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 Topic: Revenge: Why do people want it?

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  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     OP - April 03, 2014, 04:05 PM
    Why do people want revenge?

    If somebody deliberately hurt you, why does it make you feel good to hurt him back? I mean, what do you gain from him hurting?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #1 - April 03, 2014, 04:14 PM
    A friend of mine was once in a traffic-related confrontation and the guy called him a "little bitch." My friend wasn't angry or offended at all, but calmly walked up to the guy and punched him in the eye. Afterwards, my friend commented, "I really was not angry with the guy, but I think he needed to know that if he calls a stranger names in public, he just might get punched in the eye. Maybe it'll stop him from doing it again."

    Maybe our craving for revenge is something like that, nature's way of letting people know there might be consequences for behaving like a dick. A way to make them think twice about it.
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #2 - April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    Quote from: RamiRustom on April 03, 2014, 04:05 PM
    Why do people want revenge?

    If somebody deliberately hurt you, why does it make you feel good to hurt him back? I mean, what do you gain from him hurting?

    What happened Rami? did you hurt any one  or did any one hurt you RamiR?

    Well some one deliberately bully you and beats you up., you need to learn to stand up., otherwise how do those bully bums learn?  if you don't do anything ., if not you they will pick up some one else to do the same. They will never learn and they will continue that through out their lives.. So one need to  learn to teach  the lessons to those idiots who are hurting you deliberately. And there are many ways to teach those lessons.. pick up the right one for right moment...  That is the key.
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #3 - April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    This is subjective i would think, not everyone feels the need to seek revenge.
    Depends on the circumstance and the details of the situation. I'm a firm believer that not everything is black and white, the world is colorful Wink so reasons for this would definitely vary depending on specific situations

    If someone deliberately hurts me, I'd be trying to heal myself, it really depends on my relationship with the person if I would be bothered to want to hurt them back too, I haven't actually been the revenge type, I never understood the eye for an eye concept some religions promote.

    Are you referring to a specific situation Rami?
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #4 - April 03, 2014, 04:22 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    ...............

    If someone deliberately hurts me, I'd be trying to heal myself, it really depends on my relationship with the person .............

    ...  hmm..  one time is OK., twice you need to learn to look at their face but thrice???   I don't care what relationship you have with those who are hurting you... Hope you are not speaking about children games.. children hurting each other..

     what do you do if they continually hurt you ? how many times do you heal yourself confusedagno?

    but I would NOT call it as revenge.. I use the word "teaching lesson"
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #5 - April 03, 2014, 04:29 PM
    Well yeezee I would call it confrontation which sadly Im not very good at, I prefer to lurk in the shadows and avoid such people.

    I can't actually remember ever confronting someone head to head, maybe on and of with my mum and ex but it never ended well so now I just go into my cave and let people carry on hoping they don't step on my toes again.

    A bit timid in that area sadly

    ye I'm a wuss
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #6 - April 03, 2014, 04:33 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:29 PM
    Well yeezee I would call it confrontation which sadly Im not very good at, I prefer to lurk in the shadows and avoid such people.

    I can't actually remember ever confronting someone head to head, maybe on and of with my mum and ex but it never ended well so now I just go into my cave and let people carry on hoping they don't step on my toes again.

    A bit timid in that area sadly

    ye I'm a wuss

    I would NOT call that process as wuss or timid  confused_Agno... but the best way to survive under stressful conditions. I am sure if you have financial and muscle power behind you., you will react differently..
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #7 - April 03, 2014, 04:34 PM
    Quote from: happymurtad on April 03, 2014, 04:14 PM
    A friend of mine was once in a traffic-related confrontation and the guy called him a "little bitch." My friend wasn't angry or offended at all, but calmly walked up to the guy and punched him in the eye. Afterwards, my friend commented, "I really was not angry with the guy, but I think he needed to know that if he calls a stranger names in public, he just might get punched in the eye. Maybe it'll stop him from doing it again."

