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Theme Changer

 Topic: Weird things you read about religion

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  • Weird things you read about religion
     OP - March 25, 2014, 12:30 PM
    I found this on FB and found it hillarious that someone had to take the time to write THIS:

    I need to remind folks about this urine-drop issue again based on the messages I've received.
    There are far too many people who let Shayṭān’s waswasah mess up their minds, creating doubts and OCD by attacking them during acts of purification such us istinjā’, wuḍū’ and ghusl.
    One of Shayṭān’s most common tricks is to make people spend ages in the toilet after they urinate, constantly washing or drying their penis with tissue paper, again and again, and then squeezing and shaking to evacuate any further urine, and then wash or clean with tissue again and again. And so on it goes, turning something which shouldn’t take more than *1-2 minutes* into 5-10 minutes!
    Some classical scholars even turned this into some ajeeb science. They suggested that the practice of al-silt and al-natr were Prophetic methods of ensuring all urine is evacuated, that squeezing, “milking” and tapping should be done three times and starting here and ending there etc etc. All of this is false. There is no authentic ḥadīth to establish these practices and we shouldn’t give them a second thought. Indeed these actions are bid‘ah and should be avoided. Some said we should do istibrā’ which is some kind of fantasy - a complete emptying of the bladder basically - which just isn't possible considering that the bladder is never actually empty and we are always producing urine (over 30ml an hour!) and you could sit there for that whole hour rubbing and tapping and squeezing and you would *still* produce drops of urine.
    Shaykh’l-Islām Ibn Taymiyyah (r) has a great statement to this regard when he said:
    “The penis is like an udder: if you squeeze it, it will keep producing, but if you leave it, it will settle and dry up by itself.” (Majmū‘ al-Fatāwa, 106/21)
    No-one of course is advocating just stopping the urinating, waiting 3 seconds and then walking off as is the disgusting practice we see all too often in our communal lavatories from those who couldn't care less. But I am sure Muslim males know exactly what balance I am trying to achieve for them.
    The more you think that it's *not* all done after a minute or two of waiting, internal contractions, and cleaning, the more it *won't* be done. That *is* the whispering of Shayṭān. It is literally you *thinking* too much about any remaining drops etc which causes potentially more to keep coming. The Pontine Micturition Centre which controls urination and the muscle in the bladder, is in your brain, and so anyone who thinks about urine again and again will no doubt release more drops because that muscle is affected by our thinking! Subhanallah look at how the Sunnah teaches us actions which are in line with the natural physiology of our bodies.
    And a little trick to give Shayṭān the double back hander slap he deserves: if you're still struggling to ignore thoughts of remaining urine drops after you have done your istinjā’ then you call pull the ‘Abdullāh b. ‘Abbās (r) move as reported authentically which is to take some water and not just wash your private parts with it but also sprinkle some in your underwear too. Therefore, if later you think, "Oh man, I feel wetness, it must be urine drops that came out!" then you respond to yourself with "Not this time son, that's the water you soaked yourself with."
    It worked for him, and it will for you as well iA but only if you really are suffering from OCD or waswasah. Don't bother trying this if things are all cool because the basic principle is that we should not need the water trick. But it's there in case you do.
    So, keep it simple. Urinate. Let things be natural. Empty the final few drops as you would using internal contractions etc, and then there’s no need to do any more. Wash or dry using tissue paper three times separately and you’re done. Don’t look back. Don’t reach for another piece of paper and squeeze, because 100% you’ll be able to produce another half drop of urine. And that’s the same if you do it another ten times over the next ten minutes! And we weren’t obligated to do all that.
    Just wash. And go.

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #1 - March 25, 2014, 12:58 PM
    The fuck did I just read?
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #2 - March 25, 2014, 01:11 PM
    i think I need to do a FB cleanup
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #3 - March 25, 2014, 01:29 PM
    Yes! This is a real thing. People actually do spend their days talking about this shit with dead seriousness. I don’t think I can fully express just how bizarre a higher level fiqh class really is.

