@manzir (i cant seem to quote your post hmm)
hello again:) i'll keep it quite brief. I'm almost 17 so I still have a lot to figure out but I think i've always felt a little off the path of islam. Even in mosque I'd never bother but i still believed in Allah. When I was around 14/15 i went through a very rough patch and I'm one to sort all my problems on my own but it got so bad i just had to speak to god and ask for help.. this soon turned to anger.
"why are you making me feel this? is this a dumb test? are those children starving and dying in war a test? please give me a sign, im having doubts". Nothing. Last years Ramadan, I thought i'd start praying since i had time off school, and i never felt any "peace" afterwards. But i let that slide. I was never a religious person. I never believed in god's "plan", or any of that stuff. But it was only recently (just less that a year ago i think) that i started questioning. It first started as googling questions i wanted answers to and then went on to reading verses from the quran. Only during these summer holidays have i really immersed myself into my research and have found and read things i wish i never had. I still always gave the benefit of the doubt but i just couldnt believe the terrible things written in the quran and the hadiths. Yes, there were good things but i realized that no holy book should contain ANYTHING bad. long story short, i still don't know what to believe as i'm still young but it's not looking good. I now don't like to call myself a Muslim (but i do have to keep up with the facade). My feminist beliefs and equality for humans seemed to clash with islamic beliefs. Whether or not the religion exists, i'll never know. But it just isn't for me.
sorry for the long post, i have a tendency to go ooon and ooon.