    Maybe our craving for revenge is something like that, nature's way of letting people know there might be consequences for behaving like a dick. A way to make them think twice about it.

    But what did the guy who did the punch gain? Do you mean he gained the satisfaction that this guy learned a lesson and which that lesson benefits society (including himself)?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #8 - April 03, 2014, 04:37 PM
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    What happened Rami? did you hurt any one  or did any one hurt you RamiR?

    Are you asking me if I wrote this OP because somebody hurt me? No.
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    Well some one deliberately bully you and beats you up., you need to learn to stand up., otherwise how do those bully bums learn?

    Are you talking about self-defense? That's not revenge. Self-defense is a situation where you meet force with force in order to restore peace.

    If you don't mean self-defense, then what do you mean?
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
     if you don't do anything ., if not you they will pick up some one else to do the same. They will never learn and they will continue that through out their lives.. So one need to  learn to teach  the lessons to those idiots who are hurting you deliberately. And there are many ways to teach those lessons.. pick up the right one for right moment...  That is the key.

    When you say bullying here, do you mean 'words' or 'sticks and stones'? If you mean sticks and stones, we have police. If you mean words, I don't understand your point. Why should you care what he says? Why should anyone care what he says?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #9 - April 03, 2014, 04:39 PM
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 04:33 PM
    I am sure if you have financial and muscle power behind you., you will react differently..


    Well we can test this theory one day, hopefully soon Smiley
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #10 - April 03, 2014, 04:40 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    Depends on the circumstance and the details of the situation. I'm a firm believer that not everything is black and white, the world is colorful Wink so reasons for this would definitely vary depending on specific situations

    Can you think of a (hypothetical) situation where revenge is the right thing to do?
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:18 PM
    If someone deliberately hurts me, I'd be trying to heal myself, it really depends on my relationship with the person if I would be bothered to want to hurt them back too, I haven't actually been the revenge type, I never understood the eye for an eye concept some religions promote.

    Are you referring to a specific situation Rami?

    No. I'm thinking of all situations. But I do want to discuss specific situations too (it helps to make things less abstract).
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #11 - April 03, 2014, 04:42 PM
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 04:22 PM
    but I would NOT call it as revenge.. I use the word "teaching lesson"

    The words used don't matter. It's the ideas that matter.

    If you say "teaching a lesson" means to deliberately hurt someone for the sake of hurting them because they deliberately hurt you first, that means the same thing I'm talking about when I say 'revenge'.
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #12 - April 03, 2014, 04:44 PM
    Quote from: RamiRustom on April 03, 2014, 04:37 PM
    ..............If you mean sticks and stones, we have police. If you mean words, I don't understand your point. Why should you care what he says? Why should anyone care what he says?

    RamiR I know you don't understand what I say.,     10, 15 year back I would  have loved to have you on debate team.  But now it is different Rami  and POLICE IS NOT EVERYWHERE and they will not able to help you in every situation.

    Any ways please continue Rami-R
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #13 - April 03, 2014, 04:49 PM
    Quote from: RamiRustom on April 03, 2014, 04:40 PM
    Can you think of a (hypothetical) situation where revenge is the right thing to do?


    If someone is seriously interfering with your life or well being then I think you need to step up, if you can handle things without resorting to revenge I feel that is better (personal opinion)

    When you really think about it revenge sets of a chain of events like gossip girl style, people just go back and forth 'teaching each other lessons' I don't really think revenge solves anything.

    Rather confrontation or finding a way to deal with the situation that makes things more pleasant for you
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #14 - April 03, 2014, 04:54 PM
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 04:44 PM
    POLICE IS NOT EVERYWHERE and they will not able to help you in every situation.

    Were you talking about 'words' or 'sticks and stones'? Police don't help with words, so my best guess is that you meant 'sticks and stones'.

    So now there is self-defense and revenge. People should defend themselves by meeting force with force (although sometimes fleeing is best) -- but this isn't revenge.

