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Theme Changer

 Topic: polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam

 (Read 42470 times)
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  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #90 - June 30, 2014, 07:56 PM


    ...marry only one - or what your right hand possesses. He forgot that last part finmad

    Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
    Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #91 - June 30, 2014, 08:12 PM

    I guess I could find a way to call them without showing my number.
    Yes, I have uk sim card but all my credit went to waste when I tried to call my husband and sent him texts :/
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #92 - June 30, 2014, 08:15 PM

    In my country you can dial a code before the number you want to call and the caller ID won't show. But you should do a test call to someone in Britain before trying that if your Polish phone company has a similar facility.

    Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
    Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #93 - June 30, 2014, 09:08 PM

    Use Skype to call?

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #94 - July 01, 2014, 12:58 AM

    Exmuslimah, I'm glad to see you back around, I was wondering how you were holding up.

    You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Especially Cornflower's. Of course not all Muslims agree with this, but I have very often seen it encouraged that Muslims should keep their children away from their mothers/fathers should they leave Islam, and it's far better to be safe than sorry. It's encouraging that you both appear to be from Poland and he is a recent convert, but still, since some of the logic is based in Islam (and you can even find some fatwas online flat out instructing the husbands to take away the children by any means necessary, even by fleeing the country), it's important to keep this in mind.

    I definitely understand wanting to look before you leap and construct some sort of safety net before you leave his home. If it is entirely possible for you to keep yourself and your children safe and keep up a facade to pacify your husband, I would understand doing that for a short while. That is as long as you're actively pursuing every step you need to take to get out of there, and that you keep your head in the game. Always remember that you deserve better, that you do not love him anymore, that he is abusive toward you, and that you are going to leave him. It will be hard, but time is of the essence. The longer you stay with him, the more you prolong your distress and let in room for doubt.

    If he does anything to arouse your suspicions in any way, I would take what you need, cut your losses, and leave the rest behind.  I've known people who started out in desperate situations like shelters or living out of their cars, sometimes with kids in tow, but ended up completely independent and homeowners who made a life to be proud of for themselves and their children. It's tough, but it's entirely possible, and it sounds like there are many resources for you to look into.

    But it sounds like you've made a lot of progress mentally, you seem far more sure of yourself and your views than you did when we last spoke, and that's a great step in the right direction! I'm really encouraged to see that strength in you.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #95 - July 01, 2014, 01:26 AM

    You have gotten some excellent advice already. I am glad to see you. I am one of those who started out from a shelter after walking away from everything I owned with all my kids, two of whom were still in nappies. I am not a millionaire, yet, but I do have a decent place to live and my kids are safe and on the mend.
    If I could do it, so can you. Just keep planning, backup and emergency plans, too. Grasp at any and all resources, try not to turn down help, after you have determined what strings are attached.
    Abusive environments damage children. One of my kids looks to be permanently affected by his father. Better to be poor and husbandless with happy children than to have the nappies and years of nightmares and therapies. Make those nappies out of tshirts. I did it, and you can, too. My husband also decided to stop supporting us. It's hard, but let him go. You don't need that, or him.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #96 - July 01, 2014, 02:29 AM

    as a man who's never been a Muslim, I congratulate your bravery in leaving the religion but sadly, that is Islam.

    Islam was meant to cater to men through the promise of being freely violent if your victims are not muslims and that you can rob them from a fake book called the Qur'an which devotes almost half of its info on intolerance and hate.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #97 - July 01, 2014, 02:32 AM

    I am sorry to correct you, you were doing well, but Islam does permit and even advise violence against Muslims by Muslims. Those victims are called women.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #98 - July 01, 2014, 02:36 AM

    actually, I appreciate the correction because you are right!
  • Re: polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #99 - July 01, 2014, 03:09 AM

    Hi everyone.
    I'm so stupid... Still with my husband. I'm at my parents now, just for holidays. Been here for over 2 weeks, after 3 days husband stopped calling or texting. He doesn't answer phone. Doesn't send us money. My parents pay for everything - including my tomography. Specialist said I could have had cancer and i told him about it, and that he needs to send me money for nappies and tomography. He just said "you have to wait". Doesn't care about our kids or me. And it's all because I was smart enough to leave this sect. I called his brother today so husband finally called me, said he will send some money tomorrow (yeah, sure..  don't believe him) and "don't panic! Nothing happened, I didnt have time to call you.".  I'm ashamed of him...


    I don't really have any practical advice to give, and the numerous posters above have already given you great advice. I just read this thread and am posting here to say that you're not stupid, you're not crazy, you're not any of those things. You're an intelligent woman for seeing all the problems with Islam that so many people (like your husband) never see, you're a caring person who loves her kids, and you're brave as hell for even thinking about getting out of your situation/marriage, not to mention actually taking steps to do so, even if those steps are taken slowly and cautiously.

