allah and the universe
Reply #8 - July 07, 2014, 01:12 AM
yeezevee,
I became radicalized because of online religious/Islamic material, and a lot also due to the fact that I wanted all Islamic countries to unite under one , banner of the caliphate so that Israel would be defeated and the USA would be driven from all Islamic lands and be humiliated. I was furious with gays and Jews all of the time. I hated gays because they were defying Islam, and the possibility of them being correct that their sexual orientation might be inherent to their biology. And I hated Jews because, in my view, of their audacity in thinking that they have a right to establish a state in the heartland of Islam and for thinking that they can challenge Islam and to add insult to injury, win and defeat Islamic armies. I was also very hateful and jealous towards the Jews because they have managed to create such an advanced country with their false religion, Judaism, while the true religion, Islam and the Muslims, was lagging behind severely. Also, I always just had these thoughts that Islam was under siege, and that I had to do something about it. I never had anything planned, and I never wanted to hurt anybody, but I thought that if I thought about it enough and prayed to allah enough times with sincere faith and devotion, then my dreams and fantasies about Israel and the Jews being defeated and the whole word becoming Muslim or having Islam dominate everywhere and the caliphate coming into existence would come true.
It is a very long story and I could keep going on about it, but it was a very dark time for me and right now I am just trying to come back to how I was before Islam, as an Atheist where I could think logically and with reason.
The reason why I converted to Islam a few years ago was because I was extremely depressed and I was looking for a meaning in my life. I did not predict what a disaster it would be for myself, I should have listened to my common sense and reason...
I listened a lot to a man named BIlal Philips, together with Abdur Raheem Green, Yusuf Estes, and the Deen Show. I would read books by Dr. Laurence Brown, Bilal Philips, etc. The books came in a package that I had ordered for free from Saudi Arabia, via a website called islamreligion.com, which is in turn run by the office of Dawah in Rawdah, Saudi Arabia. I talked a lot to the people on the live chat there, asking them my questions, and I frequently read articles on that website as well. I had no idea that these were articles by Islamic apologists. I also went a lot on a website called islamqa.com or .org, I'm not sure which. I really believed in things like the minor signs of the Last Day, Judgement Day, Hellfire, Paradise, etc. I still do believe in them to an extent, and that's what I'm trying to get rid of right now, all of the brainwashing I have been exposed to...
Topic: allah and the universe