    Can you clarify?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #15 - April 03, 2014, 04:59 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:49 PM
    If someone is seriously interfering with your life or well being then I think you need to step up,

    I agree. One option is to end your relationship with that person. I mean, why continue to interact with someone who wants to hurt you?
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:49 PM
    if you can handle things without resorting to revenge I feel that is better (personal opinion)

    Right. Getting away from that person is better (if it's possible).

    Sometimes it's not possible. Maybe you are forced to be in school (by your parents) and maybe somebody is hitting you in recess or whatever while no one can see what's happening and you're not allowed to get away from him. In this sort of scenario, the best thing might be to meet force with force. If he was hitting you, then the next time he comes at you, spray mace in his face, kick him in the nuts, or whatever. But this isn't revenge. This is self-defense.

    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 04:49 PM
    When you really think about it revenge sets of a chain of events like gossip girl style, people just go back and forth 'teaching each other lessons' I don't really think revenge solves anything.

    Rather confrontation or finding a way to deal with the situation that makes things more pleasant for you

    I agree.

    But so far I haven't understood why revenge is ever the best course of action. Can you give an example where it would be?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #16 - April 03, 2014, 05:03 PM
    Quote from: RamiRustom on April 03, 2014, 04:54 PM
    Can you clarify?

    RamiR I may able to clarify  but as some one pointed out It depends on situation and the incident., So for e,g.

    Did Americans take revenge on Japaneses by dropping those two Atom bombs?

    So give an example Rami.. are we talking "Eye for an eye logic??

    Quote
    Exodus 21:24:  Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,


    Surat Al-Mā'idah  5:45 :  And We ordained for them therein a life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose,  an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth, and for wounds is legal retribution. But whoever gives [up his right as] charity, it is an expiation for him. And whoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed - then it is those who are the wrongdoers.


    I am not sure where you are going with  this topic Rami.........
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #17 - April 03, 2014, 05:12 PM
    Honestly I can't, as  I mentioned I'm not the revenge type
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #18 - April 03, 2014, 05:27 PM
    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 05:03 PM
    RamiR I may able to clarify  but as some one pointed out It depends on situation and the incident., So for e,g.

    Did Americans take revenge on Japaneses by dropping those two Atom bombs?

    Hell no. That was self-defense. We were in the middle of a war that *they* dragged us into (against our will). If we had not dropped the bombs, we would instead have sent in millions of Americans in a conventional war (which would have cost waaaaaay more American lives than compared to dropping atomic bombs).

    Analogously, if an introducer breaks into your home while your children are sleeping upstairs, running at you with a knife, what do you do? I say it's your responsibility to neutralize that threat, say by blowing a huge hole in his chest with a shotgun.

    Quote from: yeezevee on April 03, 2014, 05:03 PM
    So give an example Rami.. are we talking "Eye for an eye logic??

    I am not sure where you are going with  this topic Rami.........

    Well, so far I haven't seen anybody describe a situation where the best course of action is revenge. Can somebody create one?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #19 - April 03, 2014, 05:28 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 05:12 PM
    Honestly I can't, as  I mentioned I'm not the revenge type

    Me too. Revenge doesn't even make sense.
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #20 - April 03, 2014, 05:31 PM
    I'm not interested in revenge, I'm more concerned about justice. Revenge doesn't have to be in proportion to the "crime", and it's usually irrational and can be very damaging for both the person seeking and revenge and the "victim" of revenge. Justice on the other hand is in proportion to the crime committed, and is more fair to both parties involved. When getting justice, I also get confirmation that I have been wronged and that people admit it. It's easier to go on with your life when the wrongdoings you've been put through are recognized.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #21 - April 03, 2014, 05:33 PM
    Well said cornflower, sadly not all situations can get justice.