    There's this cousin of mine, a wonderful woman, who used to be happy until she was married off to an awful husband with awful in-laws; I love her dearly, and I don't like thinking about her situation because I know she'll never have the backbone to leave. It's sad. But you are different, and I respect that immensely. I don't know if it sounds silly coming from a single male ex-Muslim living in America who's never been through the ordeals so many others on this site have, but your courage gives me some kind of inspiration. So keep it up, don't stop now, look to the future and the hope of a significantly better life.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #100 - July 01, 2014, 03:12 AM

    ^ Logged back in to say an emphatic "Yes!" Beautifully stated, iceman.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #101 - July 01, 2014, 03:32 AM

    Yes, beautifully put. We have to go through the struggle to get to the good part.

    I think you just need to do it with hope in mind that things will get better, that all this will pass, and one day you and your kids will be happy, independent and free
     far away hug

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #102 - July 01, 2014, 04:20 AM

    Thank you all for encouraging me! That means a lot to me. I don't have any friends, all were muslims and left me after my deconversion. One after a little argument, the one that happens between all friends, said "I knew there's no point to be friendly with kafirs" and broke all ties between us.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #103 - July 01, 2014, 06:01 AM

    That's really stupid of them. I don't get it why be so proud of worshipping a particular God and that too who is malevolent and narcissistic? It is especially prevalent among the Muslims according to my observation.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #104 - July 01, 2014, 06:32 AM

    Thank you all for encouraging me! That means a lot to me. I don't have any friends, all were muslims and left me after my deconversion. One after a little argument, the one that happens between all friends, said "I knew there's no point to be friendly with kafirs" and broke all ties between us.

    Not real friends then.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #105 - July 01, 2014, 06:52 AM

    Believe me, when my Health Visitor comes, I can't stop talking to her as I have no one else to talk to... I'm pathetic sometimes.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #106 - July 01, 2014, 07:10 AM

    It's understandable. You have a lot of things to get off your chest. far away hug

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #107 - July 01, 2014, 02:48 PM

    My mother-in-law called and said my husband will send me money today... because he lended lots of money to his brother and today he will give them back. And he said he didn't have any money! Yet he had them to lend it to his brother..  he's better than me because he's a convert too :/ I'm really fed up, crying all the time, I don't go for walks with the kids, don't play with them... just think and cry... Husband called today after his mum told him off for not contacting me but he didn't even ask about the kids! He said something not very nice to me and when I told him off he just hang up. Again.
    Don't get me wrong, I hate him right now and somehow don't care about him. But at the same time, I feel really hurt by his behaviour, cutting off from me. We used to be in love, talking a lot, missing each other when I was even only for a week at my parents'... we were really close. Now I feel very lonely, i don't feel comfortable talking with my parents about some things. I have no real husband, no friends, not even simple colleagues. My kids don't talk yet so I won't hear "I love you" from them yet...  I feel down for the past few days, hating my life. Maybe if I started wearing muslim clothes and pretended to pray I would have both husband and friends back...
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #108 - July 01, 2014, 02:54 PM

    No, don't think that way. This is the hard part right now. But it WILL get better, just bear it a little longer. YOu have years and years of a good life to look forward to once this stage passes.
    Why would you want to pretend and have fake friends and a husband who is so unloving when YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE!!!!

    I know you feel like things won't get better, but they will. It just takes time and patience.  far away hug

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #109 - July 01, 2014, 03:20 PM

    Quote
    Why would you want to pretend and have fake friends and a husband who is so unloving when YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE!!!!

     

     yes
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #110 - July 01, 2014, 04:20 PM

    Thank you. It's just hard to see my husband loved only my jilbab, niqab and my hitting the head on the floor 5 times a day...
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #111 - July 01, 2014, 04:28 PM

    Yes, I can imagine how that must feel....

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #112 - July 01, 2014, 05:40 PM

    Dear exmuslimah

    However painful and hurtful it may seem to you, you have to come to terms with the fact that you never were anything to your husband but a jilbab, niqab and a forehead that bowed down five times a day. That's the reality, and reality is a bitch sometimes. You often come across these "romantic" descriptions of a relationship between a Muslim man and woman, but they are nothing more than a farce. The minute the "supportive wife", "loving mother", "loyal friend" stops being Muslim, then that very minute you are no longer a wife, mother, friend, partner. You are none of those things, even though the only thing that has changed with you is that you no longer believe in a sky daddy. You are nothing more than an apostate, and allah has commanded the believers to chop of the apostate's head.

    Think about that mindset, think about that perspective and view of other human beings. Apostates are to be killed, just because they no longer believe.

    In Islam, you are never an individual. You are always part of a collective. And the most important collective you must be part of in order to even be viewed as a human, is for you to be Muslim. The moment you no longer identify as a Muslim, you become a de facto sub-human. This is what Islamic ideology and theology does with people, it's the hard truth.

    Deal with it.

