April 02, 2014, 02:05 PM
    You all are so supportive, it's great to have someone who helps with a good word. The health visitor said something that helped me make my decision too - that my kids deserve two happy parents, even if that means we should separate. Better single mother but happy than married and sad all the time.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #64 - April 02, 2014, 02:15 PM
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nppf3lLxXk
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #65 - April 27, 2014, 05:41 PM
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/610129375691397/?fref=nf
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #66 - June 30, 2014, 03:28 PM
    Hi everyone.
    I'm so stupid... Still with my husband. I'm at my parents now, just for holidays. Been here for over 2 weeks, after 3 days husband stopped calling or texting. He doesn't answer phone. Doesn't send us money. My parents pay for everything - including my tomography. Specialist said I could have had cancer and i told him about it, and that he needs to send me money for nappies and tomography. He just said "you have to wait". Doesn't care about our kids or me. And it's all because I was smart enough to leave this sect. I called his brother today so husband finally called me, said he will send some money tomorrow (yeah, sure..  don't believe him) and "don't panic! Nothing happened, I didnt have time to call you.".  I'm ashamed of him...
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #67 - June 30, 2014, 03:47 PM
    Honey, baby. I'm saying this to you from experience, because I really don't want anyone to have the same hell I am. I'm living this hell right now in this moment. You better not go back to him. Leave him, leave your things. Just leave and say fuck off with him. And don't trust your kids with him. One day you might send them over to their dad and that'll be the last time you see them. Nobody thinks it can happen to them "oh, my husband isn't like that, I know him". I also thought I "knew" my husband.

    The fact that he refuses to spend on you is an indication that he has started to disassociate from you. You are a murtad, your marriage contract is de facto null. He has no responsibility whatsoever towards you from a shari' point of view, and spending money on you can in fact be considered a sin. He will eventually do everything possible to protect his children from your kufr and ridda.

    Don't be like me. Make the first move, and just run away from him. One day he might run away from you, but with your kids with him and that'll be the last time you see them.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #68 - June 30, 2014, 03:55 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on June 30, 2014, 03:28 PM
    Hi everyone.
    I'm so stupid... Still with my husband. I'm at my parents now, just for holidays. Been here for over 2 weeks, after 3 days husband stopped calling or texting. He doesn't answer phone. Doesn't send us money. My parents pay for everything - including my tomography. Specialist said I could have had cancer and i told him about it, and that he needs to send me money for nappies and tomography. He just said "you have to wait". Doesn't care about our kids or me. And it's all because I was smart enough to leave this sect. I called his brother today so husband finally called me, said he will send some money tomorrow (yeah, sure..  don't believe him) and "don't panic! Nothing happened, I didnt have time to call you.".  I'm ashamed of him...


    Cornflower is right. He has already started the process of emotional detachment from you, my advice is to do the same.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #69 - June 30, 2014, 05:41 PM
    I don't love him anymore, he hurts me every now and then... but I'm scared. Will I manage? I thought I could pretend I still want to be with him so that I'll have time to find work and nursery for kids back in the UK. Find a flat and leave while he's at work... here in Poland I won't manage financially -  nurseries are very expensive and income would be low... I have to go back to uk, start studies there when kids start school...
    Do you think my plan is safe??
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #70 - June 30, 2014, 05:56 PM
    Nobody loves you in this world more than yourself. I am not good at advices but if you pretend to stay with him, the fact that he hurts you will drive you insane. If you have any other options go for it.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #71 - June 30, 2014, 06:02 PM
    Don't wait. I know the "wise" thing would be to wait and plan ahead, but it might be too late by then. Do you have parents in the UK? I would urge you to ask them for help, until you settle down. Worst case scenario, a women's shelter has to be able to give you some support and as a UK citizen you have rights to social benefits if you find yourself in a difficult situation. Waiting won't do any good, you don't know what he is planning and the battle here is now who will make the first move.

    I would suggest you just go full throttle. Run away, seek help with a women's shelter. Tell them he has abused you, he has been threatening you and your kids, that he is dangerous and that you want protected identity and everything. Tell them everything and MORE. I know it sound "too much". You may think, well it isn't necessary perhaps I'll manage this some other way blah blah blah. I'm just saying what I would have done if I was in your situation. I was in your situation 6 months ago and because I thought I could "plan" just like you, and "find work and study" and then everything would work out, I am in the worst possible situation you can imagine.

    That is at least what I would've done, if I could do it all over again.

    I'm maybe not being PC, but majority of men from cultures like the one your husband is from, think they can do whatever they want. They are brought up thinking man is king and god, he does whatever he wants and women should shut the fuck up and do as they're told. Combine that with the conviction of Islam, and everything it entails, you have one dangerous son of a bitch. If he hasn't already a plan on how when and where he'l take your kids, he is most probably thinking about it now. I didn't think abducted children was so common, but you have several cases each week.