    Although for you there is hope  far away hug and more
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #22 - April 03, 2014, 05:33 PM
    Quote from: happymurtad on April 03, 2014, 04:14 PM
    A friend of mine was once in a traffic-related confrontation and the guy called him a "little bitch." My friend wasn't angry or offended at all, but calmly walked up to the guy and punched him in the eye. Afterwards, my friend commented, "I really was not angry with the guy, but I think he needed to know that if he calls a stranger names in public, he just might get punched in the eye. Maybe it'll stop him from doing it again."

     

    Interesting although because of the legal consequences, personally I'd reserve punching someone in the eye for something worse than an small insult or traffic confrontation.

    Did your friend get charged with anything btw ?
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #23 - April 03, 2014, 05:37 PM
    u know it probably would feel bloody good to punch someone in the eye!!! Wish I had the balls to do something like that, for a good reason of course
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #24 - April 03, 2014, 05:40 PM
    Quote from: Cornflower on April 03, 2014, 05:31 PM
    I'm not interested in revenge, I'm more concerned about justice. Revenge doesn't have to be in proportion to the "crime", and it's usually irrational and can be very damaging for both the person seeking and revenge and the "victim" of revenge. Justice on the other hand is in proportion to the crime committed, and is more fair to both parties involved. When getting justice, I also get confirmation that I have been wronged and that people admit it. It's easier to go on with your life when the wrongdoings you've been put through are recognized.

    I'm not clear on a part of what you're saying. Let's consider an example.

    A murderer is put in jail. Does this constitute justice in your view? Is it revenge?
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #25 - April 03, 2014, 05:41 PM
    Quote from: confusedagno on April 03, 2014, 05:37 PM
    u know it probably would feel bloody good to punch someone in the eye!!! Wish I had the balls to do something like that, for a good reason of course

    But that means you *want* revenge. In other words, you want that person to feel pain, because you would feel joy because of their pain.
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #26 - April 03, 2014, 05:42 PM
    I avoid violence except in pure self defence or if someone pisses me off waay past my limits. Which is pretty difficult to do.


    I will probably end up losing cool when being pressurized to convert after I apostatize and I can see myself punching my salafi cousin in the eye if he tries to bully me or something.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #27 - April 03, 2014, 05:45 PM
    Quote from: RamiRustom on April 03, 2014, 05:41 PM
    But that means you *want* revenge. In other words, you want that person to feel pain, because you would feel joy because of their pain.


    No no, I just want the thrill of the punch and a justified reason to get that thrill  Wink it would be an experience
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #28 - April 03, 2014, 05:55 PM
    SO now I'm gonna share a little anecdote from my teen years. Once, many years ago as a 17 year old, this girl put her hand under my friends skirt and squeezed her ass. My friend was both chocked and degraded by it, and my spontaneous reaction was to yell out something along the line "you fucking garbage". So the little piece of shit (yes, I still feel antipathy when I remember the incident) thought she was sooo tough, came up to me challenging me if it was me who had called her that. I said to her face, yeah it was me. You are garbage, disrespecting my friend like that. Have you no manners or respect for other people. So she reacted with giving me a bitch slap, but regretted it immediately when I stood up to defend myself. I beat her up so much that I think I broke her nose, and she had to call out for her boyfriend to come and save her. He had to drag me off of her and they ran away with their tales between their legs. Now, don't misunderstand. I do NOT condone violence, but sometimes you have to defend yourself and teach someone a lesson that they can't just go up to some random people and think they can get away with whatever they want. I don't think she ever did that again, or so I hope at least. And people knew that I was the nicest person, respectful towards everyone and wouldn't hurt a fly. But don't mess with me because I will stand up for myself.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Revenge: Why do people want it?
     Reply #29 - April 03, 2014, 05:57 PM
    What Cornflower calls justice I call revenge. It's not the delight of hurting others but the alleviation of the pain I received, partially or fully. Sometimes I forgive and sometimes do nothing because I am incapable. But I am always scared that I may overdo it or do it less. I don't believe in God or karma so I take things in my hands when possible and appropriate. Sounds really mean but that is the truth about me.
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