    I know it may seems harsh for me to say all these things, and I don't want to come across as harsh towards you. But I was in the exact same situation a year ago, a year and a half ago, even right now in some sense. I was so devastated, that I just looked past all those years of verbal, psychological and emotional abuse. I even looked past the occasional sexual abuse I had to endure (yes, to me it was abuse, but to him it was only his marital rights). Perhaps your relationship with your husband isn't tainted with that type of abuse, but the relationship you two share right now at this moment is nothing but dysfunctional and a hazard for your health and well-being. I would say it is abusive. He is dissociating from you and treating you like garbage, because you no longer share the same belief in god. What else changed with you except that? Nothing. But he changed. He changed everything about your relationship.

    You have so much to live for, to experience, to give to your daughters. Aren't you happy that your daughters won't ever be forced to comply with all those silly rules and restrictions put on women? Aren't you happy that you are no longer shackled down by the chains of religion and man, and can now enjoy life? Aren't you happy that you had this epiphany far sooner than me or a lot of other ex-Muslim woman, whether she be convert or non-convert, who wasted far more years on the shit that is Islam?

    Be happy. Be very happy. And right now it may seem hard, it may seem as you are the loneliest person in the world. But you aren't. I'm not saying your feelings aren't real. They are. I feel as lonely as you. But one day, you might find that awesome girlfriend you can hang out with and talk about everything with. And she will love and cherish you for who you are, not what you are. One day you will go to all sorts of fun places and meet all sorts of interesting people. You will. And when you do, this painful episode in your life might seem as a lifetime ago, perhaps only a faint memory. One day you will find a partner once again who will share both sad and happy moments in life together with you. Someone who will still love you even when you continue to grow as a human being and individual.

    Hold on to that hope, to that bright future you do have ahead of you. And say FUCK YOU to Islam, your Muslim "friends" and to your douche bag husband.

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #113 - July 01, 2014, 07:11 PM

    Cornflower, my main role now is to raise happy kids and to teach them a lot about islam so that they know what shit it is before some dawah guy tells them all those lies about peaceful religion, respectIng women and giving them all those rights (ehm..).
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #114 - July 01, 2014, 07:16 PM

    Hang in there Exmuslimah. I am repeating the cliché- time heals everything. In the meantime you have to bear the burden of mental pain and agonies. I am not married but I am so much in love with a devil that even though I am no longer in touch with him, I yearn for him. Why? Because I foolishly let the good times spend together eclipse the bad times whose intensity is greater. I am a fool to be not able to move on now, but I know I will. So will you. Just keep yourself busy and don't make the mistake I have mentioned.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #115 - July 01, 2014, 07:16 PM

    Good for you exmuslimah! I hope you teach them the truth!  cool2
    be strong. You are a powerful and brave woman.

    Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchett
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #116 - July 02, 2014, 04:24 PM

    I'm actually interested to see how Islam would've come out if women were the superiors instead of men.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #117 - July 02, 2014, 05:45 PM

    I'm actually interested to see how Islam would've come out if women were the superiors instead of men.


    Because oppression is okay if the roles are reversed?

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #118 - July 02, 2014, 06:16 PM

    I guess female version of Mo giving such opinions would be killed in a second and that would be the end of islam.
  • polygamy in "jannah" led me to leaving islam
     Reply #119 - July 03, 2014, 11:25 AM

    Some thoughts come to my mind today. I remember reading the hadith about angels cursing woman who didn't want to have sex with her husband. When I read it for the first time, I started feeling a bit bad about islam. How come good allah makes sex a duty for a woman? How come if she doesn't feel like it she commits such a great sin that all the angels hate her? My husband told me not to think about it, to just move on. And I did. I regret it. Maybe I would leave this cult earlier if it opened my mind to all disgusting stuff it teaches. But it didn't.
    short time after I left islam my husband almost raped me. He stopped before it was too late, realised what he was doing. Or maybe it already WAS too late? Since that time I see sex as something disgusting. Yet for another month or so I didn't refuse it whenever he wanted it. I also forgave him. Why? Because I still had that islamic view in my mind -that a wife should not refuse having sex with her husband. And I just preferred to agree to it than to have this situation happen again. Don't get me wrong, I refused having sex many times but my husband always understood and respected that, he even prayed so that angels won't curse me... ehm. I see now I'm a kafira, he doesn't care. Angels hate me anyway.
    Sorry for sharing such intimate thing but I had to tell someone and here nobody knows me nor sees me. You can't even hear my voice. It's easier here.
    Anyway, I really hate islam for what it does to women, treating women like some sex slaves. Playing with their minds, making them believe they're sinning simply by refusing their husband sex when they just don't feel like it. Making them obey their husband in anything. Making them believe it's ok if their husbands marry other women. Making them resign from studying technology or becoming astronauts because it's a sin for a woman to work among men and something undesirable to work in general. I'm sick of it. I'm so happy I left this chauvinist religion!
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