    Sorry for being "doomsday" prophetic and whatever, but this is my genuine concern for your and your children's well-fare.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #72 - June 30, 2014, 06:12 PM
    I agree with cornflower on this one.  Get away.  If as you said, in Poland the option is more scary as there isn't as much support for you, then do it in the UK.  Either way, the refuges for abused women over here are fantastic, and the support in place to help you get back on feet is also great.

    You don't have to be able to prove physical abuse either, psychological abuse and fear is enough to warrant a place in a women's refuge, and eventually a place of your own for you and any children you have.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #73 - June 30, 2014, 06:23 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on June 30, 2014, 05:41 PM
    I don't love him anymore, he hurts me every now and then... but I'm scared. Will I manage? I thought I could pretend I still want to be with him so that I'll have time to find work and nursery for kids back in the UK. Find a flat and leave while he's at work... here in Poland I won't manage financially -  nurseries are very expensive and income would be low... I have to go back to uk, start studies there when kids start school...
    Do you think my plan is safe??



    Just to let you know you can get childcare tax credits in the UK to help towards childcare.

    https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/childcare-tax-credits

    Hope this helps
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #74 - June 30, 2014, 06:36 PM
    My parents live in Poland. Im here now. Both my kids are under 2 so I can't take them back to uk alone. Each need their own adult on the plane. And I never legally worked in uk and I found out I would have to work for at least 3 months to get a place in shelter. Plus benefits. I dont get any.
    My husband is European, raised catholic, converted to islam a few years ago. Maybe that's why I can't believe he could take away our kids. ..
    I need to already have a place to go. I won't just take a plane and go straight to the shelter. What if they deny me? I dont want to sound stupid, I really see your point and I believe you're righy. I just dont know how to do it step by step...
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #75 - June 30, 2014, 06:37 PM
    So you left Islam because you were uncomfortable about the notion that husbands can marry/be with more than one woman at the same time? Isn't that akin to saying that I stopped believing that water is wet because wet clothes make me uncomfortable? Would you find Islam to be false if this tenet in Islam did not exist? Do you realize that your comfort levels don't affect the truth values of any proposition?

    I don't mean this in a bad way. For starters, I love how you have left the religion. I'm just a little bothered by your reasons, since I don't really find them valid. At the same though, I guess it is a matter of your personal belief, so I won't delve into this too much Smiley
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #76 - June 30, 2014, 06:45 PM
    ^^^  Huh?

    Not the time hocus pocus!!!
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #77 - June 30, 2014, 06:51 PM
    I think my reason is valid. How can it be the true religion of the just, good god?  This life everybody have to suffer, some women have to suffer because of their husband's other wives. But paradise should be different - people should be really equal, should not suffer. Muhammad found a way for that - saying that women would not be jealous in jannah and that their husbands would be sexually strong. He believed that's enough to make this heaven look pleasing and just for women.
    But that's only the beginning. That only opened my eyes to ther things like slaves, pedophilia of muhammad, kids actually belonging to man (when divorced woman remarries, her ex takes the kids). And many more.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #78 - June 30, 2014, 06:56 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on June 30, 2014, 06:36 PM
    My parents live in Poland. Im here now. Both my kids are under 2 so I can't take them back to uk alone. Each need their own adult on the plane. And I never legally worked in uk and I found out I would have to work for at least 3 months to get a place in shelter. Plus benefits. I dont get any.
    My husband is European, raised catholic, converted to islam a few years ago. Maybe that's why I can't believe he could take away our kids. ..
    I need to already have a place to go. I won't just take a plane and go straight to the shelter. What if they deny me? I dont want to sound stupid, I really see your point and I believe you're righy. I just dont know how to do it step by step...



    What is the link to the UK if you don't mind me asking?

    Does your husband live in the UK?  as there are special rules if he lives here, even if you haven't worked for 3 months in the UK.

    According to this page, you would have the right to apply for benefits and housing, and eventually be granted the right to stay indefinitely. 

    If he doesn't live here, then I'm not sure how you would do it. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #79 - June 30, 2014, 07:00 PM
    We both live in the uk but we're from Poland. Poland's in EU so we can live there but my husband worked legally in UK only for a month.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #80 - June 30, 2014, 07:00 PM
    Quote from: hocuspocus on June 30, 2014, 06:37 PM
    So you left Islam because you were uncomfortable about the notion that husbands can marry/be with more than one woman at the same time? Isn't that akin to saying that I stopped believing that water is wet because wet clothes make me uncomfortable? Would you find Islam to be false if this tenet in Islam did not exist? Do you realize that your comfort levels don't affect the truth values of any proposition?