     “How can you distinguish between period blood and blood that is discharged due to an illness? You must smell it and analyze the color. If it is dark with a foul odor, it is period blood and the woman must refrain from prayer. If not, she must wash the affected area before each prayer…”

    “Is it necessary to completely remove all traces of brown after taking a dump? No, it is OK to have some traces so long as there are no pieces. One should not spend too much time trying to remove all traces of brown as this is one of the whispers of satan…”

    “What should be done if one wakes up to find semen in his garment but does not remember ejaculating? One should take a full bath as it is unlikely that the semen originated from anyone else but himself (Depends on the circumstances, I guess. Grin )”

     “It is not permissible to urinate in standing water then use it for bathing, but the scholars have differed as to whether or not it is permissible to urinate into a vessel, dump it into standing water, then use the standing water for ritual bathing. The majority say that this is not permissible, but the Thahiriyyah say that it is permissible as there is no clear prohibition against it.”

    “Is it permissible to wash using water that has been stored in the skin of a dead dog? The scholars have differed in this matter with more than five opinions. If the dog’s skin has been tanned, then (I don’t remember who) says that it is OK. Another school of thought says that it is permissible, but only if the dog’s skin is turned inside out…etc”

    When someone has a degree in Islamic Law, they likely spent a few years memorizing crap like this. All of this is covered in “Bab at-Tahaarah - The Book of Purification" which the scholars say one must learn before moving on to any other matters, as purification is necessary for prayer.
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #4 - March 25, 2014, 02:19 PM
    Quote
    When someone has a degree in Islamic Law, they likely spent a few years memorizing crap like this. All of this is covered in “Bab at-Tahaarah - The Book of Purification" which the scholars say one must learn before moving on to any other matters, as purification is necessary for prayer.


    So when you were studying this back in the day did you giggle during class or did you listen with a poker face ? 


    I can't imagine a group of young men talking about wiping off pieces of poop and smelling menstrual blood without some giggling in between. Especially since there is nothing fun to do in KSA.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #5 - March 25, 2014, 02:25 PM
    I wonder if they teach converts this and what their reactions are
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #6 - March 25, 2014, 02:31 PM
    Quote from: happymurtad on March 25, 2014, 01:29 PM
    Yes! This is a real thing. People actually do spend their days talking about this shit with dead seriousness. I don’t think I can fully express just how bizarre a higher level fiqh class really is.

     “How can you distinguish between period blood and blood that is discharged due to an illness? You must smell it and analyze the color. If it is dark with a foul odor, it is period blood and the woman must refrain from prayer. If not, she must wash the affected area before each prayer…”

    “Is it necessary to completely remove all traces of brown after taking a dump? No, it is OK to have some traces so long as there are no pieces. One should not spend too much time trying to remove all traces of brown as this is one of the whispers of satan…”

    “What should be done if one wakes up to find semen in his garment but does not remember ejaculating? One should take a full bath as it is unlikely that the semen originated from anyone else but himself (Depends on the circumstances, I guess. Grin )”

     “It is not permissible to urinate in standing water then use it for bathing, but the scholars have differed as to whether or not it is permissible to urinate into a vessel, dump it into standing water, then use the standing water for ritual bathing. The majority say that this is not permissible, but the Thahiriyyah say that it is permissible as there is no clear prohibition against it.”

    “Is it permissible to wash using water that has been stored in the skin of a dead dog? The scholars have differed in this matter with more than five opinions. If the dog’s skin has been tanned, then (I don’t remember who) says that it is OK. Another school of thought says that it is permissible, but only if the dog’s skin is turned inside out…etc”

    When someone has a degree in Islamic Law, they likely spent a few years memorizing crap like this. All of this is covered in “Bab at-Tahaarah - The Book of Purification" which the scholars say one must learn before moving on to any other matters, as purification is necessary for prayer.


    Trying to picture happymurtad at that stage in his life. Would he take my occasional good natured flirting as well as he does today? Would he have ended up an atheist if his parents had remained christian or instead of islam converted to some other religion?

    Either way, with his intelligence, wit, good nature and grasp of the written word, I cannot imagine seeing him any other way.





    For the new members, the above pics are a reference to me commenting on his skin looking like chocolate. 001_wub
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #7 - March 25, 2014, 02:34 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on March 25, 2014, 02:25 PM
    I wonder if they teach converts this and what their reactions are

    The dawah cunts are very careful to lie when giving dawah. Only tell certain half truths and practise slight of hand so as not to frighten them away. Once they say the magic words, they pounce and give them the full story. Always make sure to ONLY be truthful about islam once they do say the magic words.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #8 - March 25, 2014, 02:38 PM
    Ye someone told me that her fiance studied Dawah in Medina for FOUR YEARS and I was like wth did they teach him  Huh?
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #9 - March 25, 2014, 02:38 PM
    How to corner, use half truths and practise slight of hand.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #10 - March 25, 2014, 02:42 PM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on March 25, 2014, 02:19 PM
    So when you were studying this back in the day did you giggle during class or did you listen with a poker face ?  


    I can't imagine a group of young men talking about wiping off pieces of poop and smelling menstrual blood without some giggling in between. Especially since there is nothing fun to do in KSA.




    There were mixed reactions. Most of it was taken very seriously, but in the back of my head I could not help but thinking WTF? Especially with the examples I listed above.


    The time I recall laughing the hardest was actually during a class talking about zakaat al fitr. Someone asked the shaikh if it was OK to give sugar as zakaat al fitr, to which the shaykh replied in his usual stern and serious way, “As-sukkar laysa bi’ta’aam” – Sugar is not a food.” I turned to a British student sitting next to me and whispered “Wanna bet! It is in my book!” We both turned red, put our hands down and laughed for a good ten minutes under our breath. Good times.
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #11 - March 25, 2014, 02:44 PM
    lol is sugar not a food according to quran and hadith or according to that sheikh???  Cheesy
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #12 - March 25, 2014, 02:45 PM
    Quote from: Quod Sum Eris on March 25, 2014, 02:31 PM
    Trying to picture happymurtad at that stage in his life. Would he take my occasional good natured flirting as well as he does today? Would he have ended up an atheist if his parents had remained christian or instead of islam converted to some other religion?

    Either way, with his intelligence, wit, good nature and grasp of the written word, I cannot imagine seeing him any other way.

    (Clicky for piccy!)

    (Clicky for piccy!)

    For the new members, the above pics are a reference to me commenting on his skin looking like chocolate. 001_wub


    The fates were always meant to bring us together, Quod. And my skin is more akin to caramel IMO.   Wink
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #13 - March 25, 2014, 02:48 PM
    Well, there's an opening for a cumshot joke if I ever saw one.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #14 - March 25, 2014, 05:40 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on March 25, 2014, 02:25 PM
    I wonder if they teach converts this and what their reactions are


    Yes and no. We had a very advanced and detailed fiqh course in taharah and salah. I mean, it was advanced and we went through rulings like the ones happymurtad mentioned. But then the next semester we had a fiqh course in hajj and sawm and all of a sudden it was kindergarten level in comparison to our previous fiqh course. I was very disappointed and contacted the teachers. Apparently, a desi student below my class had complained to the teachers that he was convinced that new converts studying could leave Islam because of  that course. I laughed so hard.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #15 - March 25, 2014, 05:55 PM
    I could go deeper into the philosophy of it, citing sources and such, but suffice to say there is ample evidence in Islamic literature to suggest that when trying to convert someone through Dawah, you should only focus on Tawheed (the idea that there is only one Allah). If they accept that, then you move on to prayer. If they accept that, then you move on to charity, etc. It is understood that going through all the crazy rules and intricacies will only turn people off.

    A classic bait and switch, really.