    I don't mean this in a bad way. For starters, I love how you have left the religion. I'm just a little bothered by your reasons, since I don't really find them valid. At the same though, I guess it is a matter of your personal belief, so I won't delve into this too much Smiley


    I don't think it is.  Instead of focusing on this one thing, and asking 'is that why you left', it's better to see it as that final thing, that made all those other things you were uncomfortable with, finally burst to the surface.

    It's usually one little break in that armour of belief, and then cracks begin to appear everywhere.  You stop and think 'how could I not see that before' again and again because that one final thing, exposed everything else for the lie that it was. 

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #81 - June 30, 2014, 07:05 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on June 30, 2014, 07:00 PM
    We both live in the uk but we're from Poland. Poland's in EU so we can live there but my husband worked legally in UK only for a month.


    And he is still in the UK now?

    Then yes.  I would say call the refuge or women's aid numbers on this page:

    http://refuge.org.uk/links-and-useful-numbers/

    And explain the situation to them.

    Do not tell them you are in Poland at this moment however, since they may advise you to stay there.

    Tell them you came to the UK with your husband, and detail any abuse (verbal or physical), threats etc, the fact that you are no longer a muslim and he is, and that you have nowhere to go and can't go back to Poland, but don't feel safe with him anymore.

    Ask them if they can help, or what they advise.

    They are the best people to find out if you could stay with them, and apply for leave to remain in the UK, and have support as you get back on your feet.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #82 - June 30, 2014, 07:17 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on February 06, 2014, 10:51 AM
    I cut myself a lot and during this short period of time i tried to kill myself twice.


    It may feel like the end of the world and that you have nowhere to go and have no hope - but believe me it's not the end of the world and your feelings of depression and suicide will pass. My advice would be to speak to a doctor - if you haven't already - and get them to put you in touch with a counsellor.

    Please don't worry about things like how you are going to cope with the kids and getting a job etc... Things will work out - trust me - I really do know what I'm talking about here as I have been in your situation.

    The world can seem like a dark and hopeless place sometimes - but please don't try suicide again - trust me, things will be OK. It's only one's mind in a state of extreme anxiety and depression that sees no way out. But you will get through this.

     far away hug

  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #83 - June 30, 2014, 07:37 PM
    Yes, he's still in the UK. I wonder if they'll be able to see my number as "+48" would show them I'm not in the UK. My husband doesn't abuse me, usually only says things like "you are mental, crazy", "you have to go back to islam". Nothing serious. He hit me only a few times last summer. Once i called the police when he pushed me off the stairs but because he wasn't drunk they just gave us an advice not to argue in front of the kids. That's all.
    But now I remember, last summer he also talked with his sister, she advised him how to take kids from me when we were planning to divorce.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #84 - June 30, 2014, 07:39 PM
    Hassan, thank you. I have no more thoughts of hurting ir killing myself. I live for the kids. Maybe I will live for myself and for "the pleasure of life" one day...
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #85 - June 30, 2014, 07:42 PM
    Take it one day at a time and do your best. No one can ask for more.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #86 - June 30, 2014, 07:44 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on June 30, 2014, 07:37 PM
    Yes, he's still in the UK. I wonder if they'll be able to see my number as "+48" would show them I'm not in the UK. My husband doesn't abuse me, usually only says things like "you are mental, crazy", "you have to go back to islam". Nothing serious. He hit me only a few times last summer. Once i called the police when he pushed me off the stairs but because he wasn't drunk they just gave us an advice not to argue in front of the kids. That's all.
    But now I remember, last summer he also talked with his sister, she advised him how to take kids from me when we were planning to divorce.


    Use a VOIP service like VOIPGain on your PC then it won't show where you are.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #87 - June 30, 2014, 07:45 PM
    This is interesting

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfsOCVLQMz4
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #88 - June 30, 2014, 07:49 PM
    Quote from: exmuslimah on June 30, 2014, 07:37 PM
    Yes, he's still in the UK. I wonder if they'll be able to see my number as "+48" would show them I'm not in the UK. My husband doesn't abuse me, usually only says things like "you are mental, crazy", "you have to go back to islam". Nothing serious. He hit me only a few times last summer. Once i called the police when he pushed me off the stairs but because he wasn't drunk they just gave us an advice not to argue in front of the kids. That's all.
    But now I remember, last summer he also talked with his sister, she advised him how to take kids from me when we were planning to divorce.


    That still counts as abuse, also that you called the police will be on record, which would provide you proof.....although do not worry if you have none.  Many women are abused and never ever call the police, so they don't make you provide proof if you can't. 

    I hadn't thought about your number showing up to them on caller I.D. 

    I would offer to call for you, but the last time I called them to help an ex muslim on this website, they just kept telling me that the girl needed to call herself.  :/

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #89 - June 30, 2014, 07:52 PM
    Get hold of a UK SIM card?
    Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
    Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
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