    I think we need a faux fatwa thread. Almost like a game. Someone asks some obscure question, then the next person gives them a “fatwa” based on a dubious and comical interpretation of an actual verse or hadith. Grin

    Cornflower? Are you down?
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #16 - March 25, 2014, 06:01 PM
    LOL I could try, always nice to refresh my Islamic knowledge and at the same time trying to loosen up a bit with the humor part  Cheesy
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #17 - March 25, 2014, 06:03 PM
    What will come first, women being taken seriously issuing fatwas, or women becoming priests in the catholic church?
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #18 - March 26, 2014, 03:03 AM
    definately the latter lol
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #19 - March 26, 2014, 08:26 PM
    That's really sad.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #20 - April 03, 2014, 08:04 AM
    found this on Fb what are your thoughts

    ☆ A BEAUTIFUL END ☆

    A sister from Madina memorized the entire Koran in two months.
    Last Friday she prostrated in thanks to Allah for completing the Koran and died in that same sajadah.

    She die on Friday

    After Completing the Koran

    In Medina

    In Sujud

    Subhan Allah

    The Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahu Alieh Wasalam) said:
    ((When Allah loves a servant of His, He will Assalaho (sweetens him), so he was asked what is Assalaho? The prophet (sallah Allahu Alieh Wasalam) said: He will be guided to perform a good deed when he is close to be dead, then Allah takes his soul while offering it))

    -In a second narration instead of (Assalaho -sweetens him) it's (Istamalaho -use him), and in a third narration it's (tahharaho - purify him).

    رواه ابن حبان في صحيحه والحاكم والبيهقي من طريقه وغيرهما

    May Allah elevate her to ferdous and grant us a beautiful end.

    - Shaykh Ahmad Musa Jibril
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #21 - April 03, 2014, 10:43 AM
    It seems that all perfect Muslims have OCDs. Do everything three times (the magical number of Islam). Perform ablution three times with only water and no soap, and you are squeaky clean! No water use clay/mud. I have even read that Muhammad used to use stones or dung cakes after excreting, although it maybe a weak hadith! And seriously HM if I were in your place in that class where they asked us to smell period blood I would have just stormed out of that room in anger. I don't think even Orwell's Big Brother is so nosy like Muhammad/Allah.
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #22 - April 15, 2014, 07:20 AM
    Very often when we learn about gender interaction, we apply the principles to our dealings with our spouses but forget to do so with other members of our family.
    Eg: A man will learn that women value conversation and active listening and so he applies this in his relationship with his wife, yet does not realize he needs to do the same for his mother, sister and daughters.
    A woman will learn that men require cave-time (alone-time) and so she gives her husband space and alone time, but might get irritated with her son if he wants some time alone.
    For our families to run smoothly and for our relationships to be optimal, such principles should be applied in our dealings with all members of the opposite gender, and not limited to our spouses.

    I have so many problems with this above statement, I am actually growing tired of seeing comments like this on FB.
    Firstly, why on earth genralise!!!! Who said ALL woman like conversation and active reasoning, who said ALL men need alone time? What is with the generalization?
    Secondly, I am SO tired of ppl having these random thoughts in their head and shoving it in everyone elses faces as 'advice'. in my opinion just as each person is so different, each family is so different, and advices like this can NOT be universal advice.
    So tired of these black and white advice.

    I wish people would step out of their little boxes and realise the world is bigger then their backyard.

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #23 - April 15, 2014, 08:25 AM
    "Gender interaction", wtf. So your teenage daughters don't need alone time? The stay at home mom with 4 kids doesn't need alone time? Men don't like to engage in interesting and intellectually stimulating conversations? Roll Eyes
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #24 - April 15, 2014, 02:01 PM
    That's the habit of Muslims. Women are naturally monogamous, but those who are polygamous are sinners and whores Roll Eyes!
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #25 - April 20, 2014, 10:56 AM
    Comments?

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #26 - April 20, 2014, 11:02 AM
    How silly. So do they have any examples? Cheesy
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #27 - April 20, 2014, 11:08 AM
    they dont need examples Smiley
    If you have human desires and dont feel guilty about it you are way of the track Wink
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #28 - April 20, 2014, 11:46 AM
    So if you like something haram, anything and everything halal seems like shit? Huh?
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Weird things you read about religion
     Reply #29 - April 20, 2014, 11:49 AM
    apperently